UK to US Visa Free, IS marriage allowed

[jundp 191]

Well, after alot of crying, and alot of reading all this..

I called and talked to him last night...

I told him everything I was told by USCIS and by you people here..

We talked for over 2 hours (another big phone bill), when I hung up with him he was crying.. but hurting him now will be easier than him getting hurt later on...

Hes young he will find someone else, someone is own age... I am deleting my membership from this site as I will no longer need it... I cant take him from everything hes known all his life, into a country as cold and cruel as the US... Marrying me he will already loose his family and friends, if he did stay hed loose his job and home too, he says it doesnt matter, but it does to me... God, why are the Brits so down on the US???

Thanks for all the help.. But honestly, you did more accusing than helping...

First off, I said the very same things to my fiance: you can find someone your own age and I can't take you away from your home/family/country. You know what he told me? "Shush. You are the one I want and you aren't taking me from anything." I bet if you and your man made it this far, that's what he feels too. He's a grown man, don't make his decisions for him.

I don't think anyone here was being accusatory or down on the US. There are ways to do this, as Mags said, using the proper channels. Have you guys met face to face yet? How big is your age difference? Do you really want to give up something that could be the best thing in your life? Don't panic, think about things.

We do all know here what it means to be separated and to count the minutes until we can be together (and then count the minutes until we have to say goodbye). You will find a lot of support and a lot of useful information here. So far I've found everyone to be pretty great.

I wish you luck...

[TimsDaisy 0]

Moving to the US means the UKC loses family and friends?!?!?!?! If that were the case, I wouldn't allow my fiance to move here either.

I know the OP hasn't shared her entire story - I'm sure it's nuanced and lovely - but from the tiny bit relayed here, I think it might be all's well for these too. Neither seemed prepared for these challenges. If it's meant to be, they'll find the strength to fight the fight. If not, then yeah, she did the right thing and he'll come to appreciate it as well.

(edit: no disrespect to VJ - it IS a good resource, even when we bop each other on the head from time to time, but good god, why would anyone let a *public message board* determine the future of her relationship!!!! She gets information from a government source that supports her own prefered manner of doing things, we give a few warnings and advice to research, and she decides to go with US rather than a government source or an attorney? When trying to decide whether to use a binder or ACCO fastener to secure your packet, how to contact an embassy, when to seek professional help, sure go with VJ advice. But who trusts a bunch of strangers to determine your future with someone you are supposedly seriously considering marrying. I hope the OP sorts things out the best way for her.)

Edited July 6, 2007 by TimsDaisy

[no name 1]

Moving to the US means the UKC loses family and friends?!?!?!?! If that were the case, I wouldn't allow my fiance to move here either.

I know the OP hasn't shared her entire story - I'm sure it's nuanced and lovely - but from the tiny bit relayed here, I think it might be all's well for these too. Neither seemed prepared for these challenges. If it's meant to be, they'll find the strength to fight the fight. If not, then yeah, she did the right thing and he'll come to appreciate it as well.

I'm sure she doesn't need to be judged...

[TimsDaisy 0]

Moving to the US means the UKC loses family and friends?!?!?!?! If that were the case, I wouldn't allow my fiance to move here either.

I know the OP hasn't shared her entire story - I'm sure it's nuanced and lovely - but from the tiny bit relayed here, I think it might be all's well for these too. Neither seemed prepared for these challenges. If it's meant to be, they'll find the strength to fight the fight. If not, then yeah, she did the right thing and he'll come to appreciate it as well.

I'm sure she doesn't need to be judged...

It's hardly judgement.

I just hope if she's still here, she thinks twice about using our advice either way to determine her life. Advice on HOW to proceed, sure. Advice on WHETHER to proceed? Um, girlfriend, you gotta make that call on your own. If you want him, go get him!

[FFXImomma 0]

Well, I am getting so much thrown at me here and from my friends on another site.. That its overwhelming me... I have thought about it and I called in an attorney.. will let her sort it all out.. She said since the purpose of his visit is to actually meet our online friends and stuff then it is not Visa Fraud... I guess my thing is I look at the over all picture and I ask questions in advance.. That stems from having 2 disabled kids... I always want to know the outcome of things... I wish, I were the type to just wait and see but Im the type I need to know.. and if it is going to get him hurt, then yes I love him enough to stop it now.. I cant stand to see someone I love and care for suffer...

As for the main question you all seem to want to know, yes I have seen him in person, its been a while, as I assume it has with alot of you... But my phone bills are over 500 a month talking to him, and we are on Yahoo Phone from the time he gets off work til he goes to bed..... I miss him so much it hurts, but if he is going to be hurt I would rather do it now that down the line....

One more thing... I dont get how, its easier to go to the UK than it is the US??? Supposedly the land of the free... yea right!!!

[RosemarieL 0]

It it hurts that much to be apart then spending 6 months or so waiting for a whole life together seems worth it although it's pretty tough at the time. Whatever you decide, good luck

[featherB 1]

Moving to the US means the UKC loses family and friends?!?!?!?! If that were the case, I wouldn't allow my fiance to move here either.

I know the OP hasn't shared her entire story - I'm sure it's nuanced and lovely - but from the tiny bit relayed here, I think it might be all's well for these too. Neither seemed prepared for these challenges. If it's meant to be, they'll find the strength to fight the fight. If not, then yeah, she did the right thing and he'll come to appreciate it as well.

I'm sure she doesn't need to be judged...

It's hardly judgement.

I just hope if she's still here, she thinks twice about using our advice either way to determine her life. Advice on HOW to proceed, sure. Advice on WHETHER to proceed? Um, girlfriend, you gotta make that call on your own. If you want him, go get him!

Just wanted to make clear that I wasn't suggesting that the good people of VJ could or should help decide THAT one - just that it's a good place for the OP to get info about what would be involved while they're weighing the whole thing up. And I'm sure you weren't talking about my post anyway, but I just realised that I did make it sound like VJ could assist in that particular decision, and that is (obviously) not what I meant. Wanted to clear that one up.

But yeah... OP, if you decide not to continue the relationship, that is of course entirely up to you - but it's certainly not something anyone here was advising. And as for 'taking him away from everything he's known'... well presumably you were aware BEFORE you started this thread that moving from the UK to the US involves 'giving up' a certain amount of what you know, etc etc... you can't pin that one on the advice you've received here! We've all either done it ourselves, or are in the process of doing it - and, speaking for myself here, it's really not that big a deal. Listen to what jundp says... and if what he'd be 'giving up' in the UK to make his home here with you is really what you're worried about... well, let him be the one to make that decision!

[msu17 0]

I'm glad you changed your mind! I would hate to think we scared you outta marrying him. I would still look at the guides up top for AOS so you have a better handle on the process when your lawyer is filing everything. Good luck.

And I know what you mean about leaving friends and family. I feel very guilty about it, but there's cheap flights and calling and I'm not about to let being guilty over something he wants to do ruin the best thing that's ever happened to either of us. Don't let this all overwhelm you. Good luck!

[Clarky and Tarah 0]

Well, after alot of crying, and alot of reading all this..

I called and talked to him last night...

I told him everything I was told by USCIS and by you people here..

We talked for over 2 hours (another big phone bill), when I hung up with him he was crying.. but hurting him now will be easier than him getting hurt later on...

Hes young he will find someone else, someone is own age... I am deleting my membership from this site as I will no longer need it... I cant take him from everything hes known all his life, into a country as cold and cruel as the US... Marrying me he will already loose his family and friends, if he did stay hed loose his job and home too, he says it doesnt matter, but it does to me... God, why are the Brits so down on the US???

Thanks for all the help.. But honestly, you did more accusing than helping...

I think the comments everyone left you were very helpful. We did the best we could to give you the information you asked for. People here aren't experts on immigration, we're in the same boat as you. We've just done research and try to help each other out when we can.

[featherB 1]

Another thing I meant to say... you mentioned a 'financial burden' right at the beginning of this thread, as being one reason why you want him to come on the VWP and stay. Okay... first of all, you shouldn't have to spend $500 a month on phone calls - have you looked into Skype or any of the other massively cheaper options out there?

Secondly... if finances are a problem, whichever route you choose to go, visa or no visa, you're going to need to pay for adjustment of status for him to become a permanent resident, and those fees are WAY more expensive than the costs of getting a visa - so if you can't afford the visa, you definitely won't be able to afford to file for AOS for a while. When you *do* file for AOS, you will need a sponsor - either yourself or someone else such as a family member, etc - to satisfy USCIS that you/they have sufficient income or assets to ensure the immigrant won't become a public charge. There are certain levels of income that MUST be met (or must be made up with assets), or the AOS will be denied. Something to think about...

Also... if you do decide that he's going to move to the US to be with you, he might want to think about getting as much money saved in the UK as he can beforehand... the exchange rate is good right now (hopefully it will stay that way), that will at least help while he's unable to work! Speaking of which... if he enters on the VWP, he will not be work authorised when he gets to the US (you can apply for work authorisation with the AOS application, but that will take a few months to be approved) - whereas if he enters on a K-1 visa, he can get employment authorisation for the first 90 days after his arrival. Something to think about if money's tight... having him unable to accept employment for months isn't going to help matters if that's the case!

[rebeccajo 14]

Another thing I meant to say... you mentioned a 'financial burden' right at the beginning of this thread, as being one reason why you want him to come on the VWP and stay. Okay... first of all, you shouldn't have to spend $500 a month on phone calls - have you looked into Skype or any of the other massively cheaper options out there?

Secondly... if finances are a problem, whichever route you choose to go, visa or no visa, you're going to need to pay for adjustment of status for him to become a permanent resident, and those fees are WAY more expensive than the costs of getting a visa - so if you can't afford the visa, you definitely won't be able to afford to file for AOS for a while. When you *do* file for AOS, you will need a sponsor - either yourself or someone else such as a family member, etc - to satisfy USCIS that you/they have sufficient income or assets to ensure the immigrant won't become a public charge. There are certain levels of income that MUST be met (or must be made up with assets), or the AOS will be denied. Something to think about...

Also... if you do decide that he's going to move to the US to be with you, he might want to think about getting as much money saved in the UK as he can beforehand... the exchange rate is good right now (hopefully it will stay that way), that will at least help while he's unable to work! Speaking of which... if he enters on the VWP, he will not be work authorised when he gets to the US (you can apply for work authorisation with the AOS application, but that will take a few months to be approved) - whereas if he enters on a K-1 visa, he can get employment authorisation for the first 90 days after his arrival. Something to think about if money's tight... having him unable to accept employment for months isn't going to help matters if that's the case!

Um....I know this is well intentioned, but if the OP is gonna freak about visa fees, this info might be a bit to much to handle.

Money for the AOS can be gathered up. Even if they filed for a visa immediately, that step is a few months down the road.

And yeah I'd seriously suggest an alternate calling plan for communications. I had one through AT&T that was 40 bucks a month, unlimited calling to the UK.

[featherB 1]

Another thing I meant to say... you mentioned a 'financial burden' right at the beginning of this thread, as being one reason why you want him to come on the VWP and stay. Okay... first of all, you shouldn't have to spend $500 a month on phone calls - have you looked into Skype or any of the other massively cheaper options out there?

Secondly... if finances are a problem, whichever route you choose to go, visa or no visa, you're going to need to pay for adjustment of status for him to become a permanent resident, and those fees are WAY more expensive than the costs of getting a visa - so if you can't afford the visa, you definitely won't be able to afford to file for AOS for a while. When you *do* file for AOS, you will need a sponsor - either yourself or someone else such as a family member, etc - to satisfy USCIS that you/they have sufficient income or assets to ensure the immigrant won't become a public charge. There are certain levels of income that MUST be met (or must be made up with assets), or the AOS will be denied. Something to think about...

Also... if you do decide that he's going to move to the US to be with you, he might want to think about getting as much money saved in the UK as he can beforehand... the exchange rate is good right now (hopefully it will stay that way), that will at least help while he's unable to work! Speaking of which... if he enters on the VWP, he will not be work authorised when he gets to the US (you can apply for work authorisation with the AOS application, but that will take a few months to be approved) - whereas if he enters on a K-1 visa, he can get employment authorisation for the first 90 days after his arrival. Something to think about if money's tight... having him unable to accept employment for months isn't going to help matters if that's the case!

Um....I know this is well intentioned, but if the OP is gonna freak about visa fees, this info might be a bit to much to handle.

Money for the AOS can be gathered up. Even if they filed for a visa immediately, that step is a few months down the road.

And yeah I'd seriously suggest an alternate calling plan for communications. I had one through AT&T that was 40 bucks a month, unlimited calling to the UK.

Sorry... I just meant that bringing him over ASAP on the VWP could prove a costly exercise if money is likely to be a problem! (and editing to add that, yep, AOS can be saved up for - while waiting for the visa, for example... that's kinda what I meant). Was trying to say that what might seem like the cheapest way to do things won't necessarily be so, if you see what I mean... but was trying to type super-fast while waiting for something to cook! Not trying to freak the OP out at all... honest!

Edited July 6, 2007 by featherB

[homesick_american 1]

Well, after alot of crying, and alot of reading all this..

I called and talked to him last night...

I told him everything I was told by USCIS and by you people here..

We talked for over 2 hours (another big phone bill), when I hung up with him he was crying.. but hurting him now will be easier than him getting hurt later on...

Hes young he will find someone else, someone is own age... I am deleting my membership from this site as I will no longer need it... I cant take him from everything hes known all his life, into a country as cold and cruel as the US... Marrying me he will already loose his family and friends, if he did stay hed loose his job and home too, he says it doesnt matter, but it does to me... God, why are the Brits so down on the US???

Thanks for all the help.. But honestly, you did more accusing than helping...

Where did you get that we were cold & cruel or more importantly, that you needed to break up?????????????????

No joke. For once, I agree.

[homesick_american 1]

Well, I am getting so much thrown at me here and from my friends on another site.. That its overwhelming me... I have thought about it and I called in an attorney.. will let her sort it all out.. She said since the purpose of his visit is to actually meet our online friends and stuff then it is not Visa Fraud... I guess my thing is I look at the over all picture and I ask questions in advance.. That stems from having 2 disabled kids... I always want to know the outcome of things... I wish, I were the type to just wait and see but Im the type I need to know.. and if it is going to get him hurt, then yes I love him enough to stop it now.. I cant stand to see someone I love and care for suffer...

As for the main question you all seem to want to know, yes I have seen him in person, its been a while, as I assume it has with alot of you... But my phone bills are over 500 a month talking to him, and we are on Yahoo Phone from the time he gets off work til he goes to bed..... I miss him so much it hurts, but if he is going to be hurt I would rather do it now that down the line....

One more thing... I dont get how, its easier to go to the UK than it is the US??? Supposedly the land of the free... yea right!!!

Believe me, the UK doesn't really want you there. They don't like immigrants in the UK; trust me, I just came back from there. Their immigration procedures are much more streamlined but they also don't have NEARLY the illegal immigrant problem that we have. A visa in the UK is not a guarantee; if you don't meet their requirements then no visa; it's as simple as that. They can be just as judgemental and hard-a$$ed as the US. They just process the apps quicker because they don't have nearly the volume that the USCIS does.

So...you think that the US isn't free because you can't just come in with no visa, get married, and stay? You DO realize that it works the same way in the UK, right? US immigration law allows for more wiggle room and exceptions than UK immigration law, you know. Quicker does NOT equal better. If you enter the UK on a tourist visa you can't get married...PERIOD. You can in the US. You have to enter the UK on a fiance visa to get married, no ifs ands or buts. When you go to the registry office to get married, they ASK TO SEE THE VISA. You better believe it. The UK doesn't require a medical exam, but I think they should since they're starting to have some problems with tuberculosis and immigrants bringing in HIV. You don't even have to be screened for TB to immigrate to the UK; that's INSANE.

I think you need a serious reality check. Getting a visa is a serious and lengthy procedure but you shouldn't whine. Your SO is from the UK and it is piss easy for Brits to get visas. Very few of the British applicants here have had serious problems or lengthy delays. Go look in the MENA forum and compare your 'sob story' to some of theirs. If you're not patient enough to endure the process, perhaps breaking up IS the best thing to do.

[Trompe le Monde 1,107]

(edit: no disrespect to VJ - it IS a good resource, even when we bop each other on the head from time to time, but good god, why would anyone let a *public message board* determine the future of her relationship!!!! She gets information from a government source that supports her own prefered manner of doing things, we give a few warnings and advice to research, and she decides to go with US rather than a government source or an attorney? When trying to decide whether to use a binder or ACCO fastener to secure your packet, how to contact an embassy, when to seek professional help, sure go with VJ advice. But who trusts a bunch of strangers to determine your future with someone you are supposedly seriously considering marrying. I hope the OP sorts things out the best way for her.)

Sometimes lawyers and official sources give bad advice. This message board is littered with people who made bad decisions based on what someone they trusted told them. I have seen more than one person in the AOS forum who have tried to adjust from a tourist visa encounter difficulty because the question of intent came up. Many adjust with no problems (who I'm sure knew what they were up to when they landed at the POE).

Anyways, if you can't afford the visa fees for a K-1 or K-3 then you can't afford to immigrate. It costs a lot less than lost salary while waiting for an EAD to arrive.