2 weeks before filing I-751, I found out he is cheating!

[Ann Blair 39]

I’m so sorry. Sending positive thoughts and prayers for strength to get through this difficult time. 

[hurtandmiserable 13]

i appreciate you guys a lot ❤️ 

thanks for all the kind words seriously.

it is helping me to not feel like a complete failure

[R&OC 371]

I am so deeply sorry you are going through this and probably asking yourself if you ever knew him in the first place. I have been in your shoes before and hence I have this advice:

 

Secure all important documents now before confronting him. I have a feeling you will have a very hard time getting all the necessary documents once you have that talk. Keep documents in a bank safe, copies too, and passport

etc. That includes his pay stubs, utility bills, shared ownership of car/house/ etc.  Also, talk to a lawyer and get advice how to proceed. Also talk to him about your savings you brought into the  marriage and what you can recoup. Use the time you have wisely! Talk to a lawyer before you move and get all your ducks in a row! Do not confront him before you are ready. Make sure you have sufficient access to liquidity and avoid him

emptying your accounts and depleting funds. He doesn’t play fair and my guess is, the divorce will be along the same lines.

Edited August 18, 2020 by R&OC

[R&OC 371]

Oh, and you are absolutely not a failure! You are recalibrating your life! And I am so happy for you  that you were able to find this out early in your marriage although it probably doesn’t feel like that to you.

Edited August 18, 2020 by R&OC

[Demise 1,290]

14 hours ago, R&OC said:

I am so deeply sorry you are going through this and probably asking yourself if you ever knew him in the first place. I have been in your shoes before and hence I have this advice:

 

Secure all important documents now before confronting him. I have a feeling you will have a very hard time getting all the necessary documents once you have that talk. Keep documents in a bank safe, copies too, and passport

etc. That includes his pay stubs, utility bills, shared ownership of car/house/ etc.  Also, talk to a lawyer and get advice how to proceed. Also talk to him about your savings you brought into the  marriage and what you can recoup. Use the time you have wisely! Talk to a lawyer before you move and get all your ducks in a row! Do not confront him before you are ready. Make sure you have sufficient access to liquidity and avoid him

emptying your accounts and depleting funds. He doesn’t play fair and my guess is, the divorce will be along the same lines.

I would also add that scanning everything and keeping an electronic copy is a good idea. You probably won't lose your google drive.

[hurtandmiserable 13]

guys i appreciate all your inputs and tips.

i have started getting documents and scanning and copying it, i also talked to a lawyer yesterday and will start the process of filing for a divorce tomorrow!

 

the best part: i am legally allowed to leave him whenever i want and i found a beaaaautiful apartment and got approved for it and can move in sept 1 ❤️ 

so i am aiming to have the divorce papers and settlement papers ready and file same day as well!

it seems that everything is falling into place, even if it is painful and hurts like craaaazy and it seems surreal still .... 

 

i am still getting more evidence with his text messages that he sent to these girls.... one of them even KNOWS about me and calls me "the wife" ....

i also found another girl's messages where she says "i know you are in a relationship but... can i see you?" and i'm just digusted also what

type of women are out there to literally not have respect for OTHER women especially wives! 

i think until a few days ago i was just emotionless and was just in shock, but for the past 3 days i have been angry.

i just can not process what he is doing to me,

and how he clearly has no love or respect for me to have all this going on behind my back. 

[TBoneTX 45,329]

6 hours ago, hurtandmiserable said:

everything is falling into place

Concentrate on this part.  

[hurtandmiserable 13]

On 8/20/2020 at 1:07 PM, TBoneTX said:

Concentrate on this part.  

thank you ❤️ 

 

i went to the lawyers yesterday and paid to start the process. getting draft on monday and it's on! ❤️ 

 

[TBoneTX 45,329]

Things are looking up already.  

[hurtandmiserable 13]

just wanted to give a quick update.

I sent the I-751, got the case number via text last Saturday - 5 hours before he shut down my phone for good (yep he's acting craaaazy now).

 

I moved out for 2 weeks ago and he is not a happy camper (he is in full denial of cheating but he admitted kissing others...)

I was able to sell my car and buy a smaller one (yaaay he doesn't know what i'm driving),

I bought me a prepaid phone so I am available again for my family back home and my friends here to make sure I am safe

I had 8 hours of sleep a few nights ago (first time in 6 months) and my new place is simply beautiful and I start feeling home!

and most important: I have an army of people here that make sure I'm ok, that I eat, that I drink (water that is), get enough rest, am not alone on weekends, it is amazing!

I am soooo thankful

 

Thank you guys for all the help and positive thoughts and prayers!

this is going to be a journey cos he is doing everything to not sign the divorce papers, but... eventually it'll happen!

 

I am about to change my address with USCIS to assure that future mail will get to my new place.

Also - that waiver that I'm supposed to file once our divorce is final, does anybody know what the form name is?

I have been trying to find it but not sure if it is the right one.

[Ayrton 965]

21 hours ago, hurtandmiserable said:

just wanted to give a quick update.

I sent the I-751, got the case number via text last Saturday - 5 hours before he shut down my phone for good (yep he's acting craaaazy now).

 

I moved out for 2 weeks ago and he is not a happy camper (he is in full denial of cheating but he admitted kissing others...)

I was able to sell my car and buy a smaller one (yaaay he doesn't know what i'm driving),

I bought me a prepaid phone so I am available again for my family back home and my friends here to make sure I am safe

I had 8 hours of sleep a few nights ago (first time in 6 months) and my new place is simply beautiful and I start feeling home!

and most important: I have an army of people here that make sure I'm ok, that I eat, that I drink (water that is), get enough rest, am not alone on weekends, it is amazing!

I am soooo thankful

 

Thank you guys for all the help and positive thoughts and prayers!

this is going to be a journey cos he is doing everything to not sign the divorce papers, but... eventually it'll happen!

 

I am about to change my address with USCIS to assure that future mail will get to my new place.

Also - that waiver that I'm supposed to file once our divorce is final, does anybody know what the form name is?

I have been trying to find it but not sure if it is the right one.

Make sure you change your address with USPS. The NOA, that's also the extension letter for your green card, will still arrive at the address in the file.

Edited September 17, 2020 by Ayrton

[hurtandmiserable 13]

On ‎9‎/‎17‎/‎2020 at 7:54 AM, Ayrton said:

Make sure you change your address with USPS. The NOA, that's also the extension letter for your green card, will still arrive at the address in the file.

I already did mail forwarding to my temporary PO BOX and luckily got my NOA :)

I also adjusted the address at USCIS to the regular new address, not the PO BOX.

 

Thanks so much for your tip!

[Villanelle 4,122]

Im a little confused about what you ended up doing with the ROC. It appears you sent the joint 751 right? And have gotten the NOA from it? If so there is no 'waiver form'. You simply send them a letter (to the service center) with your information and a copy of the NOA saying how you are divorcing (or divorced) and want to switch your joint filing to a divorce waiver filing. Sign and date. Notarize it if possible but its not required. Send it with a tracking number to make sure it gets there. 

 

Now heres the thing. There are so  many variables so its hard to give specific advice. Generally speaking the way it works is you send your joint ROC package. It gets a quick look over to make sure its signed and payment is there etc etc. None of the details of it are examined. It gets 'accepted' and you get your NOA. It then sits and waits to be adjudicated by an Officer at the service center. Presently ROC is taking 1 yr or more. There is no official timeframe. Sometimes packages are pulled randomly and adjudicated. Sometimes they sit an excessive amount of time. Its usually safe to assume yours will be processed no quicker then average but strange things can happen. This is important to note because you can NOT be approved on a joint if you are divorced. Divorced means you have a final decree from the court. 

 

They can approve ROC w/o interview, so please do not rely on getting an interview to bring your divorce decree to. Again you will have serious problems if they approve your joint ROC on 1/2/21 and your divorce decree is dated 1/1/21 (or earlier). So it becomes a game of timing. Some places you can get your divorce done in a very short time. 3- 6 months from when you file it. Other places it can take a year or more. You have to look at when you filed your ROC and when you filed the divorce and how they line up. If you filed your ROC last week and the divorce this week and the divorce is estimated to take 3 months--- most likely your ROC will still be sitting waiting to be looked at when the divorce is done and you can send the final decree so it will be switched to a waiver when the process it. 

 

It gets more complicated the closer the dates are. If the dates are going to be close you will want to send a letter asking to be switched to a divorce waiver and explain divorce proceedings are in process but you do not have the decree yet. When you send this letter they will RFE you for the decree. Typically that RFE is sent out promptly when they get your letter (and put it in your file) but sometimes its not. Sometimes your letter will just end up in your file and the RFE wont be sent until someone looks at it when they get to processing your case. The RFE will give you 87 days to respond with the decree. If you have it you send it. If you dont you tell them that and you will then be scheduled for an interview where you need to bring the decree. If you still dont have it for the interview you will be denied by USCIS but its a 'soft denial' so to speak where they close your case and send it to court where you then bring the decree. You dont want to have to go through that. Court is a whole big process that will cause you stress, cost you money and add delays. 

 

So you have to look at the specific timeframes of your situation and determine when to send the letter saying you need to switch to a waiver. I also want to mention that there have been a few cases where the spouse has sent a letter withdrawing from the joint. When they do that USCIS is suppose to send you a RFE asking you for the divorce decree to switch you to a waiver filing- however in these recent cases USCIS did not send such a letter and instead sent one saying the spouse withdrew so the joint is closed. They then had to file (and pay) to send a second 751 as a waiver. From what Ive read in your post your husband is a jerk and may decide to try to interfere with your ROC by withdrawing. So you may want to send a letter switching to a waiver before he does such. If your divorce process should take less then 1 yr then its my opinion you can send the letter now and get the RFE and even respond to the RFE that you dont have the decree and then definitely have it for the interview. If its going to take more then a year to get the decree you may want to wait a bit to switch to a waiver but there is a risk he withdraws and USCIS closes the joint 751 instead of switching you to the waiver. (this is just speculation on my part but I believe for those where USCIS decided to not RFE for divorce and instead decides to close the 751 its because of the wording used by the spouse when withdrawing- I really dont want to expand on that further to not be providing help to those attempting to sabotage their ex's 751 process)

 

I know I threw a lot of information at you so please read through it a few times and if you have any questions or need something clarified further please ask.   The ideal scenario is to be able to send the decree with your request to switch to a waiver. Next is being able to respond to the RFE with it. Then being able to bring it to the interview.