Bomb drop...in-laws want to immigrate to USA. HELP

[Ryan76 46]

36 minutes ago, Boiler said:

You took the words right out of my mouth.

 

Mothers medical insurance will be more like $500.

 

I like the idea of suggesting sister looks at a work visa, as sister presumably pays for Mothers living expenses now also can she afford the US version?

Exactly.   Those are all the things i immediately think about.  They don't.  And i always have to be the bad guy and tell them this stuff.

[SalishSea 17,839]

7 minutes ago, Ryan76 said:

Exactly.   Those are all the things i immediately think about.  They don't.  And i always have to be the bad guy and tell them this stuff.

Even if the sister "wants" to pay for the mother's upkeep, you and your wife will be the sponsors, and as such you will be on the hook for the I-864.  You're probably familiar with that form from bringing your wife here, but it is an enforceable contract with the government that would likely last many, many years since she is 60 and has no intention of working.  Monthly premiums and out of pocket health costs could easily top $1k/month for the mother.  She will not be eligible for medicare.

 

I doubt the sister could qualify for any type of work visa without English language skills, and like others, I think 10 years is optimistic.  15 will be more likely.

 

Also, once immigrant petitions are filed for them, they may have a harder time visiting due to confirmed immigrant intent.

 

Ultimately, they need to know that US immigration is not fast, cheap or easy.  It requires meticulous planning and a great deal of research and self-education into the overall process.

[PGA 240]

No way, no how! I have been very explicit with my wife (and she completely agrees) ….I am not a chain migrator.

[SalishSea 17,839]

13 minutes ago, Ryan76 said:

Exactly.   Those are all the things i immediately think about.  They don't.  And i always have to be the bad guy and tell them this stuff.

Maybe have your wife come and read here?  You've gotten some great free advice in this thread from knowledgeable senior VJ members.

[Boiler 45,541]

13 minutes ago, Ryan76 said:

Exactly.   Those are all the things i immediately think about.  They don't.  And i always have to be the bad guy and tell them this stuff.

No need to tell then, ask them.

 

Sounds like Mother coming solo is a no goer?

 

 

[Mike E 11,739]

Tell MIL and SIL to download Tinder and get busy dating while they are in the USA.  There are plenty of single American citizens with financial means who would love to be married.  

[USC4SPOUSE 506]

8 minutes ago, Mike E said:

Tell MIL and SIL to download Tinder and get busy dating while they are in the USA.  There are plenty of single American citizens with financial means who would love to be married.  

Let's be honest here folks. @Mike E said what many of us were thinking... lol

[Lil bear 4,222]

9 minutes ago, Mike E said:

Tell MIL and SIL to download Tinder and get busy dating while they are in the USA.  There are plenty of single American citizens with financial means who would love to be married. 

2 minutes ago, USC4SPOUSE said:

Let's be honest here folks. @Mike E said what many of us were thinking... lol

Still a violation of VJ TOS to suggest activities which are not legal. 

[valentinasc 330]

6 hours ago, Ryan76 said:

 I'm American, married to a Colombian since 2012. We live in the US. We have a very happy marriage. And I am REALLY stressing out right now.

 

On June 10 my wife's mom, sister and brother all came to visit, which is a lot for our tiny little house, and a lot for me to deal with. For a couple weeks, okay that would be great, but they are staying two months, which is just absurd to me.  In the past they have never stayed more than 10 days or so. I do like them and want my wife to be happy, but this is VERY difficult for me.

 

In latin culture it can be normal to have several people packed in a small living area, but for me...the complete lack of privacy and peace and quiet is very hard to deal with. Not to mention how much extra money we are spending. (Plus i'm the only one who drives.) So more or less all of our routines and our life in general is completely upside down right now. Everything from planning meals to going to the grocery store is a major project.

 

So last night a bomb drops, my wife tells me that her mom and sister keep asking if we can "help them move" here...i guess at some point in the next couple years.  In the past 10 years there's never been ANY talk of them wanting to leave Colombia. Ever.

 

This would involve them "living with us for a while." Until the sister has a job and apartment. 

The mom is 60, has zero money, and hasn't worked in years.  I've never understood this, but apparently older people in Colombia just don't work.  The sister currently has a really good job, and lives with and pays for the mother. Her work medical insurance even covers her mother.

 

I briefly tried to explain how much different,  and more expensive things will be for her in the USA. Like how in the USA a 60 year old woman cannot be on her daughter's work insurance.  And my wife and i are by no means wealthy and basically live paycheck to paycheck.

 

Also the sister doesn't drive and her English is pretty bad.

 

For some context, No matter what we do with them...like planning vacations for example, they never think things through, or make good plans.  It's always just a blind leap and hoping they figure it out along the way.

 

I feel like i could write for hours about all this, but in general it just seems like a terrible idea to me, and i'm terrified about all this.  I feel like they have no comprehension of how long it could take for the sister to find a good job and get on her feet, as well as how much more expensive it will be for her to pay for everything for her mother.  My wife has this idea that they would only need to stay with us for a couple months.  I feel like it could take a year or longer. Who really knows.

 

I don't even know what i'm thinking.  And it's hard to talk about it with my wife.  I have to choose every word carefully because obviously this is her mom and sister and she loves them.  But i don't think she grasps how this would radically change our life, and i don't think the sister and mom are even remotely thinking about all the details and ramifications.

 

And for what it's worth, in Colombia they live in a very nice apartment in a beautiful city.  It's not like they're in some terrible situation that they need to escape.  If that were true i would think differently about all this.  But they have a good life down there.

 

Another important piece in all of this is that the sister has been struggling emotionally for a while. She's been making terrible decisions, she's dated 3 guys who have all had wives or girlfriends, then she gets devastated when they break it off. It's a long story but even my wife admits that everything with her is messy.  I feel like telling her she needs to see a therapist and get some things worked out before making any drastic life altering decisions.

 

I know this is a huge stressful rant, i'm not even sure if i'm looking for advice or what...but has anyone been in a situation like this???  Does this seem like i'm a  selfish ####### for having these thoughts? What do i do here?  Part of me just wants to ignore it and hope they get back to Colombia and change their minds. I'm just imagining how all these scenarios could play out and it's driving me crazy. 

You gotta understand the situation in Colombia right now is not the greatest, so there is nothing wrong with them wishing to immigrate to the US; the possibility is there. I also understand that if your mom and sister in law go to the States, they will start from nothing. I am Italian/Colombian and in my dad’s side (Italian) it is like in the US, you would never think or feel obligated to help your parents financially, but the Colombian side, it is the Latin culture itself to help and be financially responsible for your parents. 
 

If your wife is a US citizen and wants to petition her mom, she could, but I get it is not ideal for her to move in with you as she would depend on you for pretty much anything, so I understand your point.
 

When I went to Bogota to obtain my CR1, I realized Colombians that applied for Tourist Visas and got approved, was because they could demonstrate they had money, also you said it yourself, they live good where they are, so maybe there’s not really need for them to obtain PR in the US. It could be just a whim. In regards of your wife’s sister, it’d be easier for her to forget about it or look to apply for the Green Card Lottery, that could be an option. 
 

Hope all goes well and don’t sweat it out! Nothing has really happened if you think about it, they just threw their wish in the air but it’s not like you have to go and get it done, it’s your decision. Good luck! 

[valentinasc 330]

3 minutes ago, USC4SPOUSE said:

Let's be honest here folks. @Mike E said what many of us were thinking... lol

Haha so true! 

[USC4SPOUSE 506]

13 minutes ago, valentinasc said:

look to apply for the Green Card Lottery, that could be an option. 

Good thought but I am pretty sure that Colombians have not been eligible for the Green Card Lottery for decades.

 

[Juliet57 304]

If they learn the siblings visa takes 15-20 years the sister might want to remain in the US and overstay her visa, suggest them to not attempt to do anything that could potentially harm their future immigration plans. 

 

[Nitas_man 3,100]

7 hours ago, Ryan76 said:

 I'm American, married to a Colombian since 2012. We live in the US. We have a very happy marriage. And I am REALLY stressing out right now.

 

On June 10 my wife's mom, sister and brother all came to visit, which is a lot for our tiny little house, and a lot for me to deal with. For a couple weeks, okay that would be great, but they are staying two months, which is just absurd to me.  In the past they have never stayed more than 10 days or so. I do like them and want my wife to be happy, but this is VERY difficult for me.

 

In latin culture it can be normal to have several people packed in a small living area, but for me...the complete lack of privacy and peace and quiet is very hard to deal with. Not to mention how much extra money we are spending. (Plus i'm the only one who drives.) So more or less all of our routines and our life in general is completely upside down right now. Everything from planning meals to going to the grocery store is a major project.

 

So last night a bomb drops, my wife tells me that her mom and sister keep asking if we can "help them move" here...i guess at some point in the next couple years.  In the past 10 years there's never been ANY talk of them wanting to leave Colombia. Ever.

 

This would involve them "living with us for a while." Until the sister has a job and apartment. 

The mom is 60, has zero money, and hasn't worked in years.  I've never understood this, but apparently older people in Colombia just don't work.  The sister currently has a really good job, and lives with and pays for the mother. Her work medical insurance even covers her mother.

 

I briefly tried to explain how much different,  and more expensive things will be for her in the USA. Like how in the USA a 60 year old woman cannot be on her daughter's work insurance.  And my wife and i are by no means wealthy and basically live paycheck to paycheck.

 

Also the sister doesn't drive and her English is pretty bad.

 

For some context, No matter what we do with them...like planning vacations for example, they never think things through, or make good plans.  It's always just a blind leap and hoping they figure it out along the way.

 

I feel like i could write for hours about all this, but in general it just seems like a terrible idea to me, and i'm terrified about all this.  I feel like they have no comprehension of how long it could take for the sister to find a good job and get on her feet, as well as how much more expensive it will be for her to pay for everything for her mother.  My wife has this idea that they would only need to stay with us for a couple months.  I feel like it could take a year or longer. Who really knows.

 

I don't even know what i'm thinking.  And it's hard to talk about it with my wife.  I have to choose every word carefully because obviously this is her mom and sister and she loves them.  But i don't think she grasps how this would radically change our life, and i don't think the sister and mom are even remotely thinking about all the details and ramifications.

 

And for what it's worth, in Colombia they live in a very nice apartment in a beautiful city.  It's not like they're in some terrible situation that they need to escape.  If that were true i would think differently about all this.  But they have a good life down there.

 

Another important piece in all of this is that the sister has been struggling emotionally for a while. She's been making terrible decisions, she's dated 3 guys who have all had wives or girlfriends, then she gets devastated when they break it off. It's a long story but even my wife admits that everything with her is messy.  I feel like telling her she needs to see a therapist and get some things worked out before making any drastic life altering decisions.

 

I know this is a huge stressful rant, i'm not even sure if i'm looking for advice or what...but has anyone been in a situation like this???  Does this seem like i'm a  selfish ####### for having these thoughts? What do i do here?  Part of me just wants to ignore it and hope they get back to Colombia and change their minds. I'm just imagining how all these scenarios could play out and it's driving me crazy. 

You’re just being selfish dude.  You need to step up here 😂

[SalishSea 17,839]

1 hour ago, Juliet57 said:

If they learn the siblings visa takes 15-20 years the sister might want to remain in the US and overstay her visa, suggest them to not attempt to do anything that could potentially harm their future immigration plans. 

 

Right, because she has no path to legally adjust doing that, since no visa is available at the moment.

[valentinasc 330]

3 hours ago, USC4SPOUSE said:

Good thought but I am pretty sure that Colombians have not been eligible for the Green Card Lottery for decades.

 

You are right. My bad