K1 or Cr1, does the co sponsor have to know we are married?

[JFH 12,191]

So you are going to ask your girlfriend’s mother to take on a massive financial responsibility, one that could see her being sued by the government in the worst case, yet you don’t think you owe her the courtesy of being honest with her? I’m sure the mother isn’t stupid. She will read the forms and know exactly what’s going on. I’m sure she’d rather hear it from you two than by reading it on a government form that you got married. 
 

If you’re old enough to get married, you’re old enough to tell the truth to her mother. And if she doesn’t like what she hears and refuses to act as joint sponsor then you’ll have to act like adults and deal with your own mess even if that means being apart (it won’t kill you - all of us here are living proof of that) whilst your girlfriend returns to the US and gets a job that makes enough that you don’t need a joint sponsor. 

[JonSeattle 202]

5 hours ago, Lauren&smith83 said:

I know this probably sounds a bit immature although different cultural backgrounds play a big role in this dilemma. 

According to American culture, if you want your gf's mom to commit to sponsoring you, you are first going to have to spend some of your $30K in visits to let her get to know and trust you.

[Adventine 3,201]

6 hours ago, Lauren&smith83 said:

Is there any way that her mum doesn’t need to know that we are married while signing as our co-sponsor? I’m not sure if this could reject our chances of getting the CR1 visa and that would be insanely devastating as she will be working for her mum's company in 2022. 

 

Is there any other way around this than taking the risky k1 visa route? Considering we were going to do the k1 visa and just get married and not tell her mum until we plan an offical wedding. It’s all very stressful! If we tell her mum we got married we know she wouldn’t consider being our co-sponsor and we have no one else that could do it. 

 

I know this probably sounds a bit immature although different cultural backgrounds play a big role in this dilemma. 

 

OP wants to get married but doesn't want to tell the future mother-in-law about the marriage...

 

And yet wants this same future mother-in-law to be a co-sponsor and to use future mother-in-law's good financial position in order to obtain a marriage-based immigration benefit.

 

Yes, I see nothing that could possibly go wrong with this plan. 

 

 

 

[eggybreadb78 57]

If you are old enough and feel mature enough to get married and deal with all that comes with being a married couple, you ought to be old enough to handle your business without lying, like adults. You are planning on using and abusing your in-laws for your own benefit, this is awful. It most definitely isn't my place to say but hey ho, perhaps you should reconsider getting married as this is no way to start a marriage.

Edited November 18, 2020 by eggybreadb78

[Sarah&Facundo 599]

I truly don't.understand this. Besides the lying which people above already posted about, when she is signing the document and giving over all of her tax information/personal documents/proof of work to you, what were you planning to tell her she is signing for? Isn't she even signing and filling out the information about your foreign spouse directly on the form? The information about what she is committing to is literally on the form she would be signing. 

[SteveInBostonI130 3,477]

Hello,

 

I strongly suggest you hold off on marriage if your girlfriend has hide it from her parents.  

 

I-864 is to sponsor for immediate family -- children, parents, siblings, spouse.  In this case, a son-in-law.  There is no way to hide it.  And if you try, then your relationship will be a hot mess.  This is a major life event.  It is not like being a child and trying to hide something from your parents, like eating candy or ice cream when you shouldn't.

 

For your future wife to sponsor you by herself with savings that you give her, the guideline is 3x to 5x the difference between income and the 125% guideline wage.  In your case, that will be about $65k to $108k.  

 

[African Zealot 1,455]

Seriously? I can now understand why her mom would be unhappy. For this to even occur to you hints that you’re not exactly a forthright and/or mature person, none of which makes you recommenced marriage material.

Edited November 18, 2020 by Ray.Bonaquist

[SunflowerSweet 1,321]

I can understand there being situations where you wouldn’t want a partner’s family to know about a marriage. Family dynamics can be all over the board and sometimes people find themselves in situations where distance and independence from family is necessary for an individual’s and/or couple’s well-being...

 

THAT BEING SAID, those type of situations would make it odd or even inappropriate to then ask any family members to provide the sort of responsibility required for the I-864. This is a weird have your cake and eat it too moment. Or, I guess, avoid and lie to your cake and expect it to be responsible for you too moment.

Edited November 18, 2020 by MorganandMichael

[Adventine 3,201]

Yeah, if the mom doesn't approve of the OP, fine, they are adults and can get married anyway without the mom's consent or knowledge.

 

But then to mislead the mom into signing papers, so that she becomes financially responsible for the OP as an intending immigrant... "Inappropriate" is much too mild a word for it.

[Ed&Midori1031 330]

"The truth shall set you free"

[mushroomspore 3,044]

52 minutes ago, Adventine said:

Yeah, if the mom doesn't approve of the OP, fine, they are adults and can get married anyway without the mom's consent or knowledge.

 

But then to mislead the mom into signing papers, so that she becomes financially responsible for the OP as an intending immigrant... "Inappropriate" is much too mild a word for it.

Completely agree. I know people sometimes have very valid reasons for not wanting to tell their parents about their lives. Toxic and abusive parents are a real thing. But in this case, it doesn't necessarily sound like the partner's mother is abusive AND they are asking her to become involved in their marriage by signing the I-864. People can't have their cake and eat it too. It's either they tell the partner's mother or they get better jobs so they do not need a joint sponsor, which would definitely involve separation time and waiting however long it takes to file the papers. Time for OP and their partner to put on their Big People Pants, as another person said. 

[davidvs 354]

Unsolicited advice for the OP:

 

I get that you don't want to tell her mother you are getting/got married, but you should think about the future impact it would have on her relationship with her family.

 

My wife and I were engaged and my whole family knew. We decided to get married in the Fall of 2016 right before the election for various reasons that are unimportant. We did not tell anyone except one of her friends who was the witness at our ceremony. We planned to has a formal wedding the following summer when my nieces and nephew would be home from school. Unfortunately, our plan was ruined when we got pregnant shortly after our wedding and we had to tell everyone that we had gotten married.

 

This caused a lot of problems between me and my family because we did not include them in our big day. 

 

So, just a word of caution, please consider the harm a decision like this could cause down the road.

 

Good luck.