I-751 --- Get divorced or stay married?

[InhaleExhale 28]

Hello all,

I hope some more experienced forum-users could guide me a bit on how to proceed..

My conditional green card (based on marriage to a US Citizen) was issued last year in May and my ROC window opens in February next year. We have been married for not even 2 years (1 year and 10 months).

My husband and I started having problems end of last year, he got a verbally abusive once. I initiated we go to marriage counseling, which he agreed to. After a few sessions he broke up with me and cancelled our counseling. I still hoped that once I move out of the house and we get a physical break, we could maybe fix us down the road. But my hope is pretty much gone and at this point also my desire for it. I have been trying and trying and he just completely changed and became unpredictable. He even acknowledged that he is not the same man I married anymore. It is very unfortunate and I still cannot comprehend or fathom what happened with us.

We are still living in the same house but I am moving out soon. So I will have to notify USCIS about my change of address. I have mentioned to my husband that we should look into getting divorced to which he has not really replied. I suspect he considers tax and health benefits or simply does not want to think about it now...even though it was him who pretty much stopped fighting for us.

I am aware of the big red flag it will raise when applying for the ROC with the divorce waiver (rather than jointly) but it seems to me is better to get divorced now...? USCIS will likely wonder why we are staying married if we don't even live together and our relationship has been terminated. Even if my husband joins me for the interview and confirms the good faith we both had in our marriage. 

My questions are:

1: In addition to the change of address should I also notify USCIS of the change (=end) in our marital relationship?

2: Is it better to get divorced now and file with a divorce waiver?

3: Does it make any difference who files for the divorce (my husband or me)? As in, will USCIS look at it differently (unfavorably) if I, the alien, divorce the US Citizen?

Thanks for any helpful insights  

[laylalex 7,285]

15 minutes ago, InhaleExhale said:

Hello all,

I hope some more experienced forum-users could guide me a bit on how to proceed..

My conditional green card (based on marriage to a US Citizen) was issued last year in May and my ROC window opens in February next year. We have been married for not even 2 years (1 year and 10 months).

My husband and I started having problems end of last year, he got a verbally abusive once. I initiated we go to marriage counseling, which he agreed to. After a few sessions he broke up with me and cancelled our counseling. I still hoped that once I move out of the house and we get a physical break, we could maybe fix us down the road. But my hope is pretty much gone and at this point also my desire for it. I have been trying and trying and he just completely changed and became unpredictable. He even acknowledged that he is not the same man I married anymore. It is very unfortunate and I still cannot comprehend or fathom what happened with us.

We are still living in the same house but I am moving out soon. So I will have to notify USCIS about my change of address. I have mentioned to my husband that we should look into getting divorced to which he has not really replied. I suspect he considers tax and health benefits or simply does not want to think about it now...even though it was him who pretty much stopped fighting for us.

I am aware of the big red flag it will raise when applying for the ROC with the divorce waiver (rather than jointly) but it seems to me is better to get divorced now...? USCIS will likely wonder why we are staying married if we don't even live together and our relationship has been terminated. Even if my husband joins me for the interview and confirms the good faith we both had in our marriage. 

My questions are:

1: In addition to the change of address should I also notify USCIS of the change (=end) in our marital relationship?

2: Is it better to get divorced now and file with a divorce waiver?

3: Does it make any difference who files for the divorce (my husband or me)? As in, will USCIS look at it differently (unfavorably) if I, the alien, divorce the US Citizen?

Thanks for any helpful insights  

Hey there -- first up: BIG HUGS. This is a terrible time but I want to say it is better that you realize now there is no point in continuing after trying to fix your marriage when he refuses to take part in solving your problems. I stuck around too long in a marriage that was abusive in almost every way except physical. I thought if I just kept trying and loving him more and in the ways I thought he wanted that eventually things would work themselves out. They didn't. Well done for getting out now before you do more damage to yourself. ❤️ 

 

You do need to tell USCIS when you move out, but you do not need to tell them right now that you are getting divorced. When you file with the divorce waiver, that is when you tell them.

 

Get divorced ASAP if you want to be divorced -- the divorce waiver exists for situations like yours. You entered into the marriage in good faith, it broke down like many other "domestic" marriages do. Gather all the evidence you have of your joint life together --taxes, rental agreements, insurance, credit cards, bank accounts, etc. Everything that shows you had a "real" marriage. However from what I read on here, you are better off waiting until you have your divorce judgment/decree in your hands before you file, especially since your window doesn't open until next year. 

 

It doesn't make a difference who initiates the divorce. Your husband is a schmuck. You do not need to convince him to divorce you for USCIS to approve your ROC. Do what is right for YOU and worry about immigration things later.

 

Good luck and be kind to yourself. This isn't going to be easy, but it will be the right thing to do. You can do this!!!

[geowrian 22,337]

20 minutes ago, InhaleExhale said:

I am aware of the big red flag it will raise when applying for the ROC with the divorce waiver (rather than jointly) but it seems to me is better to get divorced now...? USCIS will likely wonder why we are staying married if we don't even live together and our relationship has been terminated. Even if my husband joins me for the interview and confirms the good faith we both had in our marriage. 

Who said it's a big red flag? Divorce happens with both immigrant and non-immigrant families. The waiver is nothing uncommon.

Not living together by choice and claiming an ongoing bona fide marriage does seem like it could raise some questions. The timeline of living together is something they do look at.

 

tldr version: Don't base or adjust your decision to stay in a marriage or not on immigration.

 

20 minutes ago, InhaleExhale said:

1: In addition to the change of address should I also notify USCIS of the change (=end) in our marital relationship?

2: Is it better to get divorced now and file with a divorce waiver?

3: Does it make any difference who files for the divorce (my husband or me)? As in, will USCIS look at it differently (unfavorably) if I, the alien, divorce the US Citizen?

1) No - they don't care if you're still married or not unless you are filing a case with them.

2) See the tldr above. Address the marriage issue separately than that of the immigration issue. If you want to divorce now, go for it and file as such.

You can file the I-751 anytime within 90 day window of the card expiring (assuming that date is correct - it should be 2 years from the date you obtained permanent residency), OR sooner if your divorce is final before then.

3) Not IMHO. What matters is showing that it was entered into in good faith, not really how or why it ended (just that it ended if filing with a divorce waiver).

The exception would be if there was a finding of marriage fraud in the process...that would presumptively indicate not a bona fide marriage or USCIS as well.

[InhaleExhale 28]

29 minutes ago, laylalex said:

Do what is right for YOU and worry about immigration things later.

Thank you for your sweet reply and the hugs ❤️ I am much better now than I was half a year ago 😕 

If you ask me what is right for me at this point then right for me would be to NOT stress whether to get divorced now. If I didn't have the ROC window opening I would wait and let everything kind of cool down for a few months after I have moved out. At that point we would both have more clarity as well as more calmness in dealing with each other I think.

Really the only reason I am considering doing it now is because I read a few times already that one should get divorced if they don't live together anymore and that USCIS could look at it with suspicion why we did not get divorced if the marital relationship is over. USCIS may wonder why we file jointly when we have been conducting ourselves as separated for more than a year (it will be more than a year of termination of marital relationship once I file)? I also read on a few lawyers websites that they had couples who weren't sure whether they want to stay married or not but for the sake of the clean ROC they got divorced and re-united later.

I think I have sufficient evidence of the bonafides of us.

Here in CA getting it takes about 7+months to get the decree. I strongly believe I do have to worry about my immigration even though I wish I had more time to process our marriage.

Hmmm...

[InhaleExhale 28]

42 minutes ago, geowrian said:

Who said it's a big red flag?

Well, I have been reading that it will most certainly lead to extra scrutiny at USCIS, is this not so? Just like a red flag is a huge age difference or lack of speaking the same language when adjusting status based on marriage...

 

44 minutes ago, geowrian said:

Not living together by choice and claiming an ongoing bona fide marriage does seem like it could raise some questions.

Right. But if we would stay married we would of course be honest and say that he broke up with me in February of this year. We would of course NOT claim we are still happily married  

[laylalex 7,285]

13 minutes ago, InhaleExhale said:

Thank you for your sweet reply and the hugs ❤️ I am much better now than I was half a year ago 😕 

If you ask me what is right for me at this point then right for me would be to NOT stress whether to get divorced now. If I didn't have the ROC window opening I would wait and let everything kind of cool down for a few months after I have moved out. At that point we would both have more clarity as well as more calmness in dealing with each other I think.

Really the only reason I am considering doing it now is because I read a few times already that one should get divorced if they don't live together anymore and that USCIS could look at it with suspicion why we did not get divorced if the marital relationship is over. USCIS may wonder why we file jointly when we have been conducting ourselves as separated for more than a year (it will be more than a year of termination of marital relationship once I file)? I also read on a few lawyers websites that they had couples who weren't sure whether they want to stay married or not but for the sake of the clean ROC they got divorced and re-united later.

I think I have sufficient evidence of the bonafides of us.

Here in CA getting it takes about 7+months to get the decree. I strongly believe I do have to worry about my immigration even though I wish I had more time to process our marriage.

Hmmm...

I got divorced in California and we ended up getting our petition bifurcated. Basically that meant that while the dissolution of the marriage took place at one stage, the money stuff was handled separately. It took a long time. But I want to stress that we had a messy divorce that isn't the norm -- he told me he was filing (and he did) but he took his time doing it, and I let him control it in the beginning. If I'd known better I would have borrowed money to file it myself! We also had considerable assets to divide, and he was a jerk during that.....

 

Anyway what I am trying to say is that if your husband is going to be reasonable about the divorce, it should take about 7 months, yes. You might be eligible for what is called a summary dissolution. There are very specific rules but look into it. It is clean and simple and is basically a walkaway -- no one takes anything from the other, no support, etc. You can't have any children involved and you can't have significant joint debts or assets. It could be possible though.

 

I cannot stress this enough: get a good lawyer unless you are doing the summary dissolution. They will hold your hand and fight for you when your fight feels gone. This is a tough time but there are SO many of us who have come out the other side with the lives we deserve.  

 

Edit: info on summary dissolution: https://www.divorcenet.com/states/california/ca_summary_dissolution

Edited July 1, 2020 by laylalex

[InhaleExhale 28]

11 minutes ago, laylalex said:

petition bifurcated.

And the dissolution could be accomplished even though the assets weren't taken care of yet?

I'm sorry to hear about him being a jerk. I can feel for you..bc I have had many moments like this here ...and with us, being aliens and not having full rights it feels even worse..i addition to the emotional pain..😕

I have read about the summary dissolution..and somewhere I actually read that this looks more suspicious to USCIS in terms of good faith because the summary dissolution is more like an annulment? (We would theoretically qualify for that since we have pretty much already divided our assets and we do not have kids..)

I really wish I could avoid a costly lawyer. I did read about a few people on here doing it themselves. I am pretty meticulous so I will try myself I think...why do you believe it is better to get a lawyer? Just in this case with the ROC filed with the waiver or did you mean in general? Or did you mean when getting divorced?

Edited July 1, 2020 by InhaleExhale

[geowrian 22,337]

11 minutes ago, InhaleExhale said:

Well, I have been reading that it will most certainly lead to extra scrutiny at USCIS, is this not so? Just like a red flag is a huge age difference or lack of speaking the same language when adjusting status based on marriage...

 

Right. But if we would stay married we would of course be honest and say that he broke up with me in February of this year. We would of course NOT claim we are still happily married  

If somebody divorces right after getting the green card, has no or little bona fide evidence since being granted the green card, etc., then sure - it can be an issue. But in a typical case, it's essentially business as usual.

It's by no means the same as not sharing a common language or something difficult to overcome like that. Over 96% of ROC petitions are approved, and I would bet a good chunk of those that are denied are due to other issues (like not responding to an RFE, showing up for an interview, or just abandoning the process altogether and living abroad), or bigger issues (not living together once married - w/o a good reason, misrepresentation, etc.).

[laylalex 7,285]

2 minutes ago, InhaleExhale said:

And the dissolution could be accomplished even though the assets weren't taken care of yet?

I have read about the summary dissolution..and somewhere I actually read that this looks more suspicious to USCIS in terms of good faith because the summary dissolution is more like an annulment? We would qualify for that since we have pretty much already divided our assets and we do not have kids.

I really wish I could avoid a costly lawyer. I did read about a few people on here doing it themselves. I am pretty meticulous so I will try myself I think...why do you believe it is better to get a lawyer? Just in this case with the ROC filed with the waiver or did you mean in general? Or did you mean when getting divorced?

No, the summary dissolution is NOTHING like an annulment! It is a divorce in every single way except you have a marriage that just doesn't need all the bells and whistles to end. It says nothing about good faith at all. I think you are overthinking this.  I totally get it -- I am a worrier and a planner -- I like a route and a map to get where I'm going. USCIS sees the good faith at the beginning of your marriage and also looks at the stuff you did during your marriage. Did you do stuff married people normally do, like live together, have joint accounts, file taxes, etc.? 

 

I recommended a lawyer for the divorce -- not ROC. If you don't/can't do the summary dissolution, and you have assets and obligations that are considerable, or your bargaining positions aren't equal, a lawyer will help. You may not even need one for the entire process -- but an initial consultation can help you get your head together.

[millefleur 5,046]

**Moved from ROC General Discussion to Effects of Major Family Changes on Immigration Benefits to be among similar threads**

[TriloByte 1,818]

Heya OP,

 

I just wanted to say I'm sorry about what's happened, and to wish you all the very best. 🙂

[DeadliftingDad 3]

16 hours ago, InhaleExhale said:

Hello all,

I hope some more experienced forum-users could guide me a bit on how to proceed..

My conditional green card (based on marriage to a US Citizen) was issued last year in May and my ROC window opens in February next year. We have been married for not even 2 years (1 year and 10 months).

My husband and I started having problems end of last year, he got a verbally abusive once. I initiated we go to marriage counseling, which he agreed to. After a few sessions he broke up with me and cancelled our counseling. I still hoped that once I move out of the house and we get a physical break, we could maybe fix us down the road. But my hope is pretty much gone and at this point also my desire for it. I have been trying and trying and he just completely changed and became unpredictable. He even acknowledged that he is not the same man I married anymore. It is very unfortunate and I still cannot comprehend or fathom what happened with us.

We are still living in the same house but I am moving out soon. So I will have to notify USCIS about my change of address. I have mentioned to my husband that we should look into getting divorced to which he has not really replied. I suspect he considers tax and health benefits or simply does not want to think about it now...even though it was him who pretty much stopped fighting for us.

I am aware of the big red flag it will raise when applying for the ROC with the divorce waiver (rather than jointly) but it seems to me is better to get divorced now...? USCIS will likely wonder why we are staying married if we don't even live together and our relationship has been terminated. Even if my husband joins me for the interview and confirms the good faith we both had in our marriage. 

My questions are:

1: In addition to the change of address should I also notify USCIS of the change (=end) in our marital relationship?

2: Is it better to get divorced now and file with a divorce waiver?

3: Does it make any difference who files for the divorce (my husband or me)? As in, will USCIS look at it differently (unfavorably) if I, the alien, divorce the US Citizen?

Thanks for any helpful insights  

I'm sorry I have nothing to add.

 

But I'm going through a somewhat similar situation where my partner has turned abusive, unpredictable and has admitted he has changed.  I'm currently waiting for my green card though.

 

I'm sending you lots of love and e-hugs. Stay strong.  Things will get better ❤️ 

[InhaleExhale 28]

1 hour ago, DeadliftingDad said:

But I'm going through a somewhat similar situation where my partner has turned abusive, unpredictable and has admitted he has changed.  I'm currently waiting for my green card though.

Thank you for your good wishes ❤️ Same back to you and hugs

Abusive and unpredictable is so scary!

Are you waiting for your conditional or 10 year green card?

[DeadliftingDad 3]

5 minutes ago, InhaleExhale said:

Thank you for your good wishes ❤️ Same back to you and hugs

Abusive and unpredictable is so scary!

Are you waiting for your conditional or 10 year green card?

Waiting for my 10 year green card.  Didn't even receive my conditional one yet

[aperson 44]

The law doesn’t require immigrants to stay in a unhappy or potentially dangerous marriage to maintain immigration status. So go ahead and get divorced if you think that’s the right thing to do. If possible, consult a good immigration lawyer. Stay strong!