Seeking Options About My AoS -- Part Deux

[DeadliftingDad 3]

Hi VJ,

 

I've been posting here a bit in the last few weeks in regards to my situation. Over that time, I had various posts about my situation, and I tried to discover the best route/options for me. As well, I'm wanting to clear the air on my current situation

 

Here's a timeline of my situation:

 

Sept '17 - Arrived in the US via a tourist visa from Canada.

 

November '17 - I marry my partner, who is a US citizen. He says he will start working on my visa right away.

 

November '17 - June '18 - Me knowing my tourist visa is coming to and, I ask my partner to push this forward. He says we don't have enough money, even though his income proves otherwise. As well, during this time, he starts using substances. Blames me for him using substances, blames me for his depression, and some other things.

 

June '18 - My partner gets a personal loan of ~$25, 000. I ask him if we can use this for the visa/immigration fees. He says no, he is going to put it towards his business. He says, "He is doing this for us in the long run." He is still using substances. I talk to him about my disapproval of them, but he continues to do them.  

 

July '18 - My partner finally says we can start working on my visa. I book an appointment for a lawyer. We meet with them and get everything in line. I get all our documentation ready. We then find out my partner needs his income taxes for us to proceed. I then learn he hasn't filed his income taxes in the last few years. I ask the lawyer for a suggestion for an accountant, and they suggest one for us. 

 

July '18 - Dec '18 - My partner continues to use substances. I express my concerns.  He also calls me derogatory names as well This pattern continues for a while. There's no real change in his behavior. I continue to ask him about the lawyer and the taxes. He keeps saying we don't have enough money. Yet his spending on various things says differently.

 

Early '19 - My partner gets another loan of ~$75, 000. I ask him, again, if we can proceed with the lawyer, he says no. We will get to that later. He is using this money for "us" and puts it towards a project he wants to launch. The launch was a failure, and he is still continuing to work on it on this day. He is continuing to use different substances to drown his pain.  I enroll in a post-bacc program for computer science.

 

Mid '19 - My partner wants to invite a third into our relationship. I say sure, let's give it a try. Maybe it will make things better; maybe it won't. The partner still continues to use substances during this time. One night before we are heading out of town, he hits me upside the head because he is angry. He says I deserved it because I upset him. The third comes over that night, and he says, "You guys are going with me on this trip, or otherwise the relationship is done." We end up going on the trip. During this time, I continue to ask him to begin work on the visa, and he says he'll email the lawyers accountant. He never does. 

 

Mid '19 - Early '20 - These patterns continue. The third is living with us, and this time is bloody hell. My husband is moody, depressed, and easily agitated The name calling, blaming me of his problems continues. I ask my partner multiple times that I learned I don't want to be in a three-way relationship, and I want him to end it. He says, "No. I love this guy. And want him in our lives."

 

March '20 - I end up leaving for a couple of days. He asks me to come back, and he says he'll email the lawyer and accountant. He emails them once, but never replies to their response.  

 

June '20 - The third moves out during this time. I had enough of this entire situation. I ask my family for a personal loan so that I can pay off the accountant fees and lawyer fees. I got the loan and finished all the leg work for the lawyer and accountant. I tell my husband this, and he signs the final forms for my green card

 

So that is my situation. I honestly feel a separation coming on our end. I have suggested marriage counseling, and he seems indifferent about it. I'm trying to get our marriage to work, but I'm doubtful. I have some hope, though. 

 

So VJ, I'm trying to get options as to what the best thing to do is. Right now the options seem to be this:

 

• Work on my marriage and see what happens. Hope for the best during my AoS
• My spouse has said he is willing to separate from me but see my visa journey through until the end. 
• Apply for VAWA, but due to the turn around time, I won't be able to work or travel outside of the country. Plus, it won't be easy to prove this, because there are no police reports. I only can get reports from the third and my therapist. 
• See if I can possibly switch my tourist visa to a student visa, but I'm not sure if this is possible
• Like the option above, see if I can find work in my field and have a company sponsor me.

 

The problem with the last two options is that I have overstayed my tourist visa, and if I were to leave the country, I would have a ten-year re-entry ban.

 

A bit of a final option, though I don't want to resort too. It is during this time, my feelings for the third have grown. He has seen what my partner is like. The third said he is willing to start a relationship with me and help me with my green card. But I don't want to do this. I don't want to depend on anyone for the sake of a green card. 

 

So VJ, that is my story. Does anyone have some insight as to what the best path to take is?

 

I have a meeting with a lawyer coming up, but that is not for another week or so

 

As well, please, don't I'm here for research. I don't need judgment on some of the choices I made. I realize these are my choices, and I'm dealing with the consequences. 

 

 

[Pinkrlion 2,724]

You have already been advised by the lawyer in the other forum.

[DeadliftingDad 3]

35 minutes ago, Pinkrlion said:

You have already been advised by the lawyer in the other forum.

The lawyer said simply wait for a receipt to discuss options, which really isn't much help right now.  

 

Again, I'm simply trying to see what considerations I have

[Timona 4,207]

One thing I'll suggest though....keep away from the third. It's likely gonna open up a can of worms later when you separate from your husband and your husband finds out. Additionally, if ever you and the third are together and your husband convinces the third later on to come back, you do understand you will also be part of that package. So you will end up in square 1. 

 

Love yourself. There are many good men (in your case) and women out here. Don't settle to be a third wheel. A third wheel will be mistreated and disposed. Think about it. Take time, heal and do better for yourself. 

[DeadliftingDad 3]

12 hours ago, Timona said:

One thing I'll suggest though....keep away from the third. It's likely gonna open up a can of worms later when you separate from your husband and your husband finds out. Additionally, if ever you and the third are together and your husband convinces the third later on to come back, you do understand you will also be part of that package. So you will end up in square 1. 

 

Love yourself. There are many good men (in your case) and women out here. Don't settle to be a third wheel. A third wheel will be mistreated and disposed. Think about it. Take time, heal and do better for yourself. 

 

Thank you.  This is great advice and definitely something I considered.  After this I really want to be on my own for some time and heal and simply go from there :)