Divorce foreign spouse advice

[Needing advice 6]

I know we all want things to work out and I know many couples who have had successful happy marriages with a foreign spouse. I am unfortunately not one of them. He has almost gone off the deep end and treats me and my very family bad and is abusive. He has asked for a divorce in the past but when I told him he would have to go home (he refuses to work and I can’t afford to support him in a different household due to affidavit of support) he instantly changes his mind and wants to work it out. Finally, he has planned a trip to visit his family in two weeks.  It’s a one way ticket and he said he will let me know when he wants to come back so I can buy the return ticket. I would have to be the one purchase it because he has no job and spends money foolishly. I don’t want to bring him back. I want to serve him with divorce papers when he is there. Has anyone done this? I have a meeting with an attorney on Monday but one that I met with a few weeks ago made up an excuse and said they would be on vacation so they couldn’t help when I explained the situation. Is this terribly difficult. I have bought him several guitars while he has been here. He worked 9 months out of 7 years and got unemployment for a while during the pandemic but other than that no monitory contributions. I have contacted a international relocation company and was quoted something around $4,000 to move his stuff. That’s pretty pricy especially considering I bought most of it. Will be discussing this with the lawyer Monday and seeing what my obligations will be. None of my property has his name on it. I already had the house. He can’t drive so the car is in my name and we have no kids so it seems fairly simple. Has anyone divorced a spouse while they were overseas. Any tips suggestions or advice would be appreciated. 

[Crazy Cat 41,814]

It sounds like you have a good plan in place using the one-way ticket.  Maybe he will want to stay in his country.  Good luck.

Edited January 23, 2021 by Lucky Cat

[JeanneAdil 6,489]

meet with the attorney and follow his advice as you don't post the state here so we don't know that state's laws

but yes,  there is a woman now divorcing a man in Morocco (who never came to the US)

 

just don't buy a return ticket and let your lawyer do his job

 

Advice:   did he come on a CR1 visa?

or K1 and you have gone thru the AOS process?

 

that makes a difference as he can return on his own if he has a green card

[Boiler 45,449]

Why not let him pay to send his stuff back?

[Timona 4,207]

From your earlier posts, I do strongly believe that this is your best chance out. Don't tell him anything. Let him get on the plane.

 

Which country is he from, if you don't mind asking. 

Edited January 23, 2021 by Timona

[Needing advice 6]

1 hour ago, Lucky Cat said:

It sounds like you have a good plan in place using the one-way ticket.  Maybe he will want to stay in his country.  Good luck.

Thanks! The crazy thing is I think he has an idea but if I confirm his suspicions he won’t get on that plane. Actually, I am hopeful that he will miss home and make it easier. He hasn’t even visited in 7 years. It’s always summer there he lived a block from the beach and I live where it is snowy and cold. 🤷‍♀️
 

 

He is from Brazil, I am from Michigan.Yes, he has a green card. He could come back on his own but has no money and nowhere to go! He’s pretty turned every possible friend against him with his behavior. He came on a K1 Visa. 
 

[Crazy Cat 41,814]

Just now, Needing advice said:

Thanks! The crazy thing is I think he has an idea but if I confirm his suspicions he won’t get on that plane. Actually, I am hopeful that he will miss home and make it easier. He hasn’t even visited in 7 years. It’s always summer there he lived a block from the beach and I live where it is snowy and cold. 🤷‍♀️
 

 

He is from Brazil, I am from Michigan.Yes, he has a green card. He could come back on his own but has no money and nowhere to go! He’s pretty turned every possible friend against him with his behavior. He came on a K1 Visa. 
 

Since he has a Green Card, 

1.  Protect yourself physically and financially through a good divorce attorney.

2.  Let it go.  His immigration path is in his hands.

3.  Seek happiness for yourself.

It might be to your advantage for him to obtain US citizenship as soon as possible.

 

[Mollie09 1,543]

9 hours ago, Needing advice said:

I know we all want things to work out and I know many couples who have had successful happy marriages with a foreign spouse. I am unfortunately not one of them. He has almost gone off the deep end and treats me and my very family bad and is abusive. He has asked for a divorce in the past but when I told him he would have to go home (he refuses to work and I can’t afford to support him in a different household due to affidavit of support) he instantly changes his mind and wants to work it out. Finally, he has planned a trip to visit his family in two weeks.  It’s a one way ticket and he said he will let me know when he wants to come back so I can buy the return ticket. I would have to be the one purchase it because he has no job and spends money foolishly. I don’t want to bring him back. I want to serve him with divorce papers when he is there. Has anyone done this? I have a meeting with an attorney on Monday but one that I met with a few weeks ago made up an excuse and said they would be on vacation so they couldn’t help when I explained the situation. Is this terribly difficult. I have bought him several guitars while he has been here. He worked 9 months out of 7 years and got unemployment for a while during the pandemic but other than that no monitory contributions. I have contacted a international relocation company and was quoted something around $4,000 to move his stuff. That’s pretty pricy especially considering I bought most of it. Will be discussing this with the lawyer Monday and seeing what my obligations will be. None of my property has his name on it. I already had the house. He can’t drive so the car is in my name and we have no kids so it seems fairly simple. Has anyone divorced a spouse while they were overseas. Any tips suggestions or advice would be appreciated. 

You've been married for a long time so in most places, that would mean he gets a share of what you acquired while you were married even though it is in your name only. And  you may be required to pay spousal support if you make significantly more than him and were supporting his lifestyle. Depends on the jurisdiction, but something to keep in mind.

Good luck!

[Coco8 1,042]

I don't agree with not telling him anything. Sure, don't tell him that you want to divorce him; however, I think that it would be in your best interest to have some text messages with him telling him that your finances are not in good shape and that he needs to find work or something to pay for his ticket back. You also need proof about the mistreating. 

 

It also seems that you bought property after getting married. Unless you signed a prenup, you might own him money if you divorce him, so you really need a lawyer to help you financially. If he gets a lawyer, it could get annoying for you. Anything that you bought while married belongs to the two of you (there could be differences across states, so you need a lawyer).

 

You do not have to send his stuff anywhere; he has a green card so he can come back and get them. Do not throw away his stuff. Just keep them in your basement.  It does not matter if you bought the clothes, etc, you gave them to him. I'm just talking from a legal perspective. Imagine a different case in which someone marries a woman who stays at home and does all the chores, etc; suddenly the guy decides to get a divorce and throws her out without anything... well... Yours is a totally different case, but there are rules and laws in place for a reason.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[SalishSea 17,804]

1 hour ago, Coco8 said:

It also seems that you bought property after getting married.

OP specifically states she owned the house prior to marriage.

[aaron2020 11,651]

1. Buy him the one way ticket and let him go.

2. LISTEN TO WHAT YOUR DIVORCE LAWYER TELLS YOU.  I can not emphasize this enough.  

3. Store his stuff.  Do not send it to him. Do nothing with it.  

4. Since he has a green card, he can come back at any time.  Since your home is his home, he could even move himself back in.  THIS IS WHY YOU NEED TO LISTEN TO YOUR DIVORCE LAWYER.

[African Zealot 1,455]

I don’t think you actually grasp the problem you have on hand. He has a green card and you have no power over him in immigration matters anymore.

 

14 hours ago, Needing advice said:

He has asked for a divorce in the past but when I told him he would have to go home

That is not correct. Actually your divorce has nothing to do with his immigration status anymore aside from that you are obligated to financially support him since you signed the affidavit of support.

 

Serving him while he’s abroad is meaningless in the grand scheme of things. It has no immigration implications, the only advantage is that he doesn’t have a return trip however he can return and I bet he will.

 

He  does not have to go home or anything of the sort. Treat this just like divorcing an American spouse, because that in essence is what it is (plus the pesky matter of being financially responsible for him).

Edited January 24, 2021 by Ray.Bonaquist

[TBoneTX 45,259]

Thread is moved from General Immigration Discussion to the Effects of Major Changes forum.

[Gomast 65]

If you intend to serve the divorce complaint in Brazil, you should also consult a Brazilian attorney about the process of serving papers. otherwise it can be rejected. Ask your attorney about The Hague convention:
 

https://www.hcch.net/en/instruments/conventions/full-text/?cid=17

[neca 166]

I don't know if it's been conveyed enough, but do make sure that you are recording everything you can. The more evidence you have neatly compiled now the better your case will be. Good luck.