Please help, Husband is abusing me

[SunflowerSweet 1,321]

2 minutes ago, Duke & Marie said:

Incorrect, I’ve provided recommendations to her that do not condemn a guy who’s not here to defend himself, something that more of us should do or are we all blind to how slanderous remarks and accusations over social media affect people? Is that in itself not against the laws of many countries?

Everyone else’s recommendations were literally to divorce and change her address. How is that slander? How is that attacking anyone? Is it an attack to divorce someone? Are you serious right now?

 

No, it’s not against the law. There’s is not a *single* identifying characteristics in ANY of these posts. Even if there were, it’s only slander if it’s *false* and *intended only to damage someone’s reputation*. you have no idea if it’s false and absolutely no evidence to suggest it’s false. The intention of the post which should be clear to anyone who can read the TITLE was to get help in her situation. 

[laylalex 7,285]

I am not a lawyer, but I am pretty sure that for it to be libel, the person has to be identifiable. I can't tell who the OP's husband is.

 

Just my two pennies. 

[Boiler 45,525]

3 minutes ago, laylalex said:

I am not a lawyer, but I am pretty sure that for it to be libel, the person has to be identifiable. I can't tell who the OP's husband is.

 

Just my two pennies. 

I think it is two cents in America?

[Lemonslice 4,852]

13 minutes ago, Duke & Marie said:

Incorrect, I’ve provided recommendations to her that do not condemn a guy who’s not here to defend himself, something that more of us should do or are we all blind to how slanderous remarks and accusations over social media affect people? Is that in itself not against the laws of many countries?

Any recommendation to reconcile without knowing the facts can put the victim in danger. 

If she "misread" the situation, let's have her counselor tell her it would be safe to go back/contact her spouse.  

 

Safety first.  

 

No one knows anyone on a public forum - it can be a made up story, it can be a true crisis

He can defend himself if/when he's accused. 

[Kennytowel 0]

If you haven't left him I will have said keep hiding cameras in the house to capture one or two of such episodes as evidence before moving out. 

So as to give you a strong case.

But as it is get an attorney to guide you.

[laylalex 7,285]

10 minutes ago, Boiler said:

I think it is two cents in America?

It's what my mom says. Blame her.

[SunflowerSweet 1,321]

4 minutes ago, laylalex said:

It's what my mom says. Blame her.

I think it’s just a play on the original “two cents” expression. I’ve definitely heard it before. I’ve always thought it was cute!

[Duke & Marie 1,389]

10 minutes ago, Lemonslice said:

let's have her counselor tell her it would be safe to go back/contact her spouse.  

Exactly what I said.. I never mentioned go home, place herself at harm or reconcil I said get marriage guidance.. simple, it’s not our place to be judge or jury or to say get divorced

[Boiler 45,525]

5 minutes ago, laylalex said:

It's what my mom says. Blame her.

More of a compliment, pre decimal.

[SunflowerSweet 1,321]

There were a bunch of reasons that led to my divorce, but my last straw was being called expletives in a 7-11 parking lot because I was having a panic attack over him refusing to pull over any earlier and buy motor oil after the oil light went on. He just kept driving for miles in heavy traffic! I was out of my mind worried the car was going to stall in the middle of bumper to bumper. It was all MUCH milder than what OP is describing.

 

I didn’t seek marriage counseling first. I’m emotionally intelligent enough to tell that I wasn’t happy and didn’t want to be with someone who had the capacity to be so cruel to me in a moment where I needed support. There’s nothing even the best marriage counselor in the world could have done that would have changed anything.

 

I’m happier now.

[SunflowerSweet 1,321]

12 minutes ago, Duke & Marie said:

I’ve got no idea what religion has to do with this, but FYI no I’m not actually, I’m a non believer. But you obviously have issues if you so eagerly attack people who feel it’s only fair that both sides of a story are heard before judgment is made.. Democrat, by any chance?

I was just trying to understand why divorce is somehow such a horrible and unfair thing for OP to do in this case, at least in your eyes. It was more of a joke, I just know how big a deal divorce is to Catholics because of my family.

 

My intention was to give legitimacy to OP’s story and stop your gaslighting. If I attacked this hypothetical anonymous man that may have abused his wife in the process, oops?

 

The fun part of all of this is that the other side of the story is irrelevant if all she wants to do is leave with her greencard. Like you’ve said, she has status. New York is a no-fault divorce start so she’s free to peace out for any reason she wants.

 

Which again, makes there absolutely no reason for her to be lying. But keep clinging to that.

I am a Democrat. Was it my concern that DV is a bad thing that gave it away?

Edited February 26, 2020 by MorganandMichael

[Duke & Marie 1,389]

6 minutes ago, MorganandMichael said:

I was just trying to understand why divorce is somehow such a horrible and unfair thing for OP to do in this case, at least in your eyes. It was more of a joke, I just know how big a deal divorce is to Catholics because of my family.

Divorce in my eye isn’t a horrible thing, and after being placed in ICU for 6 weeks from a violent ex who almost killed me and who is still subject to a 10 year restraining order, i can very much say NO DV is not a joke be you catholic or not

 

But I can very much say, you and nobody else knows what goes on behind closed doors or what someone’s motive is, what we do know is that this is not an immigration issue, it’s a marriage one in which case she needs marriage guidance as to what is in her best interest based on the full details of events provided by both parties via an independent third party and not from someone posting on a self-help immigration web site who states their responses based on onsided stories.

[SunflowerSweet 1,321]

Just now, Duke & Marie said:

NO DV is not a joke be you catholic or not

You literally referred to an instance of verbal abuse as “fun and games” in your first post.

 

Forgive me if that makes this seem shallow, now.

[SunflowerSweet 1,321]

7 minutes ago, Duke & Marie said:

Divorce in my eye isn’t a horrible thing, and after being placed in ICU for 6 weeks from a violent ex who almost killed me and who is still subject to a 10 year restraining order, i can very much say NO DV is not a joke be you catholic or not

 

But I can very much say, you and nobody else knows what goes on behind closed doors or what someone’s motive is, what we do know is that this is not an immigration issue, it’s a marriage one in which case she needs marriage guidance as to what is in her best interest based on the full details of events provided by both parties via an independent third party and not from someone posting on a self-help immigration web site who states their responses based on onsided stories.

Earlier in this post you mentioned it didn’t make sense that OP’s husband went from being a good person to being nasty and mean to her. Was the ex who abused you an outright abuser from the beginning, or was it always obvious to you that it was going to happen?

 

If it’s the former, why would you think the change in personality OP reported doesn't make sense?

 

If it’s the later, I sincerely hope that before they hurt you, you didn’t go to a friend/family/ANYONE and tell them your concerns only to be told you should try and keep working things out. That would be putting you in danger. Exactly like your instructions could possibly be doing in this case.

[SunflowerSweet 1,321]

The OP posted a thread looking for help. She explained her situation. People provided appropriate advice based on the situation she presented. The thread was operating as intended.

 

There was literally no reason to take it any deeper than that. Here you are though, still digging despite the multiple people pointing out the ridiculousness of it. You could sit here for days and think of “what if’s” for hypothetical “other sides” of the story. Why? It adds absolutely no value of any sort at any level.

 

It’s late. People have chimed in and more than enough and you still don’t seem to get it. It’s on you at this point.