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The derailment exempt thread

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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Russia
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1 minute ago, laylalex said:

I dunno, I cost my ex-husband a LOT more than 25 pounds. :D 

 

There was also the Netflix of course.

That joke was told to me by one of our Russian friends that were with us this past weekend in the Keys.

Our wives were furious, and had a reply that will not be repeated here.

If at first you don't succeed, then sky diving is not for you.

Someone stole my dictionary. Now I am at a loss for words.

If Apple made a car, would it have windows?

Ban shredded cheese. Make America Grate Again .

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.  Deport him and you never have to feed him again.

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

I went bald but I kept my comb.  I just couldn't part with it.

My name is not Richard Edward but my friends still call me DickEd

If your pet has a bladder infection, urine trouble.

"Watch out where the huskies go, and don't you eat that yellow snow."

I fired myself from cleaning the house. I didn't like my attitude and I got caught drinking on the job.

My kid has A.D.D... and a couple of F's

Carrots improve your vision.  Alcohol doubles it.

A dung beetle walks into a bar and asks " Is this stool taken?"

Breaking news.  They're not making yardsticks any longer.

Hemorrhoids?  Shouldn't they be called Assteroids?

If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.

If you suck at playing the trumpet, that may be why.

Dogs can't take MRI's but Cat scan.

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3 minutes ago, Neonred said:

That joke was told to me by one of our Russian friends that were with us this past weekend in the Keys.

Our wives were furious, and had a reply that will not be repeated here.

Were you guys affected by the storm at all? 

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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Russia
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1 minute ago, laylalex said:

Were you guys affected by the storm at all? 

Was a great weekend with plenty of time spent on the water at the reef swimming and fishing.  Spent 4th of July night in Key West and it was busy.  Perfect weather until Monday when we started to get some rain.  We had planned to come back up to Naples then anyway so it didn't matter.  Never saw much wind, but did get some wild thunder storms Monday night and Tuesday.  Nothing to get excited about.

If at first you don't succeed, then sky diving is not for you.

Someone stole my dictionary. Now I am at a loss for words.

If Apple made a car, would it have windows?

Ban shredded cheese. Make America Grate Again .

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.  Deport him and you never have to feed him again.

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

I went bald but I kept my comb.  I just couldn't part with it.

My name is not Richard Edward but my friends still call me DickEd

If your pet has a bladder infection, urine trouble.

"Watch out where the huskies go, and don't you eat that yellow snow."

I fired myself from cleaning the house. I didn't like my attitude and I got caught drinking on the job.

My kid has A.D.D... and a couple of F's

Carrots improve your vision.  Alcohol doubles it.

A dung beetle walks into a bar and asks " Is this stool taken?"

Breaking news.  They're not making yardsticks any longer.

Hemorrhoids?  Shouldn't they be called Assteroids?

If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.

If you suck at playing the trumpet, that may be why.

Dogs can't take MRI's but Cat scan.

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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Russia
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This early tropical storm was a good reminder for everyone here to prepare NOW for the coming peak of hurricane season.  Don't usually have to worry until mid August to mid October.  That's when we need to be ready for the bad ones.

 

Generators are ready and the fuel is stockpiled.

If at first you don't succeed, then sky diving is not for you.

Someone stole my dictionary. Now I am at a loss for words.

If Apple made a car, would it have windows?

Ban shredded cheese. Make America Grate Again .

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.  Deport him and you never have to feed him again.

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

I went bald but I kept my comb.  I just couldn't part with it.

My name is not Richard Edward but my friends still call me DickEd

If your pet has a bladder infection, urine trouble.

"Watch out where the huskies go, and don't you eat that yellow snow."

I fired myself from cleaning the house. I didn't like my attitude and I got caught drinking on the job.

My kid has A.D.D... and a couple of F's

Carrots improve your vision.  Alcohol doubles it.

A dung beetle walks into a bar and asks " Is this stool taken?"

Breaking news.  They're not making yardsticks any longer.

Hemorrhoids?  Shouldn't they be called Assteroids?

If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.

If you suck at playing the trumpet, that may be why.

Dogs can't take MRI's but Cat scan.

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2 minutes ago, Neonred said:

Was a great weekend with plenty of time spent on the water at the reef swimming and fishing.  Spent 4th of July night in Key West and it was busy.  Perfect weather until Monday when we started to get some rain.  We had planned to come back up to Naples then anyway so it didn't matter.  Never saw much wind, but did get some wild thunder storms Monday night and Tuesday.  Nothing to get excited about.

Good to hear it. The news out here has been about the heat, but we benefit from being right on the water too. The other week when the PNW was going up in flames it was, uh, 69F. We're in a "heat wave" right now elsewhere in CA but here I think it hit 75 today. Still, we need to be ready for fire season here too, and that means potential blackouts so I have a little portable power station now (got it when we lived in Berkeley and blackouts were more regular). I haven't had to use it ever but I'm glad I have it just in case. 

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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Russia
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12 minutes ago, laylalex said:

Good to hear it. The news out here has been about the heat, but we benefit from being right on the water too. The other week when the PNW was going up in flames it was, uh, 69F. We're in a "heat wave" right now elsewhere in CA but here I think it hit 75 today. Still, we need to be ready for fire season here too, and that means potential blackouts so I have a little portable power station now (got it when we lived in Berkeley and blackouts were more regular). I haven't had to use it ever but I'm glad I have it just in case. 

Little warm here in Naples.  Topped out around 90 today, but was a bit cooler in the Keys.  Actually very pleasant in the mid to upper 80's.

Three weeks ago flew up to Albany NY to visit family (and attend a funeral/celebration of life for a cousin) and getting off the plane in the evening it was 66 degrees, and was going down to 48 in the am.....burr.  That's winter weather.

 

After hurricane Irma in 2017 I modified my setup so I can have A/C and hot water, the two things I missed most after Irma.  Two weeks without power that time.

If at first you don't succeed, then sky diving is not for you.

Someone stole my dictionary. Now I am at a loss for words.

If Apple made a car, would it have windows?

Ban shredded cheese. Make America Grate Again .

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.  Deport him and you never have to feed him again.

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

I went bald but I kept my comb.  I just couldn't part with it.

My name is not Richard Edward but my friends still call me DickEd

If your pet has a bladder infection, urine trouble.

"Watch out where the huskies go, and don't you eat that yellow snow."

I fired myself from cleaning the house. I didn't like my attitude and I got caught drinking on the job.

My kid has A.D.D... and a couple of F's

Carrots improve your vision.  Alcohol doubles it.

A dung beetle walks into a bar and asks " Is this stool taken?"

Breaking news.  They're not making yardsticks any longer.

Hemorrhoids?  Shouldn't they be called Assteroids?

If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.

If you suck at playing the trumpet, that may be why.

Dogs can't take MRI's but Cat scan.

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Filed: K-1 Visa Country: Wales
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Image

“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.”

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Last night was this:

 

An Irishman and a Mormon are sitting next to each other in first class. The flight attendant comes by to take their drink orders. The Irishman says, I'll have a whiskey, please.

 

The flight attendant then asks the Mormon for his drink order. The Mormon says, Drink? I'd rather be ravished by a dozen angry whores*! The flight attendant backs away.

 

The Irishman then summons back the flight attendant. I'd like to change my order, he says. I didn't know that was on the menu.

 

*in case the word is filtered, it is a synonym for friendly ladies of the evening. 

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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Russia
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1 hour ago, laylalex said:

Last night was this:

 

An Irishman and a Mormon are sitting next to each other in first class. The flight attendant comes by to take their drink orders. The Irishman says, I'll have a whiskey, please.

 

The flight attendant then asks the Mormon for his drink order. The Mormon says, Drink? I'd rather be ravished by a dozen angry whores*! The flight attendant backs away.

 

The Irishman then summons back the flight attendant. I'd like to change my order, he says. I didn't know that was on the menu.

 

*in case the word is filtered, it is a synonym for friendly ladies of the evening. 

Ugh.  That's whoreable.

If at first you don't succeed, then sky diving is not for you.

Someone stole my dictionary. Now I am at a loss for words.

If Apple made a car, would it have windows?

Ban shredded cheese. Make America Grate Again .

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.  Deport him and you never have to feed him again.

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

I went bald but I kept my comb.  I just couldn't part with it.

My name is not Richard Edward but my friends still call me DickEd

If your pet has a bladder infection, urine trouble.

"Watch out where the huskies go, and don't you eat that yellow snow."

I fired myself from cleaning the house. I didn't like my attitude and I got caught drinking on the job.

My kid has A.D.D... and a couple of F's

Carrots improve your vision.  Alcohol doubles it.

A dung beetle walks into a bar and asks " Is this stool taken?"

Breaking news.  They're not making yardsticks any longer.

Hemorrhoids?  Shouldn't they be called Assteroids?

If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.

If you suck at playing the trumpet, that may be why.

Dogs can't take MRI's but Cat scan.

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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Brazil
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The internet in my house was sporadic, so I move the modem to the barn and now i have a stable wifi network.

Edited by Ban Hammer

* ~ * Charles * ~ *
 

I carry a gun because a cop is too heavy.

 

USE THE REPORT BUTTON INSTEAD OF MESSAGING A MODERATOR!

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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Ecuador
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FOR THE FAMILY

 

An Irishman walked into a bar in Dublin, ordered three pints of Guinness, and sat in the back of the room, drinking a sip from each one in turn.  When he finished them, he came back to the bar and ordered three more.

 

The bartender told him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it, and it would taste better if you bought one at a time."

 

The Irishman replied, "Well, you see, I have two brothers.  One is in America, the other is in Australia, and I'm in Dublin.  When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.  So I drink one for each of me brothers and one for me self."

 

The bartender admitted that this was a fine tradition, and left it there.  The Irishman became a regular in the bar, and always drank the same way -- ordering three pints and drinking them in turn.

 

One day, he came in and ordered two pints.  All the other regulars took notice and fell silent.

 

When he came back to the bar for the second round, the bartender said, I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I want to offer my condolences on your loss."

 

The Irishman looked quite puzzled for a moment, but then a light dawned and he laughed.  "Oh, no -- everyone's just fine," he explained.  "It's just that me wife had us join that Baptist Church, and I had to quit drinking.  Hasn't affected me brothers, though!"

06-04-2007 = TSC stamps postal return-receipt for I-129f.

06-11-2007 = NOA1 date (unknown to me).

07-20-2007 = Phoned Immigration Officer; got WAC#; where's NOA1?

09-25-2007 = Touch (first-ever).

09-28-2007 = NOA1, 23 days after their 45-day promise to send it (grrrr).

10-20 & 11-14-2007 = Phoned ImmOffs; "still pending."

12-11-2007 = 180 days; file is "between workstations, may be early Jan."; touches 12/11 & 12/12.

12-18-2007 = Call; file is with Division 9 ofcr. (bckgrnd check); e-prompt to shake it; touch.

12-19-2007 = NOA2 by e-mail & web, dated 12-18-07 (187 days; 201 per VJ); in mail 12/24/07.

01-09-2008 = File from USCIS to NVC, 1-4-08; NVC creates file, 1/15/08; to consulate 1/16/08.

01-23-2008 = Consulate gets file; outdated Packet 4 mailed to fiancee 1/27/08; rec'd 3/3/08.

04-29-2008 = Fiancee's 4-min. consular interview, 8:30 a.m.; much evidence brought but not allowed to be presented (consul: "More proof! Second interview! Bring your fiance!").

05-05-2008 = Infuriating $12 call to non-English-speaking consulate appointment-setter.

05-06-2008 = Better $12 call to English-speaker; "joint" interview date 6/30/08 (my selection).

06-30-2008 = Stokes Interrogations w/Ecuadorian (not USC); "wait 2 weeks; we'll mail her."

07-2008 = Daily calls to DOS: "currently processing"; 8/05 = Phoned consulate, got Section Chief; wrote him.

08-07-08 = E-mail from consulate, promising to issue visa "as soon as we get her passport" (on 8/12, per DHL).

08-27-08 = Phoned consulate (they "couldn't find" our file); visa DHL'd 8/28; in hand 9/1; through POE on 10/9 with NO hassles(!).

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So I heard the other night from an old VJ "friend." :lol: @Boris Farage reached out to me via other channels for the first time in a very long time. Turns out processing of IR5 visas is starting up again in London, and he can't remember how to log in, so can I please figure it out and do it for him?

 

:lol: 

 

Welcome back, Boris, whenever you figure out how to log in.

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I think we should maybe start a new derailment thread because this one was started by an ex-member, and we've been posting in it all along. Who wants to volunteer to start a new one?

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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Ecuador
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14 hours ago, laylalex said:

an ex-member

There's a difference between flotsam and jetsam, see LL ma'am.

06-04-2007 = TSC stamps postal return-receipt for I-129f.

06-11-2007 = NOA1 date (unknown to me).

07-20-2007 = Phoned Immigration Officer; got WAC#; where's NOA1?

09-25-2007 = Touch (first-ever).

09-28-2007 = NOA1, 23 days after their 45-day promise to send it (grrrr).

10-20 & 11-14-2007 = Phoned ImmOffs; "still pending."

12-11-2007 = 180 days; file is "between workstations, may be early Jan."; touches 12/11 & 12/12.

12-18-2007 = Call; file is with Division 9 ofcr. (bckgrnd check); e-prompt to shake it; touch.

12-19-2007 = NOA2 by e-mail & web, dated 12-18-07 (187 days; 201 per VJ); in mail 12/24/07.

01-09-2008 = File from USCIS to NVC, 1-4-08; NVC creates file, 1/15/08; to consulate 1/16/08.

01-23-2008 = Consulate gets file; outdated Packet 4 mailed to fiancee 1/27/08; rec'd 3/3/08.

04-29-2008 = Fiancee's 4-min. consular interview, 8:30 a.m.; much evidence brought but not allowed to be presented (consul: "More proof! Second interview! Bring your fiance!").

05-05-2008 = Infuriating $12 call to non-English-speaking consulate appointment-setter.

05-06-2008 = Better $12 call to English-speaker; "joint" interview date 6/30/08 (my selection).

06-30-2008 = Stokes Interrogations w/Ecuadorian (not USC); "wait 2 weeks; we'll mail her."

07-2008 = Daily calls to DOS: "currently processing"; 8/05 = Phoned consulate, got Section Chief; wrote him.

08-07-08 = E-mail from consulate, promising to issue visa "as soon as we get her passport" (on 8/12, per DHL).

08-27-08 = Phoned consulate (they "couldn't find" our file); visa DHL'd 8/28; in hand 9/1; through POE on 10/9 with NO hassles(!).

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Country: Guyana
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14 hours ago, laylalex said:

I think we should maybe start a new derailment thread because this one was started by an ex-member, and we've been posting in it all along. Who wants to volunteer to start a new one?

Naw, I like this thread.  It should keep on going.  

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