Not adjusting to new life in the US

[Sego 31]

8 hours ago, remotercharm said:

 

From what I know you have to hold the green card for 3 years.  Because it takes a while to get the green card it will be longer...  I think for us it can take a year or two to get the interview apparently, so maybe it could take 5 years to get citizenship?

 

My partner came in August and we did an adjustment of status (unplanned) in December (after our k1 interview was cancelled in March) from a tourist visa and he just got his EAD and AP a few days ago.  It was taking forever so he expedited it and it was really easy to do that.  They didn't even ask us for evidence. Why don't you try that?  It will be much clearer to make a decision once your life is more "normal".  He was really depressed and now he's excited, applying for jobs, and planning his visit back to Scotland.  He's not super keen on living in the US either but he's still giving it a shot by leading a normal life.  He's only experienced life here as unemployed during a pandemic with no friends!

 

Well at least you both agree you'd like to live in France! If he's excited about the idea of it and that's where you want to be, it may not be worth staying until you get US citizenship.  But i'd try to give it a shot like you said you are, so you don't regret leaving too early.  

 

Childcare is very expensive in the US so I'm sure that's going to be a factor in where you eventually decide to go if you can get support from family and friends.  It sounds like you are also probably adjusting to motherhood since you had a baby not long ago which is also quite a shock from what i've heard.  I imagine this is a very challenging time for you both.  I can't imagine going through all this on top of that.

I was going to request an expedite and your testimony encourages me even more to try. I will call USCIS tomorrow and see. My sister is getting married this summer and if I miss it because of paperwork it will be a hard pill to swallow (still trying to cope with the fact that our religious wedding got cancelled because of delays to receive AP cards). Thank you very much for your words of support, it is very helpful to feel we are not alone going through this 

[HRQX 4,145]

On 5/17/2021 at 9:59 PM, Sego said:

the 3 years are from when I can apply after mariage if I understand correctly

No. In your case the I-485 approval date would be the most relevant:

• https://www.uscis.gov/policy-manual/volume-12-part-g-chapter-3
• https://www.uscis.gov/policy-manual/volume-12-part-d-chapter-2 "Most applicants applying for adjustment of status become LPRs on the date USCIS approves the application."

After the I-485 is approved add 3 years and input that date in the following calculator: https://www.uscis.gov/forms/uscis-early-filing-calculator

[Sparkle✨ 372]

On 4/17/2021 at 1:12 PM, JFH said:

My situation was different but similar. There was no COVID when I arrived, I haven’t had to adjust to motherhood and I was able to work from the very beginning. But I went through similar emotions of feeling “lost” and that I would never settle here. It was almost like a grief for my old life. And I’d visited over 40 times before I moved! Case in point that no amount of visits can prepare you for living here. 
 

Anyway, here’s what I did. It may or may not work for you. Stop comparing things to back home. Accept that things are different here and the life you had in Europe has gone for good. Mourn the loss of it, for sure. But convince yourself to start to see things as “different”, not “wrong”. I’m in a group on Facebook for British ex pats and I see posts from people who’ve been here a decade of more still lamenting that they can’t find custard powder or fairy liquid here. Some of them even resort to importing things at huge expense from Europe. Don’t. Just find a new way to make custard or wash your dishes. Find a new way of doing things. I can’t stand the bread here. I grew up in a bakery that my family had owned for generations. Until I went to university I’d never eaten bread that wasn’t made in our own kitchen. The stuff they sell here and call bread, it’s an abomination. Yes, I know they sell so-called artisan stuff here. Still not good enough for me. Much too sweet. So I make my own now. And I actually enjoy it rather than seeing it as the twice-weekly chore that it was throughout my childhood. And much better than ordering from British food suppliers online. It’s my connection to my past and brings fond memories. Allow yourself the memories but don’t be angry that those days are gone. 
 

I’m finding that I’m less and less saying “we don’t do it like that at home” and more and more “that’s different. But it obviously works here”. Some things don’t change, and that’s OK. You will still be you. And your homeland will still be your homeland. But start to see it as a favorite vacation destination now, and look forward to going back again, rather than seeing it as a the home you been pulled away from. Carve out a new you. Keep some bits of the old you but accept that some bits are gone for good. When my mum comes to visit all I hear is “well we don’t do/say/have that in the UK”. My response? Well, this isn’t the UK. Things are not “wrong”, just “different”.
 

Last month I became a US citizen. People I work with were thrilled and sent messages of congratulations like I’d run a marathon. To me it was just paperwork. I’m still me. Someone said “how does it feel that you’re now an American?” And I really don’t know. I’m still me. Still can’t understand the rules of baseball. Still need to use a knife and fork to eat and will never be able to cut food with the side of a fork. Still expect “chicken salad” to be a garden salad with slices of grilled chicken rather than chopped chicken in mayonnaise. Still say “Aubergine” and not “eggplant”. But that’s ok. Not everything has to change. But not everything will stay the same either. 

It’s an adventure to be enjoyed. 

Perfect 👌 👏

And I still call it “Juanita” not “uanita” lol 😂