Challenging relationship remains... challenging

[Wuozopo 4,293]

@TransAtlanticLove

 

Have you asked your husband if he would be happier back in the UK with his mates and family and familiar things? 

[TransAtlanticLove 31]

Thank you @laylalex I think it's an all around bad time coupled with the reality of being away from his family. My therapist has said similar things about stepping back to let him do more things for himself which I'm trying to do. Often I find if I leave something to him solely it's fine incorrectly or not at all. That is something we have been talking about. 

 

@Allaboutwaiting thanks for your reply, these are all questions I have asked myself and seek to answer. Things change over time including us and perhaps that is hard to accept. We're actually opposites so we don't have that much in common which was a big concern of mine when we met but he constantly reassured me that it wouldn't matter. It's often a case of we want to do, go, and be total opposites in how we live our lives, sometimes our values, food preferences, and more. I know opposites attract but I wonder what keeps them together? 

 

@milimelo That's a great link! Thank you, I will share it with him because I don't have the patience to repeat some of this multiple times over. It would be good for him to have it at his disposal to read as needed. 

 

@portorusa Thank you got your response. The tables have been turned before, as I stated I lived over there before he moved here. I pulled myself up by the bootstraps and lived my life while not being a financial burden on him. You're right, I am bossy and non nonsense. I don't have time to tiptoe around most things and I'm straight forward. All of which he knew upon asking me to marry him. I'm not sure what you mean about "label everything" but I believe labels are for jars not people. We are very different personalities but I hope that we can step into a new light of maturity together, but it will require change from us both. 

 

@Wuozopo Yes I have asked that and he always says no. Even when he visits he's very excited to go and then after a week he's ready to come back to me. So, I'm not sure if it's a case of the grass is always greener on the other side or just general confusion on his end. 

[laylalex 7,293]

16 hours ago, TransAtlanticLove said:

Thank you @laylalex I think it's an all around bad time coupled with the reality of being away from his family. My therapist has said similar things about stepping back to let him do more things for himself which I'm trying to do. Often I find if I leave something to him solely it's fine incorrectly or not at all. That is something we have been talking about. 

I know how hard it can be to let someone else do something poorly when you know you can do it better. If you're a type A person at all -- and I am a recovering type A person! -- letting someone try and fail can be infuriating. In so many things in life, we shouldn't let perfect be the enemy of good. Let him try and fail. I am something of a perfectionist, and I am tougher on no one else than myself. And I know what I'm capable of executing, and (not to humblebrag) and it's frequently better than anyone even asked for. But I'm not perfect at everything and (as my therapist reminds me) I don't have to be. I don't have to be perfect at anything! Neither do you, and neither does he. Sometimes it's okay just to be okay; very few things in our everyday life are life or death problems to handle. 

 

Take the step back. Don't rush in to fix things immediately. You can give advice, sure, but don't do it for him when/if he gets frustrated. You're not his mom. 

[Allaboutwaiting 2,503]

On 5/17/2020 at 10:14 PM, TransAtlanticLove said:

@Allaboutwaiting thanks for your reply, these are all questions I have asked myself and seek to answer. Things change over time including us and perhaps that is hard to accept. We're actually opposites so we don't have that much in common which was a big concern of mine when we met but he constantly reassured me that it wouldn't matter. It's often a case of we want to do, go, and be total opposites in how we live our lives, sometimes our values, food preferences, and more. I know opposites attract but I wonder what keeps them together? 

Some couples are opposites, some others are like peas in a pod. In any case, marriage should feel good, and right. And most of all, fulfilling. 

I truly hope you find an answer for all your questions and take a decision that benefits you.