Please help, Husband is abusing me

[SunflowerSweet 1,321]

46 minutes ago, Duke & Marie said:

I’m not trying to guilt anyone into doing anything. And my husband tells me I’m his all the time, but dosent make me his property.

 

But like I said, there are always two sides to a story and there are clear communications issues, it’s also extremely odd that throughout the whole process he was kind and loving and then suddenly 1 month after her arrival he’s abusive for no apparent reason?

 

Like seriously, You can’t or shouldn’t be telling people to go file for a divorce based on one side of a stories over what appears to be one maybe two mentioned arguments or comments.. this is clearly a family issue not immigration and for all we know, the guy could be totally innocent of all accusations, hence saying go get family guidance assistance.

“You’re mine“ in a loving way =/= “you are my property”. Please don’t tell me I need to explain the difference to you.
 

Virtually all abusers start out kind and loving though. That’s how people end up in abusive relationships. I thought that was basically common knowledge at this point. This would not be the first instance of someone coming to the US and finding out the person they moved to be with isn’t as sweet and loving as they thought. Happens literally All. The. Time. You made it sound like this could all be “Having fun or teasing” but threatening to call immigration authorities and holding her green card if it’s delivered to their old address is NOT a joke? Like did that make you laugh or something? 

 

OP isn’t just accusing her husband of abuse for fun. She’s literally pleading for help as someone who believes she is being abused. Advising her to work things out is frankly a dangerous suggestion without knowing the particulars. She doesn’t seem to want to get back together with this man, and if it was bad enough that she ran in the middle of the night to get away and rented and Airbnb for a MONTH, that’s not nothing.

Edited February 26, 2020 by MorganandMichael

[Zoeeeeeee 797]

1 hour ago, Duke & Marie said:

Given we’ve only got one side of the story and that it’s odd that his attitude has changed so drastically so soon after your arrival I’d recommend family and/or marriage guidance. 

 

If you dont understand what’s being said, how do you know they were making fun of you? Of course your accent is different, many of us have that same issue, it may well become a point of fun... ive been asked to read a phone book just so people can hear it, is it making fun? Are you a foreigner? Yes you are, it’s a factual point..j is it mean or embarrassing no, they’re just having fun or teasing..  I think a lot of miss communication going on.. 

Since you've never met the OP or her husband and you have no involvement in their relationship, I don't think it's your place to decide whether "they're just having fun or teasing" or that "a lot of miscommunication is going on". I think the OP would know a lot better.

[MiriamK 24]

1 hour ago, Duke & Marie said:

Given we’ve only got one side of the story and that it’s odd that his attitude has changed so drastically so soon after your arrival I’d recommend family and/or marriage guidance. 

 

If you dont understand what’s being said, how do you know they were making fun of you? Of course your accent is different, many of us have that same issue, it may well become a point of fun... ive been asked to read a phone book just so people can hear it, is it making fun? Are you a foreigner? Yes you are, it’s a factual point..j is it mean or embarrassing no, they’re just having fun or teasing..  I think a lot of miss communication going on.. 

I don't think you understood what I wrote, who is they?

my husband embarrassed me in the middle of the store, he yelled "are you a moron? can't you understand what he said?" and then kept yelling at me that I am stupid while I was at the cash register trying to pay.

Everyone at the store were staring at us, at me, probably feeling sorry for me.

[MiriamK 24]

He called me sand *** and only today I learned what this means, I am from the middle east. 

[MiriamK 24]

He keeps texting me that he has my SSN and he will find me,  No this is not teasing. 

[laylalex 7,285]

I am the USC, and I was the one who was on the receiving end of the emotional abuse. I overlooked a bunch of red flags in the years leading up to our marriage. It got significantly worse when he got here. He's a smart guy, handsome, charming, rich. He looked great to everyone who was on the outside of our marriage because I hid my pain for years. It was too embarrassing, and I thought if I just tried harder and loved him the way he wanted and was the type of wife he wanted, everything would work out. There were times that it seemed like we were healing, when he was the beautiful, sweet boy I fell in love with, but then things would change rapidly and without warning. He called me terrible names, made fun of me, kept me on eggshells, gaslighted me for years. YEARS. 

 

I got out, six years after we married. The OP shouldn't have to wait that long. Good on her for realizing that now and that she doesn't deserve a life like this. No one deserves to be treated like this.

 

OP, there's some good advice in here -- get a PO Box, file a change of address. LEAVE if you believe that you should. Trust your instincts. You know what's acceptable and what's not. ❤️ 

Edited February 26, 2020 by laylalex

[SunflowerSweet 1,321]

2 minutes ago, MiriamK said:

He keeps texting me that he has my SSN and he will find me,  No this is not teasing. 

I’m so sorry that not only do you have to defend yourself from your husband, but now you’re being forced to defend yourself here when you came looking for help. That’s awful.

 

If the PO Box option won’t work, could you maybe ask your workplace if you could list that address for delivery purposes? We had an issue with mail getting delivered when we moved into a new construction, and used that as a stopgap measure until things got sorted out. I’m not sure about how that will work with delivery, I know USCIS has been weird in a few cases about where they will deliver. Even so, having it bounce back from an address you know is probably safer than your husband getting his hands on it.

 

Stay strong 💕

[Lemonslice 4,852]

Some states offer a safe address program to redirect your mail, here's the link for Massachusetts:

https://www.sec.state.ma.us/acp/acpidx.htm

 

If you need assistance in your region, you can reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, they're there for you.-

 

https://www.thehotline.org/

[MiriamK 24]

I asked a friend to use his address I hope they'll deliver it to the right place

[bakphx1 789]

Since you aren’t on a conditional visa, he really can’t do much about that.  Though he may threaten as that’s what bullies do.

 

Start by looking for domestic abuse assistance in your area or hotlines.  Here is a national one that may give you more options.  https://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/  Communicate with anyone and everyone you trust and let them know you need help.  People around you may have noticed but didn’t have enough information about the situation to speak up.

[Duke & Marie 1,389]

4 hours ago, Zoeeeeeee said:

Since you've never met the OP or her husband and you have no involvement in their relationship, I don't think it's your place to decide whether "they're just having fun or teasing" or that "a lot of miscommunication is going on". I think the OP would know a lot better.

Yet apparently it’s ok for y’all to condem a man of DV based on unsubstantiated accusations made by her in his absence, that’s kind of hypocritical.

 

If you’d had read my post correctly, I was referring to how people have spoken to me in reference to teasing and having fun regarding accent etc and noted his alledge comment about her being a foreigner as factually correct..

 

i also suggested marriage guidance since like you said “non of us have met the op or her husband or have involvement in their relationship”  particularly given there are generally 3 sides a a story, his, hers and the truth which is usually somewhere in the middle.. 

 

her green card is safe she has a 10 year unconditional, he cannot have her deported.. therefore this is not an immigration issue it’s a marital one. 

 

Edited February 26, 2020 by Duke & Marie

[Joh@ 0]

Contact USCIS immediately.  This can also be helpful 

https://my.uscis.gov/exploremyoptions/green_card_battered_spouse_or_child_or_parent

The law protects you,  don't fear.  

[Boiler 45,525]

2 minutes ago, Joh@ said:

Contact USCIS immediately.  This can also be helpful 

https://my.uscis.gov/exploremyoptions/green_card_battered_spouse_or_child_or_parent

The law protects you,  don't fear.  

She has a Green Card.

[SunflowerSweet 1,321]

37 minutes ago, Duke & Marie said:

Yet apparently it’s ok for y’all to condem a man of DV based on unsubstantiated accusations made by her in his absence, that’s kind of hypocritical.

 

If you’d had read my post correctly, I was referring to how people have spoken to me in reference to teasing and having fun regarding accent etc and noted his alledge comment about her being a foreigner as factually correct..

 

i also suggested marriage guidance since like you said “non of us have met the op or her husband or have involvement in their relationship”  particularly given there are generally 3 sides a a story, his, hers and the truth which is usually somewhere in the middle.. 

 

her green card is safe she has a 10 year unconditional, he cannot have her deported.. therefore this is not an immigration issue it’s a marital one. 

 

The majority of this people in this thread are actually focusing mostly on helping the OP, not just condemning the guy. No one was really even focused on him until you felt the need to defend his honor?? For some reason?? He a drinking buddy of yours or something?
 

“Won’t anyone think of this poor man??” Why? OP is the one here asking for help. What reason does she have to make up a story like this on an immigration forum?

 

Are you one of those people think women cry rape for attention?

 

Until she has the actual green card in hand, she’s right to be concerned on an immigration basis if it’s right now set to be send to his address. Hence the suggestions to get a P.O. Box, use a friend’s address, etc 🙄

Edited February 26, 2020 by MorganandMichael

[Duke & Marie 1,389]

4 minutes ago, MorganandMichael said:

The majority of this people in this thread are focusing on helping the OP, not just condemning the guy. Interesting that’s not your priority also. 

Incorrect, I’ve provided recommendations to her that do not condemn a guy who’s not here to defend himself, something that more of us should do or are we all blind to how slanderous remarks and accusations over social media affect people? Is that in itself not against the laws of many countries?