I NEED HELP - AM NEW TO VISA JOURNEY

[Mavan 38]

2 hours ago, geowrian said:

I 'm guessing he uses another word for his wife...or else he must be talking about his wireless a heck of a lot more than I do. Maybe there's a strong connection.

Lol... I mean wife

lol

[Madufor Uzoma A 10]

21 hours ago, Gec said:

Hi everyone...

Am Dec from Ghana... Got married to a US citizen in 2018 October in Ghana , got to the USA early January 2020.. And now my wife has given me 30days to move out from the House. 

 

I love her soo much....Its all started when i got here..my wife snores very loud and even when you at the couch relaxing..u can hear her snore from the bedroom ..which have recorded number of her snores for her to listen to it...and she  felt soo bad abt it...i told hear...she should not worried..we gonna see the doctor after the lockdown and see know the way forward. - so because of her snore i applied for midnight job which we all agree to it.....  start work at 7pm to 6am..work 3days in week or sometimes 4days (so she can sleep peaceful for me not disturb her..- because am always awake whiles she is sleep and she feels bad...but i can't help it ..i cant sleep because of her snore)._- when she came to Ghana. She never snores like that.---  The only time i sleep is when she is up in the morning, ever since i step foot in the USA...In All this , i never told her i Want any break up or divorce because i believe we can solve this issue...marriage takes alot of patients and hardworking......my work is such that..we unload long trucks and stocks items in the factory...and after closing from work..., most atimes i walk home.  20min walk...she told me she can't pick me back to back..because she need to rest...well i told her..am cool with that. I will walk home - bus don't run that lane....so i always walk home....i got employed in March.. 

 

I normal get 3days off...and i make sure we spend some time indoors..like watching tele together..cooking for her most atimes..because she does not know how to cook..i do most of the cooking and wash the plates..we go 50/50 on bills since i came...but because of the lockdown.. Most offices are closed so i don't have any of my name on any bills for now..we planned doing that when the lockdown is lifted...So most often, She used my bank card to pay half of the bills and all that shows is the receipt i get from the bank informing me u card has been used to pay your this amount for ur rent or DTE.. Some time ago.....i try to sleeping in the sitting room because i needed rest badly and she was snoring loud...so i walk out quietly to go get some sleep...as soon as i walk to sitting room...she came to warn me..if i keep sleeping in the couch... Then we have to divorce.. She got mad and went back to sleep...i have no other option than to go back and sleep by her side ... I went back to bedroom and she sack me to go back..i slept in the couch for 3days... With all this body pains... I never told anyone...because is all about sacrifice... I have try to sleep with the ear piece, we bought nostil trips..we have try different method-  but did not work...And we all know..if one dont sleep during the night...they wake up not functioning well... Thats what is happening to me now.. anytime i want to sleep whiles she is awake..she gets upset and tells me...all i do is sleep during the day...and i told her..because i dont sleep during the night... And its affect me during the day time..and i must go work in the night too... When i look at me in mirror i can see something is not right with my face... My eyes always red.. - the issue is  when am off and even at home....i cant sleep during the night...am always up listen to her snoring ...and she goes of the mood when am about to have 6 to 7 sleep during the day....Now she want me out the house...Given 30days to get a place to sleep....and this is the fourth time she is using the word divorce in any situation that comes up

 

Now i don't even know what to do...i explain it to my boss at work...and he told me to file a report to the police department and tell them this is what am facing at home and show them the text message that says she want me out of the house.. 

 

Am just lost in this country....have no friends or knows nobody around...hmmmm

brother you got nothing to worry about the snoring ok. try and engage her with much running exercise she will stop snoring try this am sure it works for many and even people i know

[abhi_meli 150]

There is more to this story. If your wife is so immature that she's willing to divorce you just because you need sleep then you will be better off without this woman. Things will definitely be tough for quite some time but you will get through this. Ask your wife to stop bsing and tell you the real reason. If you think you and her can workout that's awesome, otherwise pack your bags, divorce her and start a new life. Make sure you genuinely try to save this marriage and document everything. You'll need to prove that your marriage was a genuine one. It will be difficult as you guys have not spent a lot of time being married but it's doable. I wish you best of luck. 

[abhi_meli 150]

20 hours ago, Mavan said:

Gec,

Sorry to hear about this. No worries. DO NOT LEAVE the house and talk with your wife. ONLY BOTH OF YOU CAN SOLVE THIS MATTER.

No matter what happened, this is manageable and i really want you to enjoy your marriage life with your wife that petitioned for you. Whether she snores or she doesn't know how to cook, dude, it is your responsabilisity , as the head of the family to manage this situation. I guess you have been together for a while. So, you know her very well.

You mentioned that she wasn't snoring when she came to Ghana. Now, that she snores, you pretend that she is annoying. Dude, you cannot abandon your wife to sleep on the couch. While awaiting on things to come back to normal from the lockdown, she can have a televisit  with her doctor for some guidelines to solve her health condition (breathing). Snoring is a health condition.  If she is overweight, she can just exercice to loose some weight, work on her breathing. Even during the lockdown, you can find lot of resources to solve her problem.

YOU CANNOT REJECT YOUR WIFI BECAUSE SHE IS SNORING. NEVER NEVER NEVER.

Whether you work days or the grave yard shift,  YOU MUST TAKE CARE OF YOUR WIFE. If you really LOVE this lady, do not leave. Take some time and talk to her. Forget about going to the police department. You can also seek advice from a counselor (family expert).

 

Just consider her text as a joke. She is just messing up with you. She wants to see if you can leave the house knowing you just came to the US.

 

NEVER THINK OF DIVORCE whatever happens. TAKE TIME AND TALK TO YOUR WIFI TO SOLVE THIS PROBLEM.

 

 

GOOD LUCK for everything and stay safe.

 

Shalom

 

He is working all night long and needs to sleep during the day. How would you feel if your wife/husband doesn't care about your need to rest? No, it is not solely his responsibility, both of them are adults need to work this out together. Stop with this "Head of the household" BS. He is not rejecting his wife because she snores, he just wants to sleep in peace after working all night long. Lastly he's not the one who is thinking about the divorce, his wife is. Although there is two sides of every story and we do not know her side.

[Gorkhali 214]

Dude you got ample reply. Come-on no marriage is that weak. Something doesn't add up. 

 

Anyway what your wife is facing is sleep apnea. Get sleep study done. Sleep apnea is horrible and she can get CPAP machine and be good with it.

 

You can also try getting adjustable head and foot frame for bed (kind of pricey but not as pricey as your love of life) With that when she starts to snore you can gently lift the bed with remote and lower the leg that will help her to breathe and ease her snoring.

 

She is facing trouble which she may or many not know or to embarrassed to talk about. Being husband you need to stand by her side and help her through this.

Edited May 5, 2020 by Gorkhali

[Gorkhali 214]

7 hours ago, JFH said:

I also think she is using the daytime sleeping as an excuse to not give you the real reason that she wants to end the marriage. Of course you have to sleep through the day if you work nights.  Is she working during the day? If so, what does it matter if you are sleeping or not whilst she is working? I work during the day and my husband doesn’t. I don’t care whether he sleeps or watches TV or goes to the gym while I’m at work. If I’m at work I’m not with him so what does it matter? 

I think you need to find time to sit together and talk this through and find out why she is unhappy, the real reason. 

 

I so agree.. I work approx 10 hrs a day and spend 10 -12 hrs a week on my classes. My wife understands how hard I work and what my goals are. Dude something doesn't add you and you need counseling not the visa advice

[Marieke H 2,524]

2 hours ago, Madufor Uzoma A said:

brother you got nothing to worry about the snoring ok. try and engage her with much running exercise she will stop snoring try this am sure it works for many and even people i know

Seriously? We're not talking about a pet that you can just give more exercise and that will fix any problems you have with it. This is a woman with her own free will who, for whatever reason, is not happy in this marriage. Having her exercise won't fix that.

[Marieke H 2,524]

By the way, my husband is an extreme snorer. I often end up sleeping part of the night in a different room. One of us often sleeps during part of the day because of our work schedules and/or trouble sleeping at night. With the current crisis, my husband being furloughed and the (financial) stress it is causing us, our sleep patterns have become very irregular. None of this affects our marriage. At all. I can't imagine filing for divorce because my husband can't sleep at night so he sleeps during the day. I'm just happy that he is finally getting some rest, no matter when it is. If snoring and different sleep patterns cause a marriage to break down, there must be other issues going on.

[Madufor Uzoma A 10]

2 hours ago, Marieke H said:

Seriously? We're not talking about a pet that you can just give more exercise and that will fix any problems you have with it. This is a woman with her own free will who, for whatever reason, is not happy in this marriage. Having her exercise won't fix that.

Hey we are given solution I quote the writer he said he don't want divorce for now so we are looking on how he can fix his marriage, exercise solve that snoring problem. Do you want to shelter him why not tell him to come to your house and stay with you. You think only dogs go for a walk 

[Gec 0]

55 minutes ago, Madufor Uzoma A said:

Hey we are given solution I quote the writer he said he don't want divorce for now so we are looking on how he can fix his marriage, exercise solve that snoring problem. Do you want to shelter him why not tell him to come to your house and stay with you. You think only dogs go for a walk 

Thanks .... I dont know why most people dont get the picture...  -  am not interested in getting a divorce... All i want is to get my 6 to 7hours rest before going to work..   I work 10 hours shift...unloading trucks and stocking items. And this job is needs a lot of walking and unloading items.  - i never wanted a night job....but because of her health issues snoring.... We all agreed to that..( ok, for instant what if i took a morning job.   How will i sleep before going to work in the morning...) - am not rejecting my wife....its also about my health...i can die if i don't have my sleep and work most atimes.  

 

There no issues.   The only issues is what i have told u guys... If she is willing for us to solve this health issues...am ready to stand by her...in the first place when i came to America....me sleeping in the couch for 5days thus not mean am rejecting her.. I make time for her during the day when am able to sleep during the night... Even when i wake up during my day sleeping... I still make time for her...our sex life is good..

 

She just want me to be up and she is also up.. 

 

I wish you guys know how am feeling... Do u guys even understand the word rejection at all...

 

At the end of the day.... We both sleep in this same bed every night...after she told me. She dont like me sleeping in the couch after me sleeping 5days in the couch... Because of the love i have for her and care... I came back on the bed.   

 

As i post this now... She is snoring by my side.   Am enduring it because of the love i have her....and most u guys still think am rejecting her... I pray none of u go through this suituaton in marriage...because it's very hard to understand if u are not in my shoes

Edited May 5, 2020 by Gec

[Madufor Uzoma A 10]

4 minutes ago, Gec said:

Thanks .... I dont know why most people dont get the picture...  -  am not interested in getting a divorce... All i want is to get my 6 to 7hours rest before going to work..   I work 10 hours shift...unloading trucks and stocking items. And this job is needs a lot of walking and unloading items.  - i never wanted a night job....but because of her health issues snoring.... We all agreed to that..( ok, for instant what if i took a morning job.   How will i sleep before going to work in the morning...) - am not rejecting my wife....its also about my health...i can die if i don't have my sleep and work most atimes.  

 

There no issues.   The only issues is what i have told u guys... If she is willing for us to solve this health issues...am ready to stand by her...in the first place when i came to America....me sleeping in the couch thus not mean am rejecting her.. I make me for her during the day when am able to sleep during the night... Even when i wake up during my day sleeping... I still make time for her...our sex life is good..

 

She just want me to be up and she is also up.. 

 

I wish you guys know how am feeling... Do u guys even understand the word rejection at all...

 

At the end of the day.... We both sleep in this same bed every night...after she told me. She dont like me sleeping in the couch after me sleeping 5days in the couch... Because of the love i have for her and care... I came back on the bed.   

 

So i write this post now... She is snoring by my side.   Am enduring it because of the love i have her....and most u guys still think am rejecting her... I pray none of u go through this suituaton in marriage...because it's very hard to understand if u are not in my shoes

Bro I have passed through this situation am telling you to try and make her do jogging almost every day she will stop snoring I promise you. Stay safe man 

[Marieke H 2,524]

3 hours ago, Gec said:

am not interested in getting a divorce

But what does she want? She already told you she wants a divorce. Has she changed her mind? Demanding you to be up during the day while you work nights is ridiculous. 

 

4 hours ago, Madufor Uzoma A said:

Hey we are given solution I quote the writer he said he don't want divorce for now so we are looking on how he can fix his marriage, exercise solve that snoring problem. Do you want to shelter him why not tell him to come to your house and stay with you. You think only dogs go for a walk 

It's not just about what he wants. She can divorce him even if he doesn't want to get divorced. And why on earth would I let a random stranger stay at my house, and what does that have to do with anything?

[TBoneTX 46,337]

This thread is about marital issues, not immigration issues.

The OP has received ample advice on ways to proceed.

Accordingly, this thread is now closed to further comment.

Do not restart this issue or refer to it elsewhere.

 

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