Actually need to remove my abusive foreign spouse

[Needing advice 6]

Hi, I am going to try to make a long story short. In 2014 I brought my husband here on a k-1 visa. We did everything by the book and I thought life was going to be perfect. I know many people who have had amazing lives with their foreign spouses so I don’t want to scare anyone from this. After his arrival things seemed ok for a while we got his green card and he refuses to work and I honestly can’t even teach him to drive because he just does not get it and he nearly wrecked the car on multiple occasions . Now he can’t even pass the test to get a drivers permit again.

 

Once he got his permanent residency he completely changed. I made him get a job with me and he intentionally got fired and threatened to shoot the place up. He has pushed all of my kids out of my house. Three are adults but they refuse to see me when he is around. The youngest just avoids him when she is around him. He got mad because I allowed my youngest to watch a TV show and picked up a steak knife and told me he should kill me right now. My jaw dropped to the floor. If you love someone you don’t do that.

 

I know that I can just divorce him but the Affidavit of Support locks me into supporting him and since he has worked 9 months of the 7 years I would be stuck doing just that. I am nit rich. I make enough to support my family but not enough to support him as he lives separately. He has had his passport expired fir 4 years now and we are finally getting it renewed because I am pushing. He keeps backing out every time we book a flight to “visit” his family in his own country because he know I am going to aak him nit to come back.

 

During an argument the other day i hit record on my phone and laid it face down so he didn’t know and have audio of his saying that what he did when he threatened to kill me was perfectly normal and acceptable when you’re mad. It isn’t! If you truly love someone you just don’t do that. People I worked with told me that they contacted immigration when he said he would shoot the place up if he had a gun. Nothing ever came of it. I looked into it for his threat to me but it said that I had to give my name and if they question him they can tell him who made the contacts. Anonymous reports aren’t guaranteed to be looked into. I can’t trust him enough to make such a report in case they don’t act on it and remove him so I am trying to just get him to go see family.

 

Does anyone know if it is possible to serve him while he is in another country and do you think I can use that audio to block him from returning? Any tips on how to solve this. I just want my life back. 

[milimelo 4,475]

Why hasn't he gotten US citizenship yet? That frees you of the affidavit of support. And he doesn't need you to become a citizen, gets it on basis of being a 5-yr LPR. 

 

Divorce and move on. 

[Needing advice 6]

He can’t pass a test to get a driving permit! No way he will pass a citizenship test. I actually thought of this. 

[Crazy Cat 41,813]

7 minutes ago, Needing advice said:

Hi, I am going to try to make a long story short. In 2014 I brought my husband here on a k-1 visa. We did everything by the book and I thought life was going to be perfect. I know many people who have had amazing lives with their foreign spouses so I don’t want to scare anyone from this. After his arrival things seemed ok for a while we got his green card and he refuses to work and I honestly can’t even teach him to drive because he just does not get it and he nearly wrecked the car on multiple occasions . Now he can’t even pass the test to get a drivers permit again. Once he got his permanent residency he completely changed. I made him get a job with me and he intentionally got fired and threatened to shoot the place up. He has pushed all of my kids out of my house. Three are adults but they refuse to see me when he is around. The youngest just avoids him when she is around him. He got mad because I allowed my youngest to watch a TV show and picked up a steak knife and told me he should kill me right now. My jaw dropped to the floor. If you love someone you don’t do that. I know that I can just divorce him but the Affidavit of Support locks me into supporting him and since he has worked 9 months of the 7 years I would be stuck doing just that. I am nit rich. I make enough to support my family but not enough to support him as he lives separately. He has had his passport expired fir 4 years now and we are finally getting it renewed because I am pushing. He keeps backing out every time we book a flight to “visit” his family in his own country because he know I am going to aak him nit to come back. During an argument the other day i hit record on my phone and laid it face down so he didn’t know and have audio of his saying that what he did when he threatened to kill me was perfectly normal and acceptable when you’re mad. It isn’t! If you truly love someone you just don’t do that. People I worked with told me that they contacted immigration when he said he would shoot the place up if he had a gun. Nothing ever came of it. I looked into it for his threat to me but it said that I had to give my name and if they question him they can tell him who made the contacts. Anonymous reports aren’t guaranteed to be looked into. I can’t trust him enough to make such a report in case they don’t act on it and remove him so I am trying to just get him to go see family. Does anyone know if it is possible to serve him while he is in another country and do you think I can use that audio to block him from returning? Any tips on how to solve this. I just want my life back. 

1.  Protect yourself physically and financially (GET A DIVORVE ATTORNEY!!!)

2.  Avoid any contact with him.

3.  Divorce him....

4.  Move on with your life.  His immigration status is out of your control.

You should have already had him locked up in my opinion.  He seems to be a very dangerous individual

 

Just my opinion.

[Villanelle 4,122]

How much is your life worth? I know thats a harsh statement but it seems like you can use a bit of tough love here. This man is dangerous and unstable. He is isolating you from your family and damaging your relationship with your kids. He is financially draining you.  Does he have access to guns? You need to get a restraining and have any guns removed from him. Your safety comes first. I know its hard. Personally I stayed in an abusive marriage for way too long out of fear and financial concerns. Its not worth it. It never is...

 

Please check your SS earnings records. I am assuming you worked full time the entire marriage right? So that seems to be 7 years you could get 4Q for (28). It seems he worked 9 months and if those were all in the same calendar year he may have 1 yr- 4Q. If his 9 months spanned 2 calendar years he could possibly have 8Q. You need to check his SS statement as well. You can only access your own SS statement so have him log into the SS system with you for a nonsense reason like its related to getting a passport or taxes or health insurance. Check how many Q he can be credited with. Add up any he earned and any you earned during the marriage. From my estimates based on your posting you guys are at about 32 or 36 (or 8-9 yrs out of 10). You can and should separate right now. You did not specify which state you are in. Some states have a mandatory separation period of 1-2 years. Some dont. Either way you can have an extended separation before filing the divorce and then intentionally slow the divorce proceedings until he can be credited with 40Q. Who ever files for the divorce generally controls the speed of it. 

 

Basically you file for divorce and serve him. He responds. You respond to his response. You can drag out your response time. You can argue about petty things. You just need to find a divorce attny that understands what your goal is and is able to stall efficiently. They can push back court dates for various reasons. Right now most courts are backed up so even if you filed today and wanted it done quickly its not going to happen.  You dont even need to have an official legal separation, you just need him removed from your home and your life. As long as you are still legally married any SS credits you earn he can claim. If he is forced out of the home and takes various welfare benefits then yes you will be on the hook to repay them but it would be a minimal amount because there is really only 1-2 years he could potentially collect said benefits that you would need to repay. He can not sue you for support under the 864 as long as you are still married as far as I know because when you are married your assets and finances are still considered joint. You can speak with an 864 attny for confirmation of such but if I am incorrect I dont think it matters much. For him to sue you on the 864 would be a long drawn out process. Most definitely it would take 1-2 years and again by that time if you remain married he will have 40Q so the affidavit would end. 

 

But PLEASE seek a restraining order. Do it for yourself. Do it for your children. I promise you if spoke with your adult children about this (or other friends or relatives) they would agree 100% and support you emotionally and financially if needed. 

 

 

(FYI for general information to anyone reading- when someone threatens to shoot up a place you dont call immigration. You call the police or sheriff. They take threats like that very seriously.)

[igoyougoduke 1,653]

1 hour ago, Needing advice said:

Hi, I am going to try to make a long story short. In 2014 I brought my husband here on a k-1 visa. We did everything by the book and I thought life was going to be perfect. I know many people who have had amazing lives with their foreign spouses so I don’t want to scare anyone from this. After his arrival things seemed ok for a while we got his green card and he refuses to work and I honestly can’t even teach him to drive because he just does not get it and he nearly wrecked the car on multiple occasions . Now he can’t even pass the test to get a drivers permit again. Once he got his permanent residency he completely changed. I made him get a job with me and he intentionally got fired and threatened to shoot the place up. He has pushed all of my kids out of my house. Three are adults but they refuse to see me when he is around. The youngest just avoids him when she is around him. He got mad because I allowed my youngest to watch a TV show and picked up a steak knife and told me he should kill me right now. My jaw dropped to the floor. If you love someone you don’t do that. I know that I can just divorce him but the Affidavit of Support locks me into supporting him and since he has worked 9 months of the 7 years I would be stuck doing just that. I am nit rich. I make enough to support my family but not enough to support him as he lives separately. He has had his passport expired fir 4 years now and we are finally getting it renewed because I am pushing. He keeps backing out every time we book a flight to “visit” his family in his own country because he know I am going to aak him nit to come back. During an argument the other day i hit record on my phone and laid it face down so he didn’t know and have audio of his saying that what he did when he threatened to kill me was perfectly normal and acceptable when you’re mad. It isn’t! If you truly love someone you just don’t do that. People I worked with told me that they contacted immigration when he said he would shoot the place up if he had a gun. Nothing ever came of it. I looked into it for his threat to me but it said that I had to give my name and if they question him they can tell him who made the contacts. Anonymous reports aren’t guaranteed to be looked into. I can’t trust him enough to make such a report in case they don’t act on it and remove him so I am trying to just get him to go see family. Does anyone know if it is possible to serve him while he is in another country and do you think I can use that audio to block him from returning? Any tips on how to solve this. I just want my life back. 

Have you tried calling his mom ? maybe the old lady can put some sense 

[Needing advice 6]

Thanks! I am actually in Michigan. He worked from July 2018 to May 2019. I am confused as I thought he has to work his own quarters. Yes, I have worked full time since the day he arrived which will be 7 years in January. My kids all support me in this and definitely agree that he needs to go. A time machine would suit me best because I would have never brought him here but obviously that isn’t possible. I will look into your advice. Honestly, his passport should be here in the next few days and I hope that we can get him a one way ticket but either way I will fo what it takes to have him removed from my home. I was unaware that they couldn’t force me to support him right away. Thanks so much for that info! 

[JeanneAdil 6,489]

make a police report and get him removed

You don't want to scare us?  think of yourself and your kids gf

a lazy man will never change

a dangerous man (or woman)  is just that -dangerous

pulling out a knife and threatening is as follows:

Pointing a knife at someone is assault with a deadly weapon, unless the person has said or demonstrated that they intend to harm you. Go into the nearest open establishment and call the police.

send the man to prison and let the state support him

with a felony,  he will not be able to get citizenship

 

and please read my private message as this has more than serious to another woman

[Villanelle 4,122]

10 minutes ago, Needing advice said:

Thanks! I am actually in Michigan. He worked from July 2018 to May 2019. I am confused as I thought he has to work his own quarters. Yes, I have worked full time since the day he arrived which will be 7 years in January. My kids all support me in this and definitely agree that he needs to go. A time machine would suit me best because I would have never brought him here but obviously that isn’t possible. I will look into your advice. Honestly, his passport should be here in the next few days and I hope that we can get him a one way ticket but either way I will fo what it takes to have him removed from my home. I was unaware that they couldn’t force me to support him right away. Thanks so much for that info! 

For the 864 to end he either needs to give up his LPR status, become a citizen, either of you die, OR he can be credited with 40q. If you need official links I can dig some up but I promise you I am giving you accurate information here. For SS you can only earn credits (on your account/under your name) by working. But you can be credited with credits your spouse earned during the marriage. I am assuming since he was K that you married quickly after he arrived so most likely it is 7 yrs of credits you earned that he could claim. Again check your SS records for the exact numbers. 

 

The 864 requires you to be able to be credited with 40q for it to end. They dont care if you earned them or your spouse did. All they care about is you being able to show you can claim 40. To show this you show your earning statement and your spouses earning statement. As I described above you add the appropriate numbers together. So you really need to check both of your earning records. It seems very possible he has 8 credits since his limited employment did span 2 years but I can not say for sure. You earn 1 credit for every 1410 earned with a max of 4 (5640) per calendar year. You can probably do the math and see how many credits he has but you really need the SS statement to be able to establish the 864 is over. If you can not get his SS records right now you will want to ask for them in the divorce. The 864 system is poorly structured. There is no current database nor is there any notification system that you met the requirements and its no longer in effect. So what happens is either you are sued in civil court and would have to show your SS records establishing its no longer in effect OR the government sends you a bill and you then have to show them SS records that its no longer in effect. Any benefits taken while it was in effect will have to be repaid. 

[Orangesapples 1,954]

You really need to contact the police, not USCIS. He's a domestic abuser and he's dangerous. Get in contact with resources for abused women and make sure his record of domestic violence is with the police. If he has threatened to kill you several times, he's a dangerous criminal and you need protection. Call the cops on him. 

 

If he ends up serving time for the domestic violence and threatening to murder you, he will likely get deported. 

 

Again, contact the police and make sure you're safe. 

[carmel34 3,620]

So sad that you're going through this terrible situation.  Get him on a flight to his home country if you want to, and contact a good divorce attorney for a restraining order and start the divorce process.  Be safe, file a police report on the domestic violence incidents, and maybe even move and do not let him know where you are.  Cut all communication with this guy and get a divorce through an attorney and move on with your life in a positive way, as hard as that will be, you can do it.  Rely on good friends or family for moral support.  Be strong, you can do this!  His immigration journey is entirely his own, so no need to worry about it.  Fate will catch up with him eventually.  Good luck and try to stay positive.

[SunflowerSweet 1,321]

I am so sorry this is happening to you.

 

I encourage you to make sure that right now, your immediate priority is you and your safety. Please reach out to the police or if you’re uncomfortable with that, find a local DV victim advocacy group.

 

You said you have adult children that live outside the home that support you, are you able to stay with temporarily for your safety?

 

The technical reality of the Affidavit of Support doesn’t necessarily lock you into supporting him. What it does is make you liable for any means tested benefits he uses. These benefits aren’t as easy to get as most people think, in the sense that there are often applications and paperwork that need to be completed. From your description of this person, I’m not sure how realistic it is that he is going to be racking these things up.

 

Even if it is a possibility down the road, that shouldn’t be your first priority at all. A safe place, a protective order, and a divorce are all necessary to protect yourself.

 

There is little to nothing you can do on the immigration side of things at this point. And anything that would happen is not going to happen quickly enough to be a safe solution.

Edited November 3, 2020 by MorganandMichael

[LukeU 413]

 

4 hours ago, Needing advice said:

Hi, I am going to try to make a long story short. In 2014 I brought my husband here on a k-1 visa. We did everything by the book and I thought life was going to be perfect. I know many people who have had amazing lives with their foreign spouses so I don’t want to scare anyone from this. After his arrival things seemed ok for a while we got his green card and he refuses to work and I honestly can’t even teach him to drive because he just does not get it and he nearly wrecked the car on multiple occasions . Now he can’t even pass the test to get a drivers permit again. Once he got his permanent residency he completely changed. I made him get a job with me and he intentionally got fired and threatened to shoot the place up. He has pushed all of my kids out of my house. Three are adults but they refuse to see me when he is around. The youngest just avoids him when she is around him. He got mad because I allowed my youngest to watch a TV show and picked up a steak knife and told me he should kill me right now. My jaw dropped to the floor. If you love someone you don’t do that. I know that I can just divorce him but the Affidavit of Support locks me into supporting him and since he has worked 9 months of the 7 years I would be stuck doing just that. I am nit rich. I make enough to support my family but not enough to support him as he lives separately. He has had his passport expired fir 4 years now and we are finally getting it renewed because I am pushing. He keeps backing out every time we book a flight to “visit” his family in his own country because he know I am going to aak him nit to come back. During an argument the other day i hit record on my phone and laid it face down so he didn’t know and have audio of his saying that what he did when he threatened to kill me was perfectly normal and acceptable when you’re mad. It isn’t! If you truly love someone you just don’t do that. People I worked with told me that they contacted immigration when he said he would shoot the place up if he had a gun. Nothing ever came of it. I looked into it for his threat to me but it said that I had to give my name and if they question him they can tell him who made the contacts. Anonymous reports aren’t guaranteed to be looked into. I can’t trust him enough to make such a report in case they don’t act on it and remove him so I am trying to just get him to go see family. Does anyone know if it is possible to serve him while he is in another country and do you think I can use that audio to block him from returning? Any tips on how to solve this. I just want my life back. 

Firstly, I'm so sorry for your situation, I only have 5 steps, sadly removing him from the country I don't believe is possible.

1. Protect yourself and your family - physically first, whatever means necessary, you can also get an emergency permit if there is a danger, which it sounds like,
2. Report this to the police, after step 1 personally, 
3. Speak with a divorce attorney ASAP,
4. Divorce him and record any and all contact he tries to have,
5. Move on and trust you'll have a happy life! 

[Orangesapples 1,954]

25 minutes ago, carmel34 said:

So sad that you're going through this terrible situation.  Get him on a flight to his home country if you want to, and contact a good divorce attorney for a restraining order and start the divorce process.  Be safe, file a police report on the domestic violence incidents, and maybe even move and do not let him know where you are.  Cut all communication with this guy and get a divorce through an attorney and move on with your life in a positive way, as hard as that will be, you can do it.  Rely on good friends or family for moral support.  Be strong, you can do this!  His immigration journey is entirely his own, so no need to worry about it.  Fate will catch up with him eventually.  Good luck and try to stay positive.

How can she get him on a flight? She cannot force him to get on a flight if he doesn't want to. The only thing she can do is call the police on him and to make sure that she has as much evidence as possible for him to be convicted of the crimes he has committed (threatening someone with a deadly weapon is a very serious crime). Fate will not catch up to him unless law enforcement is involved in some way. 

[Pinkrlion 2,715]

Get a restraining order and put him out of your home, then file for divorce.