Questions about withdrawing I-864 [split topic/merged]

[Disappointment 6]

44 minutes ago, JeanneAdil said:

this is domestic violence and i would call police

it also sounds like child abuse so be prepared for social workers to become involved

 

Helping is helping but this is enabling them and not helping

Child abuse? There is no child involved the "kids" Are 26 and older here so social workers... Clearly -Clearly- not gonna happen. This actually IS domestic violence, no doubt, but to manage to call the police on this and prove it (since it happens behind their closed doors and no trace is noticeable)  Good luck with that. 

 

I would have gotten the authorities involved a long time ago if I wasn't that worried that the situation could be interpreted in a way that my kid could suffer the damages.

I have to be much much much much smarter than that if I want to withdraw my I-864 successfully and minimize the impact on my own family. They HAVE TO go, no doubt, but not in a way that could cause more harm than good.

[Disappointment 6]

Hello all, 

I am trying to withdraw my I-864 that I have signed for my kid's spouse.(The AOS has NOT been granted and I know I have the right to do that.)  My kid does not work (student) and they asked me to be co-sponsor. As soon as the marriage was over the spouse started becoming verbally abusive, screaming at my kid and myself under my own roof , hitting... I am not comfortable supporting this person anymore considering what I have seen.

Does anybody know whether the applicant receives notice that their sponsor withdrew their support?  I would like to do it ASAP but talking face to face to my kid may take a few weeks. I talk about Kid and spouse because they are on this forum as well so I want to make sure that this stays as discrete as possible.

[millefleur 5,047]

**Duplicate posts merged**

 

VJ Moderation

[Eric-Pris 1,607]

First, if you are kind enough to let them live in your house and an adult person is abusive (whether stranger or family), it's time to go.  No questions asked.  And you shouldn't burden yourself with support responsibility because your kid chooses to sleep till 3pm.  Time to grow up.

 

Second, any person who cannot support a fiance on their own, should NOT be allowed to bring them over.  The federal poverty level is a joke, so 125% of that is still laughable.  It should be double that at least.  If somebody doesn't make that, time to put the big boy/girl pants on and get a real job, and move out of mommy's basement.  I wouldn't have the balls to ask my parents to sponsor my foreign fiance.  They would die laughing.

 

The whole idea of joint sponsor is a complete farce.  95% of the people have no intention of ever supporting this foreigner that they are joint-sponsoring.  They only do it to help their kid, friend, etc.  When worst comes to worst, they would probably flat out refuse.

 

 

Edited December 25, 2020 by Eric-Pris

[Villanelle 4,122]

On 12/24/2020 at 11:31 PM, Disappointment said:

Hello all, 

I am trying to withdraw my I-864 that I have signed for my kid's spouse.(The AOS has NOT been granted and I know I have the right to do that.)  My kid does not work (student) and they asked me to be co-sponsor. As soon as the marriage was over the spouse started becoming verbally abusive, screaming at my kid and myself under my own roof , hitting... I am not comfortable supporting this person anymore considering what I have seen.

Does anybody know whether the applicant receives notice that their sponsor withdrew their support?  I would like to do it ASAP but talking face to face to my kid may take a few weeks. I talk about Kid and spouse because they are on this forum as well so I want to make sure that this stays as discrete as possible.

I understand what you are trying to do but there is no way to do this in a discrete manor. First- the 864 can be difficult to withdraw in general. You would want/need to send a letter (with tracking) to both the service center the AOS package was mailed to and to the local office. If this was a K visa now filing for AOS it can be approved w/o interview. Also due to the pandemic people have been reporting getting GCs approved w/o interviews for other categories- ones that do require interviews. This is because immigration policy is extremely complex and many parts of it contain language along the lines of X (interview or biometrics) is required but can be waived by discretion of top level. So in recent history some people have gotten EADs w/o biometrics - which are needed unless they 'randomly' decide you dont. 

 

Bottom line- if you are sure you want to withdraw your 864 then you need to do so asap. Do NOT rely on needing to provide an updated 864 or count on having time- because its not guaranteed you will have time. When you send your request to withdraw as stated you want to mail it with a tracking number. You most likely will not get any sort of acknowledgement it was received so you need the tracking number if there is any sort of issue about it in the future. Your withdrawal letter will usually just be placed in their file (by the mail room) and will sit there until someone (the Officer that is going to adjudicate it) picks it up to work on their case and sees it and takes action. Typically they will RFE asking for a new joint/co sponsor. Sometimes they simply deny the whole package because the 864 is a required pieces of evidence and they have the option to deny/reject w/o the 864. There is no time frame on how long it will take from when you send a letter to withdraw to when they get an RFE asking for another sponsor or a denial. 

 

my thoughts to you is to withdraw as soon as possible. Today. Tomorrow. The next day. Do not wait. Find a local therapist who specializes in domestic violence issues. Speak to them alone at first and then set up a session where you and your child attend in which you can explain your decision to withdraw in an controlled environment. I certainly do not condone lying about your future intentions but it may be helpful (if you are sincere in meaning it) to outline certain requirements in which you would re-sign the 864. Perhaps if the spouse completes anger management courses or a similar program for DV offenders. Or the couple agrees to X number of sessions (alone and as a couple). This can end up being nothing more then strategy to buy time. Hopefully after doing such counseling with a professional (who is aware there is DV issues and denial going on) your child will see the light and let this toxic person go. A more optimistic outcome would be the spouse benefits from the therapy and the situation improves and you feel comfortable sponsoring again. 

 

[Ban Hammer 13,469]

On 12/24/2020 at 10:31 PM, Disappointment said:

Hello all, 

I am trying to withdraw my I-864 that I have signed for my kid's spouse.(The AOS has NOT been granted and I know I have the right to do that.)  My kid does not work (student) and they asked me to be co-sponsor. As soon as the marriage was over the spouse started becoming verbally abusive, screaming at my kid and myself under my own roof , hitting... I am not comfortable supporting this person anymore considering what I have seen.

Does anybody know whether the applicant receives notice that their sponsor withdrew their support?  I would like to do it ASAP but talking face to face to my kid may take a few weeks. I talk about Kid and spouse because they are on this forum as well so I want to make sure that this stays as discrete as possible.

note to all.  read the sentence "As soon as the marriage was over..." as "As soon as the wedding ceremony was over..."

Edited December 28, 2020 by Ban Hammer

[Ban Hammer 13,469]

On 12/24/2020 at 10:31 PM, Disappointment said:

Hello all, 

I am trying to withdraw my I-864 that I have signed for my kid's spouse.(The AOS has NOT been granted and I know I have the right to do that.)  My kid does not work (student) and they asked me to be co-sponsor. As soon as the marriage was over the spouse started becoming verbally abusive, screaming at my kid and myself under my own roof , hitting... I am not comfortable supporting this person anymore considering what I have seen.

Does anybody know whether the applicant receives notice that their sponsor withdrew their support?  I would like to do it ASAP but talking face to face to my kid may take a few weeks. I talk about Kid and spouse because they are on this forum as well so I want to make sure that this stays as discrete as possible.

i think you are on the right track of first protecting your assets from this wolf in sheep's clothing. 
the sooner your child's spouse leaves the house, the better.  and you'll need to have a "come to jesus" meeting with your child about what you are doing, and why.

[Disappointment 6]

8 minutes ago, Ban Hammer said:

i think you are on the right track of first protecting your assets from this wolf in sheep's clothing. 
the sooner your child's spouse leaves the house, the better.  and you'll need to have a "come to jesus" meeting with your child about what you are doing, and why.

You are totally right about the "come to Jesus" discussion... I am not doing that against my own kid but to protect myself against the spouse in sheep's clothing. I hope my kid will understand that. I am so sorry I did not see that before I signed... My husband and I are paying for the rent, the food, their phones, their internet etc and I cannot even get into the master bedroom and I am being yelled at in my own house! Yes: Time to a "come to Jesus" meeting. I can see that my kid is doing their best to not be thrown out right now but the spouse did not even get that one does not get to go live at their in-law's place, pay no rent and no food, no phone, no internet, emerge every day at 3 pm to "grab something to eat" in the pantry and scream on top of their lungs at their in law because they took offense of me saying "Okay I'm gonna have to do it myself otherwise it will never get done"... I mean at 3 pm, they were "making breakfast" seriously...

Edited December 28, 2020 by Disappointment
details

[Disappointment 6]

2 hours ago, Villanelle said:

Perhaps if the spouse completes anger management courses or a similar program for DV offenders. Or the couple agrees to X number of sessions (alone and as a couple). This can end up being nothing more then strategy to buy time. Hopefully after doing such counseling with a professional (who is aware there is DV issues and denial going on) your child will see the light and let this toxic person go. A more optimistic outcome would be the spouse benefits from the therapy and the situation improves and you feel comfortable sponsoring again. 

 

I am not sure I will be able to trust this person again so if I withdraw, I will withdraw for good. You know in the car it was " X (my child) is doing nothing, I am freaking tired of this. X is never helping bla bla bla" And on and on like that for hours and next thing I know I get yelled at for basically saying... The same thing. So someone that turns on you that quickly and with such a fury to me will not hesitate to file against me for the 125% of the poverty level. This person has already made a couple of "bitter" comments in the past. I blamed it on the stress of the filing not getting done but now the filing is done so... No excuse.

Edited December 28, 2020 by Disappointment

[Disappointment 6]

Okay so now I have another issue: It is an AOS, they are married and on US soil. They hid their case number from me. My kid will not give it to me and I do not want to force the issue before I make my move because the spouse may try and do something stupid. How can I get this information? I had to provide a picture of my ID and sign a form and I know which service center I have to contact since it is my address. 

Any suggestion?

[Adventine 3,201]

4 hours ago, Disappointment said:

You are totally right about the "come to Jesus" discussion... I am not doing that against my own kid but to protect myself against the spouse in sheep's clothing. I hope my kid will understand that. I am so sorry I did not see that before I signed... My husband and I are paying for the rent, the food, their phones, their internet etc and I cannot even get into the master bedroom and I am being yelled at in my own house! Yes: Time to a "come to Jesus" meeting. I can see that my kid is doing their best to not be thrown out right now but the spouse did not even get that one does not get to go live at their in-law's place, pay no rent and no food, no phone, no internet, emerge every day at 3 pm to "grab something to eat" in the pantry and scream on top of their lungs at their in law because they took offense of me saying "Okay I'm gonna have to do it myself otherwise it will never get done"... I mean at 3 pm, they were "making breakfast" seriously...

Others will be able to help with figuring out how to get the case number. However, this story becomes even more concerning because it reveals more about the dynamic between the spouse, your kid, and yourself.

 

Why have you allowed someone to treat you like this in your own home? 

 

It isn't just your kid who needs the "come to Jesus" moment. It's you, too. 

 

Once the urgency is over, it may be wise to think about your own behavior and how it has contributed to this messy situation.

 

A therapist may actually be useful, to help you identify the roots of this enabling behavior, so you don't end up in the same situation in the future.

 

Otherwise, you could easily end up enabling your kid and future potential partners, and this abusive situation could repeat itself.

[Ban Hammer 13,469]

1 hour ago, Adventine said:

Others will be able to help with figuring out how to get the case number. However, this story becomes even more concerning because it reveals more about the dynamic between the spouse, your kid, and yourself.

 

Why have you allowed someone to treat you like this in your own home? 

 

It isn't just your kid who needs the "come to Jesus" moment. It's you, too. 

 

Once the urgency is over, it may be wise to think about your own behavior and how it has contributed to this messy situation.

 

A therapist may actually be useful, to help you identify the roots of this enabling behavior, so you don't end up in the same situation in the future.

 

Otherwise, you could easily end up enabling your kid and future potential partners, and this abusive situation could repeat itself.

let's focus on providing advice for the op about the situation and how to best navigate through it all.

[Ban Hammer 13,469]

3 hours ago, Disappointment said:

Okay so now I have another issue: It is an AOS, they are married and on US soil. They hid their case number from me. My kid will not give it to me and I do not want to force the issue before I make my move because the spouse may try and do something stupid. How can I get this information? I had to provide a picture of my ID and sign a form and I know which service center I have to contact since it is my address. 

Any suggestion?

i suspect they think this will negate any attempt on your part to nullify the affidavit of support.  i recommend a trip with several forms of ID to your nearest USCIS office, as they can locate the

info you need to write up a withdrawing of support.
that they are pulling this stunt (hiding the case number) should demonstrate that neither of them has woken up and smelled the roses.

be careful.

[Adventine 3,201]

22 minutes ago, Ban Hammer said:

let's focus on providing advice for the op about the situation and how to best navigate through it all.

I thought I was, although you definitely provided more practical advice on the immediate and urgent question about the case number. You are right that OP needs to be careful. I was thinking further ahead, and how to avoid getting into the same situation again in the future.

 

Hopefully it works out for OP in the end.

[Disappointment 6]

2 hours ago, Adventine said:

Others will be able to help with figuring out how to get the case number. However, this story becomes even more concerning because it reveals more about the dynamic between the spouse, your kid, and yourself.

 

Why have you allowed someone to treat you like this in your own home? 

 

It isn't just your kid who needs the "come to Jesus" moment. It's you, too. 

 

Once the urgency is over, it may be wise to think about your own behavior and how it has contributed to this messy situation.

 

A therapist may actually be useful, to help you identify the roots of this enabling behavior, so you don't end up in the same situation in the future.

 

Otherwise, you could easily end up enabling your kid and future potential partners, and this abusive situation could repeat itself.

I guess I need to answer this because I am just not in this situation out of sitting idle and letting things happen and these questions are going to comeback anyway:

1. How did it happened ? Well, as I said earlier in this post, I kicked them out once, they were out of my life for several months and my spouse reeled them in while I was on a professional assignment for several months on the other side of the country and my spouse was still in the house. I came back home for some medical procedure and straight into this situation with them already moved in the Master bedroom, etc. My spouse argued that it was a great idea to have them live there to take care of the pets when he was coming to the East coast for weeks at a time, I remember telling him that I was disagreeing and he said that he would manage the problems... But at the time they were both adorable, polite, etc so I tolerated them there.
2. How did I "allow anyone to treat you like this in my own home"? Nobody said that I did! : I am withdrawing my support so there will be consequences to that the only thing is: They don't know yet because I do not want to put my cards on the table until I have all my aces in a row. Which takes me to my other point: I am not sure I really need a therapist to figure out what is going on because:
3. Full disclosure I am a DV advocate myself and I have helped a lot of people go through VAWA/extreme cruelty.  So I do know what is abuse and what is not, what codependency is etc.. But what I know also is that the best way is for now to not give this person the slightest ground for any DV claim or VAWA claim because this is the type of person that WILL use that. So the best is to keep my mouth shut and hammer the spouse with that when they expect it the less, rather than immediately being the mouth piece that I can be and get into more problems if I am being accused of DV. Which makes my next point:
4. From Experience (and the literature on this topic) it is extremely rare that the abusers start immediately their abuses. It comes gradually because abuser are smart enough to understand they have to establish power and control over their victim and reduce the victim's sense of self worth before the true abuse start otherwise the victims would leave immediately! This person was not that way before the wedding I can tell you that far and I can confirm what Ban Hammer has said because my gut tells me the same thing: Beware. This person is a scam artist and my kid is the enabler. Now if I am guilty of something it is that I have signed. When I asked if my kid was sure of his decision, the latter laughed it out "Ohhhh Mom, you don't think we would bamboozle you, are you?". Indeed at least one of them was!