Apology

[MichelleandCraig 1]

I would just like to apologize for my post in the other thread, and for the way I acted in the chat room. I've definitely never been above being able to admit when I'm wrong, and this time I was.

If things are as a few of you say, and the thread in Moving to America has caused turmoil for a lot of people, then I am truly sorry about that as well, and just know that I didn't realize. Some people did say it made them think, but I can't recall any saying that it made them overly worried, just that they appreciated it. I can now see how it may do that, but again, I didn't think of that at the time. I never really went on that thread to solicit advice however, it was more as some people made note of...just for venting and support, and I got that there.

I didn't mean to lose my temper, and now that I've cooled off I'm ashamed at how I came across. If the majority here think I should, I would be willing to ask Capn to delete the thread.

That said, and not to step on anyone's toes,we will not ask for advice from now on and will 'run' our relationship as we see fit. Since Craig came back the first time things have been really wonderful between us, and he thinks it really made him realize what he had here. He mostly came back that time as he realized(the above and)that he didn't want to miss our anniversary. We rebooked the 2nd ticket shortly after he got back, and he realized after starting the trip he still felt the same way. We are looking at possibly going to England as a family near the end of the year, and we are doing very well. I will no longer(not due to a snit, just due to good sense on my part from here on out)be posting anything about our personal life, whether bad or good, but unlike what I said in my temper tantrum in the chat room, I will be around now and then.

Craig has also said that if anyone would like to speak to HIM, he doesn't post on here anymore, but if you would like to PM us, we will give you our number and he would be glad for you to give him a call.(and not to attack..he's not like that..just to talk about how HE's felt in all of this)

I hope you accept my apology Gimy,Becca,and anyone else I may have offended, and I'm sorry to have lost it like that. Although we have never met, I do consider you 'online' buddies.

Take care, Michelle

Edited March 30, 2006 by MichelleandCraig

[Welshcookie 17]

I for one would be very sad to that particular thread deleted.....it has made me think about moving to US in different ways and has been the topic of conversation between myself and fiance in working out how to make my settling in smoother.

I haven't been in any turmoil....

[MichelleandCraig 1]

Thanks Cookie I guess we'll wait to see what the majority thinks, but I honestly don't really mind either way...and I didn't mean to put it in a dramatic light or anything either..it just seems that the thread has upset a lot of people. I appreciate your saying that tho :) Michelle

Goodnight! I think I'm finally getting tired!

[mercuryroad 0]

It takes a lot to suck it up the pride and offer an apology. Good job girl!

On Wisconsin, On Wisconsin!

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

Going forward, please make sure all drama occurs during east coast business hours.

Thank you.

ps. Michelle.. I'm not trying to be insensitive. I know you've been going through a lot, I'm not as up-to-date as others on all the details, but I do wish you and your husband the best

[rebeccajo 14]

While you don't owe me an apology, Michelle, I'll gladly accept it. I learned long ago that an apology is often more necessary for the person offering it than the one it is extended too.

It's my personal opinion that your thread was valuable. But I will also offer up that it has probably caused some anxiety for separated couples. I can remember being separated from Wes and reading your posts. We used them as catalysts for conversations between us. The tenor of things in your posts never 'upset' me, but I'm willing to bet that on a bad day, for some out there, it could have made them go - OMG what if that happens to me - to us?

Should you not have started the thread? I don't agree with that - I bet a lot of people are glad you did. Most could healthily sort through it.

But as the tale becomes more convoluted, it makes a lot of people go - hmmmmm? Why? Why is this happening?

Like you said - you and I have never met. But in a community like this, you do earn friendships and trust. If you are lucky that is. I've got a good many here and I am ever so thankful for them.

Friendship isn't always about somebody giving you hugs and saying everything is going to be ok. One of the best friends I ever had used to jerk my chain hard if she thought I needed it. Someone who cares about you, looking from the outside in, can often times see things you can't. Some people call that minding other people's business. I don't. Not if it's done with compassion. And Michelle, you have had A LOT of compassion offered to you.

I believe we were put on this planet to look after one another. In all our relationships - even in a 'virtual world' like this one.

Husband and wife need to look after each other. That's not the same thing as being solely responsible for the other's daily happiness or solving each others inner demons. You are one anothers safe harbor - and one anothers protector.

I'm not minding your business. I'm just offering you food for thought. Life is not always easy. But, it beats the alternative. I'll take my one shot at it and try to be just as happy as I can be. That's what you and everybody on here needs to do. Just freaking be happy. If we can help each other, then woo-hoo, we just proved that maybe we deserve to be at the top of the food chain.

While you don't owe me an apology, Michelle, I'll gladly accept it. I learned long ago that an apology is often more necessary for the person offering it than the one it is extended too.

It's my personal opinion that your thread was valuable. But I will also offer up that it has probably caused some anxiety for separated couples. I can remember being separated from Wes and reading your posts. We used them as catalysts for conversations between us. The tenor of things in your posts never 'upset' me, but I'm willing to bet that on a bad day, for some out there, it could have made them go - OMG what if that happens to me - to us?

Should you not have started the thread? I don't agree with that - I bet a lot of people are glad you did. Most could healthily sort through it.

But as the tale becomes more convoluted, it makes a lot of people go - hmmmmm? Why? Why is this happening?

Like you said - you and I have never met. But in a community like this, you do earn friendships and trust. If you are lucky that is. I've got a good many here and I am ever so thankful for them.

Friendship isn't always about somebody giving you hugs and saying everything is going to be ok. One of the best friends I ever had used to jerk my chain hard if she thought I needed it. Someone who cares about you, looking from the outside in, can often times see things you can't. Some people call that minding other people's business. I don't. Not if it's done with compassion. And Michelle, you have had A LOT of compassion offered to you.

I believe we were put on this planet to look after one another. In all our relationships - even in a 'virtual world' like this one.

Husband and wife need to look after each other. That's not the same thing as being solely responsible for the other's daily happiness or solving each others inner demons. You are one anothers safe harbor - and one anothers protector.

I'm not minding your business. I'm just offering you food for thought. Life is not always easy. But, it beats the alternative. I'll take my one shot at it and try to be just as happy as I can be. That's what you and everybody on here needs to do. Just freaking be happy. If we can help each other, then woo-hoo, we just proved that maybe we deserve to be at the top of the food chain.

[Dixie_Peach 1]

While you don't owe me an apology, Michelle, I'll gladly accept it. I learned long ago that an apology is often more necessary for the person offering it than the one it is extended too.

It's my personal opinion that your thread was valuable. But I will also offer up that it has probably caused some anxiety for separated couples. I can remember being separated from Wes and reading your posts. We used them as catalysts for conversations between us. The tenor of things in your posts never 'upset' me, but I'm willing to bet that on a bad day, for some out there, it could have made them go - OMG what if that happens to me - to us?

Should you not have started the thread? I don't agree with that - I bet a lot of people are glad you did. Most could healthily sort through it.

But as the tale becomes more convoluted, it makes a lot of people go - hmmmmm? Why? Why is this happening?

Like you said - you and I have never met. But in a community like this, you do earn friendships and trust. If you are lucky that is. I've got a good many here and I am ever so thankful for them.

Friendship isn't always about somebody giving you hugs and saying everything is going to be ok. One of the best friends I ever had used to jerk my chain hard if she thought I needed it. Someone who cares about you, looking from the outside in, can often times see things you can't. Some people call that minding other people's business. I don't. Not if it's done with compassion. And Michelle, you have had A LOT of compassion offered to you.

I believe we were put on this planet to look after one another. In all our relationships - even in a 'virtual world' like this one.

Husband and wife need to look after each other. That's not the same thing as being solely responsible for the other's daily happiness or solving each others inner demons. You are one anothers safe harbor - and one anothers protector.

I'm not minding your business. I'm just offering you food for thought. Life is not always easy. But, it beats the alternative. I'll take my one shot at it and try to be just as happy as I can be. That's what you and everybody on here needs to do. Just freaking be happy. If we can help each other, then woo-hoo, we just proved that maybe we deserve to be at the top of the food chain.

While you don't owe me an apology, Michelle, I'll gladly accept it. I learned long ago that an apology is often more necessary for the person offering it than the one it is extended too.

It's my personal opinion that your thread was valuable. But I will also offer up that it has probably caused some anxiety for separated couples. I can remember being separated from Wes and reading your posts. We used them as catalysts for conversations between us. The tenor of things in your posts never 'upset' me, but I'm willing to bet that on a bad day, for some out there, it could have made them go - OMG what if that happens to me - to us?

Should you not have started the thread? I don't agree with that - I bet a lot of people are glad you did. Most could healthily sort through it.

But as the tale becomes more convoluted, it makes a lot of people go - hmmmmm? Why? Why is this happening?

Like you said - you and I have never met. But in a community like this, you do earn friendships and trust. If you are lucky that is. I've got a good many here and I am ever so thankful for them.

Friendship isn't always about somebody giving you hugs and saying everything is going to be ok. One of the best friends I ever had used to jerk my chain hard if she thought I needed it. Someone who cares about you, looking from the outside in, can often times see things you can't. Some people call that minding other people's business. I don't. Not if it's done with compassion. And Michelle, you have had A LOT of compassion offered to you.

I believe we were put on this planet to look after one another. In all our relationships - even in a 'virtual world' like this one.

Husband and wife need to look after each other. That's not the same thing as being solely responsible for the other's daily happiness or solving each others inner demons. You are one anothers safe harbor - and one anothers protector.

I'm not minding your business. I'm just offering you food for thought. Life is not always easy. But, it beats the alternative. I'll take my one shot at it and try to be just as happy as I can be. That's what you and everybody on here needs to do. Just freaking be happy. If we can help each other, then woo-hoo, we just proved that maybe we deserve to be at the top of the food chain.

rebecca... you always say the right thing... i swear, you are in the wrong profession!!! You should be a writer...

Michelle, I never felt anxious or made your problems my own... i was concerned for you... and still wish you the best... i think you are a lovely person... and i for one am glad that you and craig started the thread... it has been some interesting reading for me... and i have taken mental notes of how to help him (my Jamal) when he gets here. Wishing you the best as always...

your friend,

lynne

Edited March 30, 2006 by Dixie_Peach

[rebeccajo 14]

flippin interweb....sorry that turned into a double-double novella....

[Jaylen Brit 0]

Hey I for one am GLAD it made me think 'what if that happened to us too' cos forewarned is forearmed. I truely belive that.

I am not Michelle and Len isn't craig - and no-one else is EXACTLY like Mich n Craig either - their circumstances are unique to THEM but the general problems are NOT.

Anything which educates us and makes us think, and plan to avoid some of the pitfalls is a GOOD thing.

I wouldn't like to see the thread deleted either as I believe we must all look at life as it IS (or can be) not thru rose-tinted glasses where everything is perfect.

Thats my 2 cents anyways

[Welshcookie 17]

While I agree with much of what you say Rebecca....it still has to be said that the friendships we have in our 'real' life and our 'virtual' friendships here are different in my opinion. A friend at home 'jerking a chain' does so in private....on here it is the same as getting on a stage in front of strangers to do it, giving anyone the chance to get in on the act.

And this isn't aimed at you....I just hate it when I see someone being called out/humiliated/psycho-analyzed and assumptions being made about their relationships and offer it up as honest advice...the compassionate thing to do if one wants to that is use PM. I have seen it happen a few times here on VJ in the year I have been here and it is never pleasant.

Maybe Michelle did make a mistake by posting too much info on their 'struggles' but I don't personally think she deserve the classic VJ backlash either.

Since I have moved to a different part of the UK I have been extremely lonely and depressed at times, and VJ has been important to me, I try hard not to post when I am feeling low because the temptation is there to put it out in general population, but I have seen it turn ugly for many others so I don't...and there are people here I regard as true friends and they certainly have had to put up with my whinging albeit thro emails or PM's and I value their friendships greatly

Michelle....I wish you all the best...if you think your thread should be deleted then you should go ahead and ask for it to be so.

Rebecca you write so well and you a woman of wisdom and kindness, that much I have gathered from you

over and out

[munchkins 0]

perhaps I should not really be answering this because in a way it is not applicable to me but I have followed that thread and I too found it to be very enlightening and truthful. Michelle I believe that it will have helped many on here and people could take from it what they wanted, and hopefully those who did become concerned, soon sorted their fears out.

As for myself, yes it made me look at our immigration in perhaps a different light, I am immigrating with my loved one - to my loved ones, but it still scares the hell out of me at times. At my age, can I do it? can I leave all I have ever known? even if I am going to my daughter and grandkids, I am still leaving a son and a grandson over here plus all my brothers (older than me) and many, many friends.

Rebbeca, you speak so fluently and so full of good sense and what you say is so true, I too have found some wonderful friends, not always telling me what I want to hear, but nevertheless giving me the support I so desperatly needed at that time. We are all here to help each other.

I found a lot of good advice in the thread from shall we say, "the older immigrants" on here that I could relate too easier. Your thread has helped me Michelle, so I for one do not think it should be deleted.

Good wishes as always to both you and Craig

[Sister Fracas 5]

flippin interweb....sorry that turned into a double-double novella....

Maybe it needed to be written/read twice. VERY WELL DONE! This says it best....

Friendship isn't always about somebody giving you hugs and saying everything is going to be ok. One of the best friends I ever had used to jerk my chain hard if she thought I needed it. Someone who cares about you, looking from the outside in, can often times see things you can't.

I know we all want the virtual hugs, smilies, and flowers sometimes, especially when we're frustrated and need to vent. Sometimes that's all that is necessary. But as you said Rebecca, sometimes someone needs to hear/read something that quite frankly might NOT be the easiest thing to swallow.

Michelle, I think it's safe to say that 99.99999999% of the people who have read your story from the beginning just want the very best for you, including those who might not just give the smilies and flowers.

As far as the original thread and it's value to the community, I don't think there is any question it has caused people to think about what their own adjustment, or the adjustment of their SO might be like. I guess I'd just like to see more balance on the site as a whole, so that people who are likely to be worry warts (peeps like me), can also be reassured that many others DO adjust smoothly and with relative ease. But since this site is about support, people are more likely to post about troubles than the good stuff.

Edited March 30, 2006 by Frances

[CarolineM 0]

assumptions being made about their relationships and offer it up as honest advice

generally I agree but with M and C there is NOTHING to be assumed. It's ALL laid out there.

I have rarely EVER seen when anyone who occasionally posts about a bout of lonlieness or sadness is bashed...

the conflict arises when it's CONSTANT CONSTANT CONSTANT....that's when people, whether they should or should not just ignore it, get irritated and see it as whinging....and not just "a bad day"

I do feel sorry for M and C but like others have said, wasting TWO Plane tickets - complete inability to be happy here in the states, yet complete inability to travel on his own back home seems a bit much.

I guess it just gets old...I mean I read the posts and I feel for the couple but when you read it...this is the EXACT formula.

1. We're having issues I'm so sad

2. HUGS, flowers, we love you, support, attention, etc

3. Thanks guys, we're fine, we're in love it's all good.

4. Yay! We knew you'd come through, hugs, flowers, etc.

5. I can't take this it's so hard we're so having issues again.

6. Hugs, flowers, we love you, etc etc etc

7. Aww love you all - we're fine it's all good.

8. YAYAY we knew it woul dbe ok.

9. OMG he's leaving i'm miserable.

10. repeat steps 2-4 ad nauseum.

you know?

Edited March 30, 2006 by karo112

[Fuzzness 2]

as much as i am so very tempted, I will refrain from posting my thoughts.

Good luck Michelle and Craig

[mercuryroad 0]

as much as i am so very tempted, I will refrain from posting my thoughts.

Good luck Michelle and Craig

That's weak dude