Divorce foreign spouse advice

[TBoneTX 45,259]

28 minutes ago, neca said:

The more evidence you have neatly compiled now the better your case will be.

Piggybacking on this:  A secure journal, containing observations and details freshly written at the time, can't hurt and may help.

[Needing advice 6]

I see that not everyone agrees with me serving him overseas. I understand that with a green card he can come back but he’s pretty lazy so it’ll take a while. Also, my reason for serving him in his home country is because he has made physical threats agains me. He threatened the job he worked at for 9 months before intentionally getting fired. The only way I could get him to work was to have him come work with mr because he can’t drive. I have tried teaching him but he keeps failing the test to even get a drivers permit and after several tries he finally got one but he was nearly side swiping semis, doesn’t get the concept of correct lanes and after nearly having a heart attack riding with him multiple times I just can’t. 
 

i had the house before he came here but it isn’t mine either. I just rent it so it isn’t his house. I have recorded threats and screenshot threats he was even bold enough to post on social media. I would have just served him here if he hadn’t made physical threats but I have no doubt that he would go off the deep end. I feel safer with him being in Brazil. I have no issue storing his stuff and I will if that’s what the lawyer suggests but with the divorce papers I will likely be filing a restraining order so he might have to send someone else to get his stuff. 
 

if he comes back to the USA thats his deal. He has stated he hates Michigan so he would likely try to go elsewhere but I don’t see his financial situation allowing that to happen especially for a guy who refuses to work and doesn’t drive. 

[carmel34 3,620]

5 hours ago, Needing advice said:

not everyone agrees with me serving him overseas.

 

5 hours ago, Needing advice said:

I feel safer with him being in Brazil.

Having gone through the marriage process in Brazil, I would expect that a divorce there is very complicated and would not be worth the hassle and expense.  A good divorce attorney in Michigan can guide you through the process based on state law and advise you on how to notify him, serve him with divorce papers when he is in Brazil.  You'll need to know the address where he is living, and from your posts that may be difficult, especially if he figures out that you are likely to divorce him.  Whether he stays in Brazil or not is up to him, you can't control him of course so protect yourself, maybe ask your attorney about getting a restraining order.  If you're renting, you could move somewhere else after he leaves and not tell him where you have gone.  Change your phone number, email address, etc. and have your lawyer communicate with him through the divorce process, wherever he is at the time the divorce can be done in Michigan.  So sorry your marriage didn't work out.  Stay safe, you can get through this, hopefully the future will be better.  Good luck!

Edited January 24, 2021 by carmel34

[JeanneAdil 6,489]

7 hours ago, Gomast said:

If you intend to serve the divorce complaint in Brazil, you should also consult a Brazilian attorney about the process of serving papers. otherwise it can be rejected. Ask your attorney about The Hague convention:
 

https://www.hcch.net/en/instruments/conventions/full-text/?cid=17

Actually Brazil is part of the international treaty and is hard to start the divorce when he is there as sometimes it requires a federal agent to serve the papers

 

serve him the papers just before he gets on the plane and save yourself a lot of money/ or have it served to him by an agent so there is a statement from that person saying "documents delivered" 

 

Call the embassy in the country where your spouse lives to check on any additional rules for serving court documents in that country. For example, the embassy can let you know how to hire a process server in a foreign country.  

 

I am sorry this has happened to you. Brazil is one of the toughest places to work with in divorce matters, and I mean no disrespect to the great citizens of that nation. As attorney Conviser has correctly stated, international service is not only difficult, but can be expensive and take an enormous amount of time.

 

It will be up to him if he signs the agreement or not / you have no control over this 

[carmel34 3,620]

OP, here is a useful link for more information on Michigan divorce law and what you can do to divorce him even if you try to serve him with papers but can't find him, or he refuses to cooperate.

 

https://www.elkouriheath.com/oakland-county-divorce-lawyer/can-your-spouse-prevent-your-divorce-by-refusing-to-sign-the-papers

[aaron2020 11,651]

7 hours ago, Needing advice said:

I see that not everyone agrees with me serving him overseas. I understand that with a green card he can come back but he’s pretty lazy so it’ll take a while. Also, my reason for serving him in his home country is because he has made physical threats agains me. He threatened the job he worked at for 9 months before intentionally getting fired. The only way I could get him to work was to have him come work with mr because he can’t drive. I have tried teaching him but he keeps failing the test to even get a drivers permit and after several tries he finally got one but he was nearly side swiping semis, doesn’t get the concept of correct lanes and after nearly having a heart attack riding with him multiple times I just can’t. 
 

i had the house before he came here but it isn’t mine either. I just rent it so it isn’t his house. I have recorded threats and screenshot threats he was even bold enough to post on social media. I would have just served him here if he hadn’t made physical threats but I have no doubt that he would go off the deep end. I feel safer with him being in Brazil. I have no issue storing his stuff and I will if that’s what the lawyer suggests but with the divorce papers I will likely be filing a restraining order so he might have to send someone else to get his stuff. 
 

if he comes back to the USA thats his deal. He has stated he hates Michigan so he would likely try to go elsewhere but I don’t see his financial situation allowing that to happen especially for a guy who refuses to work and doesn’t drive. 

You would need to comply with Michigan and Brazilian laws to serve him.  Not DIY.  You need a divorce lawyer to advise you.  

[SusieQQQ 11,586]

No offense to anyone here but I would not listen to advice from people here on “when” to serve him papers. Follow the advice you get from your lawyer.  Carmel34 has some good info in her posts around that too.
 

Curious why he has never applied for citizenship if he has been here for 7 years. I’m assuming removal of conditions went through without problem?

 

 

Edited January 24, 2021 by SusieQQQ

[caliliving 606]

DOnt worry about his immigration issues - that is his problem not yours!

service him in michigan! guaranteed he is too lazy to fill the paperwork out and it will go into default - basically whatever you ask for you will get! cut ties with him and stop communicating! ask him to get his stuff and where he goes is not your problem anymore! 

trust me - whether their is an immigration issue or not people threaten everything during a divorce! my ex threatened to deport me, threatened alimony, for me to take on his debt ect. in the end he didnt file the paperwork and i was able to move on and none of his problems were mine.

 

move on and dont worry about his immigraiton issue - if he wants to stay he can.  but have him served while he is still in michigan!!!! 

also his financial, driving, mental issues are not your problem anymore! block and delete him on all forms of social media and serve him and trust me! at the end of the day it will be in the courts hands and it is NEVER as bad as you think it will be 

[aaron2020 11,651]

13 minutes ago, caliliving said:

DOnt worry about his immigration issues - that is his problem not yours!

service him in michigan! guaranteed he is too lazy to fill the paperwork out and it will go into default - basically whatever you ask for you will get! cut ties with him and stop communicating! ask him to get his stuff and where he goes is not your problem anymore! 

trust me - whether their is an immigration issue or not people threaten everything during a divorce! my ex threatened to deport me, threatened alimony, for me to take on his debt ect. in the end he didnt file the paperwork and i was able to move on and none of his problems were mine.

 

move on and dont worry about his immigraiton issue - if he wants to stay he can.  but have him served while he is still in michigan!!!! 

also his financial, driving, mental issues are not your problem anymore! block and delete him on all forms of social media and serve him and trust me! at the end of the day it will be in the courts hands and it is NEVER as bad as you think it will be 

If she serves him while he's in Michigan, then how does she get him out of the house which is his legal residence?

 

OP - You can either take legal advice on how to serve him from people on VJ or you can listen to your divorce lawyer.

[African Zealot 1,455]

13 hours ago, aaron2020 said:

If she serves him while he's in Michigan, then how does she get him out of the house which is his legal residence?

Perhaps you think if he goes on vacation to Brazil, the house in Michigan ceases to be his legal residence? 😂😂

Edited January 25, 2021 by Ray.Bonaquist

[caliliving 606]

14 hours ago, aaron2020 said:

If she serves him while he's in Michigan, then how does she get him out of the house which is his legal residence?

 

OP - You can either take legal advice on how to serve him from people on VJ or you can listen to your divorce lawyer.

first - you dont need a divorce lawyer to divorce/serve someone.  they have no kids and minimal assets.  serving him in brazil will only complicate it more AND he can still come back and live in the michigan house.  It is also a rented house, if she is that worried about him moving in there perhaps find a new place to live.  to the op the quicker you serve him in michigan the easier it will be. with his lack of money and laziness, i highly doubt he would even respond to you serving him.  

[Needing advice 6]

Update: He flew home to visit his dad last week. It was a one way ticket. I have closed accounts so he can’t access the money. Have a meeting with an attorney next week to try to get divorce going. I have video evidence of his threats. I know he could come back to the USA but he would have to figure out who could get him from the airport and someone else would have to buy the ticket. I know I may have to ship his stuff to him but that’s a risk I had to take. I  am also looking into getting a PPO so if he does return he can’t come near me. I hated that I had to trick him to leave but I can’t be with someone who can threaten my life and try to destroy my relationship with my family. I hate living in fear of when he will finally go iff the deep end. He told me if I leave him he would kill himself. I hope that was just a threat because even though I want to be free from the ####### I have been dealing with, I still don’t want him to hurt himself. I just can’t live that life anymore. He freaked out on me Monday so I had to block him on all social media and iMessage. A lawyer I spoke with wanted me to serve him at the airport but I am 100% sure he would never have got on the plane so I couldn’t. That has definitely complicated things but my ultimate goal was to be free from the situation. 
 

I know so many people who have done the K1 visa process and have had amazing relationships. I know that there are so many that are in it for the right reasons. You only hear the bad though. I get the whole 90 day thing but it definitely isn’t enough time. I honestly think that given more time I would have sent him home before I married him. 

[Adventine 3,196]

9 minutes ago, Needing advice said:

Update: He flew home to visit his dad last week. It was a one way ticket. I have closed accounts so he can’t access the money. Have a meeting with an attorney next week to try to get divorce going. I have video evidence of his threats. I know he could come back to the USA but he would have to figure out who could get him from the airport and someone else would have to buy the ticket. I know I may have to ship his stuff to him but that’s a risk I had to take. I  am also looking into getting a PPO so if he does return he can’t come near me. I hated that I had to trick him to leave but I can’t be with someone who can threaten my life and try to destroy my relationship with my family. I hate living in fear of when he will finally go iff the deep end. He told me if I leave him he would kill himself. I hope that was just a threat because even though I want to be free from the ####### I have been dealing with, I still don’t want him to hurt himself. I just can’t live that life anymore. He freaked out on me Monday so I had to block him on all social media and iMessage. A lawyer I spoke with wanted me to serve him at the airport but I am 100% sure he would never have got on the plane so I couldn’t. That has definitely complicated things but my ultimate goal was to be free from the situation. 
 

I know so many people who have done the K1 visa process and have had amazing relationships. I know that there are so many that are in it for the right reasons. You only hear the bad though. I get the whole 90 day thing but it definitely isn’t enough time. I honestly think that given more time I would have sent him home before I married him. 

 

Sorry you went through all that.

 

Your priority now should be protecting yourself, physically and financially. It's great that you have a lawyer and that you blocked your spouse on social media.

 

As for this statement: "He told me if I leave him he would kill himself." This is classic manipulative behavior to guilt you into staying in the relationship. Don't believe him. Get yourself professional help so that you have a support system and guidance on how to set healthy boundaries for yourself.

 

You deserve to live your life in peace, without threats and fear for your life.

[SusieQQQ 11,586]

1 hour ago, Needing advice said:

Update: He flew home to visit his dad last week. It was a one way ticket. I have closed accounts so he can’t access the money. Have a meeting with an attorney next week to try to get divorce going. I have video evidence of his threats. I know he could come back to the USA but he would have to figure out who could get him from the airport and someone else would have to buy the ticket. I know I may have to ship his stuff to him but that’s a risk I had to take. I  am also looking into getting a PPO so if he does return he can’t come near me. I hated that I had to trick him to leave but I can’t be with someone who can threaten my life and try to destroy my relationship with my family. I hate living in fear of when he will finally go iff the deep end. He told me if I leave him he would kill himself. I hope that was just a threat because even though I want to be free from the ####### I have been dealing with, I still don’t want him to hurt himself. I just can’t live that life anymore. He freaked out on me Monday so I had to block him on all social media and iMessage. A lawyer I spoke with wanted me to serve him at the airport but I am 100% sure he would never have got on the plane so I couldn’t. That has definitely complicated things but my ultimate goal was to be free from the situation. 
 

I know so many people who have done the K1 visa process and have had amazing relationships. I know that there are so many that are in it for the right reasons. You only hear the bad though. I get the whole 90 day thing but it definitely isn’t enough time. I honestly think that given more time I would have sent him home before I married him. 

Good luck with everything ... hopefully the divorce goes through relatively easily. And yes, don’t give into his threats. You will find someone worthy of your love one day. 

[Mollie09 1,543]

12 hours ago, Needing advice said:

I have closed accounts so he can’t access the money. Have a meeting with an attorney next week to try to get divorce going.

Should have reversed that order - removing access to money can get you in hot water in a divorce process. Personal experience.

 

Good luck.