Financial Responsibility as a sponsor

[JeffAtl 16]

9 minutes ago, Jorgedig said:

Well then I guess it's fair to suggest that you are embarking on a marriage to someone you don't know well, having just spent a few weeks together in person.  As a 'mature' person, I'm sure you recognize the risks.  Good luck.

Yes, and thats why I started this thread to begin with.  The risks are tilted more towards me, especially financially.  Heck all the risk is on me at least for now.  But its not lost on me that she's giving up everything she knows.  I do feel the pressure to get this right and be more certain.

[JustineC85 119]

In regards to the spending time on vacation part, when I had my fiance visit me the last two times I made it clear that we were not doing any "vacation" stuff when he was in the States. I made it as close to as what it would be if we lived together. He went with me to parent-teach conferences for my son. I gave him stuff that he would do while I was at work. And just other "daily life" things. Honestly, I am glad that we did that because after the second visit we fell into a routine. And it felt like we were living as if our lives would be. I know its gonna be a lot different when he gets here after the K-1, but I feel comfortable knows that he knows what my life is like. Sometimes I cant go out for drinks because I have an essay due. Or we cant spend money going out to eat every night because of bills. Those test runs really helped both of us. And I know when he gets here he knows where my job is, where my sons school is, he knows his way around my neighborhood. The familiarity is there. 

[SalishSea 17,824]

6 minutes ago, JustineC85 said:

In regards to the spending time on vacation part, when I had my fiance visit me the last two times I made it clear that we were not doing any "vacation" stuff when he was in the States. I made it as close to as what it would be if we lived together. He went with me to parent-teach conferences for my son. I gave him stuff that he would do while I was at work. And just other "daily life" things. Honestly, I am glad that we did that because after the second visit we fell into a routine. And it felt like we were living as if our lives would be. I know its gonna be a lot different when he gets here after the K-1, but I feel comfortable knows that he knows what my life is like. Sometimes I cant go out for drinks because I have an essay due. Or we cant spend money going out to eat every night because of bills. Those test runs really helped both of us. And I know when he gets here he knows where my job is, where my sons school is, he knows his way around my neighborhood. The familiarity is there. 

Well done.  We did similar things on our many (8) multiple-week/month visits.  He did some home renovations, took the dog to the vet, cooked and cleaned while I was at work, and even looked after me following a surgery.  Yes, it was expensive and time consuming, but it was worth it with the stakes being so high.

[Calicolom 266]

3 hours ago, JeffAtl said:

I hate to even bring this up, but its a concern.  I've read a lot on other boards and just research in general that the person in the U.S. who is sponsoring their future spouse is potentially liable for 125% of any government assistance that immigrant may go on in the event the relationship fails for a period of 10 years or until that person is a U.S. citizen which I believe takes around 5 years minimum.  Anyone have horror stories to share on this? What are the realistic chances of financial ruin for the sponsor if it doesn't work out? I just want to know the potential downside scenarios as we are getting close to the Embassy interview and then there's really no turning back as it's the final step to her approval.  I believe I've been misinformed by my attorney, which is why I bring this up.  The whole process has put a strain on our relationship and I'm taking a huge risk.

Loaded Gun to your Head.

[Calicolom 266]

3 hours ago, payxibka said:

Never have ever heard a report of tbe government actually pursuing a sponsor 

To embarrassing, is the reason for not hearing anyone talking about it. I Know someone who the father of the immigrant bribed a US citizen to marry his daughter. By depositing $10.000 into his back account. As soon as the daughter received her visa, in Africa, and came to the US She disappeared at the US airport, She had cleaned out his the account. He could do nothing since he knowingly committed Marriage fraud. 

[payxibka 10,045]

Just now, Calicolom said:

To embarrassing, is the reason for not hearing anyone talking about it. I Know someone who the father of the immigrant bribed a US citizen to marry his daughter. By depositing $10.000 into his back account. As soon as the daughter received her visa, in Africa, and came to the US She disappeared at the US airport, She had cleaned out his the account. He could do nothing since he knowingly committed Marriage fraud. 

Not that uncommon and I have heard of this,  however, this has nothing to do with the government enforcement of the affidavit. 

[JeffAtl 16]

45 minutes ago, JustineC85 said:

In regards to the spending time on vacation part, when I had my fiance visit me the last two times I made it clear that we were not doing any "vacation" stuff when he was in the States. I made it as close to as what it would be if we lived together. He went with me to parent-teach conferences for my son. I gave him stuff that he would do while I was at work. And just other "daily life" things. Honestly, I am glad that we did that because after the second visit we fell into a routine. And it felt like we were living as if our lives would be. I know its gonna be a lot different when he gets here after the K-1, but I feel comfortable knows that he knows what my life is like. Sometimes I cant go out for drinks because I have an essay due. Or we cant spend money going out to eat every night because of bills. Those test runs really helped both of us. And I know when he gets here he knows where my job is, where my sons school is, he knows his way around my neighborhood. The familiarity is there. 

Very well done! We will be doing it in real time as she's hasn't been permitted to visit the U.S. as its not a tourist visa.  But I've laid a lot of groundwork in setting expectations and getting things ready for them to be comfortable.  I've talked to staff at the high school, researched cars for her, thought about what foods they like, phones, medical insurance, and on and on and on.  I've created space for them also.  I can't believe these fools on 90 day fiance (speaking mostly of the men) who don't even create space for their fiancees! I mean wow.  Its insane to me the lack of thought.  I'm on the other extreme and maybe overthinking, as thats my nature.  But they have to be comfortable, as it will be hard enough adjusting as it is.

[carmel34 3,625]

1 hour ago, JeffAtl said:

The risks are tilted more towards me, especially financially.  Heck all the risk is on me at least for now.  But its not lost on me that she's giving up everything she knows.  I do feel the pressure to get this right and be more certain.

I think many of us, who have petitioned for our fiancés or spouses to come and live with us in the US, feel these same fears and doubts, at least on some level.  A big age gap, if the older US spouse is more secure financially, exacerbate these doubts while waiting for the visa approval.  Reading about horror stories here on VJ can increase these doubts even further.  Cultural and language differences add to the stress.  All of this, combined with the fact that there is no visa for a love interest to come and live in the US for a few months or years to see if the compatibility that you are worried about is really there, makes the journey difficult.  When we meet someone from another country and fall in love, it is typically in artificial settings like hotels, romantic getaways, and exciting trips.  It's all new and the love is fresh and adventure is in the air.  Not many people in our situations can spend weeks or months living abroad to really get to know each other as would be the case without the complication of a long-distance, international relationship.  I can only say based on personal experience, that at some point you have to make a decision whether to move forward in the process or not, and that if it works out, and you truly love each other, it can be an amazing, fulfilling journey together.  All relationships take work, they have their ups and downs, challenges to deal with, financial decisions, what movie to watch, and all the big and small decisions that you have to make together.  You give up the freedom you had as a single person and risk a lot, hoping that it will work out and you'll live happily ever after.  Yet there's always the risk with any relationship that it may not last forever.  If you go into this with both eyes wide open, knowing all the risks but also the potential rewards, you can overcome anything together.  Good luck!

[Ontarkie 14,220]

14 minutes ago, JeffAtl said:

Very well done! We will be doing it in real time as she's hasn't been permitted to visit the U.S. as its not a tourist visa.  But I've laid a lot of groundwork in setting expectations and getting things ready for them to be comfortable.  I've talked to staff at the high school, researched cars for her, thought about what foods they like, phones, medical insurance, and on and on and on.  I've created space for them also.  I can't believe these fools on 90 day fiance (speaking mostly of the men) who don't even create space for their fiancees! I mean wow.  Its insane to me the lack of thought.  I'm on the other extreme and maybe overthinking, as thats my nature.  But they have to be comfortable, as it will be hard enough adjusting as it is.

I'm an over thinker too. Before moving here I researched all the what if's I could. Been married before and it was a train wreck of a nightmare. Yes I looked into everything. Nothing wrong with it as long as you aren't making this up in your head that aren't there. But also not overlooking things because you think maybe you're looking too hard at the same time. 

 

 

 

 

[JeffAtl 16]

8 minutes ago, Ontarkie said:

I'm an over thinker too. Before moving here I researched all the what if's I could. Been married before and it was a train wreck of a nightmare. Yes I looked into everything. Nothing wrong with it as long as you aren't making this up in your head that aren't there. But also not overlooking things because you think maybe you're looking too hard at the same time. 

 

 

 

 

I get it.  I've been married before also and made so many mistakes.  I blamed myself for my divorce and have since made a lot of changes to improve the chances of success in my next marriage.  Its been 12 years of hard work on myself.  I'm ready, I just hope I'm not missing something and that we have a happy marriage.  Doing all I can do, but I'm only one person.  I think the other thing I'm over thinking is the fact I feel like I've been the giver this whole time.  Of course, its mostly financial since its long distance, but it gives me pause as I wonder if she will give also in a marriage.  Again, this is partly a cultural thing because I don't really know how her culture views the man in marriage.  I can only hope she's as thoughtful of my needs as I have been of hers.  Not saying she isn't, I just don't know for sure yet.

Edited April 28, 2021 by JeffAtl

[Ontarkie 14,220]

2 minutes ago, JeffAtl said:

I get it.  I've been married before also and made so many mistakes.  I blamed myself for my divorce and have since made a lot of changes to improve the chances of success in my next marriage.  Its been 12 years of hard work on myself.  I'm ready, I just hope I'm not missing something and that we have a happy marriage.  Doing all I can do, but I'm only one person.  I think the other thing I'm over thinking is the fact I feel like I've been the giver this whole time.  Of course, its mostly financial since its long distance, but it gives me pause as I wonder if she will give also in a marriage.  Again, this is partly a cultural thing because I don't really know how her culture views the man in marriage.  I can only hope she's as thoughtful of my needs as I have been of hers.  Not saying she isn't, I just don't know for sure yet.

You need to check out the regional forum here and ask about the culture norms for that stuff.  

[Zoeeeeeee 797]

7 hours ago, JeffAtl said:

Of course, its mostly financial since its long distance, but it gives me pause as I wonder if she will give also in a marriage.  Again, this is partly a cultural thing because I don't really know how her culture views the man in marriage.  I can only hope she's as thoughtful of my needs as I have been of hers.  Not saying she isn't, I just don't know for sure yet.

Ask her.

 

Ask her these things, rather than wondering. This is the woman you're planning on marrying and spending the rest of your life with. Your future wife. You should feel comfortable asking how things are viewed in her culture - what she wants from you in terms of being a good husband - what you would like from her. If you both aren't ready to have that conversation, it suggests you may be moving a bit fast.

[SteveInBostonI130 3,434]

Ok...

11 hours ago, JeffAtl said:

In fact, I told her there is no way we will marry before 60 days.  She had actually agreed to that as well.  But recently she said she thought I should know after 30 days living together.  Why is it all my decision? Well, its not, but she said she was 100% sure about me.  I don't really understand how she could be at this point.  We've spent 20 days together on vacation.  Real life is completely different and trust me, thats not lost on me.  I think thats why I'm really getting worked up.  We've had many cultural differences.  Those are mostly solved, but I'm sure there will be more to come.  I don't understand her culture the way I do Spanish, for example.  In another life, I thought I would marry a Latin woman, but it never happened.  Anyway, I think I'm flexible enough to go with the flow on things, I just don't think she is and thats getting under my skin.  I need compromise in a marriage, as thats part of what you have to do.  I'm not sure she sees it that way.

 

11 hours ago, JeffAtl said:

We won't have kids due to my age, but she does have a 14 year old son.  He's a good kid and I'm looking forward to being a stepdad.  But that complicates things even more! We got into arguments on vacation over her jealousy issues and for some reason an issue with me drinking (mind you this was an all inclusive and not once did I overindulge).  So I'm concerned its a sign of things to come, with the biggest thing being her unwillingness to compromise which I keep revisiting in my mind.  I feel like she's a bit rigid.  I may be wrong, but it's concerning.  Now I know many will say don't do this because you're also disrupting her son's life.  But he has no father and he will have way more opportunity here if this works out.  I do think about him as well though.  I have to.

 

9 hours ago, JeffAtl said:

But I've laid a lot of groundwork in setting expectations and getting things ready for them to be comfortable.  I've talked to staff at the high school, researched cars for her, thought about what foods they like, phones, medical insurance, and on and on and on.  I've created space for them also.  I can't believe these fools on 90 day fiance (speaking mostly of the men) who don't even create space for their fiancees! I mean wow.  Its insane to me the lack of thought.  I'm on the other extreme and maybe overthinking, as thats my nature.  But they have to be comfortable, as it will be hard enough adjusting as it is.

 

I see some issues here, and now I understand your worry/anxiety.  What is done is done, but I wanted to point out a few things

 

1.  You only spent 20 days with someone, on a vacation holiday, and you want to marry her.  I can only partially fault that, because I proposed after only 10 days...but we visited each other again afterwards and I went to Ukraiine to live with her for 2 months, to make sure that she was the "one".  This was while the I-129F was pending.

 

2.  Even on a vacation, after having just met, you have witnessed some red flags:  her jealousy and her starting to control your behavior, or getting upset with your behavior.  This is not great.  I have met people like that and I try to stay clear.  My wife has a friend who dates online, but locally (only Ukrainian men).  After a while, when she thinks the relationship might work out, she starts trying to control the other person.  She is looking for her ideal man, and try to mold the other person to be that "man".  Due to cultural background, some Ukrainians adhere to traditional gender roles and may expect the man to be decisive.  If he is not, the woman will take over.  Hopefully your fiance is not as extreme and it was just a couple of issues that she did not like.  Again, spending time with her is key to finding it out.

 

3.  Focus on your relationship.  It is nice that you are thinking about her son, but "giving him more opportunity here" is nothing if his mom and you are miserable when tied by marriage.  He would be miserable as well.  If you get along with her, if it looks like your potential marriage will be a happy one, then that will be a huge booster for her son.  

 

 

I was thinking about adding more, about what to watch out for in her personality, but this is not a relationship forum.  If you want to discuss this further message me.  Otherwise, good luck!

[Nitas_man 3,100]

16 hours ago, JeffAtl said:

I hate to even bring this up, but its a concern.  I've read a lot on other boards and just research in general that the person in the U.S. who is sponsoring their future spouse is potentially liable for 125% of any government assistance that immigrant may go on in the event the relationship fails for a period of 10 years or until that person is a U.S. citizen which I believe takes around 5 years minimum.  Anyone have horror stories to share on this? What are the realistic chances of financial ruin for the sponsor if it doesn't work out? I just want to know the potential downside scenarios as we are getting close to the Embassy interview and then there's really no turning back as it's the final step to her approval.  I believe I've been misinformed by my attorney, which is why I bring this up.  The whole process has put a strain on our relationship and I'm taking a huge risk.

None (ruin).  Better chance of ruin if you marry locally?  Or so I hear.  LOL

 

?Where did you get the idea that you are responsible for 125% of government assistance?

Have you actually read the I-864?  You (can) be responsible for maintaining her at 125% of federal poverty guidelines, about $1300 a month.  Which means she wont be eligible for federal assistance.  The form however clearly states that she can sue you for that if she wishes however in practice it is subtracted from what she can make.  Minimum wage is generally imputed which is $1256 so it’s a wash.  No liability.  See?  So relax on that.

 

US citizen spouse is eligible to apply for citizenship three (not five) years after receiving PR status.

The rule is 40 SS quarters.  On your, or her, record.  She doesn’t have to make much to earn 4 quarters, I think it’s around 1500 bucks.  So 6000 bucks in a year is “four quarters” and an earner can earn (ONLY) four quarters per year.

 

 

[Nitas_man 3,100]

13 hours ago, JeffAtl said:

Yes, and thats why I started this thread to begin with.  The risks are tilted more towards me, especially financially.  Heck all the risk is on me at least for now.  But its not lost on me that she's giving up everything she knows.  I do feel the pressure to get this right and be more certain.

Are they?

1.  The I-134 is unenforceable anyway.  It’s a check to make sure you are eligible to sponsor her when she applies for permanent resident status.  

2.  You are not at ANY risk until after adjustment of status is approved, over a year after you are married

3.  This person, at least until they get a travel document and EAD is 100% dependent on you.  For everything.  Cant drive, can’t work, in immigration “limbo” status.  If she leaves the country before you are married AND advance parole is granted she can’t come back.  K1 is a one-way ticket, all dependent on you.

 

Who’s really taking the risk?  It isn’t you.  You already looking at things this way I see a train wreck.

 

Edited April 29, 2021 by Nitas_man