Divorve while i751 pending, interview?

[TonyMichael 3]

  On 8/26/2020 at 4:33 PM, Villanelle said:

Ok so this is probably why your attny said you have a weak case....

 

Can you list out a timeline of your relationship so we can compare it against the evidence you have. Date you started dating, date of marriage, dates you actually lived together, dates you were separated etc etc.

Expand  

November 2013: Met for the first time and start dating, relationship

June 2016: Not married yet, but started living in the same place

March 2017: Married living together

October 2018: Got my conditional GC

April 2019 - September 2019: Married but separated (Not officially, but we were living in different addresses)

October 2019 - February 2020: Married living together

February 2020 - June 2020: Married but separated (At first his family's health issue got worsen, and my spouse visited them, but with coronavirus pandemic and stuff, he did not come back for a while. For about 4 months, we were living in different addresses.)

June 2020 - Present: Married and living together (But recently I found out he is cheating AGAIN (the 4th time) and I am exhausted and want to divorce already, but my attorney said I should remain married for as long as I can so I can collect more documents in the meantime while the case is pending once we submit I751 packet)

 

And here is my spouse's employment history after I got my conditional GC.

October 2018 - January 2019: Employed

January 2019 - October 2019: Unemployed

October 2019 - November 2019: Employed

November 2019 - August 2020: Unemployed

 

As you can see, my spouse was unemployed most of the time after I got my GC, so we never really got a chance to commingle our fiances because it is mostly me providing for my spouse. And he has a overspending habit, so I didnt wanna put, for example, $100, in our joint bank account, because he would use it. So I put in $10-30 every few days more like as allowance, and I paid all the bills from my own checking account.

 

I have many pics throughout the relationship, and most of the basic stuff people submit as bona-fide marriage evidence, EXCEPT good joint bank accounts. We have a joint checking account where he is the main spender, and me provider. And the problem is, the bank statement will show that he was not with me during the separated months because they show that he was spending money in a different address from where we currently live.  

 

Also, even when we were separated, I was visiting him once a month because we did miss each other. It is just that we (well, mainly me because he cheated on me) were not sure if we should live together. 

 

  5 hours ago, Villanelle said:

 

Its important to remember that bonafide does not mean 'happy', it means legitimate. Legitimate marriages can be unhappy ones, they can have problems. You have to show the marriage was legit. That you entered it with the intentions of being married and not just to get immigration benefits. So if you can list out the timeline and where the proof you have falls in to it it will be helpful. You most likely are going to need a solid letter of explanation because the proof you have is scattered since it was a rocky relationship- but being rocky doesnt mean it wasnt real. 

Expand  

My lawyer, btw, is against mentioning anything about me being separated from my spouse. Even though we are back together and living together in the same address, it doesn't change the fact that we were living in different addresses for a long time. 

And my lawyer say that it is a big red flag that we were not living together, and he even said I should have divorced at that time. Getting back together now, ironically, makes the I751 approval more difficult.

 

I don't know what to do anymore, and every day I am stressed out thinking I will most likely get deported.

[TonyMichael 3]

Let me edit and fix the timeline a little bit.

 

November 2013: Met for the first time and started dating & relationship

June 2016: Not married yet, but started living in the same place

March 2017: Got married. I moved out of the state for my job at the end of March. My spouse remained where we lived because he had a good job.

May 2017: The beginning of May 2017, my spouse quit his job and moved in to my new apt in the different state. Started living together again.

October 2018: Got my conditional GC

December 2018: The end of December, my spouse cheated on me (He cheated on me twice previously, but I forgave him because I was so in love. But this cheating devastated me to the point that I want some distance from him. But due to our jobs and location, we remained in the same address, but we were not intimate and happy)

April 2019 - September 2019: Married but separated (In January 2019, my spouse got fired, and in February 2019 I got fired. So we decided to move out of the state. We actually moved at the end of March 2019.  From April 2019, I started living at my friend's while I look for a new job, and my husband started living at his family's place. 3 hours away.)

October 2019 - February 2020: Married living together (I signed the lease for both of us because I thought we should try again to see if we can be happy together. I moved in to a new address in mid September, and he moved in with me a few weeks later)

February 2020 - June 2020: Married but separated (At first his family's health issue got worsen, and my spouse visited them, but with coronavirus pandemic and stuff, he did not come back for a while. For about 4 months, we were living in different addresses.)

June 2020 - Present: Married and living together (But recently I found out he is cheating AGAIN (the 4th time) and I am exhausted and want to divorce already as I don't see any more happy, faithful marriage for us, but my attorney said I should remain married for as long as I can so I can collect more documents in the meantime while the case is pending once we submit I751 packet.)

 

 

My lawyer said we might be able to "hide" the separation if we don't submit the joint bank account.

Edited August 26, 2020 by TonyMichael

[mindthegap 2,611]

  On 8/24/2020 at 3:43 PM, mindthegap said:

Get a better lawyer.

Expand  

 

[Villanelle 4,122]

Sorry for the delayed reply. Ive been thinking about this a bit. The attny you are using or considering using is a bit sketchy. Some attnys are like that, they like to play on the edge. That can be a very dangerous game. The most important thing to understand is YOU are responsible for everything in your package and on the forms- not the attny. If you get bad advice or do something incorrectly it will fall on you not the attny. USCIS will not accept the excuse that the attny did it. 

 

Now a skilled attny can carefully walk the line of whats allowed vs whats misrep but its a fine line and you would be putting a lot of faith into them that they are on the right side of things. So reading all you posted- it seems your attny is suggesting the strategy of submitting bare bones evidence that doesnt draw attention to any issues and then will wait to see what USCIS requests additionally. At that point they will address the issues brought up by USCIS if they need to. You know how I said USCIS doesnt connect the dots? Your attny is basically suggesting sending them random 'dots' and then waiting for USCIS to specifically request which dots they want connected rather then laying everything out there for them at the start. This is going to cost you more in legal fees overall (unless they are charging you a flat rate- but even a flat rate I would think would be higher then normal due to them knowing there will be additional work needed to respond to the RFEs). You also have to be very care to not misrep. There are often discussions on VJ about whats referred to as 'omissions' and whether omissions are misrep or not. Sometimes they are, sometimes they arent. 

 

I think the best metaphor for this would be if a person was arrested for a crime. Defense attnys will always tell you to not speak to the cops. To say nothing or very little so it cant be held against you. Your attny is kind of going at it as if you are 'guilty' so they are holding back initially and then will address things when USCIS brings it up. Personally I am not comfortable with that strategy but it can be a valid strategy if done correctly. 

 

 

Again bonafide marriage does not mean happy marriage. If you had problems (which you did) I dont see any point in trying to hide the fact you had problems. If you did nothing wrong then why not lay it all out at the beginning? But I believe in 100% upfront honesty- thats just me though. I agree overall with mindthegap though that you should speak to other attnys and get their opinions. Nothing you listed out in your timelines is a reason for denial in itself. If anything it shows you repeatedly tried to make the marriage work. 

 

Please speak to other attnys and let us know how it goes. 

 

 

 

[TonyMichael 3]

  On 9/2/2020 at 4:32 PM, Villanelle said:

Sorry for the delayed reply. Ive been thinking about this a bit. The attny you are using or considering using is a bit sketchy. Some attnys are like that, they like to play on the edge. That can be a very dangerous game. The most important thing to understand is YOU are responsible for everything in your package and on the forms- not the attny. If you get bad advice or do something incorrectly it will fall on you not the attny. USCIS will not accept the excuse that the attny did it. 

 

Now a skilled attny can carefully walk the line of whats allowed vs whats misrep but its a fine line and you would be putting a lot of faith into them that they are on the right side of things. So reading all you posted- it seems your attny is suggesting the strategy of submitting bare bones evidence that doesnt draw attention to any issues and then will wait to see what USCIS requests additionally. At that point they will address the issues brought up by USCIS if they need to. You know how I said USCIS doesnt connect the dots? Your attny is basically suggesting sending them random 'dots' and then waiting for USCIS to specifically request which dots they want connected rather then laying everything out there for them at the start. This is going to cost you more in legal fees overall (unless they are charging you a flat rate- but even a flat rate I would think would be higher then normal due to them knowing there will be additional work needed to respond to the RFEs). You also have to be very care to not misrep. There are often discussions on VJ about whats referred to as 'omissions' and whether omissions are misrep or not. Sometimes they are, sometimes they arent. 

 

I think the best metaphor for this would be if a person was arrested for a crime. Defense attnys will always tell you to not speak to the cops. To say nothing or very little so it cant be held against you. Your attny is kind of going at it as if you are 'guilty' so they are holding back initially and then will address things when USCIS brings it up. Personally I am not comfortable with that strategy but it can be a valid strategy if done correctly. 

 

 

Again bonafide marriage does not mean happy marriage. If you had problems (which you did) I dont see any point in trying to hide the fact you had problems. If you did nothing wrong then why not lay it all out at the beginning? But I believe in 100% upfront honesty- thats just me though. I agree overall with mindthegap though that you should speak to other attnys and get their opinions. Nothing you listed out in your timelines is a reason for denial in itself. If anything it shows you repeatedly tried to make the marriage work. 

 

Please speak to other attnys and let us know how it goes. 

 

 

 

Expand  

Thanks for the reply. Actually, I tried speaking to 4 other attorneys. 

 

[TonyMichael 3]

Thanks for the reply. Actually, I tried speaking to 4 other attorneys. 

 

Surprisingly,  one of them told me to divorce RIGHT NOW before my GC expires within 2 months. She said I should get a paper proof from the court that the divorce paper has been submitted, and i should submit it with the WAIVER i751 packet. Since we live in CA, where divorce takes 6 months, I wont get my divorce finalized until later, and I wont get a divorce decree until then. So she said for now just do it as a waiver, but include a letter explaining the divorce process has begun, and include the proof of it. 

 

The rest of the 3 told me basically the same thing as my current attorney: For now, stay married and submit the i751 packet as joint. 

And then they told me I should go for as long as possible until I really have to divorce. Until them, they advised me to keep collecting more documents. During which time, there might not be anything new, but like it will still add the longer length of living together, which they said would help. 

 

They didnt tell me to "hide" the separation though, but they didnt tell me to "be open about it" either. They basically said just submit everything I have except for bank statements. One attorney said my bank statements not only show that we were separated but also, since I was mainly the only person putting money in it and my spouse spending it, it doesnt really look like "commingling of finances" and hence it doesnt show much evidence of bona fide ness. He told me to collect as much other stuff as possible. Even small things like receipts of when we purchased rings, or for when we ate a dinner at a restaurant on our anniversary. He also said I should get more affidavits. 

 

What all attornies I spoke with agreed with, though, was that even though not submitting a joint bank account is a big deal, they did say there are lots of couples who didnt have a joint bank account and still got approved. Some attornies said I should include a letter just briefly mentioning that my spouse and I dont really share the same bank account due to the spending habit difference. 

 

To my surprise, attornies (even the one I have been using) I have picked were all rated very high with so many reviews. I know that doesnt always mean the attorney is great, but that was the only thing I could count on at this moment to find an attorney. 

 

Talking to these attornies have now made me even more confused what to do...

 

Edited September 3, 2020 by TonyMichael

[TonyMichael 3]

I just remembered another thing one of the attornies told me. She said I should stay married for now because we are in the middle of collecting documents for i751 and it's not a good idea to add more stress by going with divorce right now and doing a waiver option. 

 

She said (as long as my spouse is willing to wait to divorce) that I should stay married, and go to marriage counseling and get receipts of them. According to her, since joint bank account is not a good option for us, it's better to collect the counseling records as we see a divorce in the future. 

Divorce cases are almost 100% interviewed, she said, and having proofs of us having been to counseling will help A LOT as it shows that we tried to save our marriage, which shows the bonafide-ness. 

Also, she said somehow collect the proof of my spouse's cheating, or I should write a letter explaining the cheating incidents, have my spouse sign it with notary public. 

She said I could use that as one of the proofs that we tried to save the marriage by me forgiving him. 

 

I'm not sure if this is a good idea, what do you think?

[Sparkle Sparkle 914]

  On 9/3/2020 at 7:14 AM, TonyMichael said:

I just remembered another thing one of the attornies told me. She said I should stay married for now because we are in the middle of collecting documents for i751 and it's not a good idea to add more stress by going with divorce right now and doing a waiver option. 

 

She said (as long as my spouse is willing to wait to divorce) that I should stay married, and go to marriage counseling and get receipts of them. According to her, since joint bank account is not a good option for us, it's better to collect the counseling records as we see a divorce in the future. 

Divorce cases are almost 100% interviewed, she said, and having proofs of us having been to counseling will help A LOT as it shows that we tried to save our marriage, which shows the bonafide-ness. 

Also, she said somehow collect the proof of my spouse's cheating, or I should write a letter explaining the cheating incidents, have my spouse sign it with notary public. 

She said I could use that as one of the proofs that we tried to save the marriage by me forgiving him. 

 

I'm not sure if this is a good idea, what do you think?

Expand  

What about your mental health and your own peace of mind?....are you ready to trade that in too?

[Crazy Cat 43,100]

  On 9/3/2020 at 7:14 AM, TonyMichael said:

I just remembered another thing one of the attornies told me. She said I should stay married for now because we are in the middle of collecting documents for i751 and it's not a good idea to add more stress by going with divorce right now and doing a waiver option. 

 

She said (as long as my spouse is willing to wait to divorce) that I should stay married, and go to marriage counseling and get receipts of them. According to her, since joint bank account is not a good option for us, it's better to collect the counseling records as we see a divorce in the future. 

Divorce cases are almost 100% interviewed, she said, and having proofs of us having been to counseling will help A LOT as it shows that we tried to save our marriage, which shows the bonafide-ness. 

Also, she said somehow collect the proof of my spouse's cheating, or I should write a letter explaining the cheating incidents, have my spouse sign it with notary public. 

She said I could use that as one of the proofs that we tried to save the marriage by me forgiving him. 

 

I'm not sure if this is a good idea, what do you think?

Expand  

That advice sounds a little shady to me.......and you are staying in the bad marriage due to fear of an interview.......and it sounds like you are trying to manufacture an illusion....

Edited September 3, 2020 by Lucky Cat

[TonyMichael 3]

I'm seriously at a loss what to do as even attornies with good reputation still give me shady or sketchy advice. 

 

If the i751 cases only took 6 months or so, I might be able to stay married butivinf in California with all this pandemic, its gonna take 1.5 to 2 years. There's no way I can stay married for that long. It's not healthy for both me and my spouse. 

 

So I'm thinking about applying jointly for the time being because my Gc will expire in less than 2 months and I dont have time for divorce, and in a few months divorcing my spouse, and I'll submit the receipt or proof of it to USCIS with a letter explaining the divorce process has begun. Then as soon as I get a decree I'll send it again. 

 

What do you think? 

 

[Ash.1101 1,756]

  On 9/3/2020 at 6:25 PM, TonyMichael said:

I'm seriously at a loss what to do as even attornies with good reputation still give me shady or sketchy advice. 

 

If the i751 cases only took 6 months or so, I might be able to stay married butivinf in California with all this pandemic, its gonna take 1.5 to 2 years. There's no way I can stay married for that long. It's not healthy for both me and my spouse. 

 

So I'm thinking about applying jointly for the time being because my Gc will expire in less than 2 months and I dont have time for divorce, and in a few months divorcing my spouse, and I'll submit the receipt or proof of it to USCIS with a letter explaining the divorce process has begun. Then as soon as I get a decree I'll send it again. 

 

What do you think? 

 

Expand  

Reviews aren't everything. If they have been skirting the law but have historically made their clients happy, then they will have a good rep as an attorney that "did everything they could!", lawyer to lawyer their rep might be kind of dirty and less respectable, but lawyer to client, they might look like the bees knees.

You plan of divorcing and starting the process now is the better of choices for sure.


 

[TonyMichael 3]

  On 9/3/2020 at 6:59 PM, Ash. said:

Reviews aren't everything. If they have been skirting the law but have historically made their clients happy, then they will have a good rep as an attorney that "did everything they could!", lawyer to lawyer their rep might be kind of dirty and less respectable, but lawyer to client, they might look like the bees knees.

You plan of divorcing and starting the process now is the better of choices for sure.


 

Expand  

Wait, you mean I should divorce now and file it with a waiver, is a better choice??

[mindthegap 2,611]

Remember that you can file with a waiver at any time.

 

 

So you could do nothing. File nothing. Then when your divorce is final in six months or whatever, file with a waiver.

Yes, you would receive a scary-but-not-legally-sound denial letter for failure to file, but as long as you do file with a waiver after that it's no big deal as it is expressly permitted. 

 

 

Some of the stuff that has been suggested to you by the attorneys is skirting a thin line..

 

Edited September 3, 2020 by mindthegap