Help with divorce waiver explanation on I-751 cover letter

[0310 10]

My 2-year CPR card is expiring in 10 days, so I'm planning to send my I-751 petition to remove conditions this week, possibly tomorrow.

 

The I-751 instructions mention "demonstrate any circumstances surrounding the end of the relationship, if it has ended."

 

What should I explain to USCIS?

 

I know that it is always better to disclose only what you have been asked to and the shorter the better, but I'm not sure what to explain to them about my end of the relationship.

 

 

This is the full story (short), but I don't know if it is necessary to explain everything to USCIS.

 

My wife (USC) suffers from BPD (undiagnosed). We've always had problems in our relationship, but I was codependent and even though times were hard, I loved her and was always there for her. She was very sweet sometimes, but also very abusive other times. I have texts and Facebook posts of what could be considered emotional abuse (defamation) and photos of physical abuse (sometimes she would scratch my arms causing bleeding and light scars, my face was scratched only once and have a picture of that). I thought about removing conditions through abuse waiver, but police reports were never filed and none of us never went to therapy or counseling.

 

I think we would still be together to this day, but in early July 2019 my wife and I got into some arguments (nothing new), but for some reason, this time she decided to create an online dating profile to start meeting other men. I think her reasoning was that she didn't want to be with me anymore. She told me about it, but I didn't try to stop her because she had always "acted out", threatened to leave then go back to her baseline after a few days. And also because I was hurt and mad at her for creating a dating profile. To this day she still uses this argument -that I didn't stop her- to make it seem as it was my fault for us separating and her having an affair.

 

She met a guy that she went out to dinner with a few times, then that same month (late July 2019), the same day she was finally going to sleep with him, she decided to "break up" with me and basically allow herself to have an affair.

 

She broke up with me in the morning and when she came back later that evening she was open about her affair (fortunately I guess), so I was extremely hurt. I have a "breakup" letter that she wrote to me that morning, but it just mentions how we were not happy together and how this is for the best, etc. We have not slept together ever since, but we still live together in separate rooms. I tolerated a lot, but I wasn't going to tolerate an affair, that's where she crossed the line for me.

 

Her affair lasted about 3 months, then she wanted to reconcile with me in late 2019 and again earlier this year. Maybe because I was still talking to her "friendly" after the peak of the emotional pain had passed, but I didn't and still don't want to have sex with her ever again.

 

I started divorce proceedings (California) in April this year, but because of the pandemic everything has been super slow. My wife was just served the divorce papers last week and there's a 6-month waiting period here, so the earliest my divorce can be finalized is in May 2021.

 

Even after being separated for so long, doing the service was hurtful because it meant that the clock to officially end our (though broken) marriage had started and we will be strangers again. If it wasn't because I have to be divorced for I-751 approval I would probably just keep being separated to keep "peace" in our house, at least while we were still living together. She has not been talking to me since the service happened and we were on ok terms and talking friendly before this. I tried to make her sign the divorce papers first, but she didn't want to, so I had to surprise her with the service process. I'll probably move out if things get ugly, but I'm hoping we'll be on ok terms again in a few weeks judging by her past behaviors.

 

 

Things I'm worried about:

1. I'm not sure what to explain to USCIS of the above story about the end of my marriage.
2. I filed a "no-fault" divorce even though I think she is at fault, I just want to make the process more straight forward.
3. During the AOS interview back in November 2018, the interviewer asked a few questions, one of them was if we had any problems in our relationship and she just answered that she was messy. I didn't disclose any problems even though we did have arguments weekly.
4. I don't have much evidence to prove her affair, but I could try to dig through text messages. There's a few posts on Facebook that with a detailed explanation you can come to the conclusion that she was going out with that other guy during this period. I would have to ask a mutual friend on Facebook to get this for me as she blocked me.

 

 

Can I just put on the I-751 cover letter something like this? What should I add or delete?

"Unfortunately my wife and I are separated and going through divorce proceedings. We are still living in the same household although separate rooms. The reason for our separation is that she had an affair from July 2019 through October 2019 and I've decided not to continue with our relationship. I have filed for a no-fault divorce in California in April 2020 and am attaching proof of the divorce forms filed with the court stamp. Due to the ongoing global health crisis, the divorce process has been slow and the service process was only done in November 2020. I should have the final divorce decree around May of 2021 due to the 6-month waiting period in California."

 

 

Thanks for reading, any help regarding the divorce explanation is appreciated!

[Duke & Marie 1,389]

In all honesty... your wife hasn’t been diagnosed with anything... so your diagnosis of BPD is just your opinion, not fact so you can’t really say this is the reason for the breakdown in the relationship.. there’s plenty of ex’s out there that will no doubt happily say their ex is crazy, bipolar or off in another world.... heck you should meet my ex... or my husbands ex for that matter... we both think they’re crazy.. 

 

‘’extramarital activities can, when a person is emotional be taken well out of factual context and the imagination can come up with all sorts of weird and wonderful things... and as you said she broke up with you the same day 🤷‍♀️ you’d been on/off with all sorts of issues and aren’t sleeping together.. her letter says your both unhappy... Going out to dinner a few times could be as just friend or can’t she have male friends? how do you know for sure she slept with the guy before you split up we’re you there? similar to the BPD thing... it’s all hearsay or insinuation.. 

 

abuse... did you report it to police? You could always try attaching the evidence of scratches etc but dosent explain why your still living with her if it’s an abusive relationship... would be best for you to move out ASAP 

 

with ref to the explanation you need to give them... keep it simple, factual and provide a breakdown including timeline explaining of why the relationship broke down... provide evidence if available. Personally since you’ve got no proof of bipolar or infidelity all you can really do is say irreconcilable differences... arguing etc 

Edited November 11, 2020 by Duke & Marie

[Timona 4,207]

39 minutes ago, 0310 said:

My 2-year CPR card is expiring in 10 days, so I'm planning to send my I-751 petition to remove conditions this week, possibly tomorrow.

 

The I-751 instructions mention "demonstrate any circumstances surrounding the end of the relationship, if it has ended."

 

What should I explain to USCIS?

 

I know that it is always better to disclose only what you have been asked to and the shorter the better, but I'm not sure what to explain to them about my end of the relationship.

 

 

This is the full story (short), but I don't know if it is necessary to explain everything to USCIS.

 

My wife (USC) suffers from BPD (undiagnosed). We've always had problems in our relationship, but I was codependent and even though times were hard, I loved her and was always there for her. She was very sweet sometimes, but also very abusive other times. I have texts and Facebook posts of what could be considered emotional abuse (defamation) and photos of physical abuse (sometimes she would scratch my arms causing bleeding and light scars, my face was scratched only once and have a picture of that). I thought about removing conditions through abuse waiver, but police reports were never filed and none of us never went to therapy or counseling.

 

I think we would still be together to this day, but in early July 2019 my wife and I got into some arguments (nothing new), but for some reason, this time she decided to create an online dating profile to start meeting other men. I think her reasoning was that she didn't want to be with me anymore. She told me about it, but I didn't try to stop her because she had always "acted out", threatened to leave then go back to her baseline after a few days. And also because I was hurt and mad at her for creating a dating profile. To this day she still uses this argument -that I didn't stop her- to make it seem as it was my fault for us separating and her having an affair.

 

She met a guy that she went out to dinner with a few times, then that same month (late July 2019), the same day she was finally going to sleep with him, she decided to "break up" with me and basically allow herself to have an affair.

 

She broke up with me in the morning and when she came back later that evening she was open about her affair (fortunately I guess), so I was extremely hurt. I have a "breakup" letter that she wrote to me that morning, but it just mentions how we were not happy together and how this is for the best, etc. We have not slept together ever since, but we still live together in separate rooms. I tolerated a lot, but I wasn't going to tolerate an affair, that's where she crossed the line for me.

 

Her affair lasted about 3 months, then she wanted to reconcile with me in late 2019 and again earlier this year. Maybe because I was still talking to her "friendly" after the peak of the emotional pain had passed, but I didn't and still don't want to have sex with her ever again.

 

I started divorce proceedings (California) in April this year, but because of the pandemic everything has been super slow. My wife was just served the divorce papers last week and there's a 6-month waiting period here, so the earliest my divorce can be finalized is in May 2021.

 

Even after being separated for so long, doing the service was hurtful because it meant that the clock to officially end our (though broken) marriage had started and we will be strangers again. If it wasn't because I have to be divorced for I-751 approval I would probably just keep being separated to keep "peace" in our house, at least while we were still living together. She has not been talking to me since the service happened and we were on ok terms and talking friendly before this. I tried to make her sign the divorce papers first, but she didn't want to, so I had to surprise her with the service process. I'll probably move out if things get ugly, but I'm hoping we'll be on ok terms again in a few weeks judging by her past behaviors.

 

 

Things I'm worried about:

1. I'm not sure what to explain to USCIS of the above story about the end of my marriage.
2. I filed a "no-fault" divorce even though I think she is at fault, I just want to make the process more straight forward.
3. During the AOS interview back in November 2018, the interviewer asked a few questions, one of them was if we had any problems in our relationship and she just answered that she was messy. I didn't disclose any problems even though we did have arguments weekly.
4. I don't have much evidence to prove her affair, but I could try to dig through text messages. There's a few posts on Facebook that with a detailed explanation you can come to the conclusion that she was going out with that other guy during this period. I would have to ask a mutual friend on Facebook to get this for me as she blocked me.

 

 

Can I just put on the I-751 cover letter something like this? What should I add or delete?

"Unfortunately my wife and I are separated and going through divorce proceedings. We are still living in the same household although separate rooms. The reason for our separation is that she had an affair from July 2019 through October 2019 and I've decided not to continue with our relationship. I have filed for a no-fault divorce in California in April 2020 and am attaching proof of the divorce forms filed with the court stamp. Due to the ongoing global health crisis, the divorce process has been slow and the service process was only done in November 2020. I should have the final divorce decree around May of 2021 due to the 6-month waiting period in California."

 

 

Thanks for reading, any help regarding the divorce explanation is appreciated!

 

Since you are still married and not expecting final divorce soon, you would have to file I-751 as married. With this, you do not have to provide the highlighted now. When divorce is finalized, send it to USCIS and request to switch to I-751 with divorce waiver. I still do not think an explanation is need at that point because USCIS knows divorces happen all the time. However, if you feel like, then when that time comes, put down the highlighted paragraph. It is precise, short and clear.

 

[igoyougoduke 1,656]

they dont really need a cover letter and divorce is not an issue as long as marriage was entered in good faith. Other than that any part of your life events do not  need explanation. CO will ask you at the interview if he needs clarification

 

Its not like you are fighting for the custody of your only child. 

[Boiler 45,564]

This is removing conditions not VAWA.

[0310 10]

11 minutes ago, Duke & Marie said:

In all honesty... your wife hasn’t been diagnosed with anything... so your diagnosis of BPD is just your opinion, not fact so you can’t really say this is the reason for the breakdown in the relationship.. there’s plenty of ex’s out there that will no doubt happily say their ex is crazy, bipolar or off in another world.... heck you should meet my ex... or my husbands ex for that matter... we both think they’re crazy.. 

 

‘’extramarital activities can, when a person is emotional be taken well out of factual context and the imagination can come up with all sorts of weird and wonderful things... and as you said she broke up with you the same day 🤷‍♀️ you’d been on/off with all sorts of issues and aren’t sleeping together.. her letter says your both unhappy... Going out to dinner a few times could be as just friend or can’t she have male friends? how do you know for sure she slept with the guy before you split up we’re you there? similar to the BPD thing... it’s all hearsay or insinuation.. 

 

abuse... did you report it to police? You could always try attaching the evidence of scratches etc but dosent explain why your still living with her if it’s an abusive relationship... would be best for you to move out ASAP 

 

with ref to the explanation you need to give them... keep it simple, factual and provide a breakdown including timeline explaining of why the relationship broke down... provide evidence if available. Personally since you’ve got no proof of bipolar or infidelity all you can really do is say irreconcilable differences... arguing etc 

 

Right, it is not official, I was just telling the story so that people that are familiar with BPD know how my wife would behave. I didn't know about BPD, but we have a mutual friend who is diagnosed with BPD and she was the one who told me that my wife has it, then I read a few books about it and it made sense. I'm not the only one who thinks that, most of our mutual friends that have seen her agree that she acts "crazy" sometimes. Her behaviors are not only towards me, although obviously the closer emotionally they get to a person the worse it gets for that person. Oh I forgot to mention, her mom is diagnosed with bipolar disorder and my wife was abused/neglected during childhood.

 

I think I didn't explain myself correctly, we were sleeping together every night (meaning going to bed and literally sleeping on the same bed, we only had sex once or twice in July before all this happened) then she broke up (through a letter) with me to go have sex with that guy and from then on we have not spent a night on the same bed again. This is not something I imagined, she didn't want to "cheat", so she broke up with me first, then started her sexual intimacy with another person and told me about it.

 

She was allowed to go out to dinner or pretty much anywhere with whoever she wanted. She actually told me about going out to dinner with the guy she broke up with me for and she had met him on a dating app and I didn't say anything.  What I was trying to say is that it is not easy to provide proof of the affair because a lot of it was through verbal communication and it's not like I have her phone to screenshot conversations with the other guy, but she did post things about him on Facebook and also about our breakup. The posts about the other guy weren't straightforward "I'm in a relationship with this new guy", it is just pictures where you can see the other guy is there along with his dog, his car, etc. in different places and I could only get screenshots of these posts through mutual friends as I'm blocked, so I would have to bother a friend to get this evidence, not hard, but if I don't have to I rather not have to go through those posts.

 

As I said, I did not report it to police. I try to maintain peace as much as possible and police would only escalate things. And I would be afraid to call them, it would be a white woman against a brown immigrant man. They would probably think she called them! Here are the pictures I have of my scratches https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1hqnEq_1BX3mF355JLibaY_JaA-As2m3q?usp=sharing I also want to say I never harmed her in case someone thinks "what did you do to her to get those scratches". I was scrolling through my Instagram feed once while she was sitting next to me and she saw a girl that I looked at for maybe a second, completely dressed btw, and I got the scratches from May 20, 2018.

 

I will keep it simple.

[0310 10]

1 hour ago, Timona said:

 

Since you are still married and not expecting final divorce soon, you would have to file I-751 as married. With this, you do not have to provide the highlighted now. When divorce is finalized, send it to USCIS and request to switch to I-751 with divorce waiver. I still do not think an explanation is need at that point because USCIS knows divorces happen all the time. However, if you feel like, then when that time comes, put down the highlighted paragraph. It is precise, short and clear.

 

I thought about this path, but I wouldn't be able to get her signature, so I have to file solo.

1 hour ago, James120383 said:

they dont really need a cover letter and divorce is not an issue as long as marriage was entered in good faith. Other than that any part of your life events do not  need explanation. CO will ask you at the interview if he needs clarification

 

Its not like you are fighting for the custody of your only child. 

Ok, thank you!

[0310 10]

1 hour ago, Boiler said:

This is removing conditions not VAWA.

Does that mean I don't need to explain the reason of my divorce?

[Boiler 45,564]

50 minutes ago, 0310 said:

Does that mean I don't need to explain the reason of my divorce?

Not material, that you entered into the marriage in good faith is. They are not interested in the messy break up details, I might have a basic sentence ready is asked.

[0310 10]

1 hour ago, Boiler said:

Not material, that you entered into the marriage in good faith is. They are not interested in the messy break up details, I might have a basic sentence ready is asked.

Got it, thanks!

[TBoneTX 45,330]

Thread is moved from Effects of Major Changes to the Removing Conditions forum.

[SunflowerSweet 1,321]

Simply having BPD (the mutual friend) or reading a few books about it (you) doesn’t give anyone the right to hand down a diagnosis to someone. Her being abusive doesn’t mean she has BPD. There are plenty of abusive people who have no mental illness, just as there are plenty of people will mental illnesses such as BPD that are never abusive.

 

None of that is really of any concern to you at this point though. You don’t need a detailed or really *any* story about your pending divorce. What you need to show for ROC is that the marriage was entered into in good faith. That’s what you should be focused on for immigration purposes.

[fromthewater 11]

On 11/11/2020 at 11:36 AM, 0310 said:

My 2-year CPR card is expiring in 10 days, so I'm planning to send my I-751 petition to remove conditions this week, possibly tomorrow.

 

Thanks for reading, any help regarding the divorce explanation is appreciated!

Well, apparently you should have filed, and I hope you did. However, I am still posting some suggestions here that may help with your RFE or other petitioners.

 

I suggest you file and TICK BOTH Divorce Waiver and Abuse Waiver.

For Divorce Waiver, submit all bona fide evidence you do have. Make sure you collect everything before you move out. Make sure it covers from "Getting your conditional GC" to Now.

For Abuse waiver, send photos of your injury from your wife. Write a detailed Declaration from how you met, how you fell in love and decided to get married, and how things turned bad. Detail the abuse.

 

What is tricky is that you might want to leave out her infidelity. USCIS does not care if she stepped out on you and it is wrong, and of course this marriage does not work for you anymore. On the contrary, this might make USCIS question the "bona fide" marriage, and whether your wife married you because of love or for immigration convenience. For this, you may want to consult an attorney. Maybe even use their help to prepare the forms properly.

 

"No fault" - USCIS does not care who's at fault. CA is also a no fault state. It also wouldn't matter to the court who's at fault. The only thing you could argue or fight about is properties and custody etc.

 

On 11/11/2020 at 12:21 PM, Timona said:

 

Since you are still married and not expecting final divorce soon, you would have to file I-751 as married. With this, you do not have to provide the highlighted now. When divorce is finalized, send it to USCIS and request to switch to I-751 with divorce waiver. I still do not think an explanation is need at that point because USCIS knows divorces happen all the time. However, if you feel like, then when that time comes, put down the highlighted paragraph. It is precise, short and clear.

 

Incorrect. When divorce is in proceeding, you can file for divorce waiver, and wait for the RFE to supply them your decree. In your I-751 filing, quote this, "USICS Memo, "I-751 Filed Prior to Termination of Marriage," (Apr. 3, 2009). In adjudicating the I-751, USCIS must issue a Request for Evidence to allow the applicant to submit his/her final divorce decree. https://www.uscis.gov/sites/default/files/document/memos/i-751_Filed_ Prior_Termination_3apr09.pdf

 

[Timona 4,207]

5 hours ago, fromthewater said:

Incorrect. When divorce is in proceeding, you can file for divorce waiver, and wait for the RFE to supply them your decree. In your I-751 filing, quote this, "USICS Memo, "I-751 Filed Prior to Termination of Marriage," (Apr. 3, 2009). In adjudicating the I-751, USCIS must issue a Request for Evidence to allow the applicant to submit his/her final divorce decree. https://www.uscis.gov/sites/default/files/document/memos/i-751_Filed_ Prior_Termination_3apr09.pdf

 

 

Divorce times are currently unpredictable. What would you do if RFE comes faster than the divorce? As you know, RFE's have 30 days turnaround.

This is why it is advisable to request for a switch when you have the divorce in hand. Additionally, some people reconcile before final divorce ruling and live happily ever after. So, I would rather switch when I actually have the divorce certificate in hand.

[fromthewater 11]

7 hours ago, Timona said:

 

Divorce times are currently unpredictable. What would you do if RFE comes faster than the divorce? As you know, RFE's have 30 days turnaround.

This is why it is advisable to request for a switch when you have the divorce in hand. Additionally, some people reconcile before final divorce ruling and live happily ever after. So, I would rather switch when I actually have the divorce certificate in hand.

I cannot imagine how uncomfortable it would be for anyone in a similar situation to ask their USC abusive/manipulative spouse to "joint" file as married with them.

What are the chances that the USC spouse would even say yes? What would they make the immigrant do in exchange?

Furthermore, they are separated, whether it's physically or emotionally. If you file as "married" filing jointly, that is misrepresenting what is going on to USCIS.

 

Understanding that divorce can sometimes take forever, I really doubt that anyone receives an RFE that fast. We all know how slow USCIS is, and I do believe if you mention that you will send them certified divorce decree once finalized, they wouldn't send you an RFE that is unreasonably early.

Also, response to an RFE deadline is usually 90 days, not 30.

 

That is actually why I would suggest tick both good faith and divorce waiver.

With abuse, you don't need divorce decree. And it may also help explain why the case may have some weird spots.

You can always request to amend your form. USCIS would most likely do it as a courtesy, instead of asking you to submit another I-751.