Ed and Rosemarie on "90 Day Fiance." STD Tests - Thoughts?

[Hank_ 9,174]

3 hours ago, Randyandyuni said:

Not limited to Filipinas 

 

True, but I have never seen groups like with Filipinas ... they are a new experience for sure.

[jskibo 588]

Part 1 of the next episode is posted on TLC app.  Seems Ed has something to say about Rose's hairy legs   

[bolero_pa 33]

On 3/30/2020 at 8:42 AM, Hank_ said:

Some groups are known for leading a good filipina astray also ... depends on the group.   I have seen that happen.

I agree. I'd say it's near to 50-50. It sounds terrible, but many Pinays here begin trying to compete with each other in unhealthy materialistic ways or over-applying make-up and the cheap look you get when you buy into fashion trends. I recommend try to find a Pinay who is conservative and private about social media. It's a tall order, but much more stable and less drama pitfalls.

[bolero_pa 33]

On 3/29/2020 at 2:58 PM, Girandola said:

He promised her 2 children and then wants to get a vasectomy without her knowing. The dude's a snake and she should run for the hills!

I agree. There is deception on both sides. I think the producers of the show specifically promote those couples with built-in drama-to-come. 

Should Rosemarie run away? I don't believe so. She's got a kid and probably 85% of the guys they meet online don't want the added complexity of children. Her English isn't great and she may not have a marketable skill. She's not dumb, it's just that in the US it's not easy to find a decent job without decent education and good English. I'm not trying to condemn or judge her, just noting there are big hurdles to her own financial independence here. Ed has a good job. San Diego is a great place to live. He's got insecurities and strange OCD tendencies, but financially he's very stable. I don't think Rosemarie should run away.

Should Ed run away? My own opinion is Ed could actually do better. Sounds crazy; I know. Being dishonest about wanting more children is a bad look, but she has a child and knowing the culture of absentee fatherhood in the Philippines, there's a strong chance that the father never even signed the birth certificate. I'm almost certain Ed could adopt her son. Navigating the online dating scene, with all the scammers and dishonesty is difficult and time-consuming, but with more time and caution, Ed could do better. But it's a slippery slope. If he finds a woman too pretty, she might leave him. I think Rosemarie is faithful, I do wish she would not be offended about STD tests or inquiring about her past. That's concerning. Either she's hiding something, or she's not smart about why she should be happy about getting tested. It's not a bad thing. Or she has SERIOUS trust issues, which is probably the case. She might be a little bit of damaged goods with past relationships. I don't think Ed should run away, but he's going to have to invest lots of time and communication and helping her to understand that he isn't insulting or doubting her by requesting an STD test or asking about her past. I really wish he would simply have offered to also subject himself to an STD test there. Such an EASY and proper way to handle that issue. 

I think both could do better and both could do worse. Neither has come clean about themselves, but trust can develop in time. I think they make a fine couple with manageable issues to overcome and they are reasonably well-balanced in terms of looks-age difference vs. security. I'm rooting for them to both realize they are well-compatible. I see a bright future, but Ed will have to do most of the work for this relationship to work, while all she has to do is adapt to a better lifestyle and hopefully mature without resenting Ed's experience and wisdom.

[Randyandyuni 2,682]

His refusal to submit himself to the same STD test after she agreed to it cost him my vote. 
She was willing, he refused until return to the US

[flicks1998 1,044]

Hello Board,

Ive recently joined and will complete my profile soon.  Im actually in the K1 process, at the point we are just waiting for the Embassy to open up so we can do the interview.  Ive been working in Manila for the last 15 years and just recently returned to the US for this process.  My fiance is Filipina of course but her and a good part of her family live outside of the Philippines.  Ive worked in Relocation and Immigration in Manila but our company covered all of the Philippines plus SE Asia.  If you have any questions on the place, I have a ton of information I can provide, although I can be extremely critical of the Philippines after living and working there so long, my conclusions are the place is more like a facade where the truth is never easily known.  That what most foreigners will say is that its rare to ever find an honest person.  All long timers will know exactly what I am talking about.

 

Since back in the US I have seen this show but actually its quite trashy and gives us a bad rep for how its portrayed.  During all my years in the Philippines, most of the people I worked with, hung out with, etc etc were Filipinos so I gained tremendous insight on how the culture and society functions.  Some of this time I would travel to manage Filipino teams in Hong Kong or Singapore.

 

This Ed is just extremely naive.  First time in the Philippines and probably first time overseas.  There is not much more to say about it.  Ed had a legitimate question but how he asked wasnt correct.  Should never did it at the restaurant and never been so direct about it.  Her reaction was classic Filipino where she was able to eventually get Ed whimpering and apologizing and bending to her ways, even though from a health and relationship perspective he has a point.  I believe he does "love" this girl but he needs to proceed cautiously.  For her to get in his wallet like that she meant no offense at all.  That was certainly a culture misunderstanding.  Even the thing about not having pajamas.  Come on.  Ed needs to learn the culture much much more.

 

As for Rosemarie, I dont trust her at all.  True the show is heavily edited so we dont get the full perspective, but 80% of all communication is nonverbal and those non verbal cues are not giving we a good feeling about this.  Ed ask if any ex bfs are around still and obviously she says no.  What else would she say.  However, in all my years there, girls and guys tend to have the ex's around alot.  In US culture for instance, when we break up with someone, pretty much thats it.  Occasionally we may try to get together but its rare, and the longer your out of the relationship the rarer it becomes.  

 

In the Philippines, people tend to hold their exs very close to their hearts.  Even if its 1, 5 10 years later, there is always a special connection to them so it wouldnt surprise me she still had ex's around.  I guess it would be one advice to everyone here as well, is that if your fiance has ex bf or gf's around, be very very cautious about this.  Its not that they will get back together, but they will sleep together alot of the times.  Now, you cant directly ask your fiance if she/he has exs around because the answer will ALWAYS be no, but thats honestly not the case at all.  Sometimes the ex is in the same room as you could be but disguised as the cousin if they had a FIlipino ex.  Now this feeling isnt a since of getting back together with the ex, its more about reliving past times and that spark that used to be there and typically its a quick one or just overnight.  There is a reason for all of the hourly hotels around the country.  One is privacy in homes is rare as so many people live together so these hourly hotels are easy to get too.  The other though is what we would call cheating that goes on.  This occurs at every level of society, from the rich to the poor etc etc.  This is one thing that makes me quite angry with Filipino culture as many will lie, steal and cheat, but yet they portray to be so religious.  

 

Also if you really study Asian culture (and the Philippines is more like Latin American culture then Asian) Filipino's score highly in manipulative skills, kind of what we saw with Rosemarie.  I most definitely was lied to much more than told the truth when living there but thats just the way it is.  Ive had foreigners swear that their gf or bf is different but its just naiveness of what the true culture is like.  In fact, you can ask your fiances to read this post and I promise 100% will say its false or that it does occur but not to themselves.  And foreigners tend to give the benefit of the doubt and dont realize until later on the truth, if ever the full truth.

 

Sorry for the rambling post as I could write a book on the Philippines but in summary, Rosemarie is not at all telling him the truth on many many things.  

 

I will try and stay objective as much as possible but if you need information on the Philippines on where to go, what to do, how it is, where to stay, which Airbnb, which part of Manila to stay, which hotel, which places to visit, where to find things, how everything works, I moved expats in the country so I know the visa (Philippines visa process, not US), and the country inside and out. Much more so then I do the US.  I wont be here to comment on anyones particular relationship, Ill just give my thoughts on the country, etc from a high level.  

 

Most foreigners who will do well in the Philippines or in a relationship with Filipinas/Filipinos are ones who are a bit more laid back and can "forgive" being thrown a barrage of white lies peppered in with some serious ones.  The amount of lying is truly unbelievable.  I think people succussful in these relationships are the foreigners that live in a blur I guess.  Meaning you dont ever really need to know exactly whats going on around you at all times and who is doing what and everything is very clear with clear instructions etc etc.  Ones that can live in this haze of generally knowing whats going on and are OK with that will be the ones who survive the most.  If your a person who demands the truth, wants clear instructions, whats to know exactly what time your going on a date, needing to know exactly whats going on at all times, you may struggle as Filipinos just dont operate like this.

 

And last but not least, be very very careful of being manipulated.  Im dead serious on that.  Its a true art form within the country and doesnt matter if your a foreigner or a Filipino, it happens to all.

[bolero_pa 33]

Thanks, Flicks1998. Great post. Lengthy, but informative and insightful. I really enjoyed it. 
 

I’m also confident with my knowledge of the Philippines, the culture there and it’s people. Overconfident no doubt, but trying always to be open to new ideas and understandings. I’ve been 8 times to the Philippines and have traveled all over: Manila, Cebu, Mindanao, Boracay, Tacloban, Bohol, Romblon, etc. my ex wife is from Cebu and my fiancé is in the Philippines now. My son is a Filipino citizen, although only a child. I agree with much of your thoughts. I’m not as suspicious, and I’m more trusting I think, but I am nevertheless cautious. It always impressed me how little trust Filipinos have of other Filipinos who are not family members. That speaks volumes. I agree completely that Ed is very naive. That’s one reason I love that show. I particularly enjoy Pinay couples on the show. I see all the mistakes and have navigated those waters many times, having met many women and their families.

 

Last episode I know the exact cafe Ed met with Rosemarie, near Rizal Park. I’ve stayed in that neighborhood many times. I love knowing the exact locations. So yes, Ed is way out of his league and Rosemarie is very expert at manipulation. I also see that. I don’t condemn her for that. I’ve always felt that Filipinos are most expert at interpersonal relationships. It’s a skill I also possess and I really respect they’re skills at it. Filipinos are often social experts. They are masters at it. It can be weaponized and dangerous or awesome. Just make sure you are with good people. All this takes time and trust. 
 

Rosemarie is socially playing Ed like a fiddle, but I think deep down she is good and trying to be the best mother she can be. I don’t begrudge her using her social skills. Both parties need to build trust, but I still see the cup as more than half full in that relationship. 
 

 

Edited March 31, 2020 by bolero_pa
Typo

[flicks1998 1,044]

1 hour ago, bolero_pa said:

Thanks, Flicks1998. Great post. Lengthy, but informative and insightful. I really enjoyed it. 
 

I’m also confident with my knowledge of the Philippines, the culture there and it’s people. Overconfident no doubt, but trying always to be open to new ideas and understandings. I’ve been 8 times to the Philippines and have traveled all over: Manila, Cebu, Mindanao, Boracay, Tacloban, Bohol, Romblon, etc. my ex wife is from Cebu and my fiancé is in the Philippines now. My son is a Filipino citizen, although only a child. I agree with much of your thoughts. I’m not as suspicious, and I’m more trusting I think, but I am nevertheless cautious. It always impressed me how little trust Filipinos have of other Filipinos who are not family members. That speaks volumes. I agree completely that Ed is very naive. That’s one reason I love that show. I particularly enjoy Pinay couples on the show. I see all the mistakes and have navigated those waters many times, having met many women and their families.

 

 

 

Yes, its the When in Rome thing, but can be applied to how people act within similar type of people.  Its true that the only real trust are with family with the same last name, inlaws would be a relatively close 2nd.  I think were Filipinos excel at is with empathy.  Also, I think Filipinos are very adaptable as many have had to make huge changes to their lives (moving to Manila, or moving overseas) to help take care of their families, so from that aspect and moving to the US on a fiance visa is typically much easier for them compared to other nationalities.  Those are some of the good points.

 

As I said, I dont want to be to critical, I just advise extreme caution.  As you mention, I dont think Rosemarie is a bad person at all.  Im sure she is a great mother, great daughter, and so forth, but I wouldnt be surprised if there arent others in the background.  But then again, some do change and become great wives or husbands.  I think that sort of commitment sometimes forces them to change their ways.  I remember hearing and seeing not just in the Philippines but throughout Southeast Asia, where the level of commitment isnt there until the marriage happens.  A popular theme was "well we arent married yet so I can still do what I want."  That was quite common throughout.  But everyone is different.  Proceed with good intentions but be careful.