First Degree Assault while on Temporary Greencard

[Boiler 45,887]

37 minutes ago, VALU said:

Curious to know what was said... Gosh! You guys are on top of your game and remove comments fast!

If you are subscribed to a thread you receive notifications.

 

I think all we can say and all we agree upon is that the situation is precarious to say the least.

 

 

[user555 196]

Is it worth it to keep the guy around? Having a spouse threaten their partner with a knife, and he's only been in this country for a short time, would have me wanting a quick deportation! 

[Loren Y 2,756]

You want to get the case dismissed if at all possible. that will be your saving grace. Plead down to a lesser charge is the minimum you want. A good criminal attorney is the first thing to worry about. The state has to prove beyond a reasonable doubt this happened. If the spouse is the only witness and doesn't testify the prosecution will bail on trying for a conviction. If the police showed up and witness him holding the knife waving it around ( I know the body cams we use can see a needle in a haystack in the pitch black darkness) he will have to go for a plea bargain as if they have police witnesses, and video, individual is done, and won't stand a chance. Start with the criminal attorney first, and see what can be done, if you can't get the charge dropped or reduced, save the money you would spend on a immigration attorney to buy him a plane ticket back to his country. That is the cold hard facts, hate to be the bearer of bad news.

[VALU 55]

I agree that a spouse like that is not worth having around.

 

However, depending on the situation and all other things considered, if the abusive spouse is willing to get help and actually gets help (therapy, attend anger management classes) and the couple attends marriage counseling together to save their marriage etc., then it's probably worth a second chance. But the couple should separate and live apart for awhile. Only if a noticeable change is seen in the abusing spouse after getting help, and that they have truly learned their lesson and want to make their marriage work,  and if the other spouse feels safe and they don't feel like they and the children will be in danger, only then should they try again.... 

 

But like I said, it all depends on what's on the table and if amends have been taken to get help. Do you all agree or not? Some of these spouses come from countries where such things are common and not frowned upon as much. But this is America. A big no to domestic abuse or face the consequences....

Edited January 26, 2020 by VALU

[VALU 55]

32 minutes ago, Loren Y said:

You want to get the case dismissed if at all possible. that will be your saving grace. Plead down to a lesser charge is the minimum you want. A good criminal attorney is the first thing to worry about. The state has to prove beyond a reasonable doubt this happened. If the spouse is the only witness and doesn't testify the prosecution will bail on trying for a conviction. If the police showed up and witness him holding the knife waving it around ( I know the body cams we use can see a needle in a haystack in the pitch black darkness) he will have to go for a plea bargain as if they have police witnesses, and video, individual is done, and won't stand a chance. Start with the criminal attorney first, and see what can be done, if you can't get the charge dropped or reduced, save the money you would spend on a immigration attorney to buy him a plane ticket back to his country. That is the cold hard facts, hate to be the bearer of bad news.

I'm thinking that he probably confirmed the spouse account when the police asked him what happened, before arresting him. So maybe that will get him, even if the spouse decides not to testify against him.

[Orangesapples 1,954]

4 hours ago, VALU said:

State of Maryland. If you threaten anyone with a weapon (knife, gun etc) it is 1st degree Assault even if the knife didn't touch them and no injuries occurred. They take it even more seriously when it's domestic related. In this case, the knife didn't touch spouse and no injuries. The police, not spouse, filed their own charges as a result not sure why. They asked the spouse if she wanted to file charges, which she was willing to do but the police later decided to file their own charges instead. I guess to prevent charges from being withdrawn by spouse at a later stage...

 

 

The prosecutor decides whether to file charges or not, not the police, they just submit the report. 

Edited January 26, 2020 by Orangesapples

[Orangesapples 1,954]

2 hours ago, user555 said:

Is it worth it to keep the guy around? Having a spouse threaten their partner with a knife, and he's only been in this country for a short time, would have me wanting a quick deportation! 

Yep, such people should not receive immigration benefits. 

[Going through 5,671]

9 hours ago, VALU said:

However, depending on the situation and all other things considered, if the abusive spouse is willing to get help and actually gets help (therapy, attend anger management classes) and the couple attends marriage counseling together to save their marriage etc., then it's probably worth a second chance. But the couple should separate and live apart for awhile. Only if a noticeable change is seen in the abusing spouse after getting help, and that they have truly learned their lesson and want to make their marriage work,  and if the other spouse feels safe and they don't feel like they and the children will be in danger, only then should they try again.... 

 

But like I said, it all depends on what's on the table and if amends have been taken to get help. Do you all agree or not?  Some of these spouses come from countries where such things are common and not frowned upon as much.

I know of countries where such things as machismo attitudes abound...where the man is the head of the household, and the woman is generally the subservient, etc. 

 

I know of no countries where threatening a spouse with a knife is a common occurrence in everyday marriage.

 

My parents came from a country where domestic violence laws weren't even created until the early 1980s.

 

As for the part of your post about making amends and the violent spouse learning their lesson through counselling, and whether members agree with that stance?---

 

I believe in forgiveness, and I believe that people can change certain behaviours.  But I also believe that there are other certain behaviors which are prone to escalate, not diminish, over time.

 

Call me harsh, but as much as I can love a person?  Even the father of my children?  There's no going back from that.  And I'm not putting myself---or any children---in a situation where it might happen again, or worse.  No promises in the world from someone who did that to me once is going to make me believe something won't happen again.  This time she was lucky.  Next time he might fly in a rage and beat her up.  Next time his mind may be in a place where she won't even see it coming and he slits her throat while she's sleeping.  

 

It only takes one time for someone to threaten me with a knife for me to realize the relationship is over completely.  But that's just my view on it.

 

[FaithProfessoR 171]

12 hours ago, VALU said:

State of Maryland. If you threaten anyone with a weapon (knife, gun etc) it is 1st degree Assault even if the knife didn't touch them and no injuries occurred. They take it even more seriously when it's domestic related. In this case, the knife didn't touch spouse and no injuries. The police, not spouse, filed their own charges as a result not sure why. They asked the spouse if she wanted to file charges, which she was willing to do but the police later decided to file their own charges instead. I guess to prevent charges from being withdrawn by spouse at a later stage...

 

 

Correct Maryland does that! Used to live there and police tends to do that. I got a friend that the boyfriend hit her and she never wanted to file against him (domestic violence) but the police charges the guy anyways. But like the others has said A lawyer should be need it in order to deal with the government 

[kzielu 1,149]

12 minutes ago, FaithProfessoR said:

Correct Maryland does that! Used to live there and police tends to do that. I got a friend that the boyfriend hit her and she never wanted to file against him (domestic violence) but the police charges the guy anyways. But like the others has said A lawyer should be need it in order to deal with the government 

It is done for a reason. Typically in DV situations abused spouses withdraw charges after a while (for many reasons - not a good place here to explain it) and get themselves in a constant circle of abuse. It is for their own good - which is why I don't quite understand many member's here willingness to help abuser.  If he / she did that once, it's going to happen again and it may be or likely will be worse than first time. 

 

(have a very close prosecutor friend and hear about cases like this every single day - unfortunately).

Edited January 26, 2020 by kzielu

[xyz12345 260]

1 hour ago, Going through said:

I know of countries where such things as machismo attitudes abound...where the man is the head of the household, and the woman is generally the subservient, etc. 

 

I know of no countries where threatening a spouse with a knife is a common occurrence in everyday marriage.

 

My parents came from a country where domestic violence laws weren't even created until the early 1980s.

 

As for the part of your post about making amends and the violent spouse learning their lesson through counselling, and whether members agree with that stance?---

 

I believe in forgiveness, and I believe that people can change certain behaviours.  But I also believe that there are other certain behaviors which are prone to escalate, not diminish, over time.

 

Call me harsh, but as much as I can love a person?  Even the father of my children?  There's no going back from that.  And I'm not putting myself---or any children---in a situation where it might happen again, or worse.  No promises in the world from someone who did that to me once is going to make me believe something won't happen again.  This time she was lucky.  Next time he might fly in a rage and beat her up.  Next time his mind may be in a place where she won't even see it coming and he slits her throat while she's sleeping.  

 

It only takes one time for someone to threaten me with a knife for me to realize the relationship is over completely.  But that's just my view on it.

 

It can happen between siblings too. After 15 years (and that was 15 years ago), no more intense hatred but I didn't realize that it still can be agitating by simply being placed in a same room full of people at their home. Glad though that he has been nice to my sis-in-law (and no kids) but I can't ever call him by his name -- he's just my sister's older brother.

[Boiler 45,887]

The victim does not decide whether to prosecute, may well be a witness.

[midwinterrose 277]

12 hours ago, VALU said:

I agree that a spouse like that is not worth having around.

 

However, depending on the situation and all other things considered, if the abusive spouse is willing to get help and actually gets help (therapy, attend anger management classes) and the couple attends marriage counseling together to save their marriage etc., then it's probably worth a second chance. But the couple should separate and live apart for awhile. Only if a noticeable change is seen in the abusing spouse after getting help, and that they have truly learned their lesson and want to make their marriage work,  and if the other spouse feels safe and they don't feel like they and the children will be in danger, only then should they try again.... 

 

But like I said, it all depends on what's on the table and if amends have been taken to get help. Do you all agree or not? Some of these spouses come from countries where such things are common and not frowned upon as much. But this is America. A big no to domestic abuse or face the consequences....

NEVER stay with someone who threatens you with physical violence.  Period.  There is no lesson to be learned--every single person knows that hurting your spouse/partner is wrong.  What do you expect him to do, apologize and say, "I didn't realize that threatening you with a knife was inappropriate, I won't do it again, I now see the error of my ways"?  He has no respect for her and he feels some kind of ownership over her if he behaves that way, and no healthy relationship can happen in such an environment.  There is no coming back from domestic violence or the threat of it.  I hope he gets deported and she can move on with her life.

[Sarge21555 206]

First step, the person who had the issue should post the question.  This way, we can advise better and not have the message passed on which can get lost in translation.

[VALU 55]

8 minutes ago, radharose said:

NEVER stay with someone who threatens you with physical violence.  Period.  There is no lesson to be learned--every single person knows that hurting your spouse/partner is wrong.  What do you expect him to do, apologize and say, "I didn't realize that threatening you with a knife was inappropriate, I won't do it again, I now see the error of my ways"?  He has no respect for her and he feels some kind of ownership over her if he behaves that way, and no healthy relationship can happen in such an environment.  There is no coming back from domestic violence or the threat of it.  I hope he gets deported and she can move on with her life.

Apparently, the intent was to "scare the spouse" and not "cause injury." Either way, it is wrong. There are marriages who have been saved after a domestic violence dispute. That's why I say with an open mind that it depends on the amends taken after, depending on the degree of the assault/violence:

 

- separate

- Abuser get help and attend anger management classes

- Therapy

- Marriage counseling 

 

If all the above and more take place and it's safe and worth a try to save the marriage and both couples want to save their marriage, then why not. Every situation is different.

 

Would you stay with a spouse who slapped you, even once? That is physical abuse too. The question is, is your marriage worth saving? Is your spouse violent? Are his threatening actions beyond repair? Etc.