Has anyone been able to get VAWA without police repot?

[laurakells8898 0]

Has anyone gotten VAWA approved without police report?

I've been married to my husband for about three years now. We filed for the I-130 in Feb of 2020 and still have not gotten it approved. It's gotten to the point where we cannot be together anymore. He went through a traumatic experienced brought on by himself, and has refused to come out of it. He stole money, lied to me, threatened to kill me and my family, spit on me, and is now demanding I lower the amount of money my parents gave him (not I), if not he will not finish my immigration paper.

I cannot stand this anymore. I've gone to therapists in the past because it got so bad. I had to switch my insurance and unfortunately my insurance is no longer covering my sessions, but I've kept up and honestly the only book that helped me most realize the abuse that I was going through is "Why does he do that?"

I told him I was not lowering the amount my parents are owed because that is not my money, it is a transaction between him and my family. I also told him this is ridiculous because I did not marry him for papers, we were together for a year and a half before marriage and started the immigration process and a year and a half, almost two years after that. There was no pressure to start the process to get it as soon as possible. I wanted to be sure things would be okay between us and that we'd actually last.

Everyone I've talked has told me to file a police report against him. The problem is I'm scared to do so. He's told me he had a gun before, when I found out he doesn't, and I can't think of any reason apart from intimidation. He has pretty violent speech- but I honestly still believe that if you don't do anything to him, he won't do anything to you.

I want to report him and build a more solid case. But I'm also scared that even a restraining order can't keep him away. I don't want to live a life in paranoia.

I've been on Witholding of Removal since 2010 (entered the US as a child in 2003 at 4 years old).

We filed for the I-130 in February of 2020.

No response yet.

I just recently filed for DACA and am waiting to get that approved. Started the process of DACA in 2016, but was worried Trump was going to win and was going to be in a limbo. Now my immigration attorney has filed for DACA as well. 

I have letters from my doctors, pastor, friends, and evidence of him spitting on me, text messages of him threatening my family, testimonies from my neighbors who have heard the fighting (who is also a cop and advised me to file against him), everything you can imagine. I'm just terrified of filing a police report. I feel damned if I do, damned if I don't.

Any advice is appreciated. Thank you.

[JeanneAdil 6,606]

At this point you need to protect yourself

Call 911 and report him /  keep records of when things happen 

get the police to help you into a domestic violence shelter

or call the Chicago hotline at 1-877-863-6338

 

A shelter will help u with lawyer for all your concerns

 

but at this time your personal safety is more important than immigration which can be taken care of later

 

[milimelo 4,535]

Sorry you’re going through this. 
 

sounds like you’re in the US. Why haven’t you sent in AOS (I-485), why just I-130? 

[laurakells8898 0]

@JeanneAdil 

 

Thanks for your response! However, I feel that the best way I can protect myself is by distancing myself from him. Since the last incident, I have not seen him at all. We no longer speak. He is very much a person based on revenge and that is why if I put forth the police report, I feel that he will come back at me with a vengeance. He has often times talked about revenge, in regards to other people. We had a roomate who accused us of stealing 200 dollars and he talked about "getting rid of them" which they actually have recorded. But Illinois law prohibits one party consent of recordings and it needs to be two. 

[Boiler 45,874]

13 minutes ago, JeanneAdil said:

At this point you need to protect yourself

Call 911 and report him /  keep records of when things happen 

get the police to help you into a domestic violence shelter

or call the Chicago hotline at 1-877-863-6338

 

A shelter will help u with lawyer for all your concerns

 

but at this time your personal safety is more important than immigration which can be taken care of later

 

Excellent advice, do it now.

1 minute ago, milimelo said:

Sorry you’re going through this. 
 

sounds like you’re in the US. Why haven’t you sent in AOS (I-485), why just I-130? 

May need an I 601A

[laurakells8898 0]

Just now, milimelo said:

Sorry you’re going through this. 
 

sounds like you’re in the US. Why haven’t you sent in AOS (I-485), why just I-130? 

My lawyer said that because I'm on witholding, I need to first get I-130 approved, then close my Witholding case and open a new case based on the fact I'm married to a USC. Only after that is approved, then I can file the I-485. A nearly 1-2 process is taking me 3-4 years. Same thing would happen with VAWA. I'd need to file for VAWA, get it approved, and then close my old immigration case and open a new one based on VAWA. 

15 minutes ago, JeanneAdil said:

At this point you need to protect yourself

Call 911 and report him /  keep records of when things happen 

get the police to help you into a domestic violence shelter

or call the Chicago hotline at 1-877-863-6338

 

A shelter will help u with lawyer for all your concerns

 

but at this time your personal safety is more important than immigration which can be taken care of later

 

Thanks for your response! However, I feel that the best way I can protect myself is by distancing myself from him. Since the last incident, I have not seen him at all. We no longer speak. He is very much a person based on revenge and that is why if I put forth the police report, I feel that he will come back at me with a vengeance. He has often times talked about revenge, in regards to other people. We had a roomate who accused us of stealing 200 dollars and he talked about "getting rid of them" which they actually have recorded. But Illinois law prohibits one party consent of recordings and it needs to be two. 

[JeanneAdil 6,606]

I would think get a divorce and file all with a divorce waiver but i only read that on here several times

i am no expert

[laurakells8898 0]

Just now, JeanneAdil said:

I would think get a divorce and file all with a divorce waiver but i only read that on here several times

i am no expert

Would you mind explaining what this is?

[Boiler 45,874]

1 minute ago, JeanneAdil said:

I would think get a divorce and file all with a divorce waiver but i only read that on here several times

i am no expert

Removing conditions yes, but has no status in the US so nothing to waive.

[laurakells8898 0]

1 minute ago, Boiler said:

Removing conditions yes, but has no status in the US so nothing to waive.

Yes, because we only have the I-130, and that is not even approved, I can't waive the old conditions. 

I'm on witholding of removal, and just filed for DACA. 

[Boiler 45,874]

1 minute ago, laurakells8898 said:

Yes, because we only have the I-130, and that is not even approved, I can't waive the old conditions. 

I'm on witholding of removal, and just filed for DACA. 

As no doubt you know that is not a status, legal limbo land.

 

I would follow your lawyers advice, they know the details of your case. Well from an immigration perspective.

[laurakells8898 0]

8 minutes ago, Boiler said:

As no doubt you know that is not a status, legal limbo land.

 

I would follow your lawyers advice, they know the details of your case. Well from an immigration perspective.

Yeah, I definitely trust my lawyers. They just keep telling me that he has no way of touching me if I get an order of protection/a restraining order. But I'm worried about his family too. I don't know to what lengths he would go to. For most of our relationship, I thought he would outgrow this phase. He just seemed so angry so much. So now, that it's over, looking back in retrospect, Im scared to file the police report against him. My house is pretty exposed and even if I'm not home, I live with my family now. I can't just get them to move either. 

[neca 166]

What would you advise to a friend going through the same situation you are in?

 

I've been in a similar place, and a restraining order helped not only legally but gave me peace of mind as well. I believe that even with one you have to report infractions, but I think it's so much easier to know that there will be repercussions if he tries anything with you vs him being able to contact you and having to escalate for you to have any sort of recourse. If you have/get a dog, a security system for your house, and/or have nearby neighbors that you are friendly with, it makes it all that much easier to protect yourself.

 

I know that you think that acting to give yourself security will give him cause to do something, but it seems to me like you're already living in fear without doing anything of the sort. In any case, I hope that you find resolution soon and are able to move forward. ✌️

[laurakells8898 0]

5 hours ago, neca said:

What would you advise to a friend going through the same situation you are in?

 

I've been in a similar place, and a restraining order helped not only legally but gave me peace of mind as well. I believe that even with one you have to report infractions, but I think it's so much easier to know that there will be repercussions if he tries anything with you vs him being able to contact you and having to escalate for you to have any sort of recourse. If you have/get a dog, a security system for your house, and/or have nearby neighbors that you are friendly with, it makes it all that much easier to protect yourself.

 

I know that you think that acting to give yourself security will give him cause to do something, but it seems to me like you're already living in fear without doing anything of the sort. In any case, I hope that you find resolution soon and are able to move forward. ✌️

Quite honestly, I appreciate this point of view. But I also think that when dealing with someone who is so unstable, it's hard to know for sure. I can't legally hold a gun, so I offer no protection my own. He absolutely despises my family (because my parents would no longer allow him inside our home because he was rude to them and didn't talk to them for a year). Whenever he tries to say things to hurt me, he goes after my family because he knows how much they mean to me. I'm not worried about him hurting me personally. But even when he texted threats to me, in person he said "You really think I'm stupid enough to say what I'm going to do?" 

Apart form this, my house is pretty exposed from the main street that goes through our connecting towns. I have my grandmother who lives with me and takes walks in the park, my parents who are in and out, and of course my brother. 

I'm planning to move with my brother away in the fall (pending an acceptance to a program). But I can't guarantee he won't do anything to hurt my loved ones. I think that I truly start having bad anxiety when I think of turning him in. It's really hard. Right now, I want him prosecuted to the full extent of the law. But he's filled with anger and hate. He used to save license plates of people who cut him off (I found this out years later) just to get back at them one day. When my college roommate accused me of stealing money three years ago, he brings it up to this date how he wants to "mentally #### with them" because they accused us of stealing. I had no issues with my college roommate, and she told me straight up she never thought I did it. She saw him do it, but back then I didn't believe her. 

Point being, I think that if I don't do anything, he won't do anything to me. 

But if I do, do something- his family has issues too. His dad has alcoholism issues who is also pretty full of anger. Just this past year I found out that his family friend had a Nazi tattoo on his chest. I was never exposed that much to his family friends or the sort, because of this reason, I believe. A lot of things came to face this past year when his true colors really started showing. It's a hard choice. If I could do VAWA without the police report and win, I'd much rather prefer that and forget about him and never think about him in my life. 

 

But the fact of the matter is that if I do something that could one day hurt his chances at going into politics in Eastern Europe (we're both from there, but different countries. I never wanted to go back. He talks about how great eastern Europe is everyday and how he wants to go back one day and help his country get better), even if it never happens, he will do anything to get back at me. 

 

 

Edited March 26, 2021 by Ryan H
Reason for edit: to remove alternate spelling of profanity

[neca 166]

9 hours ago, laurakells8898 said:

how he wants to "mentally #### with them"

Pardon my bluntness, but it seems like this is exactly what he's done with you.

 

I don't want to get into it because I don't know the specifics of your case other than what you've said here, and it's not relevant to your immigration question, but I really hope that whatever you choose to do involves continuing with therapy. Just know that I understand the paranoia, the anxiety, and the fear of having a manipulative and volatile person threatening you, and I think that acting to protect yourself might not come back to haunt you as much as not doing anything gives him the freedom to continue to do as he pleases. Especially if he's never actually done anything other than talk.

Your life decisions are your own. You know what options are available to you, and unfortunately no one else is going to be able to make the big decisions for you, or tell you objectively what is right or wrong. Sometimes that really sucks 😅

 

All the best, friend 🌻

Edited March 26, 2021 by TBoneTX
edited alternate spelling of profanity in quote