My husband is threatening me [merged threads]

[Timona 4,207]

23 minutes ago, Kate34 said:

I didn't go straight to my friend but this is something he said he is going to say.

he keeps emailing me non stop for 20 hours a day every minute threatening that he is going to call the immigration to turn me in

He has a whole story ready to tell them about how he is this innocent man and how I've been scamming him all this time.

apparently for 3 years he was blinded by love and couldn't see the truth because of a midlife crisis.

Now he is also threatening to tell that I paid my friend to write me an affidavit and thinks my friend would get into trouble as well.

He said that he will do anything to deport me and this his goal now.

His words - I won't let you come into this country 

 

I really do not understand why he stated that you're from Spain yet you are from Germany. I mean, it's not as if we were going to hunt you down and ask for the story. This still baffles me.

 

As others have said, whoever your husband is, he is huffing and puffing against the wind. Take it easy. Seek happiness. I don't know what state you guys are in, but if not Texas, you can move here, establish residency for 6 months and be divorced 60 days after that. Seek your happiness and go for whatever divorce path suits you.

 

What state are we talking about? Maybe if known, others can give you better divorce answers...like if you can start it online while out of country etc.

Edited July 7, 2020 by Timona

[Timona 4,207]

17 minutes ago, Kate34 said:

Problems started the moment I arrived and he welcomed me with a filthy house that he said it's my job to clean

And I'm not talking just dirty, it was so filthy even the floors were so dirty that it seemed like they were never cleaned, the whole place is filled with boxes of stuff he found, like a hoarders house.

and when I said something about him not working he flipped immediately and became verbally violent and made fun of my job.

 

You dodged a bullet on this one then. Noone is anyone's adult babysitter. You have a whole blissful life ahead of you. Enjoy it. Watch Bayern Munich and grab a cold pilsner today to mark the beginning of a better life. Get your ducks in row and set out to find the best divorce path for you. 

 

Lemme get offline before meine frau divorces me for spending sleeping time online with strangers.

 

(Took some German in secondary school. I remember a few words)

Edited July 7, 2020 by Timona

[Kate34 10]

2 hours ago, Timona said:

 

I really do not understand why he stated that you're from Spain yet you are from Germany. I mean, it's not as if we were going to hunt you down and ask for the story. This still baffles me.

 

As others have said, whoever your husband is, he is huffing and puffing against the wind. Take it easy. Seek happiness. I don't know what state you guys are in, but if not Texas, you can move here, establish residency for 6 months and be divorced 60 days after that. Seek your happiness and go for whatever divorce path suits you.

 

What state are we talking about? Maybe if known, others can give you better divorce answers...like if you can start it online while out of country etc.

State of NY, I tried doing it online but it's not possible from outside the country.

[Boiler 45,535]

Why can you not divorce in Germany?

[Timona 4,207]

17 hours ago, Kate34 said:

State of NY, I tried doing it online but it's not possible from outside the country.

No idea how NY works especially with you outside the country. Hopefully someone with more knowledge will chime in

[Villanelle 4,122]

@Kate34 You need to calm down. I honestly dont know if this thread is helping you or feeding your anxieties! 

 

There are certain things you can control and certain things you cant. 

 

You can not file for divorce in Germany. You must file where you live- which is in NY. If NY requires you be in NY when you file, then you need to be in NY. NY also has the 6 months thing. You can NOT backdate the 6 months. So when exactly did the relationship end? 5 months ago when you entered? 4 months ago? It is what it is. You have to wait 6 months from when it ended, so that means you probably have to wait another month or two to be able to file. 

 

As soon as you are able to file in NY- file. Thats all you can do. Expect him to contest it. You probably will want to find an attny, especially if he gets one. You will need to dispute any fraud claims he may make in the divorce. You do not want the divorce to be granted based on fraud. Your husband can not stop the divorce. The only thing he can do is delay it and cost you a bunch of legal fees. He doesnt have to agree to the divorce, it will be granted anyway even if he doesnt agree to it. Your husband is also responsible for you under the 864 which can be used to get a better settlement or a threat of using it to make him more agreeable to your terms. Speak with an attny about it.

You need to keep an eye on your mail and you can also check with his local court to see if he files. If he files then you have to respond. This applies to both divorce and annulment. Its unlikely he will be able to get an annulment based on how long you have been married. He can try though. If he does, you need to respond.

 

Block all contact from him. You can attempt to get a restraining order but you would have to be in NY to do such and its probably not needed. Once you file the divorce it typically has a 'no contact' provision so he shouldnt be communicating with you once its filed and hes served. But again because he seems crazy hes most likely going to make the divorce complicated and fight about it so you really want to get an attny. You can try to find one pro bono or based on the fact that you say you have 'no money' - if he was the primary breadwinner it can be possible for the divorce to order him to pay your legal fees. Get some free attny consults and ask about that. You may find an attny who is willing to take the case for no money upfront if they are confident they will be able to get the fees from his side. You can contact your local legal aid office. They are often understaffed and in many places will tell you they cant help you file divorce but if you are served with one from him they will represent you. They also sometimes help if you file and he gets an attny and you dont have one. 

 

So the main points are- you need to wait for the 6 months of being separated. You need to respond if he serves you with something or files. Once you are able to file- file. Explore how to get an attny. If you end up filing alone because you cant afford an attny at the time you can PM me and I can help you the best I can. But I really do encourage you to save up for one or to keep seeking pro bono help in that case, you can file alone and add the attny later. 

 

 

[Kate34 10]

8 hours ago, Villanelle said:

@Kate34 You need to calm down. I honestly dont know if this thread is helping you or feeding your anxieties! 

 

There are certain things you can control and certain things you cant. 

 

You can not file for divorce in Germany. You must file where you live- which is in NY. If NY requires you be in NY when you file, then you need to be in NY. NY also has the 6 months thing. You can NOT backdate the 6 months. So when exactly did the relationship end? 5 months ago when you entered? 4 months ago? It is what it is. You have to wait 6 months from when it ended, so that means you probably have to wait another month or two to be able to file. 

 

As soon as you are able to file in NY- file. Thats all you can do. Expect him to contest it. You probably will want to find an attny, especially if he gets one. You will need to dispute any fraud claims he may make in the divorce. You do not want the divorce to be granted based on fraud. Your husband can not stop the divorce. The only thing he can do is delay it and cost you a bunch of legal fees. He doesnt have to agree to the divorce, it will be granted anyway even if he doesnt agree to it. Your husband is also responsible for you under the 864 which can be used to get a better settlement or a threat of using it to make him more agreeable to your terms. Speak with an attny about it.

You need to keep an eye on your mail and you can also check with his local court to see if he files. If he files then you have to respond. This applies to both divorce and annulment. Its unlikely he will be able to get an annulment based on how long you have been married. He can try though. If he does, you need to respond.

 

Block all contact from him. You can attempt to get a restraining order but you would have to be in NY to do such and its probably not needed. Once you file the divorce it typically has a 'no contact' provision so he shouldnt be communicating with you once its filed and hes served. But again because he seems crazy hes most likely going to make the divorce complicated and fight about it so you really want to get an attny. You can try to find one pro bono or based on the fact that you say you have 'no money' - if he was the primary breadwinner it can be possible for the divorce to order him to pay your legal fees. Get some free attny consults and ask about that. You may find an attny who is willing to take the case for no money upfront if they are confident they will be able to get the fees from his side. You can contact your local legal aid office. They are often understaffed and in many places will tell you they cant help you file divorce but if you are served with one from him they will represent you. They also sometimes help if you file and he gets an attny and you dont have one. 

 

So the main points are- you need to wait for the 6 months of being separated. You need to respond if he serves you with something or files. Once you are able to file- file. Explore how to get an attny. If you end up filing alone because you cant afford an attny at the time you can PM me and I can help you the best I can. But I really do encourage you to save up for one or to keep seeking pro bono help in that case, you can file alone and add the attny later. 

 

 

Yes this is what I thought, that I have to wait 6 months since I entered that will be next month, I hope he won't file sooner

[Ontarkie 14,227]

~~Links to another thread removed. Even if the OP's spouse posted here DO NOT link that thread to this. The OP has clearly posted it was not the same story. For safety reasons DO NOT post any links to another thread what so ever. Also posting about 3 sides to the story is not helpful and is harmful to the OP. If you cannot or do not want to answer her questions then move on.~~

[Kate34 10]

If I come back to the US now with my green card, will they take me to secondary? will they ask me why my address is different than my husbands?

[TBoneTX 45,319]

1 hour ago, Kate34 said:

If I come back to the US now with my green card, will they take me to secondary? will they ask me why my address is different than my husbands?

If you've been out less than 6 months, no, unless they're randomly pulling people for other reasons.

They won't ask about the address.

[Villanelle 4,122]

21 hours ago, Kate34 said:

Yes this is what I thought, that I have to wait 6 months since I entered that will be next month, I hope he won't file sooner

He cant file sooner. You can check your local courts website or just google in general for info on your state- but typically if the couple has conflicting dates of when the marriage ended the court will try to get them to agree to one. If they cant agree the court will decide what date and its usually when you stopped living together and/or having sexual relations if they continued when you lived apart. The date the marriage ended is important for asset division, alimony, in your case immigration , etc. So if he serves you and it has incorrect dates as to when the marriage ended when you respond you dispute the dates. 

[Kate34 10]

7 hours ago, Villanelle said:

He cant file sooner. You can check your local courts website or just google in general for info on your state- but typically if the couple has conflicting dates of when the marriage ended the court will try to get them to agree to one. If they cant agree the court will decide what date and its usually when you stopped living together and/or having sexual relations if they continued when you lived apart. The date the marriage ended is important for asset division, alimony, in your case immigration , etc. So if he serves you and it has incorrect dates as to when the marriage ended when you respond you dispute the dates. 

Good to know, thanks!

[bobjennyhitched 99]

On 7/5/2020 at 3:50 AM, Kate34 said:

We were married for almost 3 years, I came to the states right before the whole coronavirus thing started, and I received my 10 year GC and SSN.

Then things started to go really bad between us, my husband didn't want to work even before the virus, but now he had an excuse, he started demanding that I pay for everything because I work online and my work wasn't hurt by the virus.

We started to have a lot of arguments and then he started abusing me emotionally and threatening to hurt me("if you were a man I'd snap your neck" and stuff like that) I did not feel safe and a month after I arrived I left and stayed at an airbnb, I wanted to leave and go back to my country but there were no flights to my country due to the virus. finally I managed to book a flight last month and left.

since then my husband started threatening me on whatsapp, he is saying that he is going to get the marriage annulled based on green card fraud and that he will report me to the USCIS so I'll never be able to use my green card to come back to the states.

He also said that if I want a simple divorce then I should send him money for the rent on his apartment, I said no and he flipped even more started calling me names and said he will be going to the lawyer on Monday to file for the annulment.

I wanted to go back to the states in a few months and file for a divorce, but he wants an annulment and if he'll get it I'll have problems in the future.

What can I do? I can't file for divorce from my country and I can't even defend myself if he files for an annulment. 

You have your 10 year Greencard you should be fine.

Also, he sponsored you, he can report all he wants but if the USCIS doesn't find any evidence of fraud, nothing will happen. Its all about the intent at the time of approval. Even on the annulment he'd need to provide evidence of fraud.

 

Also, he doesn't want to work so where is he going to magically find money for a lawyer! But I think you should lawyer up and file for divorce plus keep all communications up to now as a record, but stop responding to him after letting him know that he will hear from YOUR lawyer.

 

Keep us updated.

[bobjennyhitched 99]

On 7/5/2020 at 4:40 PM, boris64 said:

Save the messages he sends but don't retaliate. When you come back to the US do what you have to do to be safe. The messages may help in the divorce and with getting a protective order.

Yes this, also with What's App you can export the file and save to your computer (just as a back up)

[Kate34 10]

I  wrote here before about my husband trying to get an annulment and take away me green card.

I wanted to file for a divorce but I am still abroad and I am afraid to go back.

he has been threatening me constantly with deportation, now he is demanding that I sign the annulment papers and confess to fraud.

His lawyer said that he should contact ICE and not the USCIS, he said that the lawyer said that USCIS will do nothing but ICE will.

I am afraid to go back, I am afraid they would stop me at the border, he has a bunch of friends and his family who are willing to testify that I used him for a green card (they will lie)  and I have no one on my side. 

He was constantly texting me with threats and since he talked to the lawyer he vanished and I don't know what is going on, I am very worried.

I am considering just staying in my country and never going back, this will destroy my business that I started in the US but I don't know what else to do.

Edited August 7, 2020 by Kate34