Breakup... Days before K-1 Interview. What should I do?

[Danun 1]

On 6/19/2021 at 1:13 PM, Daymellow said:

What happens when he decides to break up with you right before the whole interview? 😰 Oh lord

I’m so sorry for your situation, did you do all things with lawyer or do it by yourself? If it’s with lawyer you may ask them to withdraw your petition, and ask if this canceling process will give you an issue later when you want to apply visa tourist or another visa. make sure everything what happen regarding this cancellation or any of you guys here already cancel the process?

[JeanneAdil 6,505]

19 hours ago, Jorgedig said:

Even pre-COVID, it was taking close to that.

 

Immigration is fraught with delays.  It just is.  And those delays can put additional stress on an already precarious relationship.

A lot of stress if every day you look for news (any news) from immigration

 

and then there are trigger phrases that an immigrant can say to USC that worries them

like "  i'll never get my visa"  instead of "we'll never be approved"

or "i'll never get to America which is my dream"  instead of "i'll never get to be with you (the USC)"

 

this process is a joint venture for 2 people always look at that way /  its for us to be together not for me to get a visa to live in  the USA

[lloy0076 6]

The only comment I can make is that USCIS is well aware that relationships can fail and I suspect are also aware of the extra stress that the immigration process can add to building a relationship; it would be reasonable to say they'd be aware that COVID1 has not made anyone's relationship easier.

 

However, if you mean the interview BEFORE the K1 has been granted (and you are still in your home country), I suspect it might be better to say something to USCIS rather than do a "no-show" if you believe there is a chance the relationship might continue and has just had a hiccough at a particularly bad time.

 

That said, if you think the relationship still is viable, you probably need to talk to an immigration lawyer first and a relationship counselor soon afterwards - I'd usually counsel the other order but it seems like you probably don't have much time to decide what to do.

[Daymellow 7]

21 hours ago, JeanneAdil said:

This is why when i write to many on here i say forget immigration during the process unless an there is vital information needed to send in like for an RFE or other communication with immigration

This time is suppose to be for getting to know each other and the romance of it all 

We went thru 6 years and i never let Adil know how upset i was with the whole process / i talked daily about what life would be for us here and tried to keep "his spirits up"  as he got discouraged and thought it would never happen

 

But if going thru the K1  hassle broke you up,  the AOS,  EAD and AP process after you married would be a nightmare as you would be stuck at home and unable to work

 

If he does decide to talk ,  you are going to have to get romance back into the relationship for the reasons you fell in love,   

and if you get that K1 visa,  you need to understand the rest of the journey as stated above and talk about the other processes with him before you come

it can be a nightmare and can come between 2 people when the time after marriage should be more like a honeymoon time

You have my prayers

I agree and I understand.

Thank you for your kind words and prayers🙏

[Daymellow 7]

15 hours ago, Soloenta said:

  Sounds to me that it's stress.  I don't think at all that he doesn't love you. Men are different than we are obviously. But they deal with stress differently.  We like to talk it out, they think in silence. We stress them out with too much talking.

 

  If I were you and I would at least wait a week or two have gone by.   I would text him a simple message, "No matter what happens, I will always love you. Miss you."  Don't expect him to answer. But he just might.

 

Please keep us up to date,  I'll be praying for the best outcome for both of you.

🤗💗🤗

I have done that. Will wait a week and see how things go.

Thank you!

[Daymellow 7]

1 hour ago, JeanneAdil said:

A lot of stress if every day you look for news (any news) from immigration

 

and then there are trigger phrases that an immigrant can say to USC that worries them

like "  i'll never get my visa"  instead of "we'll never be approved"

or "i'll never get to America which is my dream"  instead of "i'll never get to be with you (the USC)"

 

this process is a joint venture for 2 people always look at that way /  its for us to be together not for me to get a visa to live in  the USA

I agree. There has been loads of ups and downs. An emotional rollercoaster to say the least.

Waiting on USCIS..

Waiting for NVC

Not knowing what is going on...

And then this.

I can't really describe the emotions right now. It is a lot to deal with. 

[Daymellow 7]

Thank you everyone for your kind words and advice.

I haven't scheduled the interview just yet but I do believe the case is ready at the embassy.

I was awaiting documents from my fiancé and that's when this whole thing happened. Our NOA2 expires on 3rd July 2021. Does this affect the process if we had to work things out? That's what gave me anxiety in the first place is the fact that this whole thing would be for nothing or we would not make the date.

 

Just to clarify, the case is ready at the embassy but I haven't gone ahead and filled a DS160 yet or scheduled the appointment. 

 

Edited June 21, 2021 by Daymellow

[JeanneAdil 6,505]

2 hours ago, Daymellow said:

Thank you everyone for your kind words and advice.

I haven't scheduled the interview just yet but I do believe the case is ready at the embassy.

I was awaiting documents from my fiancé and that's when this whole thing happened. Our NOA2 expires on 3rd July 2021. Does this affect the process if we had to work things out? That's what gave me anxiety in the first place is the fact that this whole thing would be for nothing or we would not make the date.

 

Just to clarify, the case is ready at the embassy but I haven't gone ahead and filled a DS160 yet or scheduled the appointment. 

 

It would be a gamble but fill out the ds160

get ready to schedule the interview

if he doesn't comply by sending documents now and CO says you're approved and all you have to do is get him to send them,  you would go into AP (CEAC case status would say refused while the embassy waited for the tax papers and such)

this is a gamble ,  yes,  but you say you still love him 

and i think love is never i sure thing

he may send an email to immigration and embassy saying he is cancelling but until he does the case is open 

and you have not given up on him

if he cancels,  consider yourself "lucky"  in a strange sense as he is not worth your love

[DaveAndAnastasia 2,092]

14 hours ago, WARREN-IRINA said:

For us it took from July 14 2010 to a March 30 2011 interview. That 8 months 2 weeks and 2 days so it hasn't changed much in 10 years.

It's gone through several cycles of going up and down a lot (though ours was about the same as yours starting from May 2018) since then, but in the last year or so pre-covid it was somewhat faster (3-4 months to NOA2).

 

14 hours ago, WARREN-IRINA said:

Like J Clark says reschedule if you can.

The whole process is very stressful. It is also frustrating at times after arrival as USCIS often is slower than a glacier.   

Pray and hope for the best outcome.

Definitely this.

[Hurry&Wait 92]

On 6/19/2021 at 4:03 PM, JeanneAdil said:

If this is me-  I would do nothing fast

The USC could change the mind again and then have to start the process all over again if you wrote and cancelled interview yourself

but i would think long and hard if i really wanted to be with this person

you don't need to come here with no family,  no friends and be left alone some time in the future

its heartbreaking,  i know ,  and so sorry this happened to you

 

but if this is over one little argument,  give it a few days and see what happens

 

I agree with this suggestion. My wife and I were extremely stressed through the process before she was finally approved, moved here and were married. She was originally denied and there was so much uncertainty. Then, we are from different cultures, so communication can deteriorate under stress. Luckily, I was able to travel often and spent about 30% of my time in her country. I remember a few trips that lasted a week or less but traveled as she was under immense stress. Many do not have the luxury of this amount of travel, especially during COVID.

Please don't withdraw until you are 100% uncertain. I do not know your situation and each relationship is different. You may want to consider postponing the interview. Please do not take an altruistic or utilitarian view about slowing the process for others. If you postpone, your appointment should be available for another applicant.  This is how we moved up our original interview. There are likely some proactive applicants checking daily for openings. 

[JeanneAdil 6,505]

3 minutes ago, Hurry&Wait said:

I agree with this suggestion. My wife and I were extremely stressed through the process before she was finally approved, moved here and were married. She was originally denied and there was so much uncertainty. Then, we are from different cultures, so communication can deteriorate under stress. Luckily, I was able to travel often and spent about 30% of my time in her country. I remember a few trips that lasted a week or less but traveled as she was under immense stress. Many do not have the luxury of this amount of travel, especially during COVID.

Please don't withdraw until you are 100% uncertain. I do not know your situation and each relationship is different. You may want to consider postponing the interview. Please do not take an altruistic or utilitarian view about slowing the process for others. If you postpone, your appointment should be available for another applicant.  This is how we moved up our original interview. There are likely some proactive applicants checking daily for openings. 

good advice but she posted it expires 3rd of July

she needs to act now

[Missthanger 22]

I would go to the interview. To much time and money . He may change his mind . I wouldn’t be listen to these people saying give it up . Go to your interview 

[powerpuff 6,698]

6 minutes ago, JeanneAdil said:

good advice but she posted it expires 3rd of July

she needs to act now

Yep, I agree. That’s what complicates matters. Usually they want renewed letters of intent from petitioner and beneficiary. 

[JeanneAdil 6,505]

31 minutes ago, powerpuff said:

Yep, I agree. That’s what complicates matters. Usually they want renewed letters of intent from petitioner and beneficiary. 

depends on embassy 

ours doesn't ask for this / they just want the original ones with wet signature 

and they could list this as one of the documents for the AP along with the I 134 and tax records 

i believe (as so many cases have been extended past the expiration date because of covid) that if she fills out the ds 160,  the embassy will take the pandemic into consideration and not let it expire in July but give them an opportunity to interview past the 3rd of July /   my opinion only and nothing with immigration is written in stone so to speak

[powerpuff 6,698]

5 minutes ago, JeanneAdil said:

depends on embassy 

ours doesn't ask for this / they just want the original ones with wet signature 

and they could list this as one of the documents for the AP along with the I 134 and tax records 

i believe (as so many cases have been extended past the expiration date because of covid) that if she fills out the ds 160,  the embassy will take the pandemic into consideration and not let it expire in July but give them an opportunity to interview past the 3rd of July /   my opinion only and nothing with immigration is written in stone so to speak

True. Might not even ask for it. In any case, OP should do what she can/has to do from her side. There were too many cases here on VJ where they regretted making hasty decisions and jumping to conclusions too quick.