Implications of divorce before ROC on Green card

[Mike&Lulu Burton 85]

I need advice here visa journeys. I know it might sound suspicious to USCIS when somebody gets divorced way before the ROC time comes.

I have known my husband for 20 years and we got married in April 2019, Green card was issued in December 2019.

I noticed dating sites emails coming to his spam since I moved in and I tried to be calmed and just took it as unwanted publicity. I also noticed a woman emailing him since 2016 asking why she was blocked and that she would have wanted them to work out.

Bottom line, I discovered she was his friend since 2014, she visited him in 2016 for 4 days, he blocked her months after that and she kept sending emails that went to the spam folder, but in November 2019 before my green card interview I traveled to my country with my EAD for a few days and medical purposes, when I got back I found out that he had been talking to her and found photos showing him her naked body. I also found an email from him where he tells her that unfortunately he cannot be with her at this moment and that he wouldn't want to cheat on his wife.

I took a long breath and have been checking his emails once in a while. She has emailed him around 7 times since November, she is supposedly still blocked in his phone. 

 

This morning I found 3 emails from her, all of them go to the spam so he was not able to see them, she tells him she got his text that says the following:

Hi sandy, I am sorry I haven’t communicated better. I am stuck and unsure of myself. I miss you and want to be with you but the reality is that I am married for better or worse. To continue to entertain the thought of being with you is unfair and unrealistic to us both.

 

Right after I tried to order on our amazon account and I found out he placed an order for her last week, and 15 minutes later of placing the order he cancelled it maybe thinking I would notice. But he didn't delete the shipping address, so when I wanted to check out from my order the default shipping address is hers.

I definitely cannot keep closing my eyes and thinking that his ¨I love you¨ are truth, I tried to think that it was not cheating because she lives in Florida and we in Arizona, It hurts much and I really married him for good and  made a commitment to be with him for ever, but this is too much and it is overwhelming me. 

 

He doesn't know I know and that I have found everything. I don't know if I can keep hiding it and just wait 2 years for ROC, the other part of me wants to tell him, get divorce and keep on going with my life, but I have started a life here in the U.S. and don't want to loose my green card. Nobody deserves this when we have been so loyal, faithful and supportive as a wife should be.

[Kamali16 30]

I cannot give you any information on what the implications of a divorce would be for ROC. But, you say your husband doesn't know you know about all of this. Maybe you can sit down together and explain what you know and what you found and maybe you two can have a long talk about everything and work it out (if that is what you want of course).

I'm very sorry you're going through this and I hope everything turns out for the best in the end. Follow your heart. Good luck! 

[Crazy Cat 41,982]

I would have an honest talk with him......

[geowrian 22,337]

24 minutes ago, Mike&Lulu Burton said:

I need advice here visa journeys. I know it might sound suspicious to USCIS when somebody gets divorced way before the ROC time comes.

It does happen. They see it. Some people have no issue, and others may be more heavily scrutinized for a divorce right after getting the green card.

 

24 minutes ago, Mike&Lulu Burton said:

I traveled to my country with my EAD for a few days and medical purposes

EAD is a work permit. AP is the re-entry document. Often time they issue an EAD/AP combo card.

 

24 minutes ago, Mike&Lulu Burton said:

I definitely cannot keep closing my eyes and thinking that his ¨I love you¨ are truth, I tried to think that it was not cheating because she lives in Florida and we in Arizona, It hurts much and I really married him for good and  made a commitment to be with him for ever, but this is too much and it is overwhelming me. 

This is a marriage issue. There are some considerable issues that you guys need to discuss, then see where it goes from there.

You're hiding things. You're reading his email to check up on him. This is unhealthy for the marriage.

He is on the borderline of cheating. He has described that he does not want to violate his marriage, but he is also continuing to flirt with the idea of doing so. This is unhealthy for the marriage.

 

Seek professional help. Nothing good will come form either of you hiding things.

 

24 minutes ago, Mike&Lulu Burton said:

I don't know if I can keep hiding it and just wait 2 years for ROC

Don't stay in a marriage for immigration purposes. That is 1) fraudulent, and 2) very unhealthy for both of you.

 

24 minutes ago, Mike&Lulu Burton said:

the other part of me wants to tell him, get divorce and keep on going with my life, but I have started a life here in the U.S. and don't want to loose my green card.

As noted, your green card is not tied to continuing the marriage. You can do ROC with a divorce waiver.

 

24 minutes ago, Mike&Lulu Burton said:

Nobody deserves this when we have been so loyal, faithful and supportive as a wife should be.

Sorry, but neither of you come out clean here. It is not "loyal, faithful, and supportive" to be checking his email and hiding things from him.

 

Get professional help. Maybe you will still want to divorce, and that's fine. Maybe not, which is also fine. But you have all the ingredients for making the situation worse before it gets better by continuing the way things are now.

[kris&me 572]

Before you have that talk with him,  print out the emails and any texts

you may need this evidence later

[Mike&Lulu Burton 85]

57 minutes ago, Kamali16 said:

I cannot give you any information on what the implications of a divorce would be for ROC. But, you say your husband doesn't know you know about all of this. Maybe you can sit down together and explain what you know and what you found and maybe you two can have a long talk about everything and work it out (if that is what you want of course).

I'm very sorry you're going through this and I hope everything turns out for the best in the end. Follow your heart. Good luck! 

Thank you, yes, I want to stay with him but I don’t want this being a recurrent behavior after we solve this one. Thanks again!

[Mike&Lulu Burton 85]

40 minutes ago, kris&me said:

Before you have that talk with him,  print out the emails and any texts

you may need this evidence later

Yes , I have saved all. In case. Thanks 

[Georgia16 2,858]

My viking blood would have boiled too much for me not to have a chat. 
You definitely have trusting issues and shouldn’t snoop around in his emails/texts. He shouldn’t have said what he said. For him he did tell her no. 
 

I would suggest marriage counseling for you guys to see if this can be worked out before calling it quits. 

[mindthegap 2,590]

Divorce is not a reason for I-751 denial

 

 

 

[GP1977 288]

Divorce is not a bar to removing conditions.

 

When you file your waiver, the burden will be on you to prove that you entered into a bonafide marriage.   Retain this evidence now  and you will be fine.

 

Edited January 14, 2020 by GP1977

[Highmystic 234]

20 hours ago, Mike&Lulu Burton said:

This morning I found 3 emails from her, all of them go to the spam so he was not able to see them, she tells him she got his text that says the following:

Hi sandy, I am sorry I haven’t communicated better. I am stuck and unsure of myself. I miss you and want to be with you but the reality is that I am married for better or worse. To continue to entertain the thought of being with you is unfair and unrealistic to us both.

First off, with the spam emails,   I used one of those dating sites, years ago, and to this day, I get a couple hundred sex spam emails in a yahoo account that I use as a spam magnet and just going in and deleting the 1000 spams every month or so.  So that is not an issue for you or your hubby, that's the past. 

Secondly, not knowing him, I would be likely to bet that he will be very defensive when "caught", and instead of owning up, he may try to switch the blame on you for violating his privacy.  He had a thing with this woman, and possibly others prior to you two getting married,  so that is in the past as well.  However, he does not seem to want to "let go". of Sandy,  Some women, on the other hand can be relentless when trying to make that man hers.

I only quoted the above part, the text he sent, and my first reaction was that maybe he is still seeing Sandy on the side, and knows, or suspects you are reading his emails, and sent that text for your eyes to read.

 

I'm no psychologist,  but I think men and women also, cheat for the same underlying reason,  Self assurance that they are still desirable to someone other than their spouse.  It's an Ego issue, and Sandy knows how to play on that.  

 

Maybe one day you will say to him,  "How's Sandy doing?"  I'd love to hear the "Who?" as his mind stalls to come up with the next answer.

 

Best of luck, sorry you have to go through this but it sounds to me (from the text) that he feels trapped in a marriage he does not want to be in. But know, it would be Sandy's cheater afterwards. 

 

 

 

 

[arken 4,197]

Apart from the suggestion others have mentioned, i just want to point out that accessing one’s email without authorization even if to find things like you mentioned could be a federal felony and people have been prosecuted for that. I would just keep that in mind when disclosing your access to your husband’s email if he hasn’t allowed you to do so.

[Mike&Lulu Burton 85]

1 hour ago, Highmystic said:

First off, with the spam emails,   I used one of those dating sites, years ago, and to this day, I get a couple hundred sex spam emails in a yahoo account that I use as a spam magnet and just going in and deleting the 1000 spams every month or so.  So that is not an issue for you or your hubby, that's the past. 

Secondly, not knowing him, I would be likely to bet that he will be very defensive when "caught", and instead of owning up, he may try to switch the blame on you for violating his privacy.  He had a thing with this woman, and possibly others prior to you two getting married,  so that is in the past as well.  However, he does not seem to want to "let go". of Sandy,  Some women, on the other hand can be relentless when trying to make that man hers.

I only quoted the above part, the text he sent, and my first reaction was that maybe he is still seeing Sandy on the side, and knows, or suspects you are reading his emails, and sent that text for your eyes to read.

 

I'm no psychologist,  but I think men and women also, cheat for the same underlying reason,  Self assurance that they are still desirable to someone other than their spouse.  It's an Ego issue, and Sandy knows how to play on that.  

 

Maybe one day you will say to him,  "How's Sandy doing?"  I'd love to hear the "Who?" as his mind stalls to come up with the next answer.

 

Best of luck, sorry you have to go through this but it sounds to me (from the text) that he feels trapped in a marriage he does not want to be in. But know, it would be Sandy's cheater afterwards. 

 

 

 

 

Thank you so much for looking into my message so thoughtful. It is violation of privacy yes I know, but that is not how I will approach him to address this once for all. Back in October he showed me something on his cell phone and the first thing that pupped up was her photo in a LinkedIn profile, he closed it immediately and said she was a friend, then in November same thing he showed me his phone and there it was a voice message at midnight and he said she had dialed a wrong number, he locked himself in the bathroom and sent her an email telling her that unfortunately they couldn't be together at this time and he wanted to change and be a better person and that he was saying good bye, last was this week I found out the amazon order where he sent her a jacket. 

I also think that this "long distance cheating" is to feel more as a man and desirable, he doesn't let go, he is playing the yes I want, but no I can't, ..oh but yes I want to be with you, but no I can't

I don't know what is going to happen, last night she sent 4 hateful emails even insulting the WIFE (Me, LOL), it is obvious he had been lying about me to make her believe in him... I hate drama, I am over that, this is hurting much and I didn't expect to go through this, but I will do my best to make this work, if not I will not get obsessive, I will let go and keep living.

Thank you very much!

Edited January 15, 2020 by Mike&Lulu Burton

[Mike&Lulu Burton 85]

44 minutes ago, arken said:

Apart from the suggestion others have mentioned, i just want to point out that accessing one’s email without authorization even if to find things like you mentioned could be a federal felony and people have been prosecuted for that. I would just keep that in mind when disclosing your access to your husband’s email if he hasn’t allowed you to do so.

I have the passwords because he has given those to me, but you are right, I will stop doing it, it just hurt me, in the end the truth speaks for itself and I got to focus on being relaxed and work on my life. 

[Orangesapples 1,954]

15 minutes ago, Mike&Lulu Burton said:

Thank you so much for looking into my message so thoughtful. It is violation of privacy yes I know, but that is not how I will approach him to address this once for all. Back in October he showed me something on his cell phone and the first thing that pupped up was her photo in a LinkedIn profile, he closed it immediately and said she was a friend, then in November same thing he showed me his phone and there it was a voice message at midnight and he said she had dialed a wrong number, he locked himself in the bathroom and sent her an email telling her that unfortunately they couldn't be together at this time and he wanted to change and be a better person and that he was saying good bye, last was this week I found out the amazon order where he sent her a jacket. 

I also think that this "long distance cheating" is to feel more as a man and desirable, he doesn't let go, he is playing the yes I want, but no I can't, ..oh but yes I want to be with you, but no I can't

I don't know what is going to happen, last night she sent 4 hateful emails even insulting the WIFE (Me, LOL), it is obvious he had been lying about me to make her believe in him... I hate drama, I am over that, this is hurting much and I didn't expect to go through this, but I will do my best to make this work, if not I will not get obsessive, I will let go and keep living.

Thank you very much!

You're under no obligation to tolerate his cheating. He's the one who needs to put in the effort to make this work, not you. You shouldn't be doing the work. You should be demanding that he proves to you he's faithful or you're out. He should be completely transparent and give up his privacy so that you can have a peace of mind or he's out. Don't try to find excuses for him and make it easier for him to justify himself and lie to you. Stand your ground and don't be a doormat.