Offical MENA Cultural Differences Thread

[Henia 11]

Esalaam/Salut/Hello

With all the new members, unforunate stories of past members and so many cultural differences ... I think we should make a "official" MENA Cultural Difference Awareness thread. Post about little or major things that are different that surprised, shocked and confused you. And hopefully this wil help everyone to understand their MENA SOs (and their family, society) and live a much happier life together.

Capt'n Can we get this pinned?

[aya*abouelnasr 0]

What a great idea, Henia! My husband and I were talking the other day about the differences between the US and Jordan. I tried to explain to him that most of the differences weren't difficult to learn, they were just...well, different. There are some things that I do worry about, the difference in the way women in the US dress, the open sexuality. I wonder how he will react to them, but there is no real way to inform him of these things that I can think of. I'll be interested to hear the ideas of others.

[allousa 1]

Henia - I really enjoyed your post about Algerian weddings. There are some similiarities to a Moroccan wedding. I'm basing that on a few that I've been to. I really had a chuckle about the women dressing up like hoochies because the last wedding I went to while I was visiting Hicham...there were some women dressed like that.

As far as cultural differences, once I got to know my husband and his family, I found that what I had grown up thinking was "Arab" culture, was not what it was really like. I have a very small family and they aren't close. It was a real change for me to be in the midst of a very loud, large but loving family.

One thing I do have to say that I've noticed when I do go to Morocco is how people stare. Not so much at me, but just how everyone is so busy checking everyone else out. Does that make sense?

Oh, and how my husband and I feel about dogs are completely different. I was raised always having a dog for a pet. They were allowed in the house too. Hicham likes dogs, but definitely he definitely feels they need to stay outside. We had problems with that at first. But especially now that our son has come along, I do agree that the dogs don't need to be inside and all in his face.

[mybackpages 0]

When coming to the US, the one difference that almost every Moroccan will comment on is the lack of real connectedness among American families. In Morocco the family is everything, especially the parents. Understanding, or even better, sharing this value will go a long way in making the relationship work.

[brnidokiegurl 0]

We just have a BIG discussion yesterday on lets say manners. He owns a store and he said if someone comes there and does not say hello or something equal he just ignores them. I told him although we all know manners here and it would be nice not everyone will be so friendly and nice and if he just ignores them he will undoubtly have many problems. Then with some if they do not say something like maybe "how are you" he will just say "im fine thank you for asking" i told him that was rude to bring attention for that but he said was his way to bring "sense" so they will know again i told him doent expect from everyone here and it wasnt his job to educate everyone to those facts. Manners and respect for others are very high on his list.

Family is very important and he often doesnt understand sometimes why i have not seen or talked to "whomever"

Credit to i think will be new to him, bills seem to really bother him..

[Caladan 19]

This is a great idea for a thread, and I hope people will fill it up. Too often on ME/NA, or VJ in general really, people only bring up cultural differences when they're worried about fraud or have a problem.

Which makes everyone very defensive and leads to sniping and denial. This thread is good because people will be able to post things without a recent 'scandal' being on everyone's mind.

[rclouse 0]

Oh, and how my husband and I feel about dogs are completely different. I was raised always having a dog for a pet. They were allowed in the house too. Hicham likes dogs, but definitely he definitely feels they need to stay outside. We had problems with that at first. But especially now that our son has come along, I do agree that the dogs don't need to be inside and all in his face.

I have the same problem with my wife. At first she hated my chihuahua, but as time has gone on she's learned to like him. But Timmy unfortunately will pee in the house if you're not vigilant, so he has to stay outside to sleep, which in SoCal is not a problem. When it's cold he just buries himself in his blankets and he's fine.

Oh, one thing about a dog's mouth: it's cleaner than yours. There are fewer bacteria in a dog's mouth than in a typical human's.

[melly 0]

Oh, and how my husband and I feel about dogs are completely different. I was raised always having a dog for a pet. They were allowed in the house too. Hicham likes dogs, but definitely he definitely feels they need to stay outside. We had problems with that at first. But especially now that our son has come along, I do agree that the dogs don't need to be inside and all in his face.

I have the same problem with my wife. At first she hated my chihuahua, but as time has gone on she's learned to like him. But Timmy unfortunately will pee in the house if you're not vigilant, so he has to stay outside to sleep, which in SoCal is not a problem. When it's cold he just buries himself in his blankets and he's fine.

Oh, one thing about a dog's mouth: it's cleaner than yours. There are fewer bacteria in a dog's mouth than in a typical human's.

I hate to say this, because it's kind of gross, but when my dog was still alive, many years ago, I used to catch him eating poo outside. I really doubt his mouth was cleaner than mine, as that's not a habit I have.

[caybee 21]

Here's one we discovered yesterday, but it may be personal rather than cultural. The kitchen cupboards in our apartment have wooden doors painted white. Yesterday, I noticed they were all open, so I was closing them all. My fiance remarked that he liked the look of all of them wide open because it looks more welcoming to him to see our dishes, containers of flour and rice, spices, etc. Growing up here, I was taught to make the kitchen as uncluttered as possible, although it doesn't bother me if a door or two stands open. So we have decided that when we buy a house, we will put glass doors on most of the cupboards. If we leave them open now, I'll be thwacking my head on them too often, and he won't enjoy my swearing.

I grew up eating dinner with family every night, but there is still a big difference in our mealtime traditions. He uses silverware when we eat out (most of the time ) or with my parents, but we share a dish at home and eat with our hands more than I ever did before. When he and I go to restaurants now, we order two plates, but we choose things we both like and put them in the middle instead of one in front of each of us, or we order "whatever for two" and share a big plate. We do have separate drinking glasses most of the time (this is not always true in Morocco), but he'll just swipe mine if he runs out or if mine looks better He knows the "American" way of eating, but I must say that I love the feeling of generosity and intimacy reflected in his mealtime traditions. This is probably the area where I've encorporated his traditions the most so far.

[caybee 21]

duplicate...

Edited June 24, 2007 by mona_jamie

[sarah and hicham 3]

Oh, and how my husband and I feel about dogs are completely different. I was raised always having a dog for a pet. They were allowed in the house too. Hicham likes dogs, but definitely he definitely feels they need to stay outside. We had problems with that at first. But especially now that our son has come along, I do agree that the dogs don't need to be inside and all in his face.

I have the same problem with my wife. At first she hated my chihuahua, but as time has gone on she's learned to like him. But Timmy unfortunately will pee in the house if you're not vigilant, so he has to stay outside to sleep, which in SoCal is not a problem. When it's cold he just buries himself in his blankets and he's fine.

Oh, one thing about a dog's mouth: it's cleaner than yours. There are fewer bacteria in a dog's mouth than in a typical human's.

I hate to say this, because it's kind of gross, but when my dog was still alive, many years ago, I used to catch him eating poo outside. I really doubt his mouth was cleaner than mine, as that's not a habit I have.

I'm with ya there Melly. Our dogs eat anything they can put into their mouth including rabbit poop on a daily basis.

[doodlebug 3]

I don't know if this is cultural or just traits of my husband but here is what I've noticed:

* he will not look a woman that he does not know in the eyes. I told him that he will have to do this here if he wants to sell anything to them 'cause otherwise they will be offended.

* we had a few of his friends over one night and one of them remarked that they would love some of my starbucks coffee so he could make it himself. I gave him the whole bag of it that I had since I had no use for it (I couldn't figure out a way to make it since there was no coffee maker). Usama took me aside in the kitchen and told me to only give him a portion, and never to give anyone the whole thing. For example I'd give someone a whole pack of gum if I were there but he'd prefer me just to give them one or two pieces.

* he always said something when we stepped into the house. I could never remember what it was but he said he was saying hi to the angels when he did this.

* as soon as we'd get into a cab after he'd finish negotiating the price he'd offer the cabbie a cigarette first, and if they declined then he'd offer them lib.

[rclouse 0]

Please note: I was referring to bacteria, not poop. By that standard, yes a dog's mouth is cleaner than yours. I agree, I certainly don't want my dog licking my face after he's been licking his balls.

[chasnik 0]

One of the biggest differences I see that already seems to bother him before he even gets here is the lack of community and family closeness. I dont know how many times someone in the neighborhood has died and Mo goes to help prepare them. If someone in his family is sick, everyone is there. At his house there is always extended family coming and going. He ask me about some of my aunts or cousins and I have to think hard when the last time I saw them was.

[browneyez40 0]

I grew up eating dinner with family every night, but there is still a big difference in our mealtime traditions. He uses silverware when we eat out (most of the time ) or with my parents, but we share a dish at home and eat with our hands more than I ever did before. When he and I go to restaurants now, we order two plates, but we choose things we both like and put them in the middle instead of one in front of each of us, or we order "whatever for two" and share a big plate. We do have separate drinking glasses most of the time (this is not always true in Morocco), but he'll just swipe mine if he runs out or if mine looks better He knows the "American" way of eating, but I must say that I love the feeling of generosity and intimacy reflected in his mealtime traditions. This is probably the area where I've encorporated his traditions the most so far.

I absolutely hate this. I never mind sharing my food with my husband but I HATE HATE HATE when he eats off the plate that I am eating from. I guess this is because I am a very slow eatier and if he starts eating from my plate I'll eat half of what I had orginally planned. :-(

One thing I do like about Moroccan eating is the amount of bread. I <3 bread.