Is my relationship with my Moroccan Man legit?

[JVal91 3]

Hello,

I’m wondering if I can get an outsider perspective on whether my relationship is as real as I think/hope, please. 
A Moroccan man liked me on a dating site I’m on and reached out to me on Instagram in April 2020. He’s 27 and I’m 29. We started messaging and hit it off. We speak every day via text and audio calls, and video call often. He was married to an American lady (not sure how old she is) but before he did the visa application to go to the US she decided she wanted a divorce because her family/friends said he would leave when he arrived. He left his job at a government owned fitness club to be with her in the states and now is trying I make money as a self-employed private fitness trainer because it’s difficult to get a job there. They divorced a year before he knew me. He didn’t tell me he loved me until after 3 months of us talking. He’s Muslim but not very religious and I’m Catholic. We talked about our views on marriage and kids (we both want these). I said I would want my kids to be baptized, etc and he said he agreed with that. He’s never asked me for money. Very respectful and caring. He communicates with my mom on social media (after asking my permission/how I would feel about it). He even posted/told people on his social media I’m his girlfriend. His older brother is married to an Australian woman and lives with her in Australia with their 2 kids and he is apparently an atheist. We haven’t met yet because of COVID. He has tried searching a few times other ways to immigrate outside the marriage route. At about 4 months he was showing links of options that he found and one mentioned marrying a citizen. My response was there are other ways and if he were proposing to me at that time I would say no. He expressly said that’s not what he meant. He wasn’t angry or anything like that. We have been talking for over 7 months now. 
I’ve never been married, no kids. 
 

*Trying to give as much info as I can.*
I love him and I believe he loves me, and I do trust him but posts on the internet and comments from a couple of family members are really starting to get to me. Your honest perspective is really appreciated. Thank you for your time! 

[JVal91 3]

19 minutes ago, JVal91 said:

Hello,

I’m wondering if I can get an outsider perspective on whether my relationship is as real as I think/hope, please. 
A Moroccan man liked me on a dating site I’m on and reached out to me on Instagram in April 2020. He’s 27 and I’m 29. We started messaging and hit it off. We speak every day via text and audio calls, and video call often. He was married to an American lady (not sure how old she is) but before he did the visa application to go to the US she decided she wanted a divorce because her family/friends said he would leave when he arrived. He left his job at a government owned fitness club to be with her in the states and now is trying I make money as a self-employed private fitness trainer because it’s difficult to get a job there. They divorced a year before he knew me. He didn’t tell me he loved me until after 3 months of us talking. He’s Muslim but not very religious and I’m Catholic. We talked about our views on marriage and kids (we both want these). I said I would want my kids to be baptized, etc and he said he agreed with that. He’s never asked me for money. Very respectful and caring. He communicates with my mom on social media (after asking my permission/how I would feel about it). He even posted/told people on his social media I’m his girlfriend. His older brother is married to an Australian woman and lives with her in Australia with their 2 kids and he is apparently an atheist. We haven’t met yet because of COVID. He has tried searching a few times other ways to immigrate outside the marriage route. At about 4 months he was showing links of options that he found and one mentioned marrying a citizen. My response was there are other ways and if he were proposing to me at that time I would say no. He expressly said that’s not what he meant. He wasn’t angry or anything like that. We have been talking for over 7 months now. 
I’ve never been married, no kids. 
 

*Trying to give as much info as I can.*
I love him and I believe he loves me, and I do trust him but posts on the internet and comments from a couple of family members are really starting to get to me. Your honest perspective is really appreciated. Thank you for your time! 

I also wanted to include although I don’t know how old his ex is I would guess from pictures he’s shown me that she’s around our (his and my) age too. Lastly, I have seen videos of his Australian niece wishing him happy birthday (saying Uncle xxxx), in case it’s thought that he made up a brother or something. Thanks again for your time

[TBoneTX 45,288]

*** Thread is moved from Off Topic to General Immigration Discussion ***

---

[Moderator hat off]

You must find out every microscopic detail about his previous marriage.

Whatever he tells you, probe for more.

3 minutes ago, JVal91 said:

I love him and I believe he loves me

There are 3 stages to every relationship:  the e-mail/chat phase, the phone phase, and the in-person phase.  The first two can go marvelously well; however, in the third, if absolutely anything rings your warning bell (and your antennae should be fully up and aimed at all times), take heed.

32 minutes ago, JVal91 said:

her family/friends said he would leave when he arrived

Their reasoning must have been exceptionally persuasive if it caused her to divorce him.  Divorce is pretty extreme.  Investigate this, too, without merely relying on his word.

[milimelo 4,477]

Meet up before you decide he's the one. Try to find the ex wife and see what she says. Take lots of time on deciding the course of action.

You can tell him he should play DV lottery - it's a yearly thing if he wants to immigrate.

[Chancy 6,241]

54 minutes ago, JVal91 said:

 We speak every day via text and audio calls, and video call often. He was married to an American lady (not sure how old she is) but before he did the visa application to go to the US she decided she wanted a divorce because her family/friends said he would leave when he arrived.

 

I read that unfortunately, something similar happened to some VJ members who sponsored Moroccan partners for US immigration.  Also, this is not a problem limited to Moroccans.  Not saying that this is what your man intends to do.  Just be aware that this is a possibility with actual precedent.

 

I strongly recommend that you do NOT commit to anything long-term until you've spent a lot of time together in person.  Not engagement for marriage, not petitioning for immigration.  Online chats and video calls, even multiple times daily, are not enough to get a good grasp of someone's behavior and personality in order to make such a life-changing decision.

 

Also, there are no guaranteed approvals with US immigration.  How do you feel about moving to Morocco to be with your loved one?  How does your boyfriend feel about building a life together and supporting you in Morocco?  If one or both of you are not comfortable with this possibility, it's time to seriously rethink whether this relationship is worth pursuing.  If your boyfriend is not open to the idea of staying in Morocco, that could be a warning for you to reconsider his motives for contacting you.

 

Good luck and best wishes to you.

 

[coforever 40]

1 hour ago, JVal91 said:

Hello,

I’m wondering if I can get an outsider perspective on whether my relationship is as real as I think/hope, please. 
A Moroccan man liked me on a dating site I’m on and reached out to me on Instagram in April 2020. He’s 27 and I’m 29. We started messaging and hit it off. We speak every day via text and audio calls, and video call often. He was married to an American lady (not sure how old she is) but before he did the visa application to go to the US she decided she wanted a divorce because her family/friends said he would leave when he arrived. He left his job at a government owned fitness club to be with her in the states and now is trying I make money as a self-employed private fitness trainer because it’s difficult to get a job there. They divorced a year before he knew me. He didn’t tell me he loved me until after 3 months of us talking. He’s Muslim but not very religious and I’m Catholic. We talked about our views on marriage and kids (we both want these). I said I would want my kids to be baptized, etc and he said he agreed with that. He’s never asked me for money. Very respectful and caring. He communicates with my mom on social media (after asking my permission/how I would feel about it). He even posted/told people on his social media I’m his girlfriend. His older brother is married to an Australian woman and lives with her in Australia with their 2 kids and he is apparently an atheist. We haven’t met yet because of COVID. He has tried searching a few times other ways to immigrate outside the marriage route. At about 4 months he was showing links of options that he found and one mentioned marrying a citizen. My response was there are other ways and if he were proposing to me at that time I would say no. He expressly said that’s not what he meant. He wasn’t angry or anything like that. We have been talking for over 7 months now. 
I’ve never been married, no kids. 
 

*Trying to give as much info as I can.*
I love him and I believe he loves me, and I do trust him but posts on the internet and comments from a couple of family members are really starting to get to me. Your honest perspective is really appreciated. Thank you for your time! 

7 months of just talking is not enough to commit yourself to anything be it marriage or immigration. You guys just started dating in few months and he is already searching for ways to immigrate,why not push for visitors visa or DV like someone said instead of straight to marriage,another red flag is if he met the first wife the way he met you. . Words carry less weight these days and people say anything . For you to come to this forum to ask such questions it means a voice in you is telling you to thread carefully. I think you should listen to that voice and do not leave any stone unturned. Sometimes family members see and tell us what we don't want to see or acknowledge. Everybody can't be wrong at the same time. Be careful. 

[Adventine 3,196]

Your gut is telling you something isn't quite right with this relationship. That's why you're asking internet strangers for opinions on your relationship.

 

It will be a good idea to do the following:

 

- visit him in Morocco and spend time with him in person. See how he lives his daily life. Meet his family.

- talk about you moving to Morocco and discover what his reaction is. Research the different options for you to immigrate to Morocco, present them to him, and observe his reactions. If he raises concerns about how you're going to earn a living in Morocco, say that you can find a way to do your job remotely (and if you have an office job, you can). 

 

This last option is what I did with my USC fiancé. We wanted to spend more time together before deciding on marriage. I wanted to be sure about his intentions (and vice versa). So he applied for a Philippine visa and came to the Philippines to live with me. This is how we solidified our relationship and confirmed we had genuine intentions (that I wasn't just using him to move to the States, and that he wasn't just in love with whatever he imagined me to be over the internet).

Edited December 2, 2020 by Adventine

[JVal91 3]

5 hours ago, coforever said:

7 months of just talking is not enough to commit yourself to anything be it marriage or immigration. You guys just started dating in few months and he is already searching for ways to immigrate,why not push for visitors visa or DV like someone said instead of straight to marriage,another red flag is if he met the first wife the way he met you. . Words carry less weight these days and people say anything . For you to come to this forum to ask such questions it means a voice in you is telling you to thread carefully. I think you should listen to that voice and do not leave any stone unturned. Sometimes family members see and tell us what we don't want to see or acknowledge. Everybody can't be wrong at the same time. Be careful. 

Hi, thank you. I totally agree I wouldn’t commit to marriage or immigration right now if I haven’t met him in person not even once. He did apply for the visa lottery. I pushed for visitor visa for while and because he doesn’t have a lot of money and is self-employed, so on paper he doesn’t have ties that he’d go back home even if he has a car and most of his family is there, etc. The three family members have not met or talked with him and are basing their concerns on what they have also been reading online. I’m trying to be careful and not be blinded by love so I thought I’d reach out here. Thank you again. 

[JVal91 3]

3 hours ago, Adventine said:

Your gut is telling you something isn't quite right with this relationship. That's why you're asking internet strangers for opinions on your relationship.

 

It will be a good idea to do the following:

 

- visit him in Morocco and spend time with him in person. See how he lives his daily life. Meet his family.

- talk about you moving to Morocco and discover what his reaction is. Research the different options for you to immigrate to Morocco, present them to him, and observe his reactions. If he raises concerns about how you're going to earn a living in Morocco, say that you can find a way to do your job remotely (and if you have an office job, you can). 

 

This last option is what I did with my USC fiancé. We wanted to spend more time together before deciding on marriage. I wanted to be sure about his intentions (and vice versa). So he applied for a Philippine visa and came to the Philippines to live with me. This is how we solidified our relationship and confirmed we had genuine intentions (that I wasn't just using him to move to the States, and that he wasn't just in love with whatever he imagined me to be over the internet).

Hello and thank you. I plan to visit him hopefully early next year with a friend or family member and get a hotel room, and he knows/is fine with me bringing someone (he actually offered). I wouldn’t commit to anyone after only just talking online. I think I will talk about moving there and gauge his reaction. Thank you 

[JVal91 3]

5 hours ago, Chancy said:

 

I read that unfortunately, something similar happened to some VJ members who sponsored Moroccan partners for US immigration.  Also, this is not a problem limited to Moroccans.  Not saying that this is what your man intends to do.  Just be aware that this is a possibility with actual precedent.

 

I strongly recommend that you do NOT commit to anything long-term until you've spent a lot of time together in person.  Not engagement for marriage, not petitioning for immigration.  Online chats and video calls, even multiple times daily, are not enough to get a good grasp of someone's behavior and personality in order to make such a life-changing decision.

 

Also, there are no guaranteed approvals with US immigration.  How do you feel about moving to Morocco to be with your loved one?  How does your boyfriend feel about building a life together and supporting you in Morocco?  If one or both of you are not comfortable with this possibility, it's time to seriously rethink whether this relationship is worth pursuing.  If your boyfriend is not open to the idea of staying in Morocco, that could be a warning for you to reconsider his motives for contacting you.

 

Good luck and best wishes to you.

 

Hi and thank you so much. I haven’t thought about and haven’t brought up me moving there but I will and gauge what his reaction is and go from there. Definitely not committing to marriage or immigration  if we haven’t even met once yet. We only talked about marriage, kids, etc and he says it’s something he wants one day (I also want these things in the future). 

[JVal91 3]

6 hours ago, milimelo said:

Meet up before you decide he's the one. Try to find the ex wife and see what she says. Take lots of time on deciding the course of action.

You can tell him he should play DV lottery - it's a yearly thing if he wants to immigrate.

Hi and thank you. Yes, definitely want to meet in person before committing to anything. He applied for the visa lottery. He is actually still trying to finish his divorce in Morocco (court needs original documents, which the ex only provided copies via email) and she has been stalling for months now although they were officially divorced in the US within a few months of her filing. I would like to talk to her and get her side but I also don’t want to mess things up for him on getting these docs. 

[JVal91 3]

6 hours ago, TBoneTX said:

*** Thread is moved from Off Topic to General Immigration Discussion ***

---

[Moderator hat off]

You must find out every microscopic detail about his previous marriage.

Whatever he tells you, probe for more.

There are 3 stages to every relationship:  the e-mail/chat phase, the phone phase, and the in-person phase.  The first two can go marvelously well; however, in the third, if absolutely anything rings your warning bell (and your antennae should be fully up and aimed at all times), take heed.

Their reasoning must have been exceptionally persuasive if it caused her to divorce him.  Divorce is pretty extreme.  Investigate this, too, without merely relying on his word.

Hi and thank you very much. I do try to probe for more info without looking like an interrogator. 
I want to meet him in person a few times before I commit to anything long term. 
He was sending me screenshots of their message exchanges because he’s been trying for months to get original and sealed US court documents sent to him so he can be divorced in Morocco. She only sent copies via email which courts didn’t accept. They were officially divorced a few months after she filed. She seems to still have feelings for him (ie saying I care about you, he’s looking good, handsome, sending hearts, etc) even though he’s been asking for divorce documents. I’m not sure how I can investigate this and I worry to ask her without making getting this docs even harder for him. 

[JVal91 3]

36 minutes ago, JVal91 said:

Hello and thank you. I plan to visit him hopefully early next year with a friend or family member and get a hotel room, and he knows/is fine with me bringing someone (he actually offered). I wouldn’t commit to anyone after only just talking online. I think I will talk about moving there and gauge his reaction. Thank you 

I should also mention that I reeeeally overthink and over analyze everything before taking a step and so me writing on here after reading things online that popped up while searching something else, certainly stems from that I think. 

[milimelo 4,477]

32 minutes ago, JVal91 said:

Hi and thank you. Yes, definitely want to meet in person before committing to anything. He applied for the visa lottery. He is actually still trying to finish his divorce in Morocco (court needs original documents, which the ex only provided copies via email) and she has been stalling for months now although they were officially divorced in the US within a few months of her filing. I would like to talk to her and get her side but I also don’t want to mess things up for him on getting these docs. 

If the divorce is finalized and he has electronic copies of the paperwork what's stopping him from obtaining his own copies? He should be able to request it online. Vitalchek.com is just one of many options to get a divorce decree (I used them for birth certificate this summer and they were quick - had it in around 8 days). 

[JVal91 3]

18 minutes ago, milimelo said:

If the divorce is finalized and he has electronic copies of the paperwork what's stopping him from obtaining his own copies? He should be able to request it online. Vitalchek.com is just one of many options to get a divorce decree (I used them for birth certificate this summer and they were quick - had it in around 8 days). 

I suggested he try getting his own originals and the only way I could think of was to get a US lawyer to go and get them in person and get them with international seal (which is required on these), which is expensive and he can’t afford. I also suggested to him he at least email the court to get more info and he did email (I saw it and that it was sent in his email to the email address) but got no response.  honestly I didn’t know about this Vitalcheck.com. Would they do an appostile (international) seal?