What to do if we think a foreign wife might be in domestic trouble?

[Lamargrant3787 30]

My wife's friend is from Philippines and lives with her husband in Michigan who is a cop there. They went through k1 process and I believe the girl has been here for 1 year. Over the last few months, my wife told me how the girl kept mentioning issues with the husband being too controlling; not letting her work or send money to her family back home, or go outside, and forcing her to stay home to take care of his 2 kids, and she believes he also is still intimate with his ex wife. 

 

Well about a week and a half ago, she called my wife early in the morning while in tears. She was crying because her and the husband had a fight.  She said the husband admitted that he only brought her from Philippines to take care of his kids and that he's willing to get a divorce. I told my wife to tell her friend that we will help her if needed, and she could come and stay with us in California to get back on her feet. The friend seemed to be interested in the offer, but ever since that day we haven't heard from her.

 

My wife says her friend is usually online every day posting things but for the past week and a half she has gone M.I.A. My wife talked to her friend's sister in Philippines, and neither the sister nor family has heard from the girl. Wife also called her phone multiple times and it goes straight to voice-mail as if the phone is off. But one night, maybe a couple nights ago, the phone rung. No answer. The next day, wife called again and it was back to straight voice-mail. 

 

We're a little concerned because we know of a story in Colorado where another k1 fiance from Philippines went missing over a domestic dispute maybe a year ago. Her name was Jepsy Amaga Kallungi and till this day she has never been found. 

 

At this pont, what could our course of action be? I'm reluctant to call the police, because if she's with the hubsand it might cause more trouble for the girl. Mind you the husband is a cop. 

[Allovertheworld 355]

Three sides to every story, Her side, his side and the truth.

 

I don't get involved in others relationships, that has been my policy for years and it works well. I worry about my life and relationship, and keep my nose out of others.

 

 

[Lamargrant3787 30]

Just now, Allovertheworld said:

Three sides to every story, Her side, his side and the truth.

 

I don't get involved in others relationships, that has been my policy for years and it works well. I worry about my life and relationship, and keep my nose out of others.

 

 

That's a good policy but if she ends up dead or missing I don't want to know that I could have done something and didn't. 

[Unlockable 7,314]

*** Thread moved to from regional section (Philippines) to Effects of Major Family Changes on Immigration Benefits  

 

VJ Moderation

[milimelo 4,481]

US Embassies do welfare checks on USCs overseas when contacted by their relatives. 
 

Might be worth checking if the Phillipines consulates in the US provide the same service. If you have the address of the friend maybe try to see if someone living near her can check? 

[SalishSea 17,836]

1 hour ago, GRANTMAN1987@GMAI said:

That's a good policy but if she ends up dead or missing I don't want to know that I could have done something and didn't. 

Please call the non-emergency line of her local police department and ask them to do a wellness check.   You don’t have to reveal any details: the fact that her friends and family have not heard from her is enough for the police to do a check.

[Lucky2Lucky 2,526]

1 hour ago, Jorgedig said:

Please call the non-emergency line of her local police department and ask them to do a wellness check.   You don’t have to reveal any details: the fact that her friends and family have not heard from her is enough for the police to do a check.

^^^ This. Anyone can do this.

[Allovertheworld 355]

3 hours ago, GRANTMAN1987@GMAI said:

That's a good policy but if she ends up dead or missing I don't want to know that I could have done something and didn't. 

She was given a phone number and pamphlet what to do if she encounters domestic violence by the CO at he US Embassy in Manila when her interview was completed.

 

She also had to attend all day class called CFO by the Philippines Government, which is a class they go through to teach them how to handle and what do in case of domestic violence, being put in sex slave industry,  etc.

 

  

[Cathi 5,755]

1 hour ago, Allovertheworld said:

She was given a phone number and pamphlet what to do if she encounters domestic violence by the CO at he US Embassy in Manila when her interview was completed.

 

She also had to attend all day class called CFO by the Philippines Government, which is a class they go through to teach them how to handle and what do in case of domestic violence, being put in sex slave industry,  etc.

 

  

None of this means that she can't be in some kind of trouble.

[retheem 566]

Does she have a green card yet?

[Christy&J 837]

5 hours ago, Allovertheworld said:

Three sides to every story, Her side, his side and the truth.

 

I don't get involved in others relationships, that has been my policy for years and it works well. I worry about my life and relationship, and keep my nose out of others.

 

 

True, but I would expect people to help me if they know my life is in danger. The fact that OP mentioned about they haven't seen or even her fam haven't heard anything from her that is worrying. 

I understand you don't want to involved in people dramas but once it's involved violent or maybe someone's matter of death or life, I hope your motto of "keep my nose out " doesn't apply

[Marieke H 2,512]

2 hours ago, Allovertheworld said:

She was given a phone number and pamphlet what to do if she encounters domestic violence by the CO at he US Embassy in Manila when her interview was completed.

 

She also had to attend all day class called CFO by the Philippines Government, which is a class they go through to teach them how to handle and what do in case of domestic violence, being put in sex slave industry,  etc.

 

  

A pamphlet and a class don't prevent domestic violence from happening. She may remember from the class what she's supposed to do, but she may be unable to do so. 

 

I understand you prefer to stay out of people's business, but this is not about just anyone. This is a friend that she is concerned about. There is nothing wrong with asking for a welfare check.

[TBoneTX 45,304]

Two noncontributory posts have been removed.  Stick very narrowly to answering the OP's question.

[Lamargrant3787 30]

Thanks for all of the help guys I have an update. 

 

Timing is so weird, but she just called my wife a minute ago and she is alive. She said she hasn't been reachable because she ended up fainting/passing out from depression, involving the husband's kids and ex wife, and she ended up in some type of mental hospital since July 6th, and that Dr's told her she had to take time away from the kids. She said her phone was inside of a locker so she wasn't able to use it while in there, and she had to wear the hospital gown. She said she was in there with other mental patients who suffered with dementia and other things etc. She says the police actually visited her while she was in the mental hospital, and she didn't tell the police much in order to protect her husband from trouble I guess. 

 

She also says the husband's family is in full support of her and they love her, and she mentioned enrolling in marriage counseling with the husband. Also something involving giving full custody of the kids to the ex wife. She says her husband loves her but the ex wife was the problem. My wife says that she sounded better on the phone than the last time she talked to her, which makes me think she's probably on anti-depressants. 

 

Such a weird story. Well atleast I know she's alive and it appears she's not being held hostage so I'm out of the problem. I will now mind my own business.  

 

Thanks again for all the replies this site is a real peace of mind. 

[JFH 12,190]

If there is a genuine case of domestic abuse here, then there are resources available to her. As has been stated above, the non-emergency line for the police is a good place to start. 
 

Does she not have any friends closer to Michigan than you? 
 

Have to say, at the moment all you have is hearsay that this is happening. And some of the things you have mentioned are not really abusive by the way you describe. He wants her to take care of his kids whilst he works? What exactly did she expect would happen when she agreed to become the stepmother to these children whose father works outside the home? Such things as childcare arrangements and whether she would work or be a SAHM are usually discussed before a couple gets married and one of them moves halfway round the world to be with the other. Likewise not letting her send money home - he’s the breadwinner and he has children to feed and clothe. If she’s not working what makes her think her family in the Philippines is his financial responsibility? Where is the money supposed to come from? It sounds like the communication between them is poor and they need to be clear with each other what they expect, want and need from the relationship. You talked about a woman who went missing, probably feared dead. I think this case is a long way from that.  

And he said he “only brought her from the Philippines to take care of his children”. Well she wanted to come, no one forced her. And that sounds like something that was said in the heat of the moment and was probably instantly regretted. We have all said stupid things in domestic arguments that we later regret.

 

Have they tried counseling? 

Edited July 14, 2020 by JFH