Divorce across the Border

[SugarPlumFairy 3]

Has anyone gotten divorced from their partner after becoming a permanent resident? This morning, I discovered my husband emotionally cheating with over 100 people on Tinder and other social sites. I confronted him about it and he does not want to go forward with reconciliation, just a divorce. We have two young children here in Washington State. I am not working (youngest just turned 1 year) and not sure what to do at this point. Ideally, I would like to bring them with me back to Canada. If I do this, my permanent residency will be abandoned. Does anyone suggest becoming a US citizen first and then doing so or just returning back to their own country? What else should I consider?

 

Thank you

[Lemonslice 4,841]

You need an attorney to represent you for the divorce, and to work out a custody agreement.  Relocation with your children might, or might not, be possible. Take care. 

[SugarPlumFairy 3]

5 minutes ago, Lemonslice said:

You need an attorney to represent you for the divorce, and to work out a custody agreement.  Relocation with your children might, or might not, be possible. Take care. 

Do you think it's possible for us to create a parenting plan and then file the paperwork that we could just abide by?

[Lemonslice 4,841]

58 minutes ago, SugarPlumFairy said:

Do you think it's possible for us to create a parenting plan and then file the paperwork that we could just abide by?

Many couples do.  I do not know your husband, so I can't say if this could be a solution for you.  Not all separations are acrimonious. 

[Chancy 6,241]

11 hours ago, SugarPlumFairy said:

Does anyone suggest becoming a US citizen first and then doing so or just returning back to their own country? What else should I consider?

 

Whether to pursue US citizenship or not will depend on your personal priorities.  But waiting til you become a USC could save you major hassles in the future if you ever want to move back to the US.  One downside is that you'll still need to file US taxes to report your worldwide income, even if you don't live in the US.

 

As for taking your children to Canada, consult with a lawyer.  It may be a good idea to read up on custody and parental kidnapping laws in Washington state.

 

[laylalex 7,284]

This is really a family law question more than an immigration question. I agree that becoming a USC may mean fewer problems for you in terms of being able to choose where you want to live going forward, which is potentially important with dual national kids whose welfare you're naturally going to want to prioritize. But the potential for things going wrong in a divorce where kids are involved goes up if you're not getting good legal advice. If you and your husband want to mediate your divorce rather than have a contested one, that's great, for everyone involved. I was in a messy divorce -- no kids -- that sucked the life out of me for a long time. Working collaboratively is in everyone's interest. 

 

You need to prioritize in this order: (1) kids (2) you (3) him. What do you need to do to make sure that happens? What if your husband doesn't want to let your kids move with you to Canada -- then what? You don't need answers to these questions right now, especially while everything is so fresh. But that's where talking to a professional (or two!) can help, giving you an objective eye and lending a compassionate ear.

 

All the best to you. I was also in a marriage where my husband was unfaithful, but I was in deep denial about it for years. It really messed up my sense of self-worth, and I didn't believe I deserved to be loved again after our marriage blew up. I pushed a lot of people away because it was hard to trust anyone. If you're feeling these things, I just want to let you know it's normal. And guess what? It gets better. A lot better. You deserve to have a good life for yourself and your kids, and you can get there.  Stay strong, take the help that others offer you, recognize that it is okay to feel hurt, and know you are not alone. Best of luck to you. ❤️ 

Edited July 5, 2021 by laylalex

[R&OC 371]

I would like to add to the above comments: First pause and think. You just found out what happened and your husband seems to show zero accountability. But as you got totally surprised I would take time to think and reflect about what you want to do next before setting things into motion.

 

One, for any legal purpose, I would agree that it makes sense to be a US citizen. You are already paying taxes as a LPR and being a US citizen may give you extra legal safety. No one keeps you from returning to Canada at a later point when custody agreements are settled.

 

But first things first: (1) Secure all important documentation. (2) Make sure you stay financially liquid - I have seen a few cases in which spouses would empty out the entire bank account including the college fund and the mom went through all sorts of issues to get food on the table. (3) if possible put money aside that allows you to pay bills for up to 3 months, ideally 6 months (4) find a good divorce lawyer asking for spousal and child support as soon as possible...

 

and I would suggest to finish the list with:

 

(5) apply for US citizenship and wait until you are having your interview (6) consider a custody agreement which allows you flexibility to return home.

 

Divorce is a funny thing. My children's father couldn't care less about them when we were married and is now involved and interested in their lives. He is still a narcissist and but at least not ignoring the kids as he used to before. Meaning, your husband may not let you go.

 

DO NOT return to Canada without a court approved custody settlement and a re-entry permit (in case you would leave without being a US citizen). I have also personally witnessed moms returning to Europe WITH the notarised consent of the father. However, the father changed his mind, filed for charges according to The Hague Convention, the child needed to return but she had no LRP status anymore. US courts tend to lean towards children returning to the US if one parent changes their mind.