Issues with my in-laws

[Mallick 37]

Hi everyone I need some help. I am a permanent resident in California. I came here 1 year ago. My visa category  is 1r1 which is conditional residence. I have a good relationship with my wife but my wife family doesn’t want me and my wife to live separate, and the reason is my wife earns a lot. She works for federal government and her parents want her money even they take all her money and they don’t give it to her . I earn average. They are just making excuses with my job that you don’t earn a lot and we can’t let you live separate. Even we both earn enough where we can easily live separate. My wife doesn’t want to go with me  because of their parents they provoke her against me . Her parents specially his dad is so annoying he just want me to follow his rules which I don’t want. As a paksitani Muslim background no one treats her son in law the way they treat me.. in this condition I want to leave my wife and go back to my country . I just want to know is there any other way where I can still live in America with my green card.? Coz I have to remove my condition too for 10 years permanent green card 

Edited February 14, 2020 by Mallick

[Mallick 37]

5 minutes ago, Mallick said:

Hi everyone I need some help. I am permanent resident in California. I came here 1 year ago. My visa category  is 1r1 which is conditional residence. I have a good relationship with my wife but my wife family doesn’t want me and my wife to live separate, and the reason is my wife earns a lot. She works for department of homeland security and her parents want her money. I earn average. They are just making excuses with my job that you don’t earn a lot and we can’t let you live separate. Even we both earn enough where we can easily live separate. My wife doesn’t want to go with me  because of their parents they provoke her against me . Her parents specially his dad is so annoying he just want me to follow his rules which I don’t want. As a paksitani Muslim background no one treats her son in law the way they treat me.. in this condition I want to leave my wife and go back to my country . I just want to know is there any other way where I can still live in America with my green card.? Coz I have to remove my condition too for 10 years permanent green card 

My God knows my intention I want to live with my wife but if my wife doesn’t want to live with me because of their parents then what should I do? Who will give me justice ? 

[SorrowL 138]

You can remove conditions on a LPR card after divorce, with a divorce waiver and providing evidence the relationship was bona fide.

 

as to what you should do regarding your situation, that’s something you’ll need to figure out. The pursuit of happiness is in the Declaration of Independence, so pursue your happiness.

[Mallick 37]

2 minutes ago, SorrowL said:

You can remove conditions on a LPR card after divorce, with a divorce waiver and providing evidence the relationship was bona fide.

 

as to what you should do regarding your situation, that’s something you’ll need to figure out. The pursuit of happiness is in the Declaration of Independence, so pursue your happiness.

We have joint bank account some pictures of our vacation we filed tax return together, That’s all evidence I have

[Sad.wasi 32]

49 minutes ago, Mallick said:

Hi everyone I need some help. I am a permanent resident in California. I came here 1 year ago. My visa category  is 1r1 which is conditional residence. I have a good relationship with my wife but my wife family doesn’t want me and my wife to live separate, and the reason is my wife earns a lot. She works for federal government and her parents want her money even they take all her money and they don’t give it to her . I earn average. They are just making excuses with my job that you don’t earn a lot and we can’t let you live separate. Even we both earn enough where we can easily live separate. My wife doesn’t want to go with me  because of their parents they provoke her against me . Her parents specially his dad is so annoying he just want me to follow his rules which I don’t want. As a paksitani Muslim background no one treats her son in law the way they treat me.. in this condition I want to leave my wife and go back to my country . I just want to know is there any other way where I can still live in America with my green card.? Coz I have to remove my condition too for 10 years permanent green card 

Can you send me a private message to my inbox ? I will explain later 

[Ontarkie 14,221]

~~Moved to Effects of Major Family Changes, from Bringing Family - as similar threads are discussed here.~~

[Boiler 45,486]

Why do not you both leave. Sounds toxic.

[laylalex 7,284]

I had a very interfering mother in law. Nothing I could do was right, ever, and my ex would not hear a word against her. I forced the point eventually by refusing to move to his country, where she would be closer to us. If she had had her way, we would have lived at least part time in her tiny village. No way! 

 

When you marry someone, sure, their family comes along too. But they have NO business dictating how fully grown, adult people should conduct their own marriages. As I see it, you have two options. One (and I think this is more likely), divorce and move on. You can lift conditions with a divorce waiver and get your 10 year green card. Go live an awesome life without this girl-child of a wife. Or two, help your wife extract herself from this toxic, claustrophobic mess of a marriage, recommit and move far away. Go have an awesome life together with your wife, away from her family. 

 

Good luck. You don't need this mess.

[DNA-VC 9]

I completely get what you are talking about; have seen it enough times, but you guys did marry to spend a life together and it is evident from what you have written that your wife is being financially abused. And when you have been part of something like this long enough, you find not so wrong. Maybe you should help her see it from the real perspective, a non-abused one and that takes time and effort. Instead of "them" and "they", talk to her about "us", building a future together and she can't do that with anyone if her family intervenes and financially manipulates her. She needs to know that it is as much about her as it is about you both, especially her spending her hard earned money on people who only care about what she brings in and not her well being and happiness. Quitting is easier but rarely one would regret taking the hard road for a loved one. I hope you two figure it out. All the best! 

[African Zealot 1,455]

After just one year together you’re ready to divorce your wife because her parents have a greater hold over her than you do? Isn’t that typical for patriarchal cultures like yours where it takes some time for a young couple to become truly independent of their parents and in-laws? Don’t you think you’ve not yet done enough to earn her loyalty, I mean you’ve just been in her life perhaps a couple years and lived with her once while they’ve been in hers for twenty something or more years.

 

And if you love her, wouldn’t you want to put a little more time into extricating her from the grip of her parents who are supposedly financially abusing her? Loyalty typically grows with time.

 

You mean you didn’t know these things or had hints of it before coming to America on her sponsorship? You claim you have a good relationship with your wife but simultaneously you want to divorce her? Well others have already answered your question so I don’t really have much to add.

 

Good luck with whichever choice you decide to go with.

 

 

Edited February 14, 2020 by Ray.Bonaquist

[Mike E 11,739]

I cannot tell if the problem is her parents want her daughter and you to live together or if the problem is her parents want her daughter and you to live apart.  
 

If you live apart, you might be denied your removal of conditions petition.  

[Letspaintcookies 2,310]

1 hour ago, Mike E said:

I cannot tell if the problem is her parents want her daughter and you to live together or if the problem is her parents want her daughter and you to live apart.  
 

If you live apart, you might be denied your removal of conditions petition.  

They're living with their in-laws and mom and dad don't want them to move out and build their own life because the daughter is supporting them financially.

[ohcoffeeeyes 120]

Okay honest to god why don't you just push an ultimatum to your wife. If they're financially abusing her like you say then why don't you ask her "Why do they need all that money? Don't they have their social security? Don't you want to be your own person? Can't they get a part-time job at least?" I don't know how your relationship is but if you want to have a life with her separate from meddling in-laws (and trust me... I know meddling in-laws, luckily for me, my wife understands they're annoying) you need to speak up, tell her it is driving you insane and you are a grown man who doesn't want to be stuck in their parents house.

 

And you can get a removals waiver I think after 2 years but you'd need to live together first and have proof of that I'm p sure.

[Duke & Marie 1,389]

I think divorce as mentioned by some, is a little rough and too early to be thinking about.

 

maybe explain how you feel a little better to the wife, say it’s time to stand on own two feet like most responsible married couples.. start browsing reasonably affordable rental properties online (close to parents would reassure them your not stealing her away if they’re that way inclined), show her new love nest and Dreams of what could be.. most women wouldn’t be able to resist.. 

 

if shes glued to mommies skirt however, you might need to be a little more patient / persuasive.. 

 

with ref to having to follow her fathers rules, well, it is his house.. so his roof his rules, sorry 😐 with ref to the finances, it’s tricky especially if she’s been giving up her wages for a long time, try learn why, if it’s just controlling behaviour, then take it up with the wife, but be careful not to try place a wedge between parents/child.. it could back fire on you, they’ve been there for her her whole life, she has obligations to help them too if they are broke.. 

 

Edited February 15, 2020 by Duke & Marie