Victims of US citizens

[JFH 12,190]

23 minutes ago, Luckycuds said:

Yes, I realize that. It seems OP felt immigrants are left out of these protections when in fact they are not.

I agree. I wasn’t commenting to dispute what you said but to reinforce it. It seems OP is focusing on only one side of the issue. 

[Aagha 3]

2 hours ago, Villanelle said:

 

 

There is an option- VAWA. Not sure why you keep saying this topic isnt about VAWA when it clearly is? If your USC or LPR spouse is abusive VAWA can help you obtain status w/o their help. Currently we are on Part 20 of the VAWA thread. When the thread reaches 200-300 pages they create a new 'part' due to its size. So there is apx 4000+ pages of VAWA discussion on VJ.  Isnt that more then enough of examples of stories of 

I opened this thread to get specific stories and experiences. Not technicalities around VAWA.

 

Does everyone here think that the foreigner can "just file wava and be free"? How about being unemployed and not having a place to go to? What does VAWA here help for? Life is not that black or white.

 

Please share specific stories about abuse. Thanks.

Edited October 12, 2020 by Aagha

[Villanelle 4,122]

20 hours ago, Aagha said:

I opened this thread to get specific stories and experiences. Not technicalities around VAWA.

 

Does everyone here think that the foreigner can "just file wava and be free"? How about being unemployed and not having a place to go to? What does VAWA here help for? Life is not that black or white.

 

Please share specific stories about abuse. Thanks.

It seems you are looking for a thread or subforum similar to the 'moving here and your new life in America' one but specifically for VAWA petitioners- where non immigration topics can be discussed that abuse victims face (like housing, financial aid, in ability to work, mental health issues, etc). 

 

We currently do not have a thread or subforum for that. You can suggest one in the subforum for Site related discussion/updates/ideas however I dont think the mods will implement it. Not because it wouldnt be useful but because a thread like that would just get cluttered with technical questions about the VAWA process. 

 

The current VAWA thread acts as a 'catch all' for issues VAWA petitioners may face. Yes, theres a lot of posts about technical issues but there are also posts about filing divorce or getting financial aid for school. Or finding therapy options, getting welfare assistance, mail forwarding issues. The VAWA thread is a safe place where victims can connect with others for support and advice. Many of the issues I listed out above are impacted by where you are in the process. For example to get medicaid you need your Prima Facie. You have to file first and sometimes request a prima facie document. So a separate thread where discussion on how to get medicaid will ultimately be turned into a technical discussion about the process. Its much easier for everyone if its all kept in one thread. I understand it can be a lot to sort through. You can use the search feature to help find information you need. 

 

Is there something specific you are needing help with? Its a bit odd for someone to just randomly decide they want to read specific stories of abuse for no particular reason. If you are unsure if your situation qualifies the best thing to do is post it and get opinions on it. Other then that there are tons of domestic violence resources online from various agencies that offer resources and referrals. For local assistance you can dial 211 and the operator can direct you to local agencies. 

 

 

[SalishSea 17,836]

On 10/12/2020 at 6:12 AM, Aagha said:

I just find it unbelievable that the laws and stereotypes always favor the USC spouse. Laws always mention foreigner using the USC!!!  If the foreigner marries in good intent and faith and promises to dedicate themselves to improve the US citizen's life - including listening to everything they say and want, and then the US citizen shows they have no intent of respecting or committing to the foreign spouse and making it look like a joke of a marriage, that is putting the foreigner at all sorts of risks where they also have little options, especially if they depend on USC. Not to mention how vulnerable foreigners are and often get in hands of someone who thinks they're entitled to do whatever and nothing can happen to them (I'm an American and I can do whatever I want and you are here to "obey") while generally being manipulative and exploitative, emotionally and verbally abusive.

Huh?  Ever heard of VAWA?

[Aagha 3]

2 hours ago, Villanelle said:

It seems you are looking for a thread or subforum similar to the 'moving here and your new life in America' one but specifically for VAWA petitioners- where non immigration topics can be discussed that abuse victims face (like housing, financial aid, in ability to work, mental health issues, etc). 

 

We currently do not have a thread or subforum for that. You can suggest one in the subforum for Site related discussion/updates/ideas however I dont think the mods will implement it. Not because it wouldnt be useful but because a thread like that would just get cluttered with technical questions about the VAWA process. 

 

The current VAWA thread acts as a 'catch all' for issues VAWA petitioners may face. Yes, theres a lot of posts about technical issues but there are also posts about filing divorce or getting financial aid for school. Or finding therapy options, getting welfare assistance, mail forwarding issues. The VAWA thread is a safe place where victims can connect with others for support and advice. Many of the issues I listed out above are impacted by where you are in the process. For example to get medicaid you need your Prima Facie. You have to file first and sometimes request a prima facie document. So a separate thread where discussion on how to get medicaid will ultimately be turned into a technical discussion about the process. Its much easier for everyone if its all kept in one thread. I understand it can be a lot to sort through. You can use the search feature to help find information you need. 

 

Is there something specific you are needing help with? Its a bit odd for someone to just randomly decide they want to read specific stories of abuse for no particular reason. If you are unsure if your situation qualifies the best thing to do is post it and get opinions on it. Other then that there are tons of domestic violence resources online from various agencies that offer resources and referrals. For local assistance you can dial 211 and the operator can direct you to local agencies. 

 

 

Hi, thank you.

Well, I am done with my paperwork regarding immigration.. So I don't require a VAWA assistance. 

I was married for 5 years to a USC who was severely abusive and I believe I am experiencing PTSD as a result.

I have kept this to myself for 5 years because he wouldn't let me talk to or spend time with other people, and after years I finally had a chance to see and reconnect with people I trust, including a psychiatrist, who all concluded I was being manipulated by a mentally unstable person. I'm trying to find relief in reading other people's stories and see if I find a similar experience. 

[Boiler 45,525]

So where is the Immigration connection?

[Crazy Cat 41,886]

17 minutes ago, Aagha said:

Hi, thank you.

Well, I am done with my paperwork regarding immigration.. So I don't require a VAWA assistance. 

I was married for 5 years to a USC who was severely abusive and I believe I am experiencing PTSD as a result.

I have kept this to myself for 5 years because he wouldn't let me talk to or spend time with other people, and after years I finally had a chance to see and reconnect with people I trust, including a psychiatrist, who all concluded I was being manipulated by a mentally unstable person. I'm trying to find relief in reading other people's stories and see if I find a similar experience. 

I hope you can someday find peace and move on. Best wishes in the future.

Edited October 13, 2020 by Lucky Cat

[Aagha 3]

2 hours ago, Boiler said:

So where is the Immigration connection?

I was ultimatively getting threats from USC to leave the country when the marriage started falling apart. I managed to divorce and get out. And still after that, I sometimes get verbally abusive messages, either directly or as indirect threats from mutual acquiantances.

I was treated like I was inferior and didn't see it, it escalated over time. He convinced me that I have to "prove myself since he is the US citizen". He constantly liked to spite me in public so "people would talk"- he loved that. He threatened multiple times that he would "call ICE and prove how he cheated and never loved me and how I stayed against his will". He would be insanely jealous if I went out with friends, but he gave himself the right to do anything. I am wondering if I can anytime get in any harm of deportation because of his behavior. He took no responsibility whatsoever.  I understand that the relationship must be mutually loving and traditionally respectful. I did everything to reason and love this person, but it would only get worse. 

Edited October 13, 2020 by Aagha

[Orangesapples 1,954]

6 minutes ago, Aagha said:

I was ultimatively getting threats from USC to leave the country when the marriage started falling apart. I managed to divorce and get out. And still after that, I sometimes get verbally abusive messages, either directly or as indirect threats from mutual acquiantances.

I was treated like I was inferior and didn't see it, it escalated over time. He convinced me that I have to "prove myself since he is the US citizen". He constantly liked to spite me in public so "people would talk"- he loved that. He threatened multiple times that he would "call ICE and prove how he cheated and never loved me and how I stayed against his will". He would be insanely jealous if I went out with friends, but he gave himself the right to do anything. I am wondering if I can anytime get in any harm of deportation because of his behavior. He took no responsibility whatsoever.  I understand that the relationship must be mutually loving and traditionally respectful. I did everything to reason and love this person, but it would only get worse. 

I assume you have your green card, right? Have you completed ROC? If yes, he can't do anything about it. I'd recommend you to block him and maybe even pursue a restraining order. 

[Ywong 9]

I see a case from a girl I met through volunteer. She married to her husband and they filed AOS at March 2019. Not long after that, she found her husband is cheating on her, he still have imitate relationship with his ex girlfriend. When she fought with him, he became very angry and threatened her not going to support her the green card. She has a good job here and wants to continue leave here. Her husband is unemployed for almost a year and also take drugs sometimes, he wants to get her stay with him because he can’t afford the rent and his bill by himself, when she gave him her part of rent, he didn’t even pay  and almost get them evicted. He is taking advantage of her weakness relying him on the green card to continue working/living here, so he is still cheating on her, meeting his ex secretly, he even booked a trip with ex but without paying rent! And he is smart deleted all his text records when she discovered his affair. She is very stressful afraid he is not going to cooperate when they have AOS interview, so every time she knows her husband is going to meet his ex, she can’t even fight now, because her husband just becomes angry and threaten her again.is anyone can give some advice? 

[Ywong 9]

On 10/13/2020 at 3:39 PM, Aagha said:

I was ultimatively getting threats from USC to leave the country when the marriage started falling apart. I managed to divorce and get out. And still after that, I sometimes get verbally abusive messages, either directly or as indirect threats from mutual acquiantances.

I was treated like I was inferior and didn't see it, it escalated over time. He convinced me that I have to "prove myself since he is the US citizen". He constantly liked to spite me in public so "people would talk"- he loved that. He threatened multiple times that he would "call ICE and prove how he cheated and never loved me and how I stayed against his will". He would be insanely jealous if I went out with friends, but he gave himself the right to do anything. I am wondering if I can anytime get in any harm of deportation because of his behavior. He took no responsibility whatsoever.  I understand that the relationship must be mutually loving and traditionally respectful. I did everything to reason and love this person, but it would only get worse. 

Your case is similar like the girl that I know. I just left the messages. These guys are taking advantage of women’s weakness, this is not right. As a immigrant to a new country, these girls don’t know how to protect themselves, hire a lawyer is a option, but in reality it’s costed, especially they just moved here and need every penny for life. 

[Boiler 45,525]

Sounds like she needs a Divorce Lawyer.

[Aagha 3]

On 10/16/2020 at 12:57 AM, Ywong said:

Your case is similar like the girl that I know. I just left the messages. These guys are taking advantage of women’s weakness, this is not right. As a immigrant to a new country, these girls don’t know how to protect themselves, hire a lawyer is a option, but in reality it’s costed, especially they just moved here and need every penny for life. 

Interesting. I'm curious what others on this thread think. Can the USC's behavior be used against the foreigner down the line if they stayed in a bad marriage? 

[Aagha 3]

On 10/12/2020 at 3:44 PM, Orangesapples said:

There's also AWA. I think these laws need to be expanded and to make it impossible for someone currently incarcerated or with a history of any violent crime to petition for a spouse or fiance. 

I was saying stereotype in the media tends to always be- either both parties have bad intentions, or only the foreigner does. Articles like "protect US citizens from bad foreigners who come here for benefits". Not a single article or publication mentions bad US citizens who manipulate foreigners and don't take responsibility, and all the burden of the nature of the relationship falls on the foreigner's back because they're the one getting the US entry. VAWA may help but I am saying US citizens exploit this a lot (foreigner's vulnerability or cultural comprehension what a marriage is supposed to be) and never get punished.

Edited October 17, 2020 by Aagha

[Villanelle 4,122]

On 10/13/2020 at 4:26 PM, Aagha said:

Hi, thank you.

Well, I am done with my paperwork regarding immigration.. So I don't require a VAWA assistance. 

I was married for 5 years to a USC who was severely abusive and I believe I am experiencing PTSD as a result.

I have kept this to myself for 5 years because he wouldn't let me talk to or spend time with other people, and after years I finally had a chance to see and reconnect with people I trust, including a psychiatrist, who all concluded I was being manipulated by a mentally unstable person. I'm trying to find relief in reading other people's stories and see if I find a similar experience. 

https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/true-survivor-stories

 

The link above has many stories of survivors. You can also use google to find a local DV group (or your psychiatrist/therapist may be able to refer you to a local group). I understand wanting to connect with others who have been through the same but DV impacts EVERYONE no matter their race, class, education, ethnicity, age..etc. Sadly it can happen to anyone. Yes, there may be specific things that you experienced as an immigrant but again everyone's story is unique as well as the same. Try to focus on the larger picture when seeking out support in groups rather then the differences.