UK to US Visa Free, IS marriage allowed

[rebeccajo 14]

I agree RJ & Feather. It doesn't even sound like the OP has met him in person.....? Another GIANT red flag?

And yet it could be said that since they had not met, there probably were no definite plans to marry?

Could be....

Before Wes and I met face-to-face, we felt we were 'in love' and might want to marry. We had already researched visa possibilities and knew there was no other way for us to be together.

Being the old farts that we are though, we knew 'real life' might not translate and we might be incompatible as hell once we got together.

Nevertheless, before his first visit, we still discussed possible immigration and marriage. He used to call it - "if things go according to plan" - meaning if we could still stand each other after we met!

Kinda hard for folks who have not met online to understand, I think. But true feelings, nonetheless.

[msu17 0]

If I may add my 2 cents, I would like to agree with TimsDaisy. You aren't sure on VWP, your calling it INS, I think you need to do more homework. Ok, that sounds kinda mean, dont mean it to be but I dont know how else to say it! USCIS phone operators (spelling?) often give out random advice. I was once told that my I-129f shouldn't be sent to NVC, told that I hadn't been approved when I had my NVC letter in my hand etc. Perhaps make an Infopass appt or speak with an immigration lawyer (experienced with family based immigration) before making any decisions. Better to be safe than sorry.

[Mags 112]

To be fair, the OP doesn't actually say she has never met her boyfriend/fiance etc. Unless I'm reading via my botty today and have totally missed it...

[rebeccajo 14]

To be fair, the OP doesn't actually say she has never met her boyfriend/fiance etc. Unless I'm reading via my botty today and have totally missed it...

I didn't read it either, mags. Your botty is fine.

[no name 1]

I said 'sounds like she hasn't, not hasn't.

[rebeccajo 14]

I said 'sounds like she hasn't, not hasn't.

You weren't the only one surmising, Dev. It's no biggie.

[Mags 112]

To be fair, the OP doesn't actually say she has never met her boyfriend/fiance etc. Unless I'm reading via my botty today and have totally missed it...

I didn't read it either, mags. Your botty is fine.

Wonderful! *pats botty*

Actually, my reason for mentioning it was mainly because a.) I thought I might have been going insane and b.) I didn't want the thread to go off on a "OMG they've never met!" kind of thing.

I said 'sounds like she hasn't, not hasn't.

You weren't the only one surmising, Dev. It's no biggie.

Aye, wasn't directed at anyone in particular.

[selly 0]

It's an unenviable position to be in. From reading the post and the lack of clarification or defense of her postion, I suspect there is an element of 'I will keep asking the question until I hear the answer I want to hear' in this. Many of us on here have been in the position where we have met the person we want to live the rest of our lives with (or hope to) and the bottom line is, we are not on here swapping experiences and advice for nothing. There are prescribed ways of doing the K1/K3 visa process and you ignore them at your peril. Although experiences tend to vary, the format of what we are all following is pretty similar.

I wish them well, however feel that they are heading for a fall if they just listen to one potentially misguided telephone call. Personally I would ensure the guidance received from 'INS' was at the very least case specific and written on a formal headed letter before proceeding with any plans.

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

Personally I would ensure the guidance received from 'INS' was at the very least case specific and written on a formal headed letter before proceeding with any plans.

I think that's a great piece of advice, selly -- get it in writing. I would not want to be gambling in this sort of situation myself. I can speak from experience that it certainly is possible to do AOS from entry under the VWP -- my ex-husband and I did just that with no major hiccups (we ended up abandoning the GC to settle in the UK), but that was well over a decade ago and I expect they are much more stringent these days when considering such applications for AOS.

[FFXImomma 0]

Well, after alot of crying, and alot of reading all this..

I called and talked to him last night...

I told him everything I was told by USCIS and by you people here..

We talked for over 2 hours (another big phone bill), when I hung up with him he was crying.. but hurting him now will be easier than him getting hurt later on...

Hes young he will find someone else, someone is own age... I am deleting my membership from this site as I will no longer need it... I cant take him from everything hes known all his life, into a country as cold and cruel as the US... Marrying me he will already loose his family and friends, if he did stay hed loose his job and home too, he says it doesnt matter, but it does to me... God, why are the Brits so down on the US???

Thanks for all the help.. But honestly, you did more accusing than helping...

[featherB 1]

Well, after alot of crying, and alot of reading all this..

I called and talked to him last night...

I told him everything I was told by USCIS and by you people here..

We talked for over 2 hours (another big phone bill), when I hung up with him he was crying.. but hurting him now will be easier than him getting hurt later on...

Hes young he will find someone else, someone is own age... I am deleting my membership from this site as I will no longer need it... I cant take him from everything hes known all his life, into a country as cold and cruel as the US... Marrying me he will already loose his family and friends, if he did stay hed loose his job and home too, he says it doesnt matter, but it does to me... God, why are the Brits so down on the US???

Thanks for all the help.. But honestly, you did more accusing than helping...

Um, I'd say the majority of the answers you got were from people from the US, not from Brits. And I think everyone was trying to help you here - 'yes, the VWP can be used to enter the US with the full intent to immigrate, no problem at all' may have been what you wanted to hear, but it's not true. That's why there are marriage-based visas, for spouses and fiance(e)s. No 'accusations', at all. And certainly nobody saying you shouldn't be with this guy - any particular reason why he can't come and visit you, you can see how you get on, and if it works between you, go the proper route (like the vast majority of people here) and begin the visa process?

I'm sorry, but to blame the people who have advised you here for YOUR decision not to continue the relationship is ridiculous. You're on a forum full of people who have either been through this whole process already or are right in the middle of it (or just beginning it) now - NOBODY is suggesting for one second that you should end it with this guy, and I don't know where you would get that idea from!

Calm down... if he's important to you and it's meant to be, then you'll find a way of working it out. And if you'll end it all because it seems too much hassle to get him to the US, then... well, it's obviously NOT meant to be.

Edited to add... you will find HUGE amounts of invaluable advice and support here, if you're prepared to listen to it rather than go off the deep end and start flinging accusations around just because you're not getting the answer you want to hear. This site is fantastic.... should the two of you eventually decide that you want to bring him to the US to be with you, you will be able to get advice, support, etc etc etc, every step of the way - even if you're just trying to decide IF it's what you want to do, and how best to go about doing it (ie which visa to opt for)... but throwing a fit because people are taking the time to point out the flaws in your plan won't get you very far at all.

Good luck, whatever you do.

Edited July 6, 2007 by featherB

[RosemarieL 0]

A better option would be for him to come visit for a while and then, if you get on well, for him to return and for you to apply for a K1 visa to get married. I visited my fiance for 2 months last year (I got unpaid leave from work) and then we decided we wanted to get married. We had to wait until my divorce was final before we could file the K1 in April. If you both feel strongly enough for each other then you should file if not then perhaps marriage is not right for you at this time.

[Mags 112]

Well, after alot of crying, and alot of reading all this..

I called and talked to him last night...

I told him everything I was told by USCIS and by you people here..

We talked for over 2 hours (another big phone bill), when I hung up with him he was crying.. but hurting him now will be easier than him getting hurt later on...

Hes young he will find someone else, someone is own age... I am deleting my membership from this site as I will no longer need it... I cant take him from everything hes known all his life, into a country as cold and cruel as the US... Marrying me he will already loose his family and friends, if he did stay hed loose his job and home too, he says it doesnt matter, but it does to me... God, why are the Brits so down on the US???

Thanks for all the help.. But honestly, you did more accusing than helping...

The one thing you have to remember is that everyone here on VJ has been separated from a loved one for extended periods of time. We know all about heartbreak, loneliness and have all shed our fair share of tears. In all cases one of us has had to give up our country, our homes, our jobs and our families and friends. But we did it anyway simply because we love our other halfs..

I think you'd find it hard to say that we are down on the US here, simply because by looking back through your replies, many of the people who have answered are actually American. *shrugs* The remainder of people who answered are immigrating to, or have immigrated to, the USA. You don't do that if you hate the place.

The simple fact is that there are still many options open to you both where you can be together. It isn't particularly easy and it isn't very quick but, if you genuinely love one another, it won't matter; because you'll do anything to be with the one you love. I'd suggest your fiance flying over for a visit - just a visit. Then spend some time with each other, have FUN. When he goes back you can pursue the K-1 visa if you both feel you still want to be together.

If you feel that by breaking up with your fiance was the best thing to do, then that is purely your decision. But please don't blame it on us here on VJ; people were just warning you of the risks and trying to be helpful.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Edited July 6, 2007 by mags

[no name 1]

Well, after alot of crying, and alot of reading all this..

I called and talked to him last night...

I told him everything I was told by USCIS and by you people here..

We talked for over 2 hours (another big phone bill), when I hung up with him he was crying.. but hurting him now will be easier than him getting hurt later on...

Hes young he will find someone else, someone is own age... I am deleting my membership from this site as I will no longer need it... I cant take him from everything hes known all his life, into a country as cold and cruel as the US... Marrying me he will already loose his family and friends, if he did stay hed loose his job and home too, he says it doesnt matter, but it does to me... God, why are the Brits so down on the US???

Thanks for all the help.. But honestly, you did more accusing than helping...

Where did you get that we were cold & cruel or more importantly, that you needed to break up?????????????????

[featherB 1]

Well, after alot of crying, and alot of reading all this..

I called and talked to him last night...

I told him everything I was told by USCIS and by you people here..

We talked for over 2 hours (another big phone bill), when I hung up with him he was crying.. but hurting him now will be easier than him getting hurt later on...

Hes young he will find someone else, someone is own age... I am deleting my membership from this site as I will no longer need it... I cant take him from everything hes known all his life, into a country as cold and cruel as the US... Marrying me he will already loose his family and friends, if he did stay hed loose his job and home too, he says it doesnt matter, but it does to me... God, why are the Brits so down on the US???

Thanks for all the help.. But honestly, you did more accusing than helping...

The one thing you have to remember is that everyone here on VJ has been separated from a loved one for extended periods of time. We know all about heartbreak, loneliness and have all shed our fair share of tears. In all cases one of us has had to give up our country, our homes, our jobs and our families and friends. But we did it anyway simply because we love our other halfs..

I think you'd find it hard to say that we are down on the US here, simply because by looking back through your replies, many of the people who have answered are actually American. *shrugs* The remainder of people who answered are immigrating to, or have immigrated to, the USA. You don't do that if you hate the place.

The simple fact is that there are still many options open to you both where you can be together. It isn't particularly easy and it isn't very quick but, if you genuinely love one another, it won't matter; because you'll do anything to be with the one you love. I'd suggest your fiance flying over for a visit - just a visit. Then spend some time with each other, have FUN. When he goes back you can pursue the K-1 visa if you both feel you still want to be together.

If you feel that by breaking up with you fiance was the best thing to do, then that is purely your decision. But please don't blame it on us here on VJ; people were just warning you of the risks and trying to be helpful.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Very well put, Mags - much better than I managed!

FFXImomma.... if he matters enough to you, and you matter enough to him, there is no reason AT ALL to give up because the first plan you thought of isn't going to work. There's hundreds (thousands... I have no idea how many!) of people posting here every single day as proof that it CAN be done, and that what can seem like an impossibly complicated and stressful process can be more than worth it in the end when you achieve that end result of being together. Someone will always have to 'give up' the life they had in their country, whichever way you do it... but speaking as someone who's moved to the US to be with my now-husband, I've not 'given up' anything that matters more than this. It's worth it, y'know....

Good luck... just relax a bit and take some time to think it all over. If it's something you both really really want, you WILL make it happen.