My husband is threatening me [merged threads]

[TBoneTX 45,319]

Similar-themed threads have been merged.

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[regular-member hat on]

His threats are mostly hot air.

He attested (under penalty of perjury) that the relationship was bona fide, when he signed the papers.

Ignore or block the threats.  If you can't or won't, memorialize them (save them).

Others here will have further advice.  Avoid letting him steal your attitude!

[Timona 4,207]

Let him huff and puff. 

 

Take a breather.  He's not going to do anything. You have already been given solid advice. I think you worry too much and he may know this and is using it to his advantage. 

 

Anyway,  if I were you, I'd book the next flight to US ( I understand Europe is on the no-travel list. So I'll go through Mexico - many VJers have taken this route - , quarantine for 14 days and then to US and start the divorce process). Noone is gonna stop you at the airport. 

 

The sooner you get the divorce started, the better for you. Then and only then will you realize he was issuing empty threats. However,  since you're not taking any action right now, you are living in fear for no reason at all. 

 

@Villanelle also offered to assist you wherever possible. So you do have more people who are championing for you than he does (It's him and the lawyer vs VJers). 

 

Take action. Make that step. @Kate34

Edited August 7, 2020 by Timona

[Kate34 10]

22 minutes ago, Timona said:

Let him huff and puff. 

 

Take a breather.  He's not going to do anything. You have already been given solid advice. I think you worry too much and he may know this and is using it to his advantage. 

 

Anyway,  if I were you, I'd book the next flight to US ( I understand Europe is on the no-travel list. So I'll go through Mexico - many VJers have taken this route - , quarantine for 14 days and then to US and start the divorce process). Noone is gonna stop you at the airport. 

 

The sooner you get the divorce started, the better for you. Then and only then will you realize he was issuing empty threats. However,  since you're not taking any action right now, you are living in fear for no reason at all. 

 

@Villanelle also offered to assist you wherever possible. So you do have more people who are championing for you than he does (It's him and the lawyer vs VJers). 

 

Take action. Make that step. @Kate34

I booked a flight for next month, I hope he won't do anything till I get there, still haven't found a place to stay but I will, I am stressing out

[JFH 12,190]

44 minutes ago, Timona said:

 

 

Anyway,  if I were you, I'd book the next flight to US ( I understand Europe is on the no-travel list. So I'll go through Mexico - many VJers have taken this route - , quarantine for 14 days and then to US and start the divorce process). Noone is gonna stop you at the airport. 

 

 

GC holders are exempt from the European travel ban. No quarantine necessary. But a vacation might do the OP some good. 

[Timona 4,207]

35 minutes ago, JFH said:

GC holders are exempt from the European travel ban. No quarantine necessary. But a vacation might do the OP some good. 

 

Days when my memory goes on vacation. You're right. Thanks for correcting me. 

 

Been trying to piece together this American bed for the last 4 hours. Rooms-to-go dropped and pieced together my first bed that I got 5 years ago. Never even used a drill before till today. I sat there reading the whole damn instructions. Everything is new to me. I learnt the few handy-man skills that I currently know from my wife's dad. My parents worked in the health care industry back home, so noone taught me these things......hold it. Back home, health professionals earn peanut. Life would have been better had they relocated to the US. A boy gotta dream. Anyway, that's under the bridge now.

 

I was stuck wondering why these bed drawers aren't sliding in. I'm not even done yet. Tomorrow might be a better day. Gave up, that's when I headed to VJ. No excuse though. I am making light of this situation. I appreciate you cross checking me,  nonetheless. End of story.  Back to OP

 

54 minutes ago, Kate34 said:

I booked a flight for next month, I hope he won't do anything till I get there, still haven't found a place to stay but I will, I am stressing out

 

Get in, be the first to throw the divorce. 

You can use apartments.com to locate apartments. I sure know it works in Texas. Should be the same for NY. https://www.apartments.com/

 

Otherwise, if you know which area you'd like to stay, you can also Google directly apartments in that location. I'd suggest stay far away from his locality, just so as to avoid potential drama.

 

Keep it cool. Ignore him and occupy yourself with things that make your life tick. 

Edited August 7, 2020 by Timona

[Kate34 10]

41 minutes ago, Timona said:

 

Days when my memory goes on vacation. You're right. Thanks for correcting me. 

 

Been trying to piece together this American bed for the last 4 hours. Rooms-to-go dropped and pieced together my first bed that I got 5 years ago. Never even used a drill before till today. I sat there reading the whole damn instructions. Everything is new to me. I learnt the few handy-man skills that I currently know from my wife's dad. My parents worked in the health care industry back home, so noone taught me these things......hold it. Back home, health professionals earn peanut. Life would have been better had they relocated to the US. A boy gotta dream. Anyway, that's under the bridge now.

 

I was stuck wondering why these bed drawers aren't sliding in. I'm not even done yet. Tomorrow might be a better day. Gave up, that's when I headed to VJ. No excuse though. I am making light of this situation. I appreciate you cross checking me,  nonetheless. End of story.  Back to OP

 

 

Get in, be the first to throw the divorce. 

You can use apartments.com to locate apartments. I sure know it works in Texas. Should be the same for NY. https://www.apartments.com/

 

Otherwise, if you know which area you'd like to stay, you can also Google directly apartments in that location. I'd suggest stay far away from his locality, just so as to avoid potential drama.

 

Keep it cool. Ignore him and occupy yourself with things that make your life tick. 

I am afraid, if he reports me to ice there's no one who will back me up, all his friends are on his side, he prepared a detailed story about how I scammed him and how he didn't know what I was doing till it was too late, before he blocked me he was talking nonsense to make is sound as if he was a victim. 

[Timona 4,207]

7 hours ago, Kate34 said:

I am afraid, if he reports me to ice there's no one who will back me up, all his friends are on his side, he prepared a detailed story about how I scammed him and how he didn't know what I was doing till it was too late, before he blocked me he was talking nonsense to make is sound as if he was a victim. 

 

USCIS knows about scornful exes. Infact, if he tells you about the detailed letter, tell him to go ahead and write a book about it. He's feeding you fear and you are eating it. 

 

As earlier stated, make the first step of landing and filing for divorce. If that isn't taken, all you'll be doing is running in circles. 

 

What's your favorite hobby?

[JFH 12,190]

7 hours ago, Kate34 said:

I am afraid, if he reports me to ice there's no one who will back me up, all his friends are on his side, he prepared a detailed story about how I scammed him and how he didn't know what I was doing till it was too late, before he blocked me he was talking nonsense to make is sound as if he was a victim. 

Report you to ICE for what? Unless you’ve hidden some huge pieces of information here you’ve done nothing wrong from what we have read. ICE are not there to mop up when marriages go wrong. They are there to protect the people of this county from criminally active illegals, and they assist in deportations after a judge has ordered someone to be removed and they refuse to cooperate. They don’t have a hotline where you can “report” your law-abiding wife that just didn’t work out. It’s not what they are there for. You have a green card. Both of you went to great lengths to convince USCIS and the embassy in your country that the marriage was genuine. You both provided documents and swore on oath that this is the real deal. By “reporting to ICE” he’s actually admitting that he lied and that he wasn’t in the marriage for the right reasons. He doesn’t even realize how stupid he looks when he makes such ridiculous threats.

[Kate34 10]

1 hour ago, JFH said:

Report you to ICE for what? Unless you’ve hidden some huge pieces of information here you’ve done nothing wrong from what we have read. ICE are not there to mop up when marriages go wrong. They are there to protect the people of this county from criminally active illegals, and they assist in deportations after a judge has ordered someone to be removed and they refuse to cooperate. They don’t have a hotline where you can “report” your law-abiding wife that just didn’t work out. It’s not what they are there for. You have a green card. Both of you went to great lengths to convince USCIS and the embassy in your country that the marriage was genuine. You both provided documents and swore on oath that this is the real deal. By “reporting to ICE” he’s actually admitting that he lied and that he wasn’t in the marriage for the right reasons. He doesn’t even realize how stupid he looks when he makes such ridiculous threats.

Actually ICE have a report form on their website and one of the options there is marriage fraud.

I know that he is trying to play mind games but he also said he won't sign the papers and contest say it was fraud. 

[JFH 12,190]

1 hour ago, Kate34 said:

Actually ICE have a report form on their website and one of the options there is marriage fraud.

I know that he is trying to play mind games but he also said he won't sign the papers and contest say it was fraud. 

That would be for people to report organized marriage fraud where a criminal group is paying US citizens to enter into marriages with people overseas to file for visas for them. Your situation is not even close to that. 
 

I know you are upset and stressed but you really need to read the advice here. He cannot get you deported. There is no marriage fraud here. We have said it time and again but you still seem to believe him over the very experienced and rational responses you have received here. He doesn’t have a clue how ICE works. They are not interested in disappointed husbands who realized the marriage isn’t what they thought it would be. That’s not what we invest millions of taxpayer dollars into ICE for. For your situation we have divorce lawyers and therapists.  

 

[Kate34 10]

On 8/7/2020 at 7:16 PM, JFH said:

That would be for people to report organized marriage fraud where a criminal group is paying US citizens to enter into marriages with people overseas to file for visas for them. Your situation is not even close to that. 
 

I know you are upset and stressed but you really need to read the advice here. He cannot get you deported. There is no marriage fraud here. We have said it time and again but you still seem to believe him over the very experienced and rational responses you have received here. He doesn’t have a clue how ICE works. They are not interested in disappointed husbands who realized the marriage isn’t what they thought it would be. That’s not what we invest millions of taxpayer dollars into ICE for. For your situation we have divorce lawyers and therapists.  

 

You are right, he is just trying to get into my head, I blocked him everywhere and will file for divorce next month, I don't think he even has a lawyer. all lies.

I talked to him before blocking and he was saying some nonsense that he will file for divorce based on abandonment because he wants to do it his way, if he had a lawyer he wouldn't be saying such dumb things.  

Edited August 9, 2020 by Kate34

[TBoneTX 45,319]

Good for you!