my marriage is falling apart

[ocd 0]

we've had a lot of good times in the past 3 years plus the 3 years we dated.

we are really young but i really needed a green card when we were 21 we took a leap.

i've lived in america for ten plus years and we met when we were preteens.. PRETEENS.

i'm so angry that he has trouble finishing college while scored 1430 on the SAT. why can't he do something productive beyond being emo.

i thought he had ambition and potential.. he is so smart, but has no guts.. oh god.. i'm really wondering if i was totally wrong.

he insists on moving to another state on a whim, cutting college, just to "do something else", while i must stay and complete my premed requirements, work at a job that i tried so hard to get, at a top ranked national university based medical center. i have these research projects that could potentially be published. i just can't understand why does he HAVE to move to another state. why can't he just stick around another 2 years and finish up his bachelors, i'll be done with mcat, then we can move together. i was trying so hard to do so well so i have choices when it comes to med school, so i can have a choice close to where he wants to live...

we don't have the kind of money to pay for outta state tuition else where anyways....

i filed for lifting my conditional residency last week, but he actually moved away by himself and got a new job the same week, i didn't even get our bank statement from the account that was mostly used by him this week.. it usually comes at this time.... i can't believe it. he changed his mailing address without telling me....

he runs away from everything!!

i also began to question his sexual orientation shortly ago.....

this whole thing is so miserable right now. i have to think about it about every hour at least once...

[Lizzy 0]

"we are really young but i really needed a green card when we were 21 we took a leap"

Wow great reason to marry.

Edited June 26, 2007 by Lizzy

[Sinergy 3]

Atleast she admitted to "needing" the greencard, most wont be that bluntly honest

[Lizzy 0]

True, but still in my eyes not a reason to marry

[rika60607 215]

Well,

they had a 6-year relationship. So apparently they had other reasons to get married, apart from getting the GC.

What if she needed that GC so that she would not be separated from him?

It is so easy to judge harshly, isn't it?

Hang on poor thing, if you question his sexual orientation, you just may be right )

I suppose you could get bank statements mailed to you as well, if it was a joint account.

I really don't know what to suggest about you petition, 'cause if he just moved, that's one thing... if he decided to divorce, that's another.

Good luck,

Rika

[Tim and Bethanie 1]

we've had a lot of good times in the past 3 years plus the 3 years we dated.

we are really young but i really needed a green card when we were 21 we took a leap.

i've lived in america for ten plus years and we met when we were preteens.. PRETEENS.

i'm so angry that he has trouble finishing college while scored 1430 on the SAT. why can't he do something productive beyond being emo.

i thought he had ambition and potential.. he is so smart, but has no guts.. oh god.. i'm really wondering if i was totally wrong.

he insists on moving to another state on a whim, cutting college, just to "do something else", while i must stay and complete my premed requirements, work at a job that i tried so hard to get, at a top ranked national university based medical center. i have these research projects that could potentially be published. i just can't understand why does he HAVE to move to another state. why can't he just stick around another 2 years and finish up his bachelors, i'll be done with mcat, then we can move together. i was trying so hard to do so well so i have choices when it comes to med school, so i can have a choice close to where he wants to live...

we don't have the kind of money to pay for outta state tuition else where anyways....

i filed for lifting my conditional residency last week, but he actually moved away by himself and got a new job the same week, i didn't even get our bank statement from the account that was mostly used by him this week.. it usually comes at this time.... i can't believe it. he changed his mailing address without telling me....

he runs away from everything!!

i also began to question his sexual orientation shortly ago.....

this whole thing is so miserable right now. i have to think about it about every hour at least once...

I, I, I, Me, me me........Do you see a pattern here? You had one good thing to say about HIM (bolded in red)! Dunno but maybe the problem isn't as difficult as you see it, a bit one-sided perhaps.

[L_n_O 3]

take some time to figure out what you want..

if you have some money, maybe see a therapist to put all this stuff in perspective for you and figure out what's best for both of you, together, and individually

[Yodrak 7]

Given the level of literacy demonstrated in ocd's post I would not trust a literal interpretation of what she has written. VJ is full of posts by very literate people who nevertheless find it difficult write words that accurately describe what they are thinking.

Yodrak

True, but still in my eyes not a reason to marry

Atleast she admitted to "needing" the greencard, most wont be that bluntly honest

"we are really young but i really needed a green card when we were 21 we took a leap"

Wow great reason to marry.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

ocd,

It is not for me to judge how and when and why you got your green card - that's between you and your husband. I don't like, condone, or engage in personal attacks. I am sorry you are going through this and I sincerely hope you are able to find a solution that allows you both to find what you are looking for. Decisions taken in anger are usually bad decisions - take your time and talk it through. Hope things work out.

Sending good vibes to both of you, L.

[ocd 0]

I am speaking from my perspective since I do not dare to speculate about his.

Objectivity was never suggested since I am talking about me. What is wrong with venting?

we've had a lot of good times in the past 3 years plus the 3 years we dated.

we are really young but i really needed a green card when we were 21 we took a leap.

i've lived in america for ten plus years and we met when we were preteens.. PRETEENS.

i'm so angry that he has trouble finishing college while scored 1430 on the SAT. why can't he do something productive beyond being emo.

i thought he had ambition and potential.. he is so smart, but has no guts.. oh god.. i'm really wondering if i was totally wrong.

he insists on moving to another state on a whim, cutting college, just to "do something else", while i must stay and complete my premed requirements, work at a job that i tried so hard to get, at a top ranked national university based medical center. i have these research projects that could potentially be published. i just can't understand why does he HAVE to move to another state. why can't he just stick around another 2 years and finish up his bachelors, i'll be done with mcat, then we can move together. i was trying so hard to do so well so i have choices when it comes to med school, so i can have a choice close to where he wants to live...

we don't have the kind of money to pay for outta state tuition else where anyways....

i filed for lifting my conditional residency last week, but he actually moved away by himself and got a new job the same week, i didn't even get our bank statement from the account that was mostly used by him this week.. it usually comes at this time.... i can't believe it. he changed his mailing address without telling me....

he runs away from everything!!

i also began to question his sexual orientation shortly ago.....

this whole thing is so miserable right now. i have to think about it about every hour at least once...

I, I, I, Me, me me........Do you see a pattern here? You had one good thing to say about HIM (bolded in red)! Dunno but maybe the problem isn't as difficult as you see it, a bit one-sided perhaps.

[Boiler 45,542]

But a bit worrying for someone who seems to be in the Medical field.

Given the level of literacy demonstrated in ocd's post I would not trust a literal interpretation of what she has written. VJ is full of posts by very literate people who nevertheless find it difficult write words that accurately describe what they are thinking.

Yodrak

True, but still in my eyes not a reason to marry

Atleast she admitted to "needing" the greencard, most wont be that bluntly honest

"we are really young but i really needed a green card when we were 21 we took a leap"

Wow great reason to marry.

[ocd 0]

It wasn't the only reason, but counted about 10%.

I wasn't a bride shipped from a mystic land.

We went to the same middle school, same high school, and the same college.

We were high school sweethearts and I thought he was cute when I was 13 years old.

Are we romantic enough yet?

Yes, not all the pieces were there when we got married. We didn't have a downpayment, or our college degrees yet, or a law degree, or a MD, but I thought we could make those things together.

On another note, pure romantic love is total b.s anyways. It is a completely western concept to begin with. It is also invented within the last several centuries, a short period relative to human history.

People get married for different reasons. There are golddiggers, hopless romantics, practical partners, and many who are just comfortable together. Our society deems those marriages based on nothing but romantic love as the most desirable type. We all want fake love. The kind of fake love that is portrayed in the media: Sid and Nancy, John Cusack, Sex and the City...They are fake. (Referenc to book: Sex, drugs and coco puffs)

I love him and I am still committed to him. I did need a greencard as well.

I am just venting and I am deeply concerned with his sudden change of attitude in the recent month.

This is not targeted at you in particular. It is just we've been with each other for a long time. We have grown stronger together. Having the whole thing falling into shambles is making me despair.

\

True, but still in my eyes not a reason to marry

[ocd 0]

I don't write particularily well.

However, drawing a direct relationship between one's literary ability with one's cognitive ability is a fallacy.

Anybody who fails to compose proper English essay are deemed incompetent in literacy, perhaps intelligence by relation? This perception is a precise demonstration of ethnocentrism. How about rest of the world beyond the English speaking population?

I am making an assumption that you are equating "literacy" with "intelligence" here. Perhaps my assumption is erroneous. I apologize if it is.

Freaking out while writing something does not help either.

I tend to write on this board when I am freaking out about.. something.

Really, don't worry so much about my academic life.

I graduated from a very good university sum cum laude.

I am doing what I can to be helpful to this world. I hope you do your part too.

But a bit worrying for someone who seems to be in the Medical field.

Given the level of literacy demonstrated in ocd's post I would not trust a literal interpretation of what she has written. VJ is full of posts by very literate people who nevertheless find it difficult write words that accurately describe what they are thinking.

Yodrak

True, but still in my eyes not a reason to marry

Atleast she admitted to "needing" the greencard, most wont be that bluntly honest

"we are really young but i really needed a green card when we were 21 we took a leap"

Wow great reason to marry.

Edited June 26, 2007 by ocd

[L_n_O 3]

I'm sorry you were attacked ocd.

Feel free to vent, if not in public, in private (PM me)

Either way, best of luck..

I think lots of honest (yet brutal) , calm discussion is the only solution...

and the occasional good soak in the tub to the sounds of Miles Davis when it gets too much

[Clarky and Tarah 0]

Wow, I really don't think Yodrak was insulting you or your writing skills. I thought the post was meant to defend you on marrying soley for a greencard by saying you were upset and couldn't fully put what you felt into words. No need to question how others are contributing to the world.

I hope things work out with your husband. Have you tried contacting him since he left?