Save The Last Rants For Me

[Neonred 3,551]

1 minute ago, TBoneTX said:

You married well (and a rubia), si man.  

Well, she is a Russian, and you know how they are.

 

She has told me several times we will never get divorced. 

 

When she is done with me she will just poison me.  

[TBoneTX 45,076]

1 minute ago, Neonred said:

she will just poison me

DEATHBED CONFESSION

 

While a man was dying, his wife was maintaining a candlelight vigil by his side.  She held his fragile hand, tears running down her face.

 

Her praying woke him from his slumber.  He looked up, and his pale lips began to move slightly.

 

"My darling," he whispered.

"Hush, my love," she said.  "Rest -- don't talk."

 

He was insistent.  "I have something that I must confess," he said in a tired voice.

 

"There isn't anything to confess," replied his weeping wife.  "Everything's OK.  Go to sleep."

 

The man blurted out, "No, no -- I must die in peace.  I... I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and her mother!"

 

"I know," whispered his wife.  "That's why I poisoned you, si man."

[laylalex 7,284]

3 hours ago, Neonred said:

That's pretty much my wife's attitude.  

 

She said from now on we bring our guns to work with us.

 

She wasn't kidding.

The lawyer who was at the wedding was back in today and was saying "maybe I could get a taser -- is it legal to get a taser here? -- okay Siri, can I get a taser for office defense in California? wait, no one trusts me to have a taser? Really?"  

 

Meghan has been at this firm for 11 years and she told me during that time there have been 5 people who have ever just wandered into the office looking for assistance, and this was the only one who ever made her nervous. We're on the 6th floor so that helps, I'm sure. 

[TBoneTX 45,076]

20 minutes ago, laylalex said:

We're on the Many'th floor so that helps, I'm sure. 

Office location precised in P-math, si and  LL ma'am.

[TBoneTX 45,076]

Thrilling (?) Tuesday report, see man:

 

We overslept but still got Mini-B. fed and ready for skool in half-of-half an hour, expeditious we man.

 

Ex-Mrs.-T-B. took Mini-B. to skool because we had a nail in a T-B.-mobile tyre, nailed we man.

The tyre had held most of its air overnight, probably parked with nail against garage floor man.

Took T-B.-mobile to repair shop, necessary man.

Gigantic nail removed, impressive man.

Decided to buy 2 new front tyres from repair shop, good deal and will be done on Wednesday man.

 

Lunch was onecan of chili, ingest we man.

Postprandial nap ensued, zzz we man.

 

Retrieved Mini-B. from skool, retrieve we man wee man man.

Mini-B. highly upset, upset wee man.

Many (2+1) classmates in Fizzicle Educayshun class had made fun of his Champion shoes again, grrrrr man.

Mini-B. nearly inconsolable, upset wee man.

 

Fortunately, we had precooked a Two Guys din-din, nuked mixed vegetables + air-fried Costco cod fillets + apple pie man.

Mini-B. slightly better thereafter but still ran up to room afterward, sure sign of trouble man.

 

We tried to down-settle Mini-B., partially successful we man.

Tried to get him to do homework, overly distracted wee man.

Eventually called Mama T-B., experienced senior she man.

Mama T-B. echoed much of our advice without pre-knowing our advice, supportive senior she man.

Mini-B. somewhat better thereafter, successful senior she man.

 

One of Mama T-B.'s advices was to buy Mini-B. Nike shoes, senior she man pay man.

Mini-B. up-cheered immediately, up-cheered wee man.

We online-searched shoes and consulted Mini-B., collaborative we man and wee man.

We shall up-pick shoes on Wednesday, up-pick we man.

 

Another advice (echoing ours) was to let the Fizzicle Educayshun teechur know, si man.

We wrote e-mail and blind-copied Ex-Mrs.-T-B., in a meeting all this time man.

Ex-Mrs.-T-B. copied e-mail to mom of one kid, surreptitious ex-she man.

Other mom wrote back in horror to promise that kid would apologize to Mini-B., success man.

We suspect that things should improve henceforthly, si man.

[TBoneTX 45,076]

Thrilling Wednesday report, belatedly see man:

 

Mini-B. in good morning mood, si wee man.

Did hilarious/accurate impression of us when we try to awaken, observant wee man.

Armed Mini-B. with support and took him to skool, arm and take we man.

 

Lunch was the new Chili Cheese Burger* at WhataBurger, ingest we man.

     *free with purchase of medium fries/soda, financially savvy we man.

VERRRRRY filling, stuffed we man.

 

Got new front tyres* at repair shop, re-tyred we man.

These are Nexen N Many000 platinum, size Many/Many/RMany man.

Treadwear rating Many00, Traction A, Temperature A; Many,000-mile warranty man.

Drive-out cost was $Many.Many, precisely man.

 

Ran Many (2+1) other errands, exhausted we man.

One was to pick up Mini-B.'s new Nike shoes from Academy, retrieve we man.

 

At skool release, Mini-B. in good mood, relieved we man.

Said that amigos explained away Tuesday as a "don't take it seriously day," well OK man.

We were pleased to hear this, all ends well man.

 

At the casa, Mini-B. beelined for new shoes, beeline wee man.

Mini-B. impressed and delighted, thrilled wee man.

Insisted on going on neighborhood walk, test-drive new shoes man.

 

Phoned ex-Mrs.-T-B. and Mama T-B. to allay their concerns about skool interactions, relieved ex-she and senior she man.

 

Din-din was half (2 Manyzen +1) of package of Costco mini-tacos, ingest Two Guys man.

 

All evening spent on Math homework, egad man.

Mini-B. made careless errors, sigh man.

We corrected those answers to "Many," accurate P-math calculations man.

 

We were pleased that Mini-B.'s trauma was alleviated, exhale finally we man.

Edited October 20, 2022 by TBoneTX

[TBoneTX 45,076]

Scintillating Thursday repartee, yawn man.

-------

Thrilling Thursday report, see man:

 

Dropped an eager-to-wear-new-shoes Mini-B. at skool, drop we man wee man man.

 

Made an Amazon return at Kohl's, return we man.

Amazon give out $Many promotional coupons for in-store use, boon man.

We used ours to get Mini-B. more underwear, underhanded we man.

The underwear was on Many% discount, whee man.

WUOC + discount, final price was half of what was marked, financially savvy we man.

 

Lunch was the remaining half-box of Life cereal in milk, ingest we man.

Din-din* was onecan (unexpired) of pinto beans from a long-ago ES**, ingest we man.

     *Mini-B.'s eve with ex-Mrs.-T-B., explain we man

    **financially savvy we man

 

Retrieved Mini-B. from ex-Mrs.-T-B., restore Two Guys we man.

Ex-Mrs.-T-B. said to us, "Sometimes, I miss you, si man," quoth ex-she man.

We replied, "The rubias would be upset, so call the Rojo," reply we man.

 

Mini-B. was again left hungry after yet another of ex-Mrs.-T-B.'s "rice + ____" din-dins, starving wee man.

 

After showering, Mini-B. conducted a lightsaber*** duel against miu, swashbuckling wee man.

   ***with use of a curtain downrod, multiple uses man

Miu was apparently uninterested, victorious wee man.

 

Finished Mini-B.'s book 2 days early, leave time for short one man.

 

Itineraried Many (2x2x2) -- si man, Many (2x2x2) -- ESs for Friday, hopeful we man.

These are not geographically desirable but are clustered once we are there, half-boon man.

Stay tuned with bated breath for Friday ES report, edge of seats man.

[TBoneTX 45,076]

Friday ES report, see man:

 

We attended Many (2x2x2 -1) of the Many (2x2x2) ESs itineraried, si man.

We had to stand in checkout for half + half-of-half an hour at the first one, egad man.

However, we managed to catch up and even make it home in time for an abbreviated siesta, zzz we man.

It was a most satisfying Many-hour ([2+2+1]-hour) ES run, whee man.

 

The take, see man:

 -- 2 padded folding-chairs, 2 boxes Kleenex, pack Ziploc big bags, 2 Manyzen Solo plates, 

       serrated cake-spatula = $Many ($2x2x2x2x2 - 2+2+1), deal man

 -- Many (2+2) packs large party-plates = $Many ($2+1), deal man

 -- can corn, can Progresso soup, can pink salmon, Many (2x2x2 -1) boxes Kleenex, 

       Many (2x2x2 +2) pants-hangers, unopened roll brown giftwrap = $Many ($2x2x2 +2+1),

       deal man

Total = $Many ($2x2x2x2x2 + 2x2x2 +1)

Edited October 22, 2022 by TBoneTX

[TBoneTX 45,076]

Thrilling Friday non-ES report, see man:

 

Breakfast/lunch/din-din was Costco angusburgers, no time for us to consume beforehand and ingest Two Guys man.

 

Movie night was the latest episode of Andor plus half of the already-watched Revenge of the Sith, watch Two Guys man.

Many (2+2+2) bowls of Costco popcorn consumed, ingest Two Guys man.

 

Wild party with the rubias fully underway, cavort we man.

[Chancy 6,241]

I went to my first ever GS today!  It's in our neighborhood, so even if we slept in like we usually do on Saturdays, we still got there before all the good stuff were gone.  I got me a scarf for $1!

 

[TBoneTX 45,076]

4 hours ago, Chancy said:

I went to my first ever GS today!  It's in our neighborhood, so even if we slept in like we usually do on Saturdays, we still got there before all the good stuff were gone.  I got me a scarf for $1!

Intelligent good financially savvy C ma'am!  Intelligent, INTELLIGENT good GOOD financially savvy FINANCIALLY SAVVY C ma'am!

even if we slept in like we usually do on Saturdays

Bad indolent irresponsible C ma'am!  Bad, BAD indolent INDOLENT irresponsible IRRESPONSIBLE C ma'am!   

[Chancy 6,241]

2 minutes ago, TBoneTX said:

Bad indolent irresponsible C ma'am!  Bad, BAD indolent INDOLENT irresponsible IRRESPONSIBLE C ma'am!   

 

MrChancy likes to say, "Meh. Productivity is overrated."  I married well

 

[TBoneTX 45,076]

Thrilling (?!) Saturday report, see man:

 

We are fortunate to have done our ES-ing on Friday, whew man.

On Friday eve, Mini-B. became ill, stomach/headache man.

On Saturday morn, he reported flu symptoms, uh-oh man.

He wouldn't even eat breakfast, first time ever man.

He complained about feeling cold, chills man.

His temperature was just over Many00 F., fever man.

 

We doped him with children's ibuprofen, all that we had on hand man.

We dressed him in long sleeves/pants, warm man.

He spent time in his blanketed bed, 

He soon returned to his jovial self, jovial wee man.

He requested Subway* for lunch, ingest Two Guys man.

     *with use of BOGO coupon, financially savvy we man

 

By Many p.m., symptoms returned with fever well over Many00 F., even worse man.

We coated/blanketed him and zoomed him to urgent care, trusted clinic man.

Nasal test for "Flu A" positive, what everyone has and going around early man.

Tamiflu was prescribed plus alternating doses of Tylenol/ibuprofen, Rx man.

Clinic gave him Tylenol, thankfully effective man.

 

Took longer at stinking Walgreens than at clinic, what TAKES so long man.

Mini-B. convinced us that ice cream was curative, conniving wee man.

Had to buy 2 pints of Blue Bell, chocolate cheap for wee butter pecan for we man.

 

Informed ex-Mrs.-T-B. of diagnosis, away at Rojo's casa ex-she man.

Informed Mama T-B., aysheep senior she man.

 

Din-din was beef pot pies, ingest Two Guys man.

Dessert was Blue Bell, ingest chocolate cheap wee and butter pecan we man.

 

Up-doped Mini-B. as instructed, Rx man.

Notified skool attendunce offisur and all teechurs, assiduous we man.

Shall send clinic's diagnostic page to regular doc, keep in loop man.

Shall try not to fall too deeply into Death Sleep tonight, vigilant we man.

[TBoneTX 45,076]

7 minutes ago, Chancy said:

Productivity is overrated

Not when it comes to GS/ES attendance, no C ma'am!   

7 minutes ago, Chancy said:

I married well

With one serious if not fatal flaw, GS/ES nonproductivity C ma'am.   

[TBoneTX 45,076]

Thrilling Sunday report, see man:

 

Mini-B. slept so soundly overnight that we got very worried, worry we man re wee man.

We got up and checked on him Many times, parental we man.

When we checked on him at half-of-half past Many (2+2+1) a.m., he awoke, awake wee man.

 

His temperature in the morning was Many00 +1, still high man.

Doc's instructions were to alternate ibuprofen with acetaminophen, alternate we man.

 

Mini-B. didn't want breakfast, not really into it wee man.

However, he wanted lunch, good sign man.

He had microwave rice + onecan tuna, ingest wee man.

We had the above + onecan "beefy mushroom" soup*, ingest we man.

      *bought at supermarket dented-can bin, financially savvy we man

Both of us highly satisfied, satisfied Two Guys man.

 

Mini-B. took it easy all day, rest wee man.

Gave him more acetaminophen midday, ingest wee man.

He slowly returned to his interactive ways, "look at this funny video" man.

 

Mama T-B. awoke us from our nap for a Many-minute ([2x2x2x2 + 2+2]-minute) phone call/lecture, demanding senior she and persecuted we man.  

 

Temperature 2 hours before din-din was fractionally above normal, welcome improvement man.

Temperature just before din-din was fractionally BELOW normal, wonderful man.

 

Din-din for Mini-B. was onecan of S+Ms, ingest wee man.

We consumed onecan of "mini-ravioli + meatballs*" + onecan of "ABC123s + meatballs*," ingest we man.

      *bought at supermarket dented-can bin, financially savvy we man

 

Ex-Mrs.-T-B. showed up for AFV, view AFV Two Guys + one chica man.

Mini-B. claimed further hunger, great sign man.

We gave him 2 strawberry-flavored granola bars**, ingest wee man.

      **bought at supermarket closeout bin, financially savvy we man

We gave ex-Mrs.-T-B. 2 more of the same, ingest ex-she man.

Everyone very well pleased, must have been tasty man.

Mini-B. back to his mischievous self, great sign man.

Participated in "We're Two Guys!" before leaving with ex-Mrs.-T-B., mandatory man.

 

Ex-Mrs.-T-B. reported no fever before Mini-B.'s bedtime, wonderful man.

He was pre-cleared to return to skool on Tuesday, will adhere to that man.

It is such a relief to have a non-sick offspring, boon and blessing man.

 

We delivered heavy grocery items to Mama T-B., appreciative senior she man.

Continued several lecture items from afternoon call,  man.

 

Warshered/baked one extra laundry load, Many (2+2) instead of usual Many (2+1) loads man.

Extra load = Mini-B.'s blanket & hoodie and our brand-new jeans, warsher together so no fading man.

Dished and must de-dish the warsher, domestic we man.

We are tired but are happy about Mini-B., relieved we man.