Who pays for your immigration fees?

[snowcat 58]

For immigrants, I guess particularly those who immigrated through marriage, who pays for your immigration fees? Is it you (the immigrant) yourself, your US Citizen spouse, or do you split the cost? Just curious.

 

My husband has helped me pay for mine, but has also argued that I should probably shoulder the full cost since it's my immigration, not his (we both work full-time, though he earns a bit more than me). Just want to note that he's not an(removed) or anything 😅he's actually a great husband, and will help me pay for stuff if we discuss it, but that's just his rationale and I'm wondering how many other couples have the same argument lol.

Edited April 23, 2020 by Ontarkie
bypassing language filter

[Lil bear 4,201]

1 hour ago, snowcat said:

For immigrants, I guess particularly those who immigrated through marriage, who pays for your immigration fees? Is it you (the immigrant) yourself, your US Citizen spouse, or do you split the cost? Just curious.

 

My husband has helped me pay for mine, but has also argued that I should probably shoulder the full cost since it's my immigration, not his (we both work full-time, though he earns a bit more than me). Just want to note that he's not a (removed) or anything 😅he's actually a great husband, and will help me pay for stuff if we discuss it, but that's just his rationale and I'm wondering how many other couples have the same argument lol.

It’s going to be a decision that each couple makes themselves. If we were in that situation,  I wouldn’t be sitting with “ it’s your immigration not mine.. you pay for it “. My thoughts would be it’s “ our” immigration... “ our “ life choice ... “ we“ will pay for it together.  But that’s just me.  

Edited April 23, 2020 by Ontarkie
edited quote for bypassing language filter

[snowcat 58]

5 minutes ago, Lil bear said:

It’s going to be a decision that each couple makes themselves. If we were in that situation ,  I wouldn’t be sitting with “ it’s your immigration not mine.. you pay for it “. My thoughts would be it’s “ our” immigration... “ our “ life choice ... “ we“ will pay for it together.  But that’s just me.  

Yeah to be honest that's where I'm coming from too, so am a little bit hurt that my husband doesn't automatically think the same way. Can't entirely fault him for it though, I think it was the way he was raised... his family has a bit more of a  "fend for yourselves" type of mentality - especially when it comes to money, rather than a "we are family and we do everything for each other" type, which is how I grew up

Edited April 23, 2020 by snowcat

[Lil bear 4,201]

2 minutes ago, snowcat said:

Yeah to be honest that's where I'm coming from too, so am a little bit hurt that my husband doesn't automatically think the same way. Can't entirely fault him for it though, I think it was the way he was raised... his family has a bit more of a  "fend for yourselves" type of mentality - especially when it comes to money, rather than a "we are family and we do everything for each other" type, which is how I grew up

You need to realise that if that’s his approach now , it won’t change when you get here. It’s a really good opportunity to be honest and open and explain your feelings and see if he’s open to seeing things a bit differently. Don’t underestimate the challenges of those differences in being a family together. He may not have had a say on how he was raised, but he can now choose if that’s how he wants to live with you.You need to know .... 

[cd37 229]

1 hour ago, snowcat said:

For immigrants, I guess particularly those who immigrated through marriage, who pays for your immigration fees? Is it you (the immigrant) yourself, your US Citizen spouse, or do you split the cost? Just curious.

 

My husband has helped me pay for mine, but has also argued that I should probably shoulder the full cost since it's my immigration, not his (we both work full-time, though he earns a bit more than me). Just want to note that he's not an (removed) or anything 😅he's actually a great husband, and will help me pay for stuff if we discuss it, but that's just his rationale and I'm wondering how many other couples have the same argument lol.

You are both married not roommates. Shouldnt be “me” or “you”. Should be “ours”. If he is not able pay for few hundred dollars for your immigration process, how about i864 ? Is he going to ask for a legal contact about it ?

Edited April 23, 2020 by Ontarkie
edited quote for bypassing language filter

[Xyrstine 224]

We plan on joining our finances when we finally live together so at the moment it's both of us pitching in to pay for the fees and whoever can afford it at the time. We argue about who is more broke lol but that will be an age old argument for us, I think.

 

I think it starts off on a bad foot if someone is "required" to pay but I think the main reasons for someone usually being the main financer is if they are better off money wise.

Edited April 23, 2020 by Xyrstine

[snowcat 58]

Thanks for chiming in, everyone. I'm actually already in the USA with my husband. We have gone through everything already (and he's paid for a bit more than half of all immigration related stuff, especially since I didn't have a job right when I got here) and my next step is removing conditions on my green card, which I'll be doing later this year. We are very open with each other and communicate stuff like that. He understands my point of view, hence why he pays his share in the end, so it's not as if he just refuses to help. It's just not automatic to him, the whole "we are married so we should pay for everything 50/50" thing, especially when it comes to my immigration. So we have the same discussion every time we need to pay another fee for yet another immigration-related packet. Getting married and navigating shared expenses when we used to fend for ourselves is also in itself a journey, so I also try to be understanding of where he is coming from.

 

Anyway, was just curious how it is for other couples. Every one is different. But rest assured my husband and I are in a very loving, understanding, communicative relationship!

[Just Paul 4,595]

1 hour ago, snowcat said:

For immigrants, I guess particularly those who immigrated through marriage, who pays for your immigration fees? Is it you (the immigrant) yourself, your US Citizen spouse, or do you split the cost? Just curious.

 

My husband has helped me pay for mine, but has also argued that I should probably shoulder the full cost since it's my immigration, not his (we both work full-time, though he earns a bit more than me). Just want to note that he's not an (removed)or anything 😅he's actually a great husband, and will help me pay for stuff if we discuss it, but that's just his rationale and I'm wondering how many other couples have the same argument lol.

Yeah not a good start to immigration or life together.   I paid every single cent of my wife's process for immigrant entry into two countries plus all of her expenses in the process.  Even after we married and when I left (her in) Manila, I prepaid for her boarding house for three months, driving school tuition, made sure she had enough money in her PNB checking and an international credit card even tho I was planning to return in a month.  I wanted her to just focus on doing the things that were going to help her in our next steps and not have to work or borrow to cover anything that might come up.

 

Words like mine and his in regards to finances are signs of an deeper issue.  We are in the US and Mary has her job and we have a household budget.  We both contribute to that budget but we also agreed that she would be in charge of sending money back to support her family.  So part of her paycheck goes into a seperate account because she wanted to be able to track those funds. She has two credit cards in just her name to help her build credit.  (That worked so well her score is better than mine  ) That is the only mine/she/his that we have regarding finances.  If she needs something she can buy it.  If she wants to buy something on credit she doesn't need to ask permission.  If she wants/ needs to send extra money to Bohol she can do it.  If she is too busy at work she can ask me to do it and I will.  She isn't the type of person to spend negligently.   It all boils down to maturity and trust.

 

Come ROC and Naturalization time I expect that money will come out of OUR account. . .  Unless she wins the lottery.

 

 

Edited April 23, 2020 by Ontarkie
edited quote for bypassing language filter

[Nitas_man 3,100]

I pay for all of Nita’s stuff

 

Splitting immi costs is just weird

[Cndn 98]

Different strokes for different folks. My husband has paid for every cent of my immigration costs, including my flight and hotel in Montreal. But I stay home with our small children and he earns right now. We share finances anyway. 

[millefleur 5,046]

56 minutes ago, snowcat said:

It's just not automatic to him, the whole "we are married so we should pay for everything 50/50" thing, especially when it comes to my immigration.

Do you guys have any shared accounts? That's going to be something they're looking for during ROC, so just something to think about. I'm not saying it's wrong to take a 50/50 approach, but co-mingling of finances in a joint account is one of the key things they'll want to see down the road.

[snowcat 58]

14 minutes ago, millefleur said:

Do you guys have any shared accounts? That's going to be something they're looking for during ROC, so just something to think about. I'm not saying it's wrong to take a 50/50 approach, but co-mingling of finances in a joint account is one of the key things they'll want to see down the road.

Yep, we do. We have 2 actually, one for personal use and one for our business.  We have already showed those accounts to USCIS during our green card interview. The personal joint one is now the one we use to pay immigration stuff for - so less arguments now haha. We both put a little bit in there every month for joint expenses... but we still do keep majority of money we earn in our own bank accounts. It's not exactly ~romantic~ but it works for us. I also feel good having money of my own.

[snowcat 58]

1 hour ago, Nitas_man said:

I pay for all of Nita’s stuff

 

Splitting immi costs is just weird

To each their own, but I don't think splitting costs is weird if both parties work and earn pretty much the same amount every month. It seems fair to me.

Edited April 23, 2020 by snowcat

[user555 196]

Your husband needs to create an account on here so we don't just get a one-sided story. We need more of his thoughts. It sounds like even though this issue has been resolved, it's still bugging you and you're looking for a "I was right the whole time" response.

 

You said "he has also argued that I should probably shoulder the full cost".

How strong was the "probably"? He said you need to pay 100% without his help? Was that at the beginning or now?

Did your husband pay for your K1 fees, medical exam, flight, etc and now is wanting you to pay for AOS? He paid $1,200 at the beginning and he wants you to now pay the final $1,200? Splitting the costs. 

 

It sounds like he was more than willing to help out. I think a lot of it depends on the financial position of the two parties. At the time, for your initial K-1 application fee,  how long would you have had to work in order to pay for it versus your fiance? 1 month for you vs 1 week for your fiance?

 

Paul had waaaaaay more money than Mary, so naturally he'd be the one to volunteer to pay for things. 

You said the mindset in your family was "we are family and we do everything for each other". There is a cultural aspect to it. The Philippines is different from the US. From my time in the Philippines, that's been the line I've heard being used, but usually the responsible one is getting the shaft. Oh, a family member didn't plan, didn't save, or didn't work and is now in a tight spot? The financially responsible one is asked to help out. Will the financially responsible one be paid back or are they just going to have to take one for the team? It doesn't sound like helping out to me if that person is always hit up for finances. If it goes both ways, then it's helping out. 

 

For family based immigration fees, there are only 4 options: the US citizen pays for it all, the non-citizen pays for it all, shared costs between the two, or a third party (family, friends) steps in to help pay for it.  Every person has a different story. For me, I paid for my wife's fees, but then she suggested that she pay for more of our monthly bills. We both work. That worked for us. The key is communication about finaces. 

 

 

[Randyandyuni 2,682]

Whatever makes sense for you is the correct approach. I paid all fees, that was my choice.

 

do you intend on helping your family? If he is questioning helping you now, I really doubt he will consider that.

 

as others have said, have the discussion beforehand, finances often doom a marriage