Am I the only one in this situation ?

[XavierFR 38]

48 minutes ago, Sego said:

You are correct, it is illegal but as an employee you legally have to let your employer know when you reach 3months pregnancy. I am already above the 3 months so it means it will have to let the recruiter know I am pregnant at some point of the recruitment process and it might be a turn off (I work in HR so luckily I know labor laws quite well but also that recruiters can work around it without having any way to prove it). They do not have to give me the job as long as the reason why is not my pregnancy but in really it happens, it is jut not verbalize to avoid lawsuit. 

 

And thanks for your advice, we will work on a pros and cons list to decide whats best even given the actually circumstances! 

Don't hesitate to PACS if you want for your hubby to stay in France. I've heard Philippe saying they might consider to open the borders starting June 15th, My fiancée doesn't have a super good French neither for working in France so I have looked for some alternatives in the past: Paris you have a lot of English workers at la Défense, you also have Luxembourg where you can speak French or English, it's next to Metz and Nancy if you have to move (plus you make a lot of money in this area  )

Edited June 1, 2020 by XavierFR

[Boiler 45,499]

5 hours ago, Sego said:

Thank you for your reply.

 

I am very aware of all the steps if we choose to settle in France (mariage, work authorisation for my fiance and all) and that we will have to file for a CR1 visa if we decide to come back to USA later.My fiance will be able to get a residence permit and work authorisation in France fairly easily if we settle there and I was not asking so much about this as I know this website is about us immigration .

 

I mentioned it in a previous reply but basically I need to fly out by mid-september at the latest, some airlines might be ok until the end of september but few knowing I will start my last month of pregnancy at this stage. 

 

Yes my apprehensions are about the protests and we will live in a city in California and no we are not both white. If as you said things go on and off I guess I will have to just get used to it but it just seems a little scary from afar when you still have other options to consider. I wasn't in France during all the protest and riots so I am not used to that at all anymore and it feels different when it is your own country I guess because you know things better. Moving abroad is a big step (I have done it before) but when there is those type of events happening while you move it just adds a little worry, at least that's how I feel!

 

 

I know CA is a hot spot and one of our members @laylalex is in the middle of it and might be better able to comment.

[laylalex 7,284]

9 minutes ago, Boiler said:

I know CA is a hot spot and one of our members @laylalex is in the middle of it and might be better able to comment.

Hi there! Congrats on your pregnancy first off. Wishing you health and safety and calm in these strange times.

 

I am really in the thick of the protests/looting right now. I am in Santa Monica, a little city stuck between Los Angeles and the ocean, and yesterday our sleepy tourist town exploded in property damage and looting. The CVS at the end of my block was looted, and I am only a couple of blocks away from a huge shopping mall and the main shopping district in general. Curfew is about to start here at 1pm. It's crazy. 

 

BUT I will say this.  I have lived in California almost my entire life, and besides this and the Rodney King riots in 1992 (I am too young to really remember them) nothing like this has happened before. It's not the protesters who are causing the damage and destruction -- it's the organized gangs of looters who are using the protests as cover. This is scary but it will pass. It's a singular event that will be over within a week or two and we will be left with the damage to clean up.

 

Now, where you are going to in CA makes a huge difference. In LA, there are so many different neighborhoods and little cities (like Santa Monica, Beverly Hills, West Hollywood, etc) that have different vibes and levels of crime. You'll always have property crime, but some places are safer than others, so safe you can walk around at night no problem, no one will bother you. I lived in the Bay Area for just over a year, and the main problems in the city I lived in (Berkeley) were from petty theft and the occasional assault. I had to be more aware of my surroundings, but I had no problem walking home at night from the shopping strip I lived off of. I grew up in Burbank which was... boring. I will not lie!  But there were far fewer people of color there than even next door in North Hollywood. I lived in Pasadena for almost 7 years and it was prosperous and safe, and far more racially balanced than Burbank.

 

You get out of the LA and Bay Areas, and things can be very different. In the Central Valley and far north, it's generally more conservative but crime wise it is "safer." Where you are moving to in CA will make all the difference.

 

So this is to say that these events happening here are NOT normal and will pass. California is such an awesome and amazing place -- I wouldn't live anywhere else. And I am blessed to have a fiance who isn't making me move to London, where he was working before he came here on a work visa. I am a California girl and I may be prejudiced though!  

[Buster & Hitch 58]

Hey! Sorry if I missed it, do you already have K1 in hand and just reconsidering the travel? I am currently 8 months pregnant and waiting on my green card interview after coming to the US on a K1 (we found out I was pregnant on our wedding day!). Just something to consider - I am on my husband's insurance which is considered to be pretty good. We are currently expecting to pay about $5000 out of pocket with all the appointment and delivery costs, even with good insurance, and assuming nothing huge goes wrong. I'm not sure what your healthcare like is in France, but if money is tight I would look into your fiance's insurance and crunch some numbers on the cost of delivering in the US. On the flipside it took me no time to get set up on my husband's insurance once we were married and I've been very pleased with the quality of care we've received here.

[Henry357 70]

I would stay in France or maybe you two can move to the UK before the end of the year (apparently the Brexit deal will be done EOY) since in UK they speak English.  
 

I am in a different visa situation, but have a  similar feeling... I just had a baby here and am Seriously doubting raising her here. 

[Cndn 98]

No, you are not alone. I’m originally from Canada. I have a toddler and a baby with my American husband. The state of the US is deeply concerning to me. When you become a mother you become hypersensitive to the environment your child will be/is in. It’s true that you will likely be just fine here, but I completely understand what you are saying as a mother. 

[Zoeeeeeee 797]

11 hours ago, laylalex said:

Hi there! Congrats on your pregnancy first off. Wishing you health and safety and calm in these strange times.

 

I am really in the thick of the protests/looting right now. I am in Santa Monica, a little city stuck between Los Angeles and the ocean, and yesterday our sleepy tourist town exploded in property damage and looting. The CVS at the end of my block was looted, and I am only a couple of blocks away from a huge shopping mall and the main shopping district in general. Curfew is about to start here at 1pm. It's crazy. 

 

BUT I will say this.  I have lived in California almost my entire life, and besides this and the Rodney King riots in 1992 (I am too young to really remember them) nothing like this has happened before. It's not the protesters who are causing the damage and destruction -- it's the organized gangs of looters who are using the protests as cover. This is scary but it will pass. It's a singular event that will be over within a week or two and we will be left with the damage to clean up.

 

Now, where you are going to in CA makes a huge difference. In LA, there are so many different neighborhoods and little cities (like Santa Monica, Beverly Hills, West Hollywood, etc) that have different vibes and levels of crime. You'll always have property crime, but some places are safer than others, so safe you can walk around at night no problem, no one will bother you. I lived in the Bay Area for just over a year, and the main problems in the city I lived in (Berkeley) were from petty theft and the occasional assault. I had to be more aware of my surroundings, but I had no problem walking home at night from the shopping strip I lived off of. I grew up in Burbank which was... boring. I will not lie!  But there were far fewer people of color there than even next door in North Hollywood. I lived in Pasadena for almost 7 years and it was prosperous and safe, and far more racially balanced than Burbank.

 

You get out of the LA and Bay Areas, and things can be very different. In the Central Valley and far north, it's generally more conservative but crime wise it is "safer." Where you are moving to in CA will make all the difference.

 

So this is to say that these events happening here are NOT normal and will pass. California is such an awesome and amazing place -- I wouldn't live anywhere else. And I am blessed to have a fiance who isn't making me move to London, where he was working before he came here on a work visa. I am a California girl and I may be prejudiced though!  

So, I kind of agree re this and kind of don't. I'm in LA county (Valencia) and lived in Burbank before...and in both places I felt very safe - and to be honest, so far, nothing's happened up here thus far, so I still feel safe...however, I'm white and my husband is of Filipino origin...not really targets. 

 

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that this recent incident or others...Ahmaud Arbury, Brionna Taylor, the guy that was threatened on Memorial Day in Central Park, etc...has really woken me up to how racist this country is. I have a few black friends who I know from my running group and even living in LA, one of the most democratic, liberal counties in the country, they still have to do certain things to feel safe when running as black men...wear bright clothing to not appear threatening...cross the street if they see a single white person ahead...intentionally be noisy when approaching people so as not to surprise them. They can't just run. So for me, whilst the riots aren't so scary, the racism here is. And I have white privilege so...🤷🏻‍♀️

Edited June 2, 2020 by Zoeeeeeee

[HRQX 4,145]

11 hours ago, laylalex said:

In the Central Valley

The Central Valley is very big:

Three Central Valley cities (Stockton, Modesto, and Madera) have very high crime rates.

[Henry357 70]

4 hours ago, Zoeeeeeee said:

So, I kind of agree re this and kind of don't. I'm in LA county (Valencia) and lived in Burbank before...and in both places I felt very safe - and to be honest, so far, nothing's happened up here thus far, so I still feel safe...however, I'm white and my husband is of Filipino origin...not really targets. 

 

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that this recent incident or others...Ahmaud Arbury, Brionna Taylor, the guy that was threatened on Memorial Day in Central Park, etc...has really woken me up to how racist this country is. I have a few black friends who I know from my running group and even living in LA, one of the most democratic, liberal counties in the country, they still have to do certain things to feel safe when running as black men...wear bright clothing to not appear threatening...cross the street if they see a single white person ahead...intentionally be noisy when approaching people so as not to surprise them. They can't just run. So for me, whilst the riots aren't so scary, the racism here is. And I have white privilege so...🤷🏻‍♀️

Exactly,  it’s about more than safety.  
 

Yes,  if you live in an affluent area, you are as safe as anywhere.  But the little injustices and the broken systems get to you.  

[Boiler 45,499]

1 hour ago, Henry357 said:

Exactly,  it’s about more than safety.  
 

Yes,  if you live in an affluent area, you are as safe as anywhere.  But the little injustices and the broken systems get to you.  

Layla is in a very affluent area, and has the sounds of rioting around her.

[Boiler 45,499]

5 hours ago, Zoeeeeeee said:

So, I kind of agree re this and kind of don't. I'm in LA county (Valencia) and lived in Burbank before...and in both places I felt very safe - and to be honest, so far, nothing's happened up here thus far, so I still feel safe...however, I'm white and my husband is of Filipino origin...not really targets. 

 

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that this recent incident or others...Ahmaud Arbury, Brionna Taylor, the guy that was threatened on Memorial Day in Central Park, etc...has really woken me up to how racist this country is. I have a few black friends who I know from my running group and even living in LA, one of the most democratic, liberal counties in the country, they still have to do certain things to feel safe when running as black men...wear bright clothing to not appear threatening...cross the street if they see a single white person ahead...intentionally be noisy when approaching people so as not to surprise them. They can't just run. So for me, whilst the riots aren't so scary, the racism here is. And I have white privilege so...🤷🏻‍♀️

WP is a truly wonderful thing to have.

[laylalex 7,284]

Well, this is kind of a one-off. I don't anticipate anything like this happening again. And yes, being "safe" means more than low crime. There's actually quite a bit of crime where I live but it's petty thefts and tourists getting drunk and getting in fist fights, not armed robberies or house invasions. I am a white person; my fiancé is so white he's practically glowing (Scottish skin). We move through life untouched by the injustices of racial discrimination. I have black and Hispanic and Asian friends in my close friend network, but their experiences aren't mine. All I can do is use my privilege to be an ally.

 

LA is still a segregated city, more so than my experience of living in Berkeley or even back east when I went to college. There are places where a black person sticks out, and it isn't necessarily in "nice" areas.

 

I grew up in Burbank (a "safe" city) as I mentioned, and I didn't have a black friend until I was 10. There just weren't that many African American families in my part of the city in the early 90s. Hispanic people are in pretty much every community; this was their land before white people muscled in in the 18th and 19th centuries. 

 

What I'm trying to say, I think, is that "safe" places aren't necessarily the ones that are the least likely to experience crime. They are the ones in which you feel you can live your life more freely and less circumscribed by dangers in whatever forms they come in: a punch from a stranger- or a loved one-- or the thousand injustices of discrimination.

8 hours ago, Zoeeeeeee said:

So, I kind of agree re this and kind of don't. I'm in LA county (Valencia) and lived in Burbank before...and in both places I felt very safe - and to be honest, so far, nothing's happened up here thus far, so I still feel safe...however, I'm white and my husband is of Filipino origin...not really targets. 

Where in Burbank did you live?

Edited June 2, 2020 by laylalex
Clarified: Burbank is nice! lol

[Henry357 70]

18 minutes ago, laylalex said:

Well, this is kind of a one-off. I don't anticipate anything like this happening again. And yes, being "safe" means more than low crime. There's actually quite a bit of crime where I live but it's petty thefts and tourists getting drunk and getting in fist fights, not armed robberies or house invasions. I am a white person; my fiancé is so white he's practically glowing (Scottish skin). We move through life untouched by the injustices of racial discrimination. I have black and Hispanic and Asian friends in my close friend network, but their experiences aren't mine. All I can do is use my privilege to be an ally.

 

LA is still a segregated city, more so than my experience of living in Berkeley or even back east when I went to college. There are places where a black person sticks out, and it isn't necessarily in "nice" areas.

 

I grew up in Burbank (a "safe" city) as I mentioned, and I didn't have a black friend until I was 10. There just weren't that many African American families in my part of the city in the early 90s. Hispanic people are in pretty much every community; this was their land before white people muscled in in the 18th and 19th centuries. 

 

What I'm trying to say, I think, is that "safe" places aren't necessarily the ones that are the least likely to experience crime. They are the ones in which you feel you can live your life more freely and less circumscribed by dangers in whatever forms they come in: a punch from a stranger- or a loved one-- or the thousand injustices of discrimination.

Where in Burbank did you live?

Why is being treated like a human considered a privilege?  It should be a basic expectation of society that you treat every person with basic decency and respect

Edited June 2, 2020 by Henry357

[Sego 31]

15 hours ago, Buster & Hitch said:

Hey! Sorry if I missed it, do you already have K1 in hand and just reconsidering the travel? I am currently 8 months pregnant and waiting on my green card interview after coming to the US on a K1 (we found out I was pregnant on our wedding day!). Just something to consider - I am on my husband's insurance which is considered to be pretty good. We are currently expecting to pay about $5000 out of pocket with all the appointment and delivery costs, even with good insurance, and assuming nothing huge goes wrong. I'm not sure what your healthcare like is in France, but if money is tight I would look into your fiance's insurance and crunch some numbers on the cost of delivering in the US. On the flipside it took me no time to get set up on my husband's insurance once we were married and I've been very pleased with the quality of care we've received here.

Hi! Congratulations on your pregnancy ! No I do not have it yet 😕  My interview keep being rescheduled. My future husband is a teacher and I will be covered by his insurance as well, we are not worried so much about the quality or the care in USA but we just want to be together for the birth so I need to travel because he will be working and most likely miss the birth if I stay in France and probably the first month too as we are not sure he will have paternity leave (he is starting his new job in august)  

[Sego 31]

20 hours ago, laylalex said:

Hi there! Congrats on your pregnancy first off. Wishing you health and safety and calm in these strange times.

 

I am really in the thick of the protests/looting right now. I am in Santa Monica, a little city stuck between Los Angeles and the ocean, and yesterday our sleepy tourist town exploded in property damage and looting. The CVS at the end of my block was looted, and I am only a couple of blocks away from a huge shopping mall and the main shopping district in general. Curfew is about to start here at 1pm. It's crazy. 

 

BUT I will say this.  I have lived in California almost my entire life, and besides this and the Rodney King riots in 1992 (I am too young to really remember them) nothing like this has happened before. It's not the protesters who are causing the damage and destruction -- it's the organized gangs of looters who are using the protests as cover. This is scary but it will pass. It's a singular event that will be over within a week or two and we will be left with the damage to clean up.

 

Now, where you are going to in CA makes a huge difference. In LA, there are so many different neighborhoods and little cities (like Santa Monica, Beverly Hills, West Hollywood, etc) that have different vibes and levels of crime. You'll always have property crime, but some places are safer than others, so safe you can walk around at night no problem, no one will bother you. I lived in the Bay Area for just over a year, and the main problems in the city I lived in (Berkeley) were from petty theft and the occasional assault. I had to be more aware of my surroundings, but I had no problem walking home at night from the shopping strip I lived off of. I grew up in Burbank which was... boring. I will not lie!  But there were far fewer people of color there than even next door in North Hollywood. I lived in Pasadena for almost 7 years and it was prosperous and safe, and far more racially balanced than Burbank.

 

You get out of the LA and Bay Areas, and things can be very different. In the Central Valley and far north, it's generally more conservative but crime wise it is "safer." Where you are moving to in CA will make all the difference.

 

So this is to say that these events happening here are NOT normal and will pass. California is such an awesome and amazing place -- I wouldn't live anywhere else. And I am blessed to have a fiance who isn't making me move to London, where he was working before he came here on a work visa. I am a California girl and I may be prejudiced though!  

Hello and thank you very much for your detailed answer!!

 

My fiance is definitely in love with California and share some of your views but from outside moving exactly when there are so many riots happening and all is quite scary! Thus being pregnant, makes me wonder about long term safety for my child. I guess it is everywhere the same but when it is your own country there is less uncertainty as you know your own place better than a foreign country, you speak the languages very well etc etc. 

 

I've visited several times and we will settle in Sacramento for now, considering a move to SF after couple of years maybe. We also spent some time in Tahoe and I really enjoyed the  more"country side" and small city vibe. We're even considering settling in a similar vibe place if we are tired of cities but cities are great to find a job (at least it is easier). 

 

My fiance came to France several times and really liked it here so maybe that's why with all of this happening it makes us wonder more than it should! I mean I should be in California since couple of months already and living the protest from within land I am sure I will not be as scared as I am now.

But thank you again for sharing such a detailed answer!!