I want to go home :(

[txgirl75 0]

Mandi,

I was in a very similar situation. I moved to Texas and knew no one, couldn't work or drive and was incredibly homesick. Here's what I did and still do to this day, I subscribed to Sirius (sounds stupid I know) every morning I listen to Chris Moyles just like I did back home (channel 11). I got a verizon landline, they have a $40 a month deal where you can talk to any landline in the UK as much as you want for as long as you want. Spending an hour talking to someone who talks the same way and knows you makes you feel a lot better. I have my Mum mail me magazines from home (even if its only the free sunday paper ones) , if she sends them 'small package' rate it doesn't cost too much.

One other thing you should do, and it sounds odd, but forget about your ticket for a month or so.. just live. Go volunteer at a school if you have kids (I did this and met a bunch of people) or a homeless shelter, you will get to know other volunteers and maybe make some friends that way.

I can also tell you from experience that all the paper work is worth it, took us only 3 months when we finally filed from sending it in to approval.

[truffles 2]

I think the volunteering idea is a good one...because not only will it give you new people to network with on all kinds of levels - it will get you a routine - and when the paperwork is sorted it will show prospective employers you have been keeping busy.

It must really difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel at times...but before you make a huge decision like giving up - have a good think - and try as many options as you can -

I wish all the very best and hope things improve for you very soon - and know we are all rooting for you !!!

[athena_ny 1]

I'm the USC but...I moved (from Albany, ironically) to be with my husband. And I'd so give anything to be in Albany (with my husband, of course) instead of Florida...but I'm not.

Once you can work, I PROMISE it will get better. I had a hard time finding a job when I moved to FL...but after I did the loneliness and depression and homesickness lifted a bit. I still miss home, but all we can do is plan for us to move north...at least I have him, and we're happy.

Try to find things to occupy yourself. There are quite a few volunteer opportunities in the Capital Region - I'm not sure where exactly you live, because I say Albany but I'm really from a little farm town 20 minutes outside - but come fall, at the orchards, etc. there are usually a lot of festivals and they can always use volunteers. The CDTA bus system can take a while if you're too far out, but if you're close enough to Albany or some of the other 'cities', the buses should run all over, and compared to most places, the CDTA is an AMAZING bus system. Every five minutes, decent shelters for bad weather, etc. So take the bus if you have to.

If you're right in Albany, there's a shelter on I think Central Ave - Whiskers, it's a no-kill cat shelter and they are ALWAYS looking for volunteers. They're a bunch of great people, and if you like animals, it would be good. You'd have to call them to get their phone number to find the exact location - they don't publish it to avoid drop offs, as they're already overcrowded, last I knew. Literacy Volunteers ALWAYS needs help - I know they train for that at HVCC in Troy (on Vandenburgh Avenue, I think it is, if you want to mapquest), and then have sites all over the Capital Region.

There's a lot more I can't remember too... Good luck.

[Mrs.J06 4]

I don't think there is anybody here at VJ who could not relate to this, either from the immigrant side or the USC side.

I was in the middle of the prairie in Wisconsin when I first came here, it was February, -35F outside. I didn't have a car either and my husband commuted into Minneapolis. He left at 5:30 am and came back around 7:00 pm every day. It felt like being on a different planet, nobody to turn to or even just talk to.

Once I got a car it got much better immediately. I started exploring and actually met my "neighbor" when he had to help pulling me out of the ditch with his tractor.

After I was able to work, I slowly started to feel like I belong here. Having colleagues and being able to get out of the house, and making my own money again on top of it makes such a huge difference, believe me.

So yes, I agree with the people who advised you to stick it out. Eight months are nothing if you move to a different country. Give yourself a little more time - and your husband a chance to help you make this country your home.

[popo 0]

hey girl, i m in the same position like u, i m here for 6 months and feel so trapped at home, no car, no job, no friends nothing, i creid a lot, sometimes i think is it worthed to leave all my family and friends for that.... i still dont know the answer...but i m trying to keep patient, my husband is really suportive... so i recommend u dont give up yet, give it one more try.... at least wait for your green card, cause if u leave now theres no coming back and u may regret that for the rest of your life....

[mandiuk 0]

thanks to all of you who have replied and emailed me its encouraged me. I am still not sure what im gonna do yet. Its just good to hear im not going through all this alone it just feels like im the only one sometimes. People dont fully realise how hard it is unless you have been through it themselves.

mandi

hey girl, i m in the same position like u, i m here for 6 months and feel so trapped at home, no car, no job, no friends nothing, i creid a lot, sometimes i think is it worthed to leave all my family and friends for that.... i still dont know the answer...but i m trying to keep patient, my husband is really suportive... so i recommend u dont give up yet, give it one more try.... at least wait for your green card, cause if u leave now theres no coming back and u may regret that for the rest of your life....

[KaiserD 12]

Hi there,

I'm in exactly the same position also! I am lucky to be accepted by his family but none of them are really sympethetic to what I miss...I think someone is going to spoon my eyes out if I say "Back home I did..." one more time!

I have never really had much personal freedom. I come from a village in Cornwall with next to no transport and no money...moved to Runcorn with my mum and although I didn't have enough money to buy a car and learn to drive (had to save for wedding!) but there were some places I could walk to plus there were buses everywhere. There was a little cafe in the library where I would go to if I needed to get out of the house and that was my little world... it kept me really sane!

Now I am back to square one... can't go out anywhere, can't leave the house by myself because everyone says it is too dangerous. One day husband was at Grady hospital and I left the waiting room to find a toilet, couldn't find one so went to McDonalds across the street when I mentioned it later she went crazy at me!

I have no control over anything and it's making me crazy. I miss my mum terribly, I miss the foods that made me feel good when I was feeling down and to top it all off husband is not really understanding. Sometimes he tries and other times he rolls his eyes like "here we go again", recently I think he is getting a bit nervous because of how often I feel down. He shrugs it off but I know that he would find it difficult to adjust to living in UK.... ugh

I can imagine anyone reading this who is still at K1 stage going "What is she complaining for!?! I wouldn't do that" hehehehe

If you are really getting to the point of thinking about going home (and I have to say, it has crossed my mind!) here are some additional things to think about:

You worked so freaking hard to get here! You owe it to yourself to give it a chance. Remember the determination you had when you made the choice that you wanted to move here.

I've heard a few people say "the first year is the hardest" - I sure as hell understand why. But things will pretty much only get easier (in the aspects we're thinking of right now that is, life can get limitlessly complicated in other ways I'm sure!)

The people here who have already been where we have know what they're talking about, so when they say (as they have here) that when you do finally get these things car, job, friends you will start to fit in more. I know that's half the battle with me... I just don't feel I belong here. Even kind people who make conversation of my accent I am taking the wrong way because I'm down in the dumps... it's mostly a black area as well so I don't half stand out sometimes. So anyway, if they are happy that's more of a reason to trust in them.

Don't brush off how you're feeling. It is ok to feel the way you do who cares if nobody else understands...don't feel guilty or anything you do have a right to be happy. If nothing else works for you, the option to leave is there if you really need to take it.

Maybe think of a goal to work towards... I saw some photos in deviantart of some really beautiful places in the US. When I can drive, I'm going to drag hubby backpacking I think the clean air will do us some good If we can still stand each other when we're lost and smell bad it must really be love

I think you can get through this, we are all tough for making this journey I think. Nobody estimate us, we've waited long times to be with the people we care about and we've move thousands of miles across the sea to prove it! it's not something anyone can do

Hope you're feeling better soon

[rebeccajo 14]

Sorry, I didn't mean to 'talk down' to you. I'm a good bit older than most of the posters here - seen more of lifes ups and downs and I guess that gives me a different perspective. Plus I'm not the immigrant - my husband is. Guys have a different way of dealing with stuff plus my husband is a very easy going sort.

I agree with Leney you need to have a heart-to-heart with your man. He might not realize how really desperate you feel.

But I will tell you - and again I don't mean to speak down to you - it's really just a bump in the road. It's a tough one but if you are committed, you can overcome it. It might take some screaming, yelling, crying - whatever. If you feel bad, let it out - just don't let it overcome you. Everything you feel is natural. But be aware that your feelings are amplified by the lack of control you have over your life right now - there's nothing more frustrating than feeling completely out of control of your daily existence. I've experienced that during bouts of unemployment, other financial foibles, and a divorce. It's very very trying - but it's also a chance to learn and grow. It's the fire that tests the mettle and gives us what we eventually get to call 'wisdom'.

I hope you feel better soon. Truly.

Edited July 2, 2007 by rebeccajo

[Fandango 1,439]

Mandi...

My heart goes out to you and I hope you can get past this. I know what you're talking about, btw...when I moved to the UK, I couldn't drive (hell, I didn't want to), didn't work, didn't have my own friends, and D worked a lot too. Things were so totally different than what I was used to, and people...although being nice about it...always reminded me that I was an 'outsider'. I didn't even wanna speak anymore, lol. Cos someone would inadvertently comment on my accent, then it'd be the 'where you from' yadda yadda yadda. I was quite homesick and missed all I knew.

I wound up 'powering through' by gettin the bus in the morning, going into town...just walkin around, etc. Just me and my minidisc and a latte. Then I joined a gym in town. For me, it was a little terrifying...what if the bus driver couldn't understand me? What if I couldn't catch the right one home? Etc. But I figured I couldn't sit in the house a second longer.

D worked a lot of hours, but he was doing so for our benefit, so I tried to not guilt him about it because I understood his reasoning & was thankful that he took his responsibilities so seriously.

Once I made my own friends and pursued my own interests, I was happier about being there and I saw it for the wonderful place it was.

I really hope something I said can bring you comfort somehow. I wish you well!

Edited July 2, 2007 by LisaD

[Peggy 1]

I agree with everyone when they say "hang in there"

Once you can work things will be alot better for you.

Thats where I met my new friends. I really enjoy my job.

The first year is really hard on everyone. If you leave you may regret it big time.

Good luck

[anastasia_beaverhausen 0]

i totally understand how you feel. I've only been in FL for two months and sometimes i wish i could just snap my fingers and be back with my family. I'm alone most of the time too, and whenever my husband is off from work he likes to sleep, i do understand that he has to rest but sometimes it's been 4 days and i havent been able to go out. Sometimes my husband and I have "misunderstandings" over little things, he makes things way bigger than they already are and this makes me miss my family more and more and it makes me feel miserable about my situation here cuz if things are not ok with him then theres no point in being here. I know my husband loves me, as i do too, but i know he could make things easier for me. Since i got here i told him that i needed to buy personal items and he's never taken me shopping, so, i had to walk to the closest wal-mart to buy them. I dont walk around the neighborhood anymore since a couple of things happened each time i did it, so, i'm just home now, i'm a housewife (a very desperate one ) really, you're not alone, i know nothing is perfect but i also know i have to make things work, i had made up my mind when i said "yes" and i made it up even more when i said "i do", i also had an idea about how my reality would be here, so, i just keep on praying for God to give me the strength to go on and bear whatever difficulties i face here, i invite you to do the same, and i will keep you in my prayers too.

[Caladan 19]

You sound like you don't have a whole lot going on except waiting for your husband to get home.

That would stand a reasonable chance of leading to depression even if you hadn't just packed up and moved to a new country. Combined with that, no wonder you're feeling down.

So, you're in NYC, right? Good place to be if you don't have a car and are looking for things to do. So, what sort of things do you like to do? Any hobbies? Sports that you like to play? Languages or crafts you've wanted to learn, or things you've always wanted to do but never had time? There's always things going on. Public talks at the libraries and universities. Get to know the subway system so you don't feel trapped.

But I think the key is to get out of the house and occupy your mind a bit.

[giraffemd 0]

when I first came here in the dead of winter I walked every day just to get out. ....that really helped at the time. I've been here for 18 months, am now working, paying bills, driving, etc, etc...I have good days and bad days, and days I just want to go home to everything I knew and loved....but of course if I did things would not be the same as when I left.......and I am starting to feel kind of at home here......But even though it isn't always good, I love my husband and I am glad to be here with him.....I hope you feel better soon...I doubt that there is one person that has moved here that hasn't felt like you do from time to time....I still haven't made many friends even though I work....that part of it has been the hardest,

[Converse34 1]

Why don't you try getting your local Senator or Congressmen involved in trying to get you a SSN? You were given the wrong information and this is seriously affecting your quality of life - not to mention not being covered by health insurance. Seriously, their offices are there for these sort of situations and I know many people that cannot believe how helpful they were in resolving their situations.

[Krikit 1,163]

Hi Mandi. (((((Big hugs))))) I hope you are feeling much better today. Homesickness is very painful. But this phase will pass and, gradually, those feelings will get further and further from your thoughts.

Returning home for a visit will help. You are no longer the same person who left Scotland 8 months ago. You will see your hometown through new eyes. You will probably be missing your new home (and your husband, if he's not going with you) before your return flight leaves the UK.

In the meantime, do an online search to see if you can find a local Scottish American Club. Or maybe the local library or Chamber of Commerce can direct you to a British American or Scottish American club? Did you watch any British soaps or shows? I bet there are some local enthusiasts who get together to have some fun and would love to meet new members. It's important to get yourself out and take your mind off things. Here is a link to get you started. http://www.standrewsny.org/. Also check out your local paper for events around town. It's great to get out and explore your new environment. Pretend you're a tourist and do all those touristy things which make learning about new places so much fun!

I agree with what everyone is saying here so I won't repeat what they've said. You are not alone and your feelings are valid. But always remember never to make any important decisions when you are upset.

And don't forget that you have friends here who care very much about you. VJ never closes so you're just a login away.

All the best.

K

Edited July 3, 2007 by Krikit