Could he be racist?

[ClioNicole 60]

I've been bothered by my fiancé's pronouncements lately. He swears he is not racist but he's a bit prejudiced against BLM and Mexicans. He doesn't see the irony that I'm brown. He says my situation is different because I'm migrating the legal way and that I will be contributing to the society. He said I'll understand once I'm living there and it horrifies me.  

 

I'm trying to let him see that the actions of a few does not equate to a whole population or that group. I am extremely bothered!

[Crtcl Rice Theory 2,432]

[laylalex 7,284]

I would be extremely bothered and horrified too. On the one hand, we are human, and we are all prejudiced to one degree or another against the "other," whoever that is in the society we live in. But recognizing our prejudices and working to overcome them is a part of being an adult. I judge people as individuals, not by the color of their skin, which is what I'm picking up from you -- I take it "BLM" is a code for black people, not all supporters of BLM, many of whom are white. 

[TBoneTX 45,291]

A post violating the Terms of Service has been removed.  Thread is moved from Current Events to Off Topic.

[Orangesapples 1,954]

2 hours ago, ClioNicole said:

I've been bothered by my fiancé's pronouncements lately. He swears he is not racist but he's a bit prejudiced against BLM and Mexicans. He doesn't see the irony that I'm brown. He says my situation is different because I'm migrating the legal way and that I will be contributing to the society. He said I'll understand once I'm living there and it horrifies me.  

 

I'm trying to let him see that the actions of a few does not equate to a whole population or that group. I am extremely bothered!

Very few racists actually admit they're racists. Some are even lying to themselves. And in the US, I've noticed that a lot of racist dudes also have some pretty horrible views about women and they specifically seek out Asian women because "American women are the worst". Attitudes like that are a pretty big red flag to me, especially if they also believe that Asian women are going to be submissive. Beware. 

 

For the record, I've been living here for almost 4 years, in a place with a lot of immigrants (SoCal), including illegal immigrants from Mexico, and, no, I haven't "understood". 

Edited January 17, 2021 by Orangesapples

[laylalex 7,284]

I agree that there is a decent overlap between racists who are also sexists. But that's not hard, because I think the universe of sexists is rather a lot larger, and encompasses even super "woke" guys.

[Orangesapples 1,954]

Just now, laylalex said:

I agree that there is a decent overlap between racists who are also sexists. But that's not hard, because I think the universe of sexists is rather a lot larger, and encompasses even super "woke" guys.

Oh yes, for sure, I'm just explaining why some American racists would still marry a woman from a poor Asian country. It's a particular type of racist. The fiance might be that type. 

[laylalex 7,284]

3 minutes ago, Orangesapples said:

Oh yes, for sure, I'm just explaining why some American racists would still marry a woman from a poor Asian country. It's a particular type of racist. The fiance might be that type. 

It's another wrinkle of yuck, personally. Racism for me is a hard line. Fetishization is a hard line, though as an American woman I am probably unlikely to fall victim to that. 

[ClioNicole 60]

I think I need to clarify this post and my Fiancé and I talked. I was able to tell him my fears and what bothers me and he was receptive. The whole conversation was brought about by the recent issues around the US. My fiance is not racist but he is tired of the politicking. He feels like we are getting the short end of the stick by doing the legal way of migrating and yet we are stuck in a limbo. 

 

He had the whole day to reflect and promises to be more mindful and to be more sensitive about it.

 

I've known him for almost 3 years and this was the 1st time I heard him say those words so I was taken aback. This topic was hard to discuss but I'm glad we were able to discuss it. He allayed my fears and I got a chance to see things from his perspective. 

 

I think our relationship got stronger after this. Thank you everyone who chimed in. 

[Adventine 3,196]

Glad to know you seem to have resolved this with your fiancé. 

 

Keep getting to know each other. It's important to know each other's stances on major political and social issues. Being able to have honest conversations about difficult subjects is part of a healthy relationship. 

[Orangesapples 1,954]

8 hours ago, ClioNicole said:

I think I need to clarify this post and my Fiancé and I talked. I was able to tell him my fears and what bothers me and he was receptive. The whole conversation was brought about by the recent issues around the US. My fiance is not racist but he is tired of the politicking. He feels like we are getting the short end of the stick by doing the legal way of migrating and yet we are stuck in a limbo. 

 

He had the whole day to reflect and promises to be more mindful and to be more sensitive about it.

 

I've known him for almost 3 years and this was the 1st time I heard him say those words so I was taken aback. This topic was hard to discuss but I'm glad we were able to discuss it. He allayed my fears and I got a chance to see things from his perspective. 

 

I think our relationship got stronger after this. Thank you everyone who chimed in. 

I'd still be careful with him. Just because he can sweet talk to you doesn't mean he doesn't hold problematic views. It's hard to see that when you're in love. But it's possible that you're just now seeing glimpses of his true nature. 

 

You saw his perspective, but did he see yours? 

[mogiftney 144]

23 hours ago, ClioNicole said:

I've been bothered by my fiancé's pronouncements lately. He swears he is not racist but he's a bit prejudiced against BLM and Mexicans. He doesn't see the irony that I'm brown. He says my situation is different because I'm migrating the legal way and that I will be contributing to the society. He said I'll understand once I'm living there and it horrifies me.  

 

I'm trying to let him see that the actions of a few does not equate to a whole population or that group. I am extremely bothered!

If I were you, I’d try to calmly (as much as possible) see what his reasoning is for not liking BLM and if his prejudice against Mexicans stops at illegal immigrant Mexicans and expands to illegal immigrants in general. I’ve seen people disagree with BLM for many reasons, I don’t think all of those reasons are inherently racist. For instance, if someone told me they don’t like BLM because they don’t believe any black person has ever been killed by the police and the media is a hoax and they were paid actors therefor BLM is stupid for causing damage by protesting and provoking drama in response to fake deaths, I’d think they are probably mentally ill, not racist. I’ve seen some wild takes... just ask him more about it and listen and then tell him how it makes you feel after he’s done explaining his thoughts. I hope you guys can work through it... sending love your way. 

Edited January 18, 2021 by mogiftney

[Nature Boy 2.0 8,370]

16 hours ago, ClioNicole said:

I think I need to clarify this post and my Fiancé and I talked. I was able to tell him my fears and what bothers me and he was receptive. The whole conversation was brought about by the recent issues around the US. My fiance is not racist but he is tired of the politicking. He feels like we are getting the short end of the stick by doing the legal way of migrating and yet we are stuck in a limbo. 

 

He had the whole day to reflect and promises to be more mindful and to be more sensitive about it.

 

I've known him for almost 3 years and this was the 1st time I heard him say those words so I was taken aback. This topic was hard to discuss but I'm glad we were able to discuss it. He allayed my fears and I got a chance to see things from his perspective. 

 

I think our relationship got stronger after this. Thank you everyone who chimed in. 

My wife of nine years is also from the Philippines. When we first met, her family asked me If I was a supporter of the current president "Obama" when I said no, her family said it is because he is black.  I explained it was based solely on policy differences and as I person I thought he was a pretty cool guy. Now that she has been here 9 years she has a total different take on things and understands how political opinions don't make your racist, although painting someone as racist if you don't support certain political beliefs is one of the top weapons in politics in this county.

 

Not supporting BLM or illegal immigrants pouring across our border does not make you racist. I was horrified by the murder of George Floyd but do not view that as a reason for domestic terrorist under the guise of BLM to loot and burn so many of our major cities. BLM refuses to acknowledge that many of the police shootings that they commit violence to protest were completely  justified , such as the shooting of Rayshard Brooks in Atlanta. 

[Steeleballz 7,550]

20 hours ago, Nature Boy 2.0 said:

My wife of nine years is also from the Philippines. When we first met, her family asked me If I was a supporter of the current president "Obama" when I said no, her family said it is because he is black.  I explained it was based solely on policy differences and as I person I thought he was a pretty cool guy. Now that she has been here 9 years she has a total different take on things and understands how political opinions don't make your racist, although painting someone as racist if you don't support certain political beliefs is one of the top weapons in politics in this county.

 

Not supporting BLM or illegal immigrants pouring across our border does not make you racist. I was horrified by the murder of George Floyd but do not view that as a reason for domestic terrorist under the guise of BLM to loot and burn so many of our major cities. BLM refuses to acknowledge that many of the police shootings that they commit violence to protest were completely  justified , such as the shooting of Rayshard Brooks in Atlanta. 

 

   Obama is an individual. Disliking an individual for specific legitimate reasons shouldn't be construed as racism. There are many individuals I don't like. I don't always discuss the reasons, but it is about the individual. It's not the same when that rationale is applied to an entire demographic group. 

 

      

[Dashinka 24,499]

16 hours ago, Steeleballz said:

 

   Obama is an individual. Disliking an individual for specific legitimate reasons shouldn't be construed as racism. There are many individuals I don't like. I don't always discuss the reasons, but it is about the individual. It's not the same when that rationale is applied to an entire demographic group. 

 

      

Wait, I thought if someone didn’t like Obama they were automatically a racist.