Divorce in peace

[Duke & Marie 1,389]

6 hours ago, Dantrolene said:

What can attorney do ? Court should be fair when it comes to custody and child support, aren't they? So my understanding attorneys are just costly and mostly worthless.  As you said it's calculated based on income, situations, etc. 

 

A question, if we decided to get a divorce eventually, should we do it sooner before I move out of state, or after when things get settled down for me financially ? 

 

 

 

 

I’d weigh that in three years when you want to change to 50:50 chances are it’s not going to happen, the child will be well settled in his/her routine by then and mom might not want to give up that extra time when the time comes... unfortunately we can’t pick and choose when it’s most convenient to be a parent and if your wife argues that in 3 years, she’ll likely win

 

you can pick your career, where you live and do training... can’t pick your child... if you choose job over kid fair chance you’ll regret it later if not fixed in stone with a lawyer now

Edited November 21, 2019 by Duke & Marie

[NikLR 13,227]

A lawyer can fight for your rights as a parent to help ensure everything is fair. A court system should be fair but if she has a lawyer or can present her side better than you can, she will get what she wants which may not be fair. 

[Mollie09 1,543]

10 hours ago, Villanelle said:

yes.

 

Custody and support amounts can change. It sounds like you will need an attny if your ex is how you described. Doesnt sound like this is something you guys will be able to come to an agreement on... Child support is based on how much you are earning but there are minimums. Some states allow for college expenses and other things of that nature, some do not. Alimony is a different subject, probably NA since you havent been married that long and she is working. 

 

He might be eligible for alimony, it's not just for women. Especially if she's been making so much more than him throughout their marriage.

[aaron2020 11,651]

If you are looking for 50/50 custody, then you are not divorcing in peace.  It's a fight.

 

The court looks at the best interest of the child.  Fairness to the parents is secondary.  How fair is for the child to move away from Washington to go live with you for half the time?  How would you handle child care when you go to work?  How would you afford child care when making minimum wage?  

 

All the questions you have posed is best answered by a qualified family law attorney; not an immigration forum. 

Edited November 21, 2019 by aaron2020

[aaron2020 11,651]

12 hours ago, Dantrolene said:

 In regards to assets, it's her house and her car, so obviously no disputes in that matter, even though the law in WA is 50 50 when it comes to divorce, no matter assets falls under any spouse name.  

You've got this wrong.   You're misunderstanding the concepts of community property and separate property.  

Her separate property before marriage remains her separate property during the marriage, and her separate property after divorce.

Marrying someone does not give you a 50/50 interest in their separate property.  

You may have minor claims if community property income was used to pay off loans on the house and car. 

[aaron2020 11,651]

11 hours ago, Dantrolene said:

Unfortunately the professional training can't be done in WA.  But again after 3 yrs I can move back to find a job here easily. 

 

So 3 yrs can be huge in determining things like custody etc. So just to make sure, things can be changed at anytime if situation changed right?  Like if she has fully custody now, in 3 yrs I can have half custody when I come back correct ? I just want to make sure things won't be forever the same if I agreed to something initially. She may get a lawyer for custody and child support to obtain as much as she wants. She is planning to get full custody and daycare and college and child support and maybe even alimony. She is steep and serious when it comes to that part espy my job salary is 6 figure and I will be making more than hers at some point. 

Child custody and child support can be changed at any time.  

[aaron2020 11,651]

11 hours ago, Dantrolene said:

What can attorney do ? Court should be fair when it comes to custody and child support, aren't they? So my understanding attorneys are just costly and mostly worthless.  As you said it's calculated based on income, situations, etc. 

 

A question, if we decided to get a divorce eventually, should we do it sooner before I move out of state, or after when things get settled down for me financially ? 

 

 

 

 

An attorney can protect because they have EXPERIENCE WITH THE LAW.  

You are so naive if you think all you need to do is show up in court and everything is fair.  It's war.  

Your understanding that attorneys are worthless is so naive and wrong.  You're not filing an immigration case with government offices.  You're going to court to fight a war and you need someone who knows what they are doing.  You don't know what you are doing and her lawyer and the court will eat you alive.  

Divorce whenever you want.  

[debbiedoo 2,339]

You need a LAWYER.... not visajourney

[Indy Sab 174]

14 hours ago, Dantrolene said:

 I have been married to my wife for 4 years. We have a 3 yr old daughter. We lived in WA. I am moving to another state in midwest for work. She is not moving. Things in life happened.  We decided to divorce in peace. She is older and makes more money. I make minimum wage. Should I get a lawyer for settlement? How custody would work in this case being us living in two different states? How child support works in our case ? I haven't done any of that before but I am willing to read from resources to learn more and make it fair for everyone. 

How about couple therapy??? try to save your marriage??? give yourself some space and time before making such drastic decision? 

[Deagle 508]

I strongly recommend that you rethink about leaving and moving out of the state. 50/50 custody while being in different state? Most likely the mom will win the custody, given that you said she makes more money, hence she can provide a better life. In divorces the court will look at the children's interest. If the court rules that, and you move to another state, you might be ordered to pay child support, so you are losing money again. While if you stay in WA and get divorced, you have more chance of getting joint custody and avoid paying child support.

[Boiler 45,486]

You are setting yourself up to be hosed, you need competent legal guidance.

[Villanelle 4,122]

@Dantrolene As you can see you are getting conflicting advice/answers here. That is mostly because divorce is very state specific and most people will respond based on their own experiences or experiences of those close to them. 

 

Technically custody and support amounts CAN be changed. However it is not guaranteed to be changed and to make changes (unless both agree) will require going back to court and going through a long and potentially costly process to change in some cases. 

 

Also every state uses variations in terms when it comes to custody. There can be joint, shared, as well as sole and legal/physical. They all mean different things. Physical is where the child will actual be. Legal is who gets to decide things for the child in regards to medical and stuff. Sole means only one parent and joint means both. So you can have joint legal custody but she can have sole physical custody and you have visitation. Thats different then shared physical custody where you would shuffle the child between you both. 

 

Again with a huge distance between states it is unlikely you will get physical custody split between you. You will probably get visitation until you move back into their state, where you could then apply to modify the custody to a more equal time division. 

 

If you had to go to court for being charged with a crime you would definitely get an attny! So you definitely want an attny to go to court for custody issues. It can be DIY but it is not recommended esp if the other side is using an attny. You are not equipped to respond to what the attny throws out in legal arguments so you will lose. You also have to remember in custody and divorce each side is allowed to ask for ANYTHING they want. Just because something is asked for does not mean you have to agree to it. If both parties cant come to an agreement the judge will decide based on the facts presented. Again this is where an attny would be able to present your side with legal backing supporting it. If she also earns significantly more then you and you are at min wage and shes 6 figures you can also ask the court to have her pay your legal fees. Speak to an attny about this as well.

 

Divorce needs to be filed based on where you live. Some places require anywhere from 3-6 months residency before you file, others can be up to 1 year residency. So if you do not file before you move, she may file after you move or you would have to wait until you have residency in the new state to file there. You will want to check the divorce laws between the two states to see if one is better then the other however you cant stop her from filing in her state before you file in your new state. Custody would default to the state she is in with the child regardless if you leave or not as thats the childs home. 

 

While I understand all the comments about you reconsidering your job path/moving I think its important to keep the big picture in mind. Yes for the next 3 years you will have limited involvement in the childs daily life but it would be to ensure a better future for yourself and your child once the schooling is complete. Doing such will not be viewed negatively by a court, since its being done to better yourself. If you were moving to be with a girlfriend then yeah thats pretty lousy and will look neglectful, but thats not the case here. Ideally it would be great if you could find a similar opportunity near where the child is but sometimes thats just not possible. 

 

Keep in mind you cant write anything into the custody about whatever is issued being temporary. It will be written as if it is permanent and then you will have to go back and modify it when things change. It wont be written that for 3 years its like this and then you get to come back although you can make your intentions known now. 

 

 

[Georgia16 2,858]

18 hours ago, Dantrolene said:

I heard lawyers do nothing sometimes. If I am good at searching and filing in papers etc. Why not do it by myself ? Is there a reason why lawyer is better ? Besides the fact I heard crazy amount of money like 10k or so at least. We don't own stuff together. It's mostly her stuff. We just have a baby together...that's it. And I want to make sure I am not getting screwed and be able to see my baby, by living in another state. She mostly probably will get custody but i want to make sure at least I get half or quarter custody too. Btw, I will be a citizen before the divorce.

What do you mean by this? Are you filing under 5 year rule? 

[Dantrolene 15]

2 hours ago, Villanelle said:

@Dantrolene As you can see you are getting conflicting advice/answers here. That is mostly because divorce is very state specific and most people will respond based on their own experiences or experiences of those close to them. 

 

Technically custody and support amounts CAN be changed. However it is not guaranteed to be changed and to make changes (unless both agree) will require going back to court and going through a long and potentially costly process to change in some cases. 

 

Also every state uses variations in terms when it comes to custody. There can be joint, shared, as well as sole and legal/physical. They all mean different things. Physical is where the child will actual be. Legal is who gets to decide things for the child in regards to medical and stuff. Sole means only one parent and joint means both. So you can have joint legal custody but she can have sole physical custody and you have visitation. Thats different then shared physical custody where you would shuffle the child between you both. 

 

Again with a huge distance between states it is unlikely you will get physical custody split between you. You will probably get visitation until you move back into their state, where you could then apply to modify the custody to a more equal time division. 

 

If you had to go to court for being charged with a crime you would definitely get an attny! So you definitely want an attny to go to court for custody issues. It can be DIY but it is not recommended esp if the other side is using an attny. You are not equipped to respond to what the attny throws out in legal arguments so you will lose. You also have to remember in custody and divorce each side is allowed to ask for ANYTHING they want. Just because something is asked for does not mean you have to agree to it. If both parties cant come to an agreement the judge will decide based on the facts presented. Again this is where an attny would be able to present your side with legal backing supporting it. If she also earns significantly more then you and you are at min wage and shes 6 figures you can also ask the court to have her pay your legal fees. Speak to an attny about this as well.

 

Divorce needs to be filed based on where you live. Some places require anywhere from 3-6 months residency before you file, others can be up to 1 year residency. So if you do not file before you move, she may file after you move or you would have to wait until you have residency in the new state to file there. You will want to check the divorce laws between the two states to see if one is better then the other however you cant stop her from filing in her state before you file in your new state. Custody would default to the state she is in with the child regardless if you leave or not as thats the childs home. 

 

While I understand all the comments about you reconsidering your job path/moving I think its important to keep the big picture in mind. Yes for the next 3 years you will have limited involvement in the childs daily life but it would be to ensure a better future for yourself and your child once the schooling is complete. Doing such will not be viewed negatively by a court, since its being done to better yourself. If you were moving to be with a girlfriend then yeah thats pretty lousy and will look neglectful, but thats not the case here. Ideally it would be great if you could find a similar opportunity near where the child is but sometimes thats just not possible. 

 

Keep in mind you cant write anything into the custody about whatever is issued being temporary. It will be written as if it is permanent and then you will have to go back and modify it when things change. It wont be written that for 3 years its like this and then you get to come back although you can make your intentions known now. 

 

 

I tried to send you a personal message through inbox but not letting me. Please allow it for me. Thanks 

[Hana heem 0]

Sorry to hear about your divorce. Its all about your child right now. If you move you will lose custody and have no parenting time. It is difficult to regain these unless your ex will cooperate. 

 

The first priority is finalizing these aspects. 

 

Another hurdle is Child Support. If you move you are still responsible for Child support. Child Support Calculator is based on parenting time. So you will be on the hook for considerable Child Support payment even with minimal income. 

 

My recommendation is stay put next to your child. Best Of luck....