I'm Soooooooo Stressed

[MrsAmera 41]

Hi all - I know I should be spending this time to get something done but I need to talk to someone and I can't find anyone! I'm at work right now and my mind is lost. SO here's the deal. I'm finishing my last semester of school right?? So I have regular course work plus 4 papers, 8pg, 2, 15pgs and 1 20+ page paper I started the little one and the biggest one but I'm still soooo stressed out that I have so much work to finish for school. Plus our wedding is in 3 1/2 weeks and things keep coming up and it's getting bigger and bigger. I feel like I have no time to do anything. My son has been so whiny lately (he's 2) and only wants me so even when Youssef tries to help out he just wants me. (Which then makes Youssef feel bad). I'm trying to work as much as I can too - becuase of our trip to New York the finances are a bit drained. Youssef doesn't understand that one either. So to top off all of my stress this morning I wake up and make breakfast and get Mikhail (the baby) ready for day care and am getting ready to take my shower. Youssef asks me to come in the bedroom and tries to (I"m sorry if it's too much info here but I'm trying to get my point across as generic as possible) "make love" to me - I couldn't do it because there were like 10,000 thoughts in my head and I was just not in that state of mind. SO then he gets bugged that I couldn't do it. Now the final tick - he ALWAYS has worn a ring I gave him since the day we got engaged - it's too small for his finger but he always wears it. At night he takes it off and this morning he didn't put it back on! We were in the car driving to daycare/school and I gave him his ring that I always wear on my necklace and put it on his finger. He then told me, "If I wanted to wear it I would have asked you for it." ouch - i started to get teary and then tore off driving. I'm so stressed, tired, angry, hurt right now. Maybe it's pre-wedding ####### and maybe I just need some Prozac or something. Thanks for letting me vent!

[Jenn! 918]

God, life's a ###### sometimes, isn't it!

I give you a lot of credit, girl. I can't imagine trying to do all this stuff and have a kid, AND be going to school at the same time. You're a tough cookie - don't forget it!

We're already married, but our reception is on April 22nd too, so I can sympathize with the stress level at T-3.5 weeks.

I know I've just been trying to get one thing done at a time and not stress out too much about the little things. Little things like the inconsiderate things men can sometimes do to drive us crazy!

I hope things calm down for you soon. Adjustments are hard, just keep chuggin'!

Hugs.

jenn

[Dixie_Peach 1]

Hi all - I know I should be spending this time to get something done but I need to talk to someone and I can't find anyone! I'm at work right now and my mind is lost. SO here's the deal. I'm finishing my last semester of school right?? So I have regular course work plus 4 papers, 8pg, 2, 15pgs and 1 20+ page paper I started the little one and the biggest one but I'm still soooo stressed out that I have so much work to finish for school. Plus our wedding is in 3 1/2 weeks and things keep coming up and it's getting bigger and bigger. I feel like I have no time to do anything. My son has been so whiny lately (he's 2) and only wants me so even when Youssef tries to help out he just wants me. (Which then makes Youssef feel bad). I'm trying to work as much as I can too - becuase of our trip to New York the finances are a bit drained. Youssef doesn't understand that one either. So to top off all of my stress this morning I wake up and make breakfast and get Mikhail (the baby) ready for day care and am getting ready to take my shower. Youssef asks me to come in the bedroom and tries to (I"m sorry if it's too much info here but I'm trying to get my point across as generic as possible) "make love" to me - I couldn't do it because there were like 10,000 thoughts in my head and I was just not in that state of mind. SO then he gets bugged that I couldn't do it. Now the final tick - he ALWAYS has worn a ring I gave him since the day we got engaged - it's too small for his finger but he always wears it. At night he takes it off and this morning he didn't put it back on! We were in the car driving to daycare/school and I gave him his ring that I always wear on my necklace and put it on his finger. He then told me, "If I wanted to wear it I would have asked you for it." ouch - i started to get teary and then tore off driving. I'm so stressed, tired, angry, hurt right now. Maybe it's pre-wedding ####### and maybe I just need some Prozac or something. Thanks for letting me vent!

*HUGE HUGZZZZZZZZZZZ*

Amera, life sure is dishing you a huuuuuuuuuuuuuge helping of STRESS!!! somewhere along the way, you need a breather... JUST FOR YOU!!! last night, a hot bubble bath along with some smooth tunes helped to calm me down... doesn't sound like you have a whole lot of free time, but - i would advise that you find a small amount of time so that you can unwind... and re-group... meditate - and go again!!! praying for ya... wishing you the best... *hugs*

Lynne

[kerewin21 2]

Amera, hang in there. The adjustment is really hard for both sides. It's probably not easy for Yousseff to feel like he can't help you out the way he'd like, plus he can't help with the wedding stuff because, let's face it, he's a guy and he's from Morocco and they do weddings totally different there.

Make sure that you *do* let him do the things he can, that you're really including him in your life. When you have so many things on your plate and you're used to being as independent as I'm sure you are, that can be difficult.

Hang in there, just try to remember how hard it was to be apart and how lucky you are to be together now.

Hugs

Sharon

[moroccogirlny 100]

I know you are going through alot, however our men from Morocco usually acquire some attention like in the bedroom. They don't undersatnd the word no when it comes to that, it hurts their ego. This is a very stressful time for you both. I hope it all works out and this is just a phase.

Leila

[raymaga 25]

Give yourself a whole lot of deserved credit. You are a very busy professional woman, a student, a mother, and a wife-to-be. Wow..... what a full day. I am currently not working, not going to school, and my children are all grown, so all I have to concentrate on is my husband and our home and I even get stressed at times. I almost feel guilty now when I hear how "full" your life is.

Just try to remember than once school is finished, and the wedding is over, your life will definitely slow down and become more "normal". In the meantime, is there anyone you could ask for help with the wedding plans or help with the children? Sometimes asking for help is a hard thing to do, but I'm sure you must have friends or family who can understand that you are definitely in need of some help right now.

Best wishes for a wonderful wedding, and just try to remember that a lot of this stress will pass in time.

[Together4ever 1]

Oh darlin, you have so much on your plate. I know maybe you don't need a lot of advice right now, but I know how crushing things can become. I agree one million percent to take time just for you... MAKE IT. Then you will have more to share with your lovely. This is hard on both you, the adjusting, all the plans, your work and school load... time to prioritize what is truly most important and give it the most attention. I hope you put yourself at the top of that list.

You know, guys are funny creatures and sometimes hard for us females to remember they kind of move through the world differently then we do, especially when you throw in the difference in culture. He wants to be your MAN, your provider, your hero, and your son's too. When he feels he is not able to be in that roll like he wants to be, it has to be so frustrating for him too. Especially when romantically he feels he is failing too. Don't beat yourself up. Life just tends to take bumpy trails sometimes.

Just big huge hugs and lots of prayers to both of you.

[MrsAmera 41]

You guys made me cry!! Not the bad tears I promise! Thank you for understanding and encouraging - hearing some people just give some positive feedback really makes a difference. It feels like there is so much negativity in me right now that it helps to hear some good stuff! Thank you

[jordanianprincess 0]

Amera!!! Hang in there girl!! Maybe it's his time of month! Seriously though, middle eastern men require lots of attention in the bedroom and if you say "no" its like a blow to thier ego. He will probebly get over it himself very soon and realize how mean he was.

[honeyblonde 0]

Amera I feel your pain. When Abdel got here I was in the same boat, only it wasn't my last semester. I still have 3 years to go!

I was taking 3 very hard classes, had 2 10 plus page papers and 1 huge research project with a paper due. I know he felt totally left out and incredibly lonely most of that time, but hang in there girl, you're almost there.

Keep reminding him that you really love him, and school will help your life together, not just you. I did a lot of promising to make things up to Abdel once the semester was over, and I kept true to my word. I doubt it made him feel a whole lot better, but it was all I could do.

Next, accept that your grades just aren't going to be what they were before he was here. I had to swallow very hard and accept my first C in 5 years, along with a B and only 1 A for the semester. If you're as ####### about your grades as I am that might be as hard for you as it was for me, but you have to do it if you value your marriage.

I agree about men's egos in the bedroom. He was probably just mad because he was trying to help the way a man of course would want to be treated if he was stressed (they rarely understand that doing dishes or feeding the baby or something would probably be a better way to help us destress) and it didn't work.

Abdel too kept reaching out for my affection when I was busy and it took everything I had to not brush him off. Sometimes I think men are like the dog, the more stressed out you are the more they worry about you and get right under your feet, which just stresses you out even more and makes you even less affectionate with them. Kids can be the same way too.

Now I'm only taking 2 classes a semester so I have time for Abdel. Lucky you, soon school will be over and you can enjoy your child and your marriage.

[UmmSqueakster 54]

Girl, when the semester ends and the wedding is behind you, you have to come up to the twin cities and relax! I'm going to keep bugging you until you do

You've got a trillion things on your mind and any sane person would (rightfully) quickly lose their sanity in your situation. Hang in there and inshaAllah ta'Allah it will slow down a bit after the wedding.

[MrsAmera 41]

Hey I was just thinking about you this weekend! We flew back from NYC into Minneapolis and went shopping after (at my mom's request). I wish I would have had your number. I really wanted to get together before the wedding but I just think it's going to be impossible . But really, I swear after the wedding we'll come over. Youssef wants to go to the halal butcher haha! Plus I think it would be fun and nice since we're close to the same area! I'm slowly regaining some sanity. I had a breakdown tonight over something small but we moved past it (sorta). I need to just go for a walk or take a breather here and there to escape it otherwise it eats me up. He told me tonight, "I don't care if I spend all day with you or not. I would rather spend 1 hour with you when you're happy than any day." Awww hard to stay angry or upset. Inchallah everything will work it's way out.

[tatedaoudi 0]

ohh my goodness...as everyone said, your plate is very full. its so hard to juggle everything and at the same time be giveing and understanding.

I know I also get overwhelmed then feel completely guilty for doing so...its a bad cycle.

But everyone is right...find that place and time for just you...even if its a 10 minute drive earlier to work to get a special coffee you like.

hang in there. your pretty inspiring...keep it up.

-Sarah