Marrying An American Man

[laylalex 7,289]

When I was 17, I was convinced that I was going to marry my boyfriend (who was all of 18 himself) because he told me that it was the only sensible thing for us to do. After we (or at least he) finished college, of course. But he said we were perfect for each other and there really wasn't any point looking elsewhere.

 

I was 17 and in love and even though I was in the top 1% of my high school graduating class I was dumb about everything in the world outside of a classroom. My boyfriend had been grooming me to be a perfect little wifey from when I was 15 years old. 15! I am so glad I came to my senses when he went to college and we got some physical space between us (that and my sister found my diary and went ohhhhhhhhh no, this is NOT healthy and gave me the full on Come to Jesus talk) because I got to go on and have a life of my own experiences that weren't shaped by him.

 

At 17 you feel like a grown up, and your body is probably acting like a grown up's, too. But guess what? 17 is not a grown up. 17 is a child, and in this country and in most Western countries you are still a child for most purposes. Your prefrontal cortex isn't fully formed yet, so your decision-making ability is inconsistent at best, and sucks at worst. I was basically engaged at 17 and DEAR GOD I am glad I didn't go through with it. 

 

I feel like all of my posts on VJ these days are me telling people to be patient and take their time, because love is amazing and wonderful and will flourish and bloom into long-lasting companionship that will stand the test of time if you give it space to do so. It doesn't grow as well in cramped environments on artificial timelines. To some extent immigration DOES make time expand and contract in ways that are artificial, but committing to someone for what is supposed to be life is one place where more time can help. If you're not even an adult yet, that's even more true.

 

OP, please listen to the others who have posted here and (1) don't try to enter on the ESTA and adjust and (2) realize that you may not even be able to get married to your dream man until you are 18. Take the time between now and then to grow your relationship.

[Adventine 3,196]

10 hours ago, Mike E said:

As you are 17, be advised that there are federal laws than punish US citizens who travel across state or international borders to have  sex have with children under age 18 or arrange the travel of children across state or international borders to have sex.  

This is a real concern.

 

I truly hope OP waits some more time before making two huge life decisions: marriage and immigration to a different country. 

[laylalex 7,289]

12 minutes ago, Adventine said:

This is a real concern.

Yeah. If she cares about her husband to be, she will be concerned he doesn't get charged with child sex trafficking. 

[Orangesapples 1,954]

1 minute ago, laylalex said:

Yeah. If she cares about her husband to be, she will be concerned he doesn't get charged with child sex trafficking. 

I'm legitimately worried that he might be an older guy that's been grooming her. If they're the same age, it's just two teenagers being reckless, if he's more than a year older (two at the very maximum), this is a very concerning situation and OP will be very vulnerable if she moves to a different country without any support network. 

[Adventine 3,196]

2 minutes ago, Orangesapples said:

5 minutes ago, laylalex said:

Yeah. If she cares about her husband to be, she will be concerned he doesn't get charged with child sex trafficking. 

I'm legitimately worried that he might be an older guy that's been grooming her. If they're the same age, it's just two teenagers being reckless, if he's more than a year older (two at the very maximum), this is a very concerning situation and OP will be very vulnerable if she moves to a different country without any support network

 

If there is a significant age difference between the OP and her fiancé, and (but we are making big assumptions here) an implied sexual relationship between an adult and a minor, would this come up at any point during the immigration process? 

 

I am thinking specifically of the AOS process, when the OP may be asked about the timing and the history of the relationship.

[SusieQQQ 11,586]

On 12/25/2020 at 9:49 AM, wasd12 said:

Hello! I'm going to fly over from Sweden to America in a couple of months to marry my dream man! I have no clue whatsoever about the paperwork that needs to be done. I was planning on flying over there, marry him within 90 days. But that's all that has been planned : ( . I don't have any idea what the process is after that, nor if I can even marry him without a visa! 

Thanks in advance! WASD

Have you ever met your dream man in person yet? 

 

 

13 minutes ago, Orangesapples said:

I'm legitimately worried that he might be an older guy that's been grooming her. If they're the same age, it's just two teenagers being reckless, if he's more than a year older (two at the very maximum), this is a very concerning situation and OP will be very vulnerable if she moves to a different country without any support network. 

I’m thinking CBP chatting to a 17 year old traveling alone to marry someone here is probably going to be asking a lot of questions, secondary seems likely, possibly contacting her parents as well as her intended husband,  too. I travel with my children a lot and there are  little things they do/ask that you may not really take notice of, but that are designed to check that everything is legitimate.  I wouldn’t necessarily want to leave it up to them to catch everything, but I do think it’s an extra layer of protection. i know some countries need parental consent to travel internationally under 18, not sure about Sweden.

 

 

 

Edited December 27, 2020 by SusieQQQ

[SusieQQQ 11,586]

One more potential complication will be if the schengen Covid ban is still in place when OP wants to fly.

[laylalex 7,289]

1 minute ago, SusieQQQ said:

One more potential complication will be if the schengen Covid ban is still in place when OP wants to fly.

Good point. My SIL came over for our wedding in October and had to quarantine in Mexico before she could get in. It gets expensive, fast. She had the benefit of being an adult who had a boyfriend who could foot the bill for an extended 2 week+ holiday in hotels that were both safe AND took COVID very seriously. 

[Ban Hammer 13,352]

as the op has closed their account, this thread is locked.