Is my online Moroccan boyfriend lying to me? (merged)

[Annonymus 6]

4 minutes ago, Gorkhali said:

Well you seem to have made up mind. 

Here are few things:

1. Dont marry or commit to marry in 1st visit?
2. meet his friends and family. Spend time with them 
3. See how he treats his family and friends and other people. 

Remember he cant get any other visa other than Spouse visa. Which means you have to pay for a boat load money and go through the painful process and it is not an easy process and not for faint hearted. 
 

I do want to meet him. But I’m concerned about the country, dangers... I’m not even worry if we don’t like each other. Im very grateful because he made me feel better while going through my disastrous marriage of 10+ years. I’m worry about meeting his family if it does happen. What’s the purpose of meeting the family? He said his family knows about me except his father. I told him before not to tell his friends about me because I’m American and I was concerned something might go wrong... as far as they giving bad advices. (I don’t know tjem) He asked me if I wanted to meet his friends and I said no. Because we are new to all this, we are just going to the “knowing each other process”. I didn’t think is necessary ? My head tells me, meet him as a friend, be thankful. No marriage 

[mushroomspore 3,044]

9 minutes ago, Annonymus said:

 He showed me picture or his father and brother. Is that a good sign?

Showing you a picture of his father and brother is almost meaningless in the face of glaringly obvious red flags.

[Annonymus 6]

1 minute ago, JeanneAdil said:

Not wanting u to bring a friend to Morocco is because he would like u to stay with him and parents (separate sleeping , of course) and being poor , it is hard to feed an extra person let alone 2.   so,  that issue can be explained easy   and many have to wash clothes by hand and hang to dry so it is hard to make 2 comfortable

July will be hot so prepare to wear light clothing but do not embarras yourself in front of his family by baring your arms or legs , smoking or taking in alcohol

and religions are not an issued as a Moroccan man can marry Christain or Jewish woman 

Just note how he reacts to the women in the family and how people in his town react to him

He agreed to bring my friend but he ask many questions about her. My friend is single and very open minded. He didn’t like the fact she is that way. He didnt like that I hang out with her. But then he says, I know you are not like that. But that’s a bad friend. It was my fault, I said it by accident... my friend is a little “too friendly”. Anyways, I’m catholic but really don’t practice religion. We had plans of renting a hotel, visit Morocco in a car we will rent and visiting his mom. That’s all. We will not be staying in his mother house.

[Annonymus 6]

2 minutes ago, mushroomspore said:

Showing you a picture of his father and brother is almost meaningless in the face of glaringly obvious red flags.

The picture was of him with his father. Is it still meaningless? What could I ask for? Advicesss please .... I always think or the fact that I’m older than him. Not sure.. at first he said he wants to enjoy with me for a year before having kids, then he said 5 years. And then he always tells me he wants me to have his children. 

[Annonymus 6]

7 minutes ago, JeanneAdil said:

Not wanting u to bring a friend to Morocco is because he would like u to stay with him and parents (separate sleeping , of course) and being poor , it is hard to feed an extra person let alone 2.   so,  that issue can be explained easy   and many have to wash clothes by hand and hang to dry so it is hard to make 2 comfortable

July will be hot so prepare to wear light clothing but do not embarras yourself in front of his family by baring your arms or legs , smoking or taking in alcohol

and religions are not an issued as a Moroccan man can marry Christain or Jewish woman 

Just note how he reacts to the women in the family and how people in his town react to him

At first everything was good, then he said he wanted time with me alone. He said he wouldn’t be comfortable if my friend is with me at all times. My friends can come but he doesn’t want to meet them, only me. He wants me to wear Moroccan clothes when I go meet his mother. He is not making me, but he would like me to do so. My trip is planned for June. First 2 weeks. We won’t sleep at his parents or mother house, we will stay in a hotel and rent a car. 

[powerpuff 6,746]

6 minutes ago, Annonymus said:

The picture was of him with his father. Is it still meaningless? What could I ask for? Advicesss please .... I always think or the fact that I’m older than him. Not sure.. at first he said he wants to enjoy with me for a year before having kids, then he said 5 years. And then he always tells me he wants me to have his children. 

There are 4 pages worth of us telling you about the red flags and it seems like you want to cling to every bit of “positive” to try to justify to yourself that this is a legitimate relationship. And now he’s talking about having children??? With a person he never met before??? Oh dear. That’s another RED FLAG. 

Edited April 6, 2021 by powerpuff

[JeanneAdil 6,606]

2 minutes ago, Annonymus said:

I do want to meet him. But I’m concerned about the country, dangers... I’m not even worry if we don’t like each other. Im very grateful because he made me feel better while going through my disastrous marriage of 10+ years. I’m worry about meeting his family if it does happen. What’s the purpose of meeting the family? He said his family knows about me except his father. I told him before not to tell his friends about me because I’m American and I was concerned something might go wrong... as far as they giving bad advices. (I don’t know tjem) He asked me if I wanted to meet his friends and I said no. Because we are new to all this, we are just going to the “knowing each other process”. I didn’t think is necessary ? My head tells me, meet him as a friend, be thankful. No marriage 

If u get serious (and it can happen between now and the summer,  it will be important to meet his family especially the mother

and Many of us who traveled and married a Moroccan don't think of the country as dangerous (although it can be for a woman traveling alone to anywhere) but if you go and stay with  him and his family,  they will not let you go anywhere alone.   you will be protected at all times.

and why not meet freinds?   so,  what if it does't work out .  you don't have to worry about seeing them again

 

and by all means   u need to talk face to face online / they all have cell phones and internet

try to ask about his culture / understand each other

still if you plan a summer trip,  u aren't taking it slow 

 

[.yana 598]

9 minutes ago, Annonymus said:

He agreed to bring my friend but he ask many questions about her. My friend is single and very open minded. He didn’t like the fact she is that way. He didnt like that I hang out with her. But then he says, I know you are not like that. But that’s a bad friend. It was my fault, I said it by accident... my friend is a little “too friendly”. Anyways, I’m catholic but really don’t practice religion. We had plans of renting a hotel, visit Morocco in a car we will rent and visiting his mom. That’s all. We will not be staying in his mother house.

Are you seriously still considering meeting a person who is ALREADY dictating you who to be friends with? 

Imagine the things he will be telling you to do if and when you end up married? How to dress, where to go, who to hang out with.

 

He sounds controlling and - quite honestly - not like an open-minded guy.

 

Run, don't walk. 

[mushroomspore 3,044]

14 minutes ago, Annonymus said:

What could I ask for? Advicesss please

What can you ask for? What about basic respect for your own free will as an adult human being and not love-bombing you (which is a manipulation power move, btw)? And yeah showing you the picture of his dad and brother is pretty meaningless. Anyone can show you a picture of anyone and make up any fiction about the people in the photo and you would have no real clue if it was true or not.

Edited April 6, 2021 by mushroomspore

[Marieke H 2,521]

14 minutes ago, Annonymus said:

He didn’t like the fact she is that way. He didnt like that I hang out with her. But then he says, I know you are not like that. But that’s a bad friend.

If some guy that I met online is talking about one of my friends like that (without ever having met her!), we are done.

[JeanneAdil 6,606]

going to Morocco for a 2 week vacation is just that 

we have fun on vacations

if you want to meet and know this man ,  you need to spend more time and "GET TO KNOW HIM" 

thinking a quick trip will tell you anything about him is "just not right"

If you transfer the thought of we had fun to he is great as you had a good time, then u will be fooling yourself

If you ever get to the point where u think to apply for a visa for him,  you have to spend quality time with him or the Casa embassy will not approve

 

 

[neca 166]

What are your friends saying about him? Also, the way he speaks about your friend is potentially reflective of his idea of women, as well as him wanting to dress you in his culture's clothing...if you're open minded/not conservative either than having a controlling partner will grate you down over time.

 

The more details you post, the more red flags seem to go up. I understand the emotional vulnerability of being freshly out of a long-term relationship, but, presumptuously, it seems like you're not even over your ex let alone certain about anything with this guy, and are perhaps looking with rose tinted glasses or searching for reassuring/positive words.

 

If you are capable of it, I would set clear boundaries before going there and not let him convince you to breach them. Not getting married on the first trip (which looks not great from an immigration standpoint anyway). Not letting him talk to you a certain way, or do certain things with you. It can be really, really easy to get swept away with emotions and the energy/excitement of a potentially new romance and an exotic location, and in the process get in over your head.

 

There are loads and loads of people in similar situations as yours, you can use the search bar to find some and see firsthand what people go through/are going through. You also have experienced members posting in this thread giving good advice, and I don't see a single reply that isn't concerned. That alone is telling.

[mushroomspore 3,044]

2 minutes ago, Marieke H said:

If some guy that I met online is talking about one of my friends like that (without ever having met her!), we are done.

Honestly, dude doesn't sound like a good person or friend, period. Never mind romantic partner and/or spouse.

[JeanneAdil 6,606]

Not wanting u to bring a friend to Morocco is because he would like u to stay with him and parents (separate sleeping , of course) and being poor , it is hard to feed an extra person let alone 2.   so,  that issue can be explained easy   and many have to wash clothes by hand and hang to dry so it is hard to make 2 comfortable

July will be hot so prepare to wear light clothing but do not embarras yourself in front of his family by baring your arms or legs , smoking or taking in alcohol

and religions are not an issued as a Moroccan man can marry Christain or Jewish woman 

Just note how he reacts to the women in the family and how people in his town react to him

don't wear the moroccan hijab and cover your hair if that makes you uncomfortable

actually to put it on one time,  means you are to wear it all the time 

[Lady A 51]

2 hours ago, JeanneAdil said:

she will not as her title calls him her bf and she says he is a wonderful man so best we can do is advise what to look out for

All the red flags flying high! She shouldn’t do it to avoid heartache. But it’s up to her to protect herself. This story already sounds like a disaster waiting to happen