Making friends

[Silke 1]

I can totally relate to your situation. Since I came to the US in Sept of 2004, I've met a lot of people, but I haven't made a lot of friends....to me there is a big difference between meeting people and actually being friends...friendship takes time to develop and goes far beyond the small talk we experience here on a daily basis...I would describe myself as a friendly and outgoing person and it saddens me that some people don't even attempt to get to know someone better...

Edited July 5, 2007 by silke

[Nanusia & Lukaszek 0]

Maybe I'm going to generalize too much, but I think that here in the US we tend to use the term "friend" very loosely. We meet someone, say hi how are you, and automatically call them our friend. In Europe, a "friend" is like what we have here as a best friend, someone close, someone you can count on, someone you can share your thoughts with.

[Silke 1]

Maybe I'm going to generalize too much, but I think that here in the US we tend to use the term "friend" very loosely. We meet someone, say hi how are you, and automatically call them our friend. In Europe, a "friend" is like what we have here as a best friend, someone close, someone you can count on, someone you can share your thoughts with.

I agree!!

[Nanusia & Lukaszek 0]

Ok there Romeo, I think we were talking about real live friends... anyone can find a chat buddy, that's not the point.

[Marilyn. 340]

all my life I have had only about 3 really good friends... they were my friends through different parts of my life......

my last bestest friend I had for over 10 years ... but then I broke the friendship off after she did some things that were kind of hurtful to me....

I have never had to work to get these friendships, they just sort of happened...

I am not a very outgoing person, so it is very hard for me to go out and make friends....

I have been in the US for over 2 years now and I still don't have any friends....

We are in the process of trying to find a church with the hopes that we can make some friends there....

hubby doesn't really have any friends either... He says he could easily get some friends from work etc but they would be kind of rough characters... he says he seems to attract those kind of people

P.S. how many times can I use the word friends in one post??

Edited July 5, 2007 by MarilynP

[Moldovandish 0]

It takes a while. During my time here (almost 3 years) I've managed to meet many internationals and that has helped a lot. I think people who share similar experiences tend to understand each other better. Plus, many people in this country have a very busy lifestyle. Some of the cultures that the rest of us come from are more relaxed and flexible. I've learned that getting involved in various activities does help in making friendships.

[kittykatwoman 0]

Also I'm always asked some questions like "Do you know how to use a microwave?" or "Do you know what a firework is?" or "Do you know about the 4th of July?" and all kind of other questions...

I never really answer because then I would make the cliche/assumption that French people are snooty true giving people lectures. Of course I know what the 4th of July is because we were involved and helped... Of course I know what a firework is there are used in France since the XVIIIe... Of course I know how to use a microwave!!!! When I asked the person why she asked, she answered she was not sure that we had some in France!!! I didn't know what to say.

Whatever I do, Whoever I talk to there is ALWAYS a question, assumption like that. And I don't even talk about the "Is it true that in France <Insert cliche here>?" or the pseudo political discussion about the French government and how much the French hate Americans and blablabla, I find that very rude that people think I want to listen to their babbling about my country, my fellow French or my government just because I'm the only French person they know. I just can't hide it because of my thick accent. I recently tried "You don't want to know" answer to the question "Where are you from?", It doesn't make the communication easy and silence comes quicker than it would anyway.

Maybe because I don't like to live here and seriously hope to go back home, I just focus on the negative and isolate a lot. Or because I live in a small town and the cultural diversity equal zero. I seriously don't know what to think about the whole thing and it makes me miss my friends even more. *sigh*

[germangel 0]

Oh gosh, I know. I'm so tired of people asking me about WWII. I was not even born until about 40 years later.

Or when I get snotty after hearing one too many clichés, I just don't want to be called a Nazi.

It's not even remotely funny!! So yeah, they all want to know all this "#######" instead of asking important questions like "Do you have a hard time here sometimes with everything being different?" or "Do you want me to show you some things you can do around here?" or anything like that.

[Jashley820 0]

I am so glad I stumbled upon this thread. I have been putting more energy towards keeping in touch with my friends in Canada than making friends here!! I find it really hard as well. People at the gym don't want to talk because they're focused on their workouts, people who you make small talk with in the store just think you're weird....sigh....

A lot of you mention that you have nothing to say...I truly think that you can lose your ability to be social. I used to be a social butterfly in university, and I never had a hard time making conversation with someone. Now, I dread going into social situations (even get scared!) because I am not sure how I can relate to them and make conversation. I am convinced that if I was around people my own age more often, I wouldn't have so much trouble.

Anyway, I am not quite sure how to make new friends...maybe join a book club, go out for walks and meet neighbors, etc....at least we all know that we're not alone in this problem!

Good luck

[Nancy2015 2]

I'm not a very outgoing person, and it's always been extremely hard for me to meet people. I've only had three close friends in my life, and that's it. It's my third year in the U.S., I'm employed, I go to gym regularly, and I studied here for a while too. I didn't make any friends. Mostly because all the people I've met were either significantly older, or they already had their own circle of friends I found it really hard to get into. I also don't ever meet people on the net - I don't like the idea of it.

Taking all that into consideration, I'm surprized I managed to meet and hit it off with my now husband, who's even more reclusive than me!! Oh well, things happen...

I have built good relationships with my co-workers, but those who I could really be close with, have quit, and those who are still working are 20-30 years older than me. I volunteered at one place for a while, but again - all the folks there were retired I just have no idea where to meet people my age that have similar interests - like reading and riding a bike, so I think I'll just let things happen and see if someone cool comes along

[Jashley820 0]

Hahaha....my husband and I are totally reclusive too! We like to stay in and hang out at our house...watch movies, sit out on the patio, etc. The bar scene just isn't our thing!

[Autumnchik 6]

I am so glad to find this thread. I can totally relate, even though I am the USC!!! A year ago, I was living in Georgia (was there for 6 years altogether). Then, I decided to take a new job and move to rural northern New Hampshire. Financially and in that it allows me to be closer to my family in CT, it was a good decision. I didn't realize though, until I moved, how huge a network of friends I had made in GA. I didn't think it would be difficult to make new friends, but sadly am finding it TREMENDOUSLY hard to connect with people. Other people who I have met who are also new to this area have shared similar difficulties that they have had.

I am slooooooooowly starting to make some friends. I'm also hoping that, when my hubby finds a job, he will meet people which will then open it up for me. My co-workers are great, but it is a tiny agency.

Edited July 6, 2007 by autumnchik

[no one 0]

I'm so glad to have stumbled on this thread too!

I know I'm a shy person, but I'm always friendly to the people I meet. I've been here since September and I haven't made a single person I'd call a "friend" yet. Lots of "friendly acquaintances" though...

I chat with my co-workers at work, but we don't socialize outside of work. It could be that I'm the youngest there and we don't have too many things in common

I've done volunteer work, but everyone were seniors who have retired. I've taken a Spanish course, but again, they were all many years older than I am and although we'd make good chit-chat in class, we don't have enough in common to socialize outside of the classroom setting.

As for my husband and my in-laws.. they have a very small circle of friends, so it's not that easy finding someone who's compatible with me (geez, I sound as though I'm trying to find a new romantic partner! Compatibility... haha).

Like some of you, I find myself spending a lot of time keeping in touch with my old friends in Canada. Good friendships are hard to find and keep, so I think the effort is well worth it even though I can't see my friends physically.

On that note... anyone in Petaluma, CA, and want to be my friend?

[Jashley820 0]

I'm so glad to have stumbled on this thread too!

I know I'm a shy person, but I'm always friendly to the people I meet. I've been here since September and I haven't made a single person I'd call a "friend" yet. Lots of "friendly acquaintances" though...

I chat with my co-workers at work, but we don't socialize outside of work. It could be that I'm the youngest there and we don't have too many things in common

I've done volunteer work, but everyone were seniors who have retired. I've taken a Spanish course, but again, they were all many years older than I am and although we'd make good chit-chat in class, we don't have enough in common to socialize outside of the classroom setting.

As for my husband and my in-laws.. they have a very small circle of friends, so it's not that easy finding someone who's compatible with me (geez, I sound as though I'm trying to find a new romantic partner! Compatibility... haha).

Like some of you, I find myself spending a lot of time keeping in touch with my old friends in Canada. Good friendships are hard to find and keep, so I think the effort is well worth it even though I can't see my friends physically.

On that note... anyone in Petaluma, CA, and want to be my friend?

I think making new friends totally depends on compatibility! Well, if anyone's come across some kind of an activity or venue where they've made some friends, do share!

Good idea echomyst- we're all on here writing about how we can't meet people, but there are a ton of people on this site! With that said, is there anyone in Cincinnati that wants to get together for coffee?

[Mrs.J06 4]

I think it is very interesting to hear that even some USCs have the same trouble.

I run into people with closed circles of friends all the time! They are very polite, but there just isn't any space or time for new friends in their lifes.

People seem to be a lot more into family here than they are in Germany, too. I'm very close with my Dad and my sister, but we all have our own friends and don't always kling together. It was always important to me to have friends beside family. A colleague told me recently about a girl's weekend out she was planning. To me, that sounded like a group of girls doing things together - well, turned out that she and her two sisters were going someplace.

Age plays a role, too. During my university times in Germany I made tons of friends, but everbody was the same age and had mostly the same interests, too. Most people my age have kids now, and don't go out too often, and if so, they do totally different things at different times.

I agree, it does take time, even though sometimes I feel like I'm out of ideas about where to go to meet compatible people...