Actually need to remove my abusive foreign spouse

[African Zealot 1,455]

Forget about getting him back to his country. That's a pipers dream. You have ZERO power to do that. Many posters have told you however you don't seem to get it. I repeat you have ZERO power to do that. And also there are no time machines to go back and correct things. It is what it is.

 

What you can and must do is disentangle yourself from him as tactfully and subtly as possible. Even if it means you pay for an apartment for him for a few months, do it. Your life is worth more than a few thousand dollars.

 

I know my advice about restraining orders is contrary to what one will typically hear in this country. Perhaps because in my original country we essentially do not have them and they are almost impossible to enforce. However my advice is preferably get rid of him with as little animosity as possible even if you will give him some money/support for the first few months that he has to be on his own. I typically do not want to trigger a madman and I have seen/read/watched about too many women who got killed by the man they filed a restraining order on.

 

Best.

[Orangesapples 1,954]

7 minutes ago, Ray.Bonaquist said:

Forget about getting him back to his country. That's a pipers dream. You have ZERO power to do that. Many posters have told you however you don't seem to get it. I repeat you have ZERO power to do that. And also there are no time machines to go back and correct things. It is what it is.

 

What you can and must do is disentangle yourself from him as tactfully and subtly as possible. Even if it means you pay for an apartment for him for a few months, do it. Your life is worth more than a few thousand dollars.

 

I know my advice about restraining orders is contrary to what one will typically hear in this country. Perhaps because in my original country we essentially do not have them and they are almost impossible to enforce. However my advice is preferably get rid of him with as little animosity as possible even if you will give him some money/support for the first few months that he has to be on his own. I typically do not want to trigger a madman and I have seen/read/watched about too many women who got killed by the man they filed a restraining order on.

 

Best.

Actually, violent criminals are often deported after they serve their time, even if they're green card holders. So if she can get him in prison (where he belongs) he might be eventually deported. 

[African Zealot 1,455]

9 minutes ago, Orangesapples said:

Actually, violent criminals are often deported after they serve their time, even if they're green card holders. So if she can get him in prison (where he belongs) he might be eventually deported. 

Yes. However he hasn’t been convicted of anything yet. Let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves. Right now she needs to disentangle herself from him. That’s the priority 

[jameyj 73]

As others have said, get a Restraining order. 

 

Go find a attorney that is tough on situations like this.  a good attorney will now to write up the RFO so it get through the court. If he continues his hot-headed ways, he's bound to wind up in deeper trouble. At least with a restraining order, he'll be out of the house. 

[Needing advice 6]

Thanks for the replies! Honestly wish I would have called the police at the time. I was just so shocked that I just sat there and later it hit me that I should have acted right then. I am setting something up with a lawyer this week and I will talk to them about all of this. 

[PaulaCJohnny 713]

7 hours ago, Needing advice said:

Hi, I am going to try to make a long story short. In 2014 I brought my husband here on a k-1 visa. We did everything by the book and I thought life was going to be perfect. I know many people who have had amazing lives with their foreign spouses so I don’t want to scare anyone from this. After his arrival things seemed ok for a while we got his green card and he refuses to work and I honestly can’t even teach him to drive because he just does not get it and he nearly wrecked the car on multiple occasions . Now he can’t even pass the test to get a drivers permit again. Once he got his permanent residency he completely changed. I made him get a job with me and he intentionally got fired and threatened to shoot the place up. He has pushed all of my kids out of my house. Three are adults but they refuse to see me when he is around. The youngest just avoids him when she is around him. He got mad because I allowed my youngest to watch a TV show and picked up a steak knife and told me he should kill me right now. My jaw dropped to the floor. If you love someone you don’t do that. I know that I can just divorce him but the Affidavit of Support locks me into supporting him and since he has worked 9 months of the 7 years I would be stuck doing just that. I am nit rich. I make enough to support my family but not enough to support him as he lives separately. He has had his passport expired fir 4 years now and we are finally getting it renewed because I am pushing. He keeps backing out every time we book a flight to “visit” his family in his own country because he know I am going to aak him nit to come back. During an argument the other day i hit record on my phone and laid it face down so he didn’t know and have audio of his saying that what he did when he threatened to kill me was perfectly normal and acceptable when you’re mad. It isn’t! If you truly love someone you just don’t do that. People I worked with told me that they contacted immigration when he said he would shoot the place up if he had a gun. Nothing ever came of it. I looked into it for his threat to me but it said that I had to give my name and if they question him they can tell him who made the contacts. Anonymous reports aren’t guaranteed to be looked into. I can’t trust him enough to make such a report in case they don’t act on it and remove him so I am trying to just get him to go see family. Does anyone know if it is possible to serve him while he is in another country and do you think I can use that audio to block him from returning? Any tips on how to solve this. I just want my life back. 

Why you didn't call the police? Or the place you work? This is not a imigration issue if he is violent. 

[Needing advice 6]

At the time I was so shocked I didn’t even know how to react. At work he said it after a write up in the break room after he git wrote up. After he walked away my coworkers asked “are we safe?” I told them he had no access to guns. It was just the fact that he said it. Funny, the police actually showed up later a coworker told them they mistakenly called 911. Nothing ever happened. If necessary I will call next time but I hope it doesn’t come to that. I am contacting a lawyer to hopefully get out of this situation asap. 

[Orangesapples 1,954]

1 minute ago, Needing advice said:

At the time I was so shocked I didn’t even know how to react. At work he said it after a write up in the break room after he git wrote up. After he walked away my coworkers asked “are we safe?” I told them he had no access to guns. It was just the fact that he said it. Funny, the police actually showed up later a coworker told them they mistakenly called 911. Nothing ever happened. If necessary I will call next time but I hope it doesn’t come to that. I am contacting a lawyer to hopefully get out of this situation asap. 

I think you can submit a police report still. Also, get him to admit to what he did in writing, maybe talk to him about it through text. 

[Boiler 45,449]

You need a Divorce Lawyer, not an immigration issue.

[PeachesMagee 62]

8 hours ago, Needing advice said:

Hi, I am going to try to make a long story short. In 2014 I brought my husband here on a k-1 visa. We did everything by the book and I thought life was going to be perfect. I know many people who have had amazing lives with their foreign spouses so I don’t want to scare anyone from this. After his arrival things seemed ok for a while we got his green card and he refuses to work and I honestly can’t even teach him to drive because he just does not get it and he nearly wrecked the car on multiple occasions . Now he can’t even pass the test to get a drivers permit again. Once he got his permanent residency he completely changed. I made him get a job with me and he intentionally got fired and threatened to shoot the place up. He has pushed all of my kids out of my house. Three are adults but they refuse to see me when he is around. The youngest just avoids him when she is around him. He got mad because I allowed my youngest to watch a TV show and picked up a steak knife and told me he should kill me right now. My jaw dropped to the floor. If you love someone you don’t do that. I know that I can just divorce him but the Affidavit of Support locks me into supporting him and since he has worked 9 months of the 7 years I would be stuck doing just that. I am nit rich. I make enough to support my family but not enough to support him as he lives separately. He has had his passport expired fir 4 years now and we are finally getting it renewed because I am pushing. He keeps backing out every time we book a flight to “visit” his family in his own country because he know I am going to aak him nit to come back. During an argument the other day i hit record on my phone and laid it face down so he didn’t know and have audio of his saying that what he did when he threatened to kill me was perfectly normal and acceptable when you’re mad. It isn’t! If you truly love someone you just don’t do that. People I worked with told me that they contacted immigration when he said he would shoot the place up if he had a gun. Nothing ever came of it. I looked into it for his threat to me but it said that I had to give my name and if they question him they can tell him who made the contacts. Anonymous reports aren’t guaranteed to be looked into. I can’t trust him enough to make such a report in case they don’t act on it and remove him so I am trying to just get him to go see family. Does anyone know if it is possible to serve him while he is in another country and do you think I can use that audio to block him from returning? Any tips on how to solve this. I just want my life back. 

You have audible proof that he threatened to kill you. Most states require only one party be aware that the conversation is being recorded. You would be the "one", and with proof, you should go to the police.

First though, research the laws of your state, to see if you can use that recording, since one of you knew the recording was taking place.

 

Secondly, DO get a restraining order! Yes, it's just a piece of paper. BUT, at that point you've gone to the authorities, and it's recorded with them that there is an issue with his temper. If you're able to use the audio recording as proof, getting the restraining order is going to be that much easier.

 

I wouldn't start paying him to move out. In my opinion, that's a slippery slope. If you start to pay for his life outside the house, be very careful how you cut him off. Put nothing in your name. Do not have your name anywhere on a lease/rental agreement. If you do, and you stop paying his rent, they will go after you, and legally they'd be entitled to do so.

 

Please be very careful. Use your audio recorder app whenever possible.

[Cathi 5,746]

None of this is immigration related.

[KP0515 7]

If he is making threats to physically harm, you need to get out and get to a safe place. Keep any evidence of threats he makes against you, including text messages and audio files. Contact a local women's shelter or domestic violence organization in your area. They can help you find a safe place to stay and possibly find a lawyer if you cannot afford one. 

 

If your husband is violent or threatening violence against you, you can get a restraining order against him in court. 

 

https://www.thehotline.org has information for victims of domestic violence. You can also call 800.799.7233

[Scandi 4,166]

Can't believe you let your kids around someone like that, not to mention having him living in the same house as your kids for years. Unbelievable. 

[TBoneTX 45,259]

This thread only remotely deals with an immigration issue, and the OP has received adequate advice on the personal aspects.  Discussion can only be repeated or will go downhill, so this thread is now closed to further comment.  Please do not restart this topic.