The derailment exempt thread

[90DayFinancier 910]

27 minutes ago, laylalex said:

Okay, somehow it is unacceptable if I spend almost the same amount on skincare today as the pair of jeans he bought??? His reasoning is along the lines of, well, that stuff gets used up and all I'm left with is empty containers but he still has a pair of jeans. I pointed out that he already has many, many jeans, and he just liked the look of these new ones. My purchase was an investment in myself, and in keeping my skin healthy. I'm never taking him to the Grove again. Oh, and I was made to wait while he looked at new iPads at the Apple Store, even though I pointed out he has a perfectly serviceable one. I *did* win on this point. 

 

Uggghhh. He's also commandeered the TV to watch John Wick. Again. Sorry this is 100% whining from me. Just been a day. We rarely fight so when we do, it stings because it's something I'm not used to, and I start reacting like I am dealing with someone who he isn't that I used to fight with, much more frequently. So I get prickly, then shut down and don't want to talk, which is really what we should be doing. Instead I'm hiding out in the bedroom, which is beyond lame. Someone tell me something to make me feel like I'm not completely selfish in buying what I want with my own money.

1. John Wick is a bloody film series, but the character development is great. Might be a compromise there.

2. You are not selfish for feeling good, looking good or taking care of yourself. Alex would not want the alternative

3 he is not selfish for staying educated on the latest technology and that old Trope about " perfectly good" never flies when you are discussing tools , technology or a dress for an upcoming event. 

4. Now that you are combining households, it is a great time to come to common terms on money, budgets and your values.  Best not hide from that ongoing discussion.

 

[TBoneTX 45,568]

5 hours ago, ALFKAD said:

you wimminz put WAY TOO MUCH man-made chemicals into your pores.  Especially makeup.

We guys have 6 things in our bathrooms:  a razor, & shaving-cream; a toothbrush, & toothpaste; a bar of Dial soap; and a towel from a Holiday Inn.

 

Chicas, conversely, have a minimum of 439 things in their bathrooms, very few of which a guy can identify.

[yuna628 9,686]

14 hours ago, laylalex said:

Okay, somehow it is unacceptable if I spend almost the same amount on skincare today as the pair of jeans he bought??? His reasoning is along the lines of, well, that stuff gets used up and all I'm left with is empty containers but he still has a pair of jeans. I pointed out that he already has many, many jeans, and he just liked the look of these new ones. My purchase was an investment in myself, and in keeping my skin healthy. I'm never taking him to the Grove again. Oh, and I was made to wait while he looked at new iPads at the Apple Store, even though I pointed out he has a perfectly serviceable one. I *did* win on this point. 

 

Uggghhh. He's also commandeered the TV to watch John Wick. Again. Sorry this is 100% whining from me. Just been a day. We rarely fight so when we do, it stings because it's something I'm not used to, and I start reacting like I am dealing with someone who he isn't that I used to fight with, much more frequently. So I get prickly, then shut down and don't want to talk, which is really what we should be doing. Instead I'm hiding out in the bedroom, which is beyond lame. Someone tell me something to make me feel like I'm not completely selfish in buying what I want with my own money.

Can't help you there. I'm just as frugal as my hubby is and he wouldn't pay tons of jeans nor would I pay tons for skincare. Nothing wrong with John Wick either. That boy is hot and skilled with gun. Maybe grab snacks and have a sit down and watch it with him, he might appreciate the company.

 

Nevertheless if it's your own money you can buy what you please, but it is still silly to increase such topics to an argument level. Better things to argue about.

[laylalex 7,293]

Hey, thanks everyone. About 3 minutes after I posted my whine he walked in the room and told me that we were both blowing this way out of proportion, and that whatever was behind the (admittedly not that hot) heated discussion had nothing to do with skincare or jeans or iPads but something else. So we sat down and talked for a while, and I admitted that I'm still feeling a little resentful about leaving Berkeley even though I could have stayed, and he admitted that he was ticked off that I was importing drama of other people's lives (family and friends) into our relationship and spending a lot of time getting upset on other people's behalf. The air was cleared!  

 

We didn't come up with a bunch of constructive steps to work on everything immediately because we got a little distracted after this discussion (sorry ) but what we did agree is (1) I am going to let other people make the stupid mistakes they are going to make because I am only responsible for my own happiness, and (2) he is going to try to be more engaged with me in the evenings and not just switch off with a video game after dinner because work is doing his head in -- he had to go into work on Saturday afternoon and Sunday morning too. Until I get the place organized and my own work going, I'm kind of on my own all day long and need companionship. The actual plans to make these things happen we can work on in granular detail over the coming days. 

 

And yes, I did go in the other room and finish John Wick with him.  I actually like the movie, but it's on heavy rotation with Constantine, Big Lebowski and every episode of Black Mirror ever made. My attitude is once I've seen something, I rarely want to watch it again for a few months. But no, I didn't make banana bread.

[Voice of Reason 10,298]

In other news, my sourdough starter is a success.  Now for the many treasures that can come from it... sourdough breads, pancakes, etc.  

[laylalex 7,293]

I was a very #tradhousefiancee this evening and made exactly what Alex wanted for dinner (Swedish meatballs and red cabbage, plus a salad I made with rocket and gorgonzola and walnuts I candied myself and some wholemeal bread, also homemade). I did the laundry myself instead of putting it out for service like I usually do (not fun). And what do I get at the end of it all?

 

A: I've been thinking, no need to wait for you to start working again. 

L: Exactly!

A: So I thought, you should have a coffeeshop just for disaffected women. You could call it Cafe Patriarchy and the slogan would be, Our Coffee's Not As Bitter As We Are.

 

  

 

He must have been waiting all day to lay that one on me.  

Just now, ALFKAD said:

In other news, my sourdough starter is a success.  Now for the many treasures that can come from it... sourdough breads, pancakes, etc.  

OMG, simultaneous posting!  

 

Well done, and congrats. How many days did it take in the end?

[Voice of Reason 10,298]

4 minutes ago, laylalex said:

 

OMG, simultaneous posting!  

 

Well done, and congrats. How many days did it take in the end?

Hard to say.  I had to leave for a few days, so threw it in the fridge until I returned.  Suffice it to say that at 3 days it smelled like wet socks, as it was supposed to. Now, it smells SO delicious.  Currently have a ball of dough proofing, but since it is so cool here (66° inside) it might take more than 24 hours before I can bake it it.

[laylalex 7,293]

Highly specific playlist recommended to me by Google Play Music:

 

What exactly am I doing this afternoon that makes Google think I need that?

[Nature Boy 2.0 8,376]

sumbody be cheating on us..😵

 

 

[Voice of Reason 10,298]

6 minutes ago, Nature Boy 2.0 said:

sumbody be cheating on us..😵

 

 

Oh, the shame...

 

I feel so marginalized now.

 

To think of ALL the skin care advice she has gotten just from NB and myself, plus the extra tidbits thrown in by others... am I the only one who doesn't feel appreciated, or my opinion respected???

Edited January 25, 2020 by ALFKAD

[90DayFinancier 910]

15 minutes ago, Nature Boy 2.0 said:

sumbody be cheating on us..😵

 

 

Wait now, are you saying you only post in this forum? 

[Voice of Reason 10,298]

Just now, 90DayFinancier said:

Wait now, are you saying you only post in this forum? 

Please refrain from questioning the motives of our beloved Platinum Members.

[Boiler 45,715]

To my knowledge Beauty tips have been limited to this forum, mind you I think such tips are a recent phenomenon.

[Nature Boy 2.0 8,376]

1 hour ago, 90DayFinancier said:

Wait now, are you saying you only post in this forum? 

I never said that. I do occasionally look at the 90 day thread in off topic. Stop gasdoxing me LOL

[Nature Boy 2.0 8,376]

1 hour ago, ALFKAD said:

Oh, the shame...

 

I feel so marginalized now.

 

To think of ALL the skin care advice she has gotten just from NB and myself, plus the extra tidbits thrown in by others... am I the only one who doesn't feel appreciated, or my opinion respected???

I felt so special. we had nominated her for a membership in ORWCD club and then she goes and does this. I am crushed. All those countless hours painfully hearing about getting messy in bars and Alex's chavniaust traits.

1 hour ago, ALFKAD said:

Please refrain from questioning the motives of our beloved Platinum Members.

Well the MDL always got to be trying to put werds in your mouth