It's over...Preparing for the Next Steps!

[Sparkle Sparkle 914]

@JayMar2019I am sorry this happened to you.. I can understand how much pain you going through and how much you want him to pay for what he has done but the fact is

1. You vouched for him brought him here

2. You Co-mingled resources to a certain extent

3. You have a kid together.. (good for him from immigration stad point) 

 

Based on this 3 reasons you cannot do anything to have him removed.. Even if you write USCIS you would be seen as a scorned witch hunter and ignored. 

What you need to do is

 

1. Take your time to heal and divorce him when you want to having in mind that he needs the divorce decree for the ROC/divorce waiver🤔😡😎 (Take a moment to think about that leverage) 

 

2. If you want him totally out of your lives, you can you should start thinking ahead e.g Custody battles and Alimony. Gather all the evidence you can now and make him sign consensus /deals on child support now that you can get it without a fight. 

 

3. Look after yourself and your kids mental health.... Get medical help /check for STI's

 

4. Girl, you understand that he has been smart about it that is why he got this far with the GC, and to get what you want you have to be smart too. 

 

5. If you can get any evidence that he was married to that girl in Jamaica and is married to you too... That would interest not only USCIS but ICE too. 

 

6. Talk to a good divorce lawyer.. At least to help draft agreements etc

 

God be with you and let's all learn from this. 

Edited April 30, 2020 by Sparkle Sparkle

[JayMar2019 2,741]

2 hours ago, Scandi said:

Don't comingle your finances anymore, means that you used to do it? You have been living together since 2018, if I understand it correctly? So even if you have removed him from most of the evidence NOW, he could technically still have a ton of evidence from before that, no? Or you know for sure that he hasn't bothered collecting any evidence throughout your marriage?

He opened up his own bank accounts and switched his direct deposits a while back after I questioned a large dollar cashapp transfer. I only had $100 per paycheck go in the account the rest of my paycheck goes in my other account he's not listed on. 

 

Confidently I can say he hasn't collected anything. He was and is too focused on severing things and having his own stuff in his name. He relied on me to do and prepare all. So anything "new" as proof of ongoing marriage or "good faith" evidence prior to being approved for his 2 year GC doesn't exist. Only thing we have is our 9 month old son which he can request his BC and his driver's license that shows he lived with me. He's never been added to the lease or any household bills ever. 

 

Any new proof after his interview in 6/2018 of co-mingling anything doesn't exist.

Edited April 30, 2020 by JayMar2019

[Boiler 45,445]

How practical is moving in the current Pandemic?

 

He can use the evidence previously submitted the evidence does not have to be new or different.

[Villanelle 4,122]

Plus the divorce itself is proof that there was a valid marriage. It will show how you untangled everything because in order to untangle it had to be tangled at some point.  

 

If you are truly interested in finding things to hurt his ROC then wording of fraud and/or adultery from prior to marriage through out the marriage needs to be included in the divorce.  While adultery is not a reason for denial it can be used as a reason for them determining he did not enter in good faith.  Typically people will fight against having such written in the divorce.  If he agrees to it USCIS will consider that when reviewing it, he admitted to it. . If he fights it and the judge rules to include it they will consider it as a fact found by court.  It can end up costing you a great deal in legal fees though and it may end up with an overall outcome you are not happy with if you lose.  I'm not trying to discourage you- just being realistic.  Keep your focus on what's best for you. Very few ROCs are denied.  Published numbers reflect those denied by USCIS for technical reasons like needing a final divorce decree. The small number of cases USCIS denies then go to  immigration court where a high percentage are approved.  Very few people are ultimately denied in the end of the process and lose their GC. 

[JayMar2019 2,741]

6 hours ago, Sparkle Sparkle said:

@JayMar2019I am sorry this happened to you.. I can understand how much pain you going through and how much you want him to pay for what he has done but the fact is

1. You vouched for him brought him here

2. You Co-mingled resources to a certain extent

3. You have a kid together.. (good for him from immigration stad point) 

 

Based on this 3 reasons you cannot do anything to have him removed.. Even if you write USCIS you would be seen as a scorned witch hunter and ignored. 

What you need to do is

 

1. Take your time to heal and divorce him when you want to having in mind that he needs the divorce decree for the ROC/divorce waiver🤔😡😎 (Take a moment to think about that leverage) 

 

2. If you want him totally out of your lives, you can you should start thinking ahead e.g Custody battles and Alimony. Gather all the evidence you can now and make him sign consensus /deals on child support now that you can get it without a fight. 

 

3. Look after yourself and your kids mental health.... Get medical help /check for STI's

 

4. Girl, you understand that he has been smart about it that is why he got this far with the GC, and to get what you want you have to be smart too. 

 

5. If you can get any evidence that he was married to that girl in Jamaica and is married to you too... That would interest not only USCIS but ICE too. 

 

6. Talk to a good divorce lawyer.. At least to help draft agreements etc

 

God be with you and let's all learn from this. 

I appreciate your words of encouragement and advice. This is definitely been a difficult time for me emotionally as I don't have many to vent or cry this out to.

 

I basically am over the fact that there's nothing that I can do to prevent him getting ROC and just have to deal with and live with whatever consequences that come down the path when it comes to my responsibilities based on the I-864.

 

I do intend on filing the divorce and since we have to be separated 6 months before the divorce can be finalized, the first step I have to do is first get him out of my apartment so I'm going to the post office later today to certify mail him the 30 day notice to vacate and start from there. I do intend on filing for child support - doubt I get alimony (I make way too much for that possibly to happen - another reason why I need to file the divorce before he does) and I don't want alimony. But I do and will hold him responsible to take care of our son, so yes, child support will be filed. 

 

Yes, our mental health is very important which is why I have to get him out of here. This pandemic hasn't made it even harder to deal and cope with all that is happening and it is affecting my boys because my oldest (17) hates to see me going through this and is trying is hardest to step up and be my "extra parent" when it comes to his younger brother and also just be here for his mom. Truly unfair on him and also unfair for my 9 month old because I'm sure he can sense something is wrong with me - he's gotten even more clingy to me than ever. Been checked for STI's and by the Grace of God, I'm all good there. We haven't had sex since January but I have been recently tested again for everything.

 

He wasn't married to the girl in Jamaica - just admitted to having sex with her but gave me this admission after he got here, got married and we found out I was pregnant. 

 

I will be talking to a divorce lawyer just to make sure I'm not overlooking anything - but the first step is just getting out of here so I can start to have a clear mind on how to move forward.

[JayMar2019 2,741]

6 hours ago, Boiler said:

How practical is moving in the current Pandemic?

 

He can use the evidence previously submitted the evidence does not have to be new or different.

I wasn't moving NOW. I wasn't relocating until March-June 2021 - after my oldest graduates high school.

 

And thanks for the clarity.

[JayMar2019 2,741]

5 hours ago, Villanelle said:

Plus the divorce itself is proof that there was a valid marriage. It will show how you untangled everything because in order to untangle it had to be tangled at some point.  

 

If you are truly interested in finding things to hurt his ROC then wording of fraud and/or adultery from prior to marriage through out the marriage needs to be included in the divorce.  While adultery is not a reason for denial it can be used as a reason for them determining he did not enter in good faith.  Typically people will fight against having such written in the divorce.  If he agrees to it USCIS will consider that when reviewing it, he admitted to it. . If he fights it and the judge rules to include it they will consider it as a fact found by court.  It can end up costing you a great deal in legal fees though and it may end up with an overall outcome you are not happy with if you lose.  I'm not trying to discourage you- just being realistic.  Keep your focus on what's best for you. Very few ROCs are denied.  Published numbers reflect those denied by USCIS for technical reasons like needing a final divorce decree. The small number of cases USCIS denies then go to  immigration court where a high percentage are approved.  Very few people are ultimately denied in the end of the process and lose their GC. 

After reading everyone's response, it's clear that he will get approved no matter what so it is what it is. I need to let goof the immigration part and just focus on getting him out of my life and just be a co-parent and pray that he will go on with his life with little to no effect on me. I do plan on filing the divorce under adultery, I do have hardcopy proof of evidence to attach to the divorce petition showing continued infidelity and while I know verbal admission on his behalf he can deny during the divorce hearing, I will still add that as well and cross that bridge when I get there. 

 

I'm just done being used, being disrespected, mistreated and being downright miserable. But I get what you all are saying....just let him go, divorce and move on so I can heal from the fact that I got played in the end.

[Sparkle Sparkle 914]

8 minutes ago, JayMar2019 said:

I have been recently tested again for everything.

 

Thank God..so happy for you...many might under estimate this but its very important!

 

9 minutes ago, JayMar2019 said:

I will be talking to a divorce lawyer just to make sure I'm not overlooking anything

Thats good be sure you get it all right.

10 minutes ago, JayMar2019 said:

I basically am over the fact that there's nothing that I can do to prevent him getting ROC and just have to deal with and live with whatever consequences that come down the path when it comes to my responsibilities based on the I-864.

Dont worry about that their is nothing you can do...but Karma will come for him

 

10 minutes ago, JayMar2019 said:

Truly unfair on him and also unfair for my 9 month old because I'm sure he can sense something is wrong with me - he's gotten even more clingy to me than ever

You a good Mother...God will see you through this.

[Boiler 45,445]

The first thing you need is a a Divorce Lawyer, you need guidance on what is or is not possiblr.

[NikLR 13,227]

1 hour ago, JayMar2019 said:

I wasn't moving NOW. I wasn't relocating until March-June 2021 - after my oldest graduates high school.

 

And thanks for the clarity.

You may not be allowed to move if the father doesn't allow it.  It's one of the hardest parts of being divorced with children.  That's why there was info on moving now, vs later and filing your divorce and custody in FL instead. But even that's a tricky slope. 

[JayMar2019 2,741]

1 minute ago, NikLR said:

You may not be allowed to move if the father doesn't allow it.  It's one of the hardest parts of being divorced with children.  That's why there was info on moving now, vs later and filing your divorce and custody in FL instead. But even that's a tricky slope. 

I understand that part which is why I have to talk to a divorce lawyer and see what would be the best option. 

 

The irony was we all were supposed to move to Florida next year because he hates the cold weather and has family there. 

 

Just a messy situation I got myself into unfortunately

[PatLuvO 284]

16 minutes ago, JayMar2019 said:

I understand that part which is why I have to talk to a divorce lawyer and see what would be the best option. 

 

The irony was we all were supposed to move to Florida next year because he hates the cold weather and has family there. 

 

Just a messy situation I got myself into unfortunately

You are a strong woman and a great mother. I am sorry that you are going through something like this. After the storm the sun will definitely shine again. Keep moving forward and do what’s best for you and your  children. You have a good heart and took a chance at love unfortunately it didn’t work out which is no fault of your own. It doesn’t reflect bad on you as a woman because you entered into it with pure intentions. Stay blessed and good luck.

[NikLR 13,227]

25 minutes ago, JayMar2019 said:

I understand that part which is why I have to talk to a divorce lawyer and see what would be the best option. 

 

The irony was we all were supposed to move to Florida next year because he hates the cold weather and has family there. 

 

Just a messy situation I got myself into unfortunately

You're okay. Divorce is rarely clean unless you give up everything, and at least you can say you tried. That's the part you should reflect on.  Who knows, because he wants to move there too maybe it'll be much eaiser to go. 

[JayMar2019 2,741]

Just now, PatLuvO said:

You are a strong woman and a great mother. I am sorry that you are going through something like this. After the storm the sun will definitely shine again. Keep moving forward and do what’s best for you and your  children. You have a good heart and took a chance at love unfortunately it didn’t work out which is no fault of your own. It doesn’t reflect bad on you as a woman because you entered into it with pure intentions. Stay blessed and good luck.

Thank you so much for your kinds words and support! Definitely appreciate it!

[JayMar2019 2,741]

1 minute ago, NikLR said:

You're okay. Divorce is rarely clean unless you give up everything, and at least you can say you tried. That's the part you should reflect on.  Who knows, because he wants to move there too maybe it'll be much eaiser to go. 

Maybe....I think right now, I just need to take things one step at a time. We have to be legally separated for 6 months before filing the divorce. Maybe the time apart will change things - at least for me I know it will help me think a lot clearer. Yeah, I have tried...I do believe marriages are worth fighting for if both parties are willing to fight. Maybe things will change between later down the line or not. The moving part because it's so far off, with all that is going on right now, I probably continue to put on the backburner.