Fiancee has been captured by police and being deported

[ducks 7]

I heard that harboring an illegal immigrant is a crime so I also worry that they might charge me and that would even be worse. I can't make a living from jail and I can't pay for a lawyer from jail.

[ducks 7]

1 minute ago, Lucky Cat said:

A person who has been banned from the US for 10 years can not renter the US until either the ban has expired or he/she obtains an approved waiver.

I don't even want to think about what happens if that happens. We can't be apart. There is nobody else for me and nobody else for her. I'm really dumb for putting it off for so long I know, and now a stupid stop light made that decision for us.

 

[SalishSea 18,054]

1 minute ago, ducks said:

I don't even want to think about what happens if that happens. We can't be apart. There is nobody else for me and nobody else for her. I'm really dumb for putting it off for so long I know, and now a stupid stop light made that decision for us.

 

It wasn’t the light though.   Had you done things the right way, she wouldn’t be in this mess.   Have you looked into moving to Canada until you can get the process of petition/interview/waiver sorted?

[laylalex 7,293]

53 minutes ago, ducks said:

I know what you mean. But I'm a man of action, I can't just sit down and accept it. There is no way I could ever just throw up my hands and say welp, on to the next woman. And I know she feels that way too. I know if she would ever be in my situation, she would try everything possible. I know that some people can just say ok we'll never be together so nice knowing you but that's not us. There has to be some way to keep her here because I know enough that if they send her back to Canada they will never let her back in. Like imagine if your fiancee was just sent back to Russia and you could never be together again. You would do anything to stop that. I feel like if we could just get married even on a Zoom call, that would give us an edge.

As others have said, if she is deported and she gets a ban, waivers are available. You can also consider moving to Canada. All is not lost. ❤️

 

I get what you mean about the feeling that you might never be able to be together. Before I married my ex, who is English, I tried "living" (really visiting) for 6 months over there because we assumed that since he had a "bigger" job than mine, that I should move. But I was miserable and knew I could never live there. I wasn't facing a ban, but the reality was that as far as I was concerned, we would live in America or he would have to move on. It broke my heart thinking of it, and it was the toughest line I ever had to draw. He did move here, but the thought of being apart was terrible. If we had had an actual legal barrier like you may have... *sigh*  I mean obviously we got divorced later so it might have been better if he didn't give in!  

 

I know you are in a panic, but take a breath. Calm down. Get an attorney (maybe start a gofundme?). Your job is to be there for her and be her rock in what must be a really frightening time. As much as you don't want to be without her, she doesn't want to be without you. 

[Crazy Cat 42,032]

8 minutes ago, ducks said:

I don't even want to think about what happens if that happens. We can't be apart. There is nobody else for me and nobody else for her. I'm really dumb for putting it off for so long I know, and now a stupid stop light made that decision for us.

 

I know you have thought about the immigration process because you have been a member here since mid 2019.  I would get a free consultation with an immigration attorney.  There is a path forward, but will take some time and money.

As @laylalex said, all is not lost.  

Edited June 2, 2021 by Lucky Cat

[ducks 7]

2 minutes ago, Lucky Cat said:

I know you have thought about the immigration process because you have been a member here since mid 2019.  

Yeah we have been thinking about it for a long time. We were going to do K1 but then we didn't want to be apart. Then we were going to do the other thing that lets her stay here and we were worried about deportation and now a red light made that decision for us so we should have just done it anyway. We have been really happy and we started a duck farm together like we wanted to and it was all really coming together and we have been happy. Now this.

[SalishSea 18,054]

2 minutes ago, ducks said:

Yeah we have been thinking about it for a long time. We were going to do K1 but then we didn't want to be apart. Then we were going to do the other thing that lets her stay here and we were worried about deportation and now a red light made that decision for us so we should have just done it anyway. We have been really happy and we started a duck farm together like we wanted to and it was all really coming together and we have been happy. Now this.

It’s better to do things the right way, even if it means temporarily being part.   Most of us here have had to do that.

[igoyougoduke 1,673]

3 minutes ago, ducks said:

Yeah we have been thinking about it for a long time. We were going to do K1 but then we didn't want to be apart. Then we were going to do the other thing that lets her stay here and we were worried about deportation and now a red light made that decision for us so we should have just done it anyway. We have been really happy and we started a duck farm together like we wanted to and it was all really coming together and we have been happy. Now this.

some times life will make decisions for you .

[ducks 7]

6 minutes ago, laylalex said:

As others have said, if she is deported and she gets a ban, waivers are available. You can also consider moving to Canada. All is not lost. ❤️

 

I get what you mean about the feeling that you might never be able to be together. Before I married my ex, who is English, I tried "living" (really visiting) for 6 months over there because we assumed that since he had a "bigger" job than mine, that I should move. But I was miserable and knew I could never live there. I wasn't facing a ban, but the reality was that as far as I was concerned, we would live in America or he would have to move on. It broke my heart thinking of it, and it was the toughest line I ever had to draw. He did move here, but the thought of being apart was terrible. If we had had an actual legal barrier like you may have... *sigh*  I mean obviously we got divorced later so it might have been better if he didn't give in!  

 

I know you are in a panic, but take a breath. Calm down. Get an attorney (maybe start a gofundme?). Your job is to be there for her and be her rock in what must be a really frightening time. As much as you don't want to be without her, she doesn't want to be without you. 

Thank you laylalex for your kind words. I feel like you really understand what it's like. I agree with you I need to calm down. It's hard because we love each other so much and we have really built a nice life together and we just can't imagine ever giving that up. I know you probably thought you would be together with your ex forever, but I just know in my gut that this won't happen with us.

[Nitas_man 3,100]

44 minutes ago, ducks said:

It has been about 2 years. I wish I had an attorney to ask but I am still trying to figure out how to pay. I might have to sell my farm.

??Two years???

 

That ain’t COVID.  
 

Actions have consequences, and getting married won’t escape these.  Proving “extreme hardship” for a waiver isn’t easy and it isn’t quick.  Sorry bro.  Tough break.

 

There IS a waiver process but it’ll take awhile. 

Edited June 2, 2021 by Nitas_man

[laylalex 7,293]

2 minutes ago, ducks said:

Thank you laylalex for your kind words. I feel like you really understand what it's like. I agree with you I need to calm down. It's hard because we love each other so much and we have really built a nice life together and we just can't imagine ever giving that up. I know you probably thought you would be together with your ex forever, but I just know in my gut that this won't happen with us.

What's the saying -- hope for the best, prepare for the worst?  I really did love my ex for a long, long time, and we'd been together for 5 years when we married (a good chunk of which we spent living together or living near each other in the UK), which in theory should have meant I knew what I was getting into. But people change in ways you can't predict and might not like, even the ones you love the most, even the ones you think you would never give up on. 

 

This isn't to say you should give up on your fiancee. No! It's just that life is weird and squishy and never really goes the way you expect it. I married my ex-husband's former best friend so hey, I can tell a few stories about that! But while you are fighting for your life with your fiancee, you should also be making plans for how your life might look if you couldn't be together. Maybe you stay together but you visit Canada every 6 months, for example. If you live near the border, and so does she, it makes it easy to see each other. When I got together with my current (and FINAL!) husband, we lived in two different cities across the San Francisco Bay from each other for a year and commuted. Before that I was in Los Angeles and he was in San Francisco and we alternated weekends. We made it work until life made it easy to be together.

 

I know this hurts your heart right now, and I know you're frantic. Love can make you feel like that when it feels it might be slipping away. Be strong, for yourself, for her, and for your life together.

[ducks 7]

6 minutes ago, Nitas_man said:

??Two years???

 

That ain’t COVID.  
 

Actions have consequences, and getting married won’t escape these.  Proving “extreme hardship” for a waiver isn’t easy and it isn’t quick.  Sorry bro.  Tough break.

 

There IS a waiver process but it’ll take awhile. 

Welp the first year we were just trying to figure things out. And then COVID came around and we just hunkered down and worked on our futures together. It's pretty interesting how a year just sneaks up on you. People keep telling me about consequences and man I know that ok I am living it right now and yeah I get it how just one red light will ruin your life.

[Nitas_man 3,100]

2 minutes ago, ducks said:

Welp the first year we were just trying to figure things out. And then COVID came around and we just hunkered down and worked on our futures together. It's pretty interesting how a year just sneaks up on you. People keep telling me about consequences and man I know that ok I am living it right now and yeah I get it how just one red light will ruin your life.

Red light didnt ruin your life.  Choices did.

 

Catch your snap.  You need to sit down with an immigration attorney, a good one, and listen to him or her read from the book.  You got a long road coming up and you got to pony up for both of you.  Big chance that road is a dead end.

 

Marrying before you’re caught puts you on a path to a waiver.  Marrying just after?  Man that looks bad.  That looks like marrying for immigration benefits.  This is a deeper hole than most of us can help you out of.  I hope y’all work out.

 

 

[ducks 7]

12 minutes ago, laylalex said:

What's the saying -- hope for the best, prepare for the worst?  I really did love my ex for a long, long time, and we'd been together for 5 years when we married (a good chunk of which we spent living together or living near each other in the UK), which in theory should have meant I knew what I was getting into. But people change in ways you can't predict and might not like, even the ones you love the most, even the ones you think you would never give up on. 

 

This isn't to say you should give up on your fiancee. No! It's just that life is weird and squishy and never really goes the way you expect it. I married my ex-husband's former best friend so hey, I can tell a few stories about that! But while you are fighting for your life with your fiancee, you should also be making plans for how your life might look if you couldn't be together. Maybe you stay together but you visit Canada every 6 months, for example. If you live near the border, and so does she, it makes it easy to see each other. When I got together with my current (and FINAL!) husband, we lived in two different cities across the San Francisco Bay from each other for a year and commuted. Before that I was in Los Angeles and he was in San Francisco and we alternated weekends. We made it work until life made it easy to be together.

 

I know this hurts your heart right now, and I know you're frantic. Love can make you feel like that when it feels it might be slipping away. Be strong, for yourself, for her, and for your life together.

Thank you laylalex. Tomorrow is another day as they say and I hope I can find a lawyer who will agree to be payed in duck eggs. I hope I can talk to Deb, she says it's really hard to schedule phone time. I'm sure she is as scared as I am. I'm happy to know that you are with the person you want to be with too. I hope that is also in our future.

[ducks 7]

7 minutes ago, Nitas_man said:

Red light didnt ruin your life.  Choices did.

 

Catch your snap.  You need to sit down with an immigration attorney, a good one, and listen to him or her read from the book.  You got a long road coming up and you got to pony up for both of you.  Big chance that road is a dead end.

 

Marrying before you’re caught puts you on a path to a waiver.  Marrying just after?  Man that looks bad.  That looks like marrying for immigration benefits.  This is a deeper hole than most of us can help you out of.  I hope y’all work out.

 

 

Yes I will be speaking with a lawyer. I just need to figure out how to pay them. My brother has some money he's going to loan me and sometimes they let the people being processed use Zoom but I need to figure out how that works. It's all so overwhelming. And I know I was dumb for waiting for so long, people keep saying this and I agree. But I think HOPE! marrying her before they can deport her would be better because then they would have to make a decision to divide a married couple for 10 years. I think that would be a hard decision for anyone to make against two people in love. I just need to figure out how.