Offical MENA Cultural Differences Thread

[ya falaha! 0]

My husband looks everyone in the eye when he's talking to them. He's kinda like me in the belief that it's rude to speak with someone without looking them in the eye. I don't think it matters where they grow up or live. I guess it depends on the person.

ETA...I only went to the beach during the day once while in Alex. Most women were fully clothed. I even saw a few niqabis swimming. I didn't see not a one grown woman in an actual bathing suit.

Edited July 5, 2007 by moody

[a1angied 0]

I am hapy that my husband and my dog have gotten along and she sleeps in her dog bed at the end of our bed. We take her for walks everyday and he wants to hold the lead. He feeds her food after he is done eating and loves to give her treats.

Family is very different and he likes to spend time with one of my brothers as he says that he is very hospitable. That he makes him feel like family, I have found that he dislikes when we go to a friends home that they don't welcome us like they do in the MENA. Some do but the ones that don't he don't want to go back. I understand cos when people come to our home I have learned to offer tea, coffe, soda and he wants me to offer treats or invite them to stay for a meal. I usally treat people this way but after they have been here a few times I tell them to help themselves but he wants me to wait on them.

He said that the women in Jordan and Kuwait dress similar to the women here, yes we have alot more showing but when I was in Jordan I also seen women dressing as women here do. I am very greatful cos I have a 16 yr old daughter with friends that dress not so covered up.

One thing that was not mentioned is the driving differences. I have read that many don't drive, well my husband does. It was different trying to have him obey the rules of the road, he said that in Jordan they have rules but no one uses them. The seat belt is another thing, he and his friends laughed at me everytime they seen me but on my seatbelt when I was in Jordan, now he is used to wearing it now.

Make sure that they don't try and bring the sim card from the cell phone and expect it to work here. I tried to tell him to list tme all in an email and email them to his self or to put it in the contect info in Yahoo. Well he thought he knew better then I, guess what he has to call his friends that he has the numbers and is now believing i knew what I was talking about.

The main thing that he needed fromt he store right away was tahina sauce. Other then that he said everything is ok but the meat. So make sure you know where to be able to get the meat and other stuff so that it is on hand. He loves Mexican food, not to hip on biscuits and gravy. I have found the only oil is extra virgin olive oil ir it upsets his stomach. The greasy gravy is not a good thing, i guess that is why they don't have as much heart problems as we do.

think hard about how they will comunicate with the loved one's in their country.

[Henia 11]

I forgot to add...I went to a lecture once where the women were on one side and the men were on the other and when one of the men went up to lecture I thought it odd that when a woman asked a question he looked at the men. He NEVER looked at us even once. I mentioned that I thought he was being rude to a few and they said it's how he is and that his deen is at such a level that he does not look at women that are non-mahrem.

I wouldn't say that about my husband's deen so I dunno what that's all about either, i.e. where it stems from.

That is stems from the Surat that says: "Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts, etc.). That is purer for them. Verily, Allâh is All-Aware of what they do." Qur'an - Surat 24:30 So in essence men all over MENA, so more in ME then NA generally do not look at strange women, and for the religious this goes even beyond that a step furthernot looking directly at the eyes or or looking slightly up when speaking up. This is sign of great honour and piety. I would not be offended at all. And as we all know MENA men have that great honour to protect. Believe me, I have seen many a fights over just a glance.

But not to say everyone follows this rule. I know mostly only the religious follow this in NA, where male-female interaction is more liberal. I know my ex looked everyone in the eye, while most of his brothers did not. My husband now, of course looks everyone in the eye, bu the does have several religious family members who look non-mahram women in the eye

[Henia 11]

The main thing that he needed fromt he store right away was tahina sauce. Other then that he said everything is ok but the meat. So make sure you know where to be able to get the meat and other stuff so that it is on hand. He loves Mexican food, not to hip on biscuits and gravy. I have found the only oil is extra virgin olive oil ir it upsets his stomach. The greasy gravy is not a good thing, i guess that is why they don't have as much heart problems as we do.

Bisciuits and gravy you say?

[ya falaha! 0]

I just remembered something Moh and I had discussed last week. He commented on how here in the US we act respectfully and polite to ppl who "serve" us..meaning cashiers, ppl who work in grocery stores, etc. He said in Egypt ppl tend to be somewhat rude to those types of ppl. We discussed how here in the US ppl are usually not judged by how much money they have or what their social status it...for the most part. But in Egypt there is definitely a difference in treatment depending on these things.

[mybackpages 0]

I forgot to add...I went to a lecture once where the women were on one side and the men were on the other and when one of the men went up to lecture I thought it odd that when a woman asked a question he looked at the men. He NEVER looked at us even once. I mentioned that I thought he was being rude to a few and they said it's how he is and that his deen is at such a level that he does not look at women that are non-mahrem.

I wouldn't say that about my husband's deen so I dunno what that's all about either, i.e. where it stems from.

This is what I don't understand. The whole point of hijab (modest dress fo rmen and women) is so that both can freely interact in society. This whole no eye contact is cultural. Not judgin it, but just saying you can't use Islam to justify it.

[Henia 11]

I forgot to add...I went to a lecture once where the women were on one side and the men were on the other and when one of the men went up to lecture I thought it odd that when a woman asked a question he looked at the men. He NEVER looked at us even once. I mentioned that I thought he was being rude to a few and they said it's how he is and that his deen is at such a level that he does not look at women that are non-mahrem.

I wouldn't say that about my husband's deen so I dunno what that's all about either, i.e. where it stems from.

This is what I don't understand. The whole point of hijab (modest dress fo rmen and women) is so that both can freely interact in society. This whole no eye contact is cultural. Not judgin it, but just saying you can't use Islam to justify it.

Yes, of course there will always be men and women out there who take words literally and in my humble opinion way too literally and make their lives much harder then needed. It all comes down to your Islamic prespective. Hey that is word we all know well here in MENA. What is right for me, may not be right for you.

Of course the hijeb ( and more so the niqaab) is there to make the barrier between non-mahram men and women greater, and really apply the women to be viewed as a human, not any sexual object. Again here comes that word prespective. Even with hijeb, a women may still be desirable to any men. Let's face that fact. And Allah did not only say "hey you women cover up so men will not find you enticing." No. Allah(swt) said also for the men, to not stare and not let the Sheitan into their hearts. So really this is a mercy for many women. Maybe not for us, here in the US... but for many women elsewhere who face dishonour, rape and worst for these rampant desires.

And MBP you can use Islam to justify it read the ayats in Surat al- Nur MBP. "There is nothing left after I go more dangerous to men than the temptations of women." [Al-Bukhaari] Also describes it well.

Anyway, my personal opinion is that you should adjust yourself to different situation and people. And all men should look to all women (other then their wives) like they would a mother or sister. And that is my humble opinion.

[doodlebug 3]

I don't know if it's a cultural vs religious thing. I mean it does say to lower one's gaze in the Quran. I guess the cultural comes in when you compare how some were brought up in their religion. For example, I was brought up Catholic but in a very strict Catholic home where we covered our heads while in church, yet there are others who do not do this. So I guess it's both cultural and religion mixed in but there is evidence to back up the lowering of the gaze.

ETA...I only went to the beach during the day once while in Alex. Most women were fully clothed. I even saw a few niqabis swimming. I didn't see not a one grown woman in an actual bathing suit.

I'm curious to see what he's talkin' bout but of course I didn't miss the chance to say that had he been lowerin' that there gaze of his he wouldn't be noticing these women in the first place.

[mybackpages 0]

I forgot to add...I went to a lecture once where the women were on one side and the men were on the other and when one of the men went up to lecture I thought it odd that when a woman asked a question he looked at the men. He NEVER looked at us even once. I mentioned that I thought he was being rude to a few and they said it's how he is and that his deen is at such a level that he does not look at women that are non-mahrem.

I wouldn't say that about my husband's deen so I dunno what that's all about either, i.e. where it stems from.

This is what I don't understand. The whole point of hijab (modest dress fo rmen and women) is so that both can freely interact in society. This whole no eye contact is cultural. Not judgin it, but just saying you can't use Islam to justify it.

Yes, of course there will always be men and women out there who take words literally and in my humble opinion way too literally and make their lives much harder then needed. It all comes down to your Islamic prespective. Hey that is word we all know well here in MENA. What is right for me, may not be right for you.

Of course the hijeb ( and more so the niqaab) is there to make the barrier between non-mahram men and women greater, and really apply the women to be viewed as a human, not any sexual object. Again here comes that word prespective. Even with hijeb, a women may still be desirable to any men. Let's face that fact. And Allah did not only say "hey you women cover up so men will not find you enticing." No. Allah(swt) said also for the men, to not stare and not let the Sheitan into their hearts. So really this is a mercy for many women. Maybe not for us, here in the US... but for many women elsewhere who face dishonour, rape and worst for these rampant desires.

And MBP you can use Islam to justify it read the ayats in Surat al- Nur MBP. "There is nothing left after I go more dangerous to men than the temptations of women." [Al-Bukhaari] Also describes it well.

Anyway, my personal opinion is that you should adjust yourself to different situation and people. And all men should look to all women (other then their wives) like they would a mother or sister. And that is my humble opinion.

Henia, I htink you express the behavior much better than I do and I certainly think we (as westerners) should not take offense because of cultural behavior.

The problem I have getting my head around is because of the language barrier. Sure if you read modern standard arabic you can read the classicall arabic of the Quran, but it is not that easy to understand. Lower your gaze can be interpreted many different ways. As Islam spread in to countries after the death of the prophet, those people adapted much of their long standing cultural behavior to fit under Islam. These cultural expressions maybe acceptable under Islam but thay arer not mandated by Islam.

I hope that makes sense

[doodlebug 3]

I forgot to add...I went to a lecture once where the women were on one side and the men were on the other and when one of the men went up to lecture I thought it odd that when a woman asked a question he looked at the men. He NEVER looked at us even once. I mentioned that I thought he was being rude to a few and they said it's how he is and that his deen is at such a level that he does not look at women that are non-mahrem.

I wouldn't say that about my husband's deen so I dunno what that's all about either, i.e. where it stems from.

This is what I don't understand. The whole point of hijab (modest dress fo rmen and women) is so that both can freely interact in society. This whole no eye contact is cultural. Not judgin it, but just saying you can't use Islam to justify it.

Yes, of course there will always be men and women out there who take words literally and in my humble opinion way too literally and make their lives much harder then needed. It all comes down to your Islamic prespective. Hey that is word we all know well here in MENA. What is right for me, may not be right for you.

Of course the hijeb ( and more so the niqaab) is there to make the barrier between non-mahram men and women greater, and really apply the women to be viewed as a human, not any sexual object. Again here comes that word prespective. Even with hijeb, a women may still be desirable to any men. Let's face that fact. And Allah did not only say "hey you women cover up so men will not find you enticing." No. Allah(swt) said also for the men, to not stare and not let the Sheitan into their hearts. So really this is a mercy for many women. Maybe not for us, here in the US... but for many women elsewhere who face dishonour, rape and worst for these rampant desires.

And MBP you can use Islam to justify it read the ayats in Surat al- Nur MBP. "There is nothing left after I go more dangerous to men than the temptations of women." [Al-Bukhaari] Also describes it well.

Anyway, my personal opinion is that you should adjust yourself to different situation and people. And all men should look to all women (other then their wives) like they would a mother or sister. And that is my humble opinion.

Henia, I htink you express the behavior much better than I do and I certainly think we (as westerners) should not take offense because of cultural behavior.

The problem I have getting my head around is because of the language barrier. Sure if you read modern standard arabic you can read the classicall arabic of the Quran, but it is not that easy to understand. Lower your gaze can be interpreted many different ways. As Islam spread in to countries after the death of the prophet, those people adapted much of their long standing cultural behavior to fit under Islam. These cultural expressions maybe acceptable under Islam but thay arer not mandated by Islam.

I hope that makes sense

omg i'm braindead today and *I* understood that!!! lol.

[deemabrouk 0]

They are loud. I remember my husband telling me when we first met that when you see two Arabs waving their arms and talking real loud, more than likely they aren't having an argument....just talking!

hahaa. sounds like two Italians!!!!!

[deemabrouk 0]

I forgot to add...I went to a lecture once where the women were on one side and the men were on the other and when one of the men went up to lecture I thought it odd that when a woman asked a question he looked at the men. He NEVER looked at us even once. I mentioned that I thought he was being rude to a few and they said it's how he is and that his deen is at such a level that he does not look at women that are non-mahrem.

I wouldn't say that about my husband's deen so I dunno what that's all about either, i.e. where it stems from.

That is stems from the Surat that says: "Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts, etc.). That is purer for them. Verily, Allâh is All-Aware of what they do." Qur'an - Surat 24:30 So in essence men all over MENA, so more in ME then NA generally do not look at strange women, and for the religious this goes even beyond that a step furthernot looking directly at the eyes or or looking slightly up when speaking up. This is sign of great honour and piety. I would not be offended at all. And as we all know MENA men have that great honour to protect. Believe me, I have seen many a fights over just a glance.

But not to say everyone follows this rule. I know mostly only the religious follow this in NA, where male-female interaction is more liberal. I know my ex looked everyone in the eye, while most of his brothers did not. My husband now, of course looks everyone in the eye, bu the does have several religious family members who look non-mahram women in the eye

the Imam at my mosque is all about the woman being involved.. and giving the sisters his attention.. SO.. sometimes he will come into the sisters room and talk to us... BUT the entired time he looks at the ground.. or and any toddler that waddles over to him.. And me.. I stare at the floor too..... It is Respect..

soon they will have to replace the carpets from all the burn holes

and if my husband changes his ways... I'll kick his A$$!!!!!!!!!! Islam comes before the American way........

Edited July 5, 2007 by deemabrouk

[ya falaha! 0]

The only thing kinda close to this behavior (not looking at women/in their eyes) that Moh does is when he's watching TV or if we're out and he sees women in revealing clothing he looks away or looks down. I've told him he doesn't have to do that if he's doing it for my benefit.

[amrssnowangel 0]

I forgot to add...I went to a lecture once where the women were on one side and the men were on the other and when one of the men went up to lecture I thought it odd that when a woman asked a question he looked at the men. He NEVER looked at us even once. I mentioned that I thought he was being rude to a few and they said it's how he is and that his deen is at such a level that he does not look at women that are non-mahrem.

I wouldn't say that about my husband's deen so I dunno what that's all about either, i.e. where it stems from.

My guy is just shy to be honest. AND not long after we met he made the comment that his wife is his only "right" to look at and touch. He is a great guy with great morals. But for not looking me in the eye...lol...well..I think part of that was his initial shyness..which he has now lost. Alhamdolellah. He doesn't watch TV shows or Movies if he knows it may have not well dressed people. I took a DVD over..."what about schmidt" Theres ONE SMALL part where she gets in the hottub and u can't really see much but her upper chest...he turned it off and fast forwarded it. He turns away to at some scenes if they are kissing and getting intimate but CLOTHED!!! What a man. Gotta LOVE that.

[Jenn! 918]

He turns away to at some scenes if they are kissing and getting intimate but CLOTHED!!! What a man. Gotta LOVE that.

Well, I would have a really hard time with that. But that's why there's someone for everyone!